


Tents and Aravels

by Miajah



Category: Dragon Age (Video Games), Dragon Age - All Media Types, Dragon Age: Inquisition
Genre: Accidental magical orgasms, Assassins & Hitmen, Bad Decisions, Bath Sex, Blow Jobs, Cullen Smut, Drug Addiction, Drunk Inquisitor, F/M, Finger Sucking, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Infighting, Light Dom/sub, Love Triangles, Lyrium Addiction, M/M, Minor Character Death, Multi, Not really slow burn, Porn With Plot, Scratching, Slow Burn, Solas Smut, Violent Battles, slight AU
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-01-31
Updated: 2016-11-02
Packaged: 2018-05-17 09:43:11
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 45
Words: 115,803
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5864407
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Miajah/pseuds/Miajah
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Ari'Valen was a scout for her clan before being dropped unceremoniously out of a hole in the sky, now she has somehow become the Inquisitor. Things start to get complicated when the Anchor rebels, Solas and Cullen get a bit too interested and then she gets called back to her Clan, where she has to balance Dalish tradition and Thedas politics. It doesn't help that she had left her lover behind there either...</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

Ari’Valen strode into the Heralds Rest and dropped the missive onto the table her companions sat at, they collectively groaned.  
  
“We _just_ got back.” Dorian scrunched up his nose at the offending piece of paper. “You’re really starting to cramp my beauty regimen with the whole saving the world business.” He swirled his wine and glanced up at her as if he were expecting an apology or a change of orders. Ari folded her arms over her chest, resolute in getting her companions out of the tavern this month.  
  
“A couple of rifts have just reopened in The Storm Coast. The Hessarian Camp is asking for assistance.” Ari reiterated the missive but they just looked at her in return. She sighed and plonked down next to Iron Bull, reaching for an empty tankard and filling it with the mead they were all drinking; a Skyhold special, no one knew where the mead was from, only that it was strong. “It will take two days tops, most of the trip will be travelling through the beautiful Ferelden countryside.” Ari stretched her hand into the air as if she were painting the horizons, trying to get them to visualize a nice vacation from the cold mountains of the Frostbacks.  
  
“You said that before, Boss.” Bull rumbled next to her, “Two days on the coast ended up being a month. I’m out.” Ari dropped her hand with a thump on the table, looking disappointed at the Qunari, some mercenary he was. Varric piped up from by the wall where he was comfortably propped up, it seemed that he had been there for at least a week, Ari could almost see the dust collecting on him.  
  
“You should take Curly with you, I’m sure he would enjoy watching you run. In the rain. Ears bobbing as you go.” Varric trailed his sentence off into his tankard.  
  
“You’re not actually referring to my ears are you?” Ari glared at him, Varric grinned into his mead but hid it as he put the tankard down.  
  
“I am not.” He deadpanned, the elf rolled her eyes at him. Cullen spent a lot of time with Ari, but considering she was the Inquisitor and he was the Commander of her forces it wasn't unexpected. Varric was just angling for inspiration for his next smutty novel.  
  
“For that you’re my number one pick.” Ari'Valen informed him and Varric cried out in protest, flumping on the table while Sera laughed and patted him on the back. Ari managed to catch her gaze. “What about you Ser-“  
  
“ _Piss off._ You don’t need three archers.” Ari threw up her hands in a _don’t kill me gesture_ as Sera mumbled to herself “Damn elfy elves tryna’ drag me through the damn storm fucking coast _‘Oh what a lovely day’_ sod off.” The inquisitor sighed and looked at their glum faces.  
  
“Well, who else is going to come with me?” She said.  
  
“The ones that aren’t here, of course.” Dorian replied. Ari glanced and actually had to figure out who wasn’t at the table.  
  
“Blackwall, Solas and… Vivienne.” They all found something more interesting than the Inquisitor to look at when she said the woman’s name. It had gotten around pretty quickly that the Grand Enchanter and the Dalish Inquisitor just didn’t have tolerance for each others bullshit. “Fine, Blackwall and Solas it is. Oh, and Varric?” The death glare she got as he looked up from the table was so very worth it. “Remember to pack something waterproof. I could be wrong but I hear that it rains there.” The sarcasm was palpable, almost as much as Varric’s emotional turmoil.  
  


As they crested over the last mountain before the Storm Coast the group paused to take it in. From their viewpoint they could see the storm clouds hammering the area and the abandoned ships that littered the coast were specks. Varric pulled his Nag up beside Ari’s Hart and huffed.  
  
“It certainly lives up to it’s name. Thank the Maker that the early explorers had no imagination.” he commented and Ari chuckled as Solas and Blackwall joined them. Blackwall groaned and Solas just wore his usual _I’m not happy about this don’t expect a lot of conversation out of me_ look. Ari was thankful that Varric did agree to come in the end, if he didn't it would probably have been Cassandra and Ari wasn't sure she could handle that much maudlin. As it was it seemed like a full time endeavour to get Solas or Blackwall to crack a smile.  
  
“I like rain.” Ari said as she ushered Varmet, her Hart, down the road. “In summer when our Aravels stopped, my brother and I used to climb the giant elm trees and lie on the limbs waiting for the summer rain.” She smiled to herself, remembering the heat of the forest and the sunlight pressing through the canopy to dance on her skin while the rain made music on the leaves. Blackwall called from behind her.  
  
“Did the Aravels get bogged in the mud much?” she laughed, of course Blackwall would go straight to the mechanics of it.  
  
“Only when we were forced away from our usual paths, and had to find a way around.” She sighed, thinking about her home, hopefully they were still safe. “Humans tend to want to stop us from passing through their land or settling there. They force us to take risks we would not consider otherwise.” Thunder rolled from the coast as the wind began to pick up, Solas lifted his hood and muttered in Elvhen, positioning his horse alongside Blackwall’s larger bulk to protect himself from the wind.  
  
“Your people have had to live through a lot of hardship caused by humans,” Blackwall called, “I’m sorry to hear it.”  
  
“The only hardships we endure are the ones we choose for ourselves.” Ari said, Solas’ ears twitched at that.  
  
“Ari’Valen?” the elf questioned. Ari sighed, her views on her own politics were always unpopular, she was not sure she wanted to share them with Solas whom always had an opinion on most subjects.  
  
“We have lived the same way since the Exodus, watching the empires grow around us but we have done nothing to grow ourselves. We look down on disgust at the Alienages the Shemlen build-“  
  
“They _are_ disgusting.” Solas interrupted, he was shot a look by the female which he returned defiantly.  
  
“But what do the Dalish do to help the elves there?" Ari asked him. "Many city elves leave to find their people again, something we should embrace if we truly want to help our people, only to be turned away because the clan cannot sustain more or just do not trust outsiders. When a mage comes into their power they could be forced away from their family to another clan because only three mages can live in a clan. _Three._ And if no clan nearby will take them? Forced into the forests, abandoned.” Ari took a deep breath, she needed to calm down before she got into a full blown rant. “Humans who come near are scared away or killed and we lament when the humans push us away from land they have claimed, land which we have roamed for ages, but do we negotiate with the humans? No. We run and our fear festers to hatred. If we stopped, if we contacted our sister clans and brought ourselves out of the past perhaps we could settle ourselves. There is much unclaimed land in ruins where our ancestors once were, if we built there we wouldn’t need to fear, or turn our own away. We could help the city elves and begin to rebuild what we lost.” She sighed heavily and shook herself, Solas watched, surprised by her passion. He had, perhaps mistakenly, thought of her just as a scout who had the misfortune of being sent to the conclave. Another soldier who just took orders. His heart panged at the guilt surging through his stomach.  
  
"A noble sentiment." He said, "But perhaps the Dalish idolize the old empire too much. It was certainly not without it's faults."  
  
"Every kingdom stands on a precipice." Ari countered, "Even Ferelden or Orlias. But I do not suggest we recreate the Elvhen Empire, we should learn from it." She glanced to see Solas giving her that measuring look when someone says something he finds interesting, nearly as if she were an experiment. Although with the anchor firmly embedded in her left hand she was exactly that to him. "Can you imagine? A place that elves could go to when they were in need, without being turned away?" She smiled to herself at the thought and caught Solas' gaze out of the corner of her eye, he smiled to her and nodded.  
  
"A worthy notion." He said. "But unless you could get all the Keepers to agree, it is unfortunately purely academic." Ari huffed a laugh and nodded. When he was right- well, he was almost always infuriatingly right. After a moment she turned in her saddle to look at Blackwall, she smiled although it had a touch of sadness to it.  
  
“Thank you, Blackwall, for thinking about us. But do not feel sorry for us, we created who we are." She huffed, "And so our Aravels will get bogged by the riverside.” Ari threw up her hand dramatically, “And the rain will pour on us- _ah!_ ” The storm broke out above them with perfect timing, the men laughing in unison. “ _I swear I didn’t do that!”_ Ari protested as she pulled her hood up against the rain, covering her white hair. Blackwall trotted past her, the rain hitting his plate armour making a light tinkling sound.  
  
“Lets get to camp.” He called, “and rest before we hit those rifts.” The group kicked their mounts into a trot, making their way to the first camp.

 

Scout Harding stood under an awning looking miserable. Ari always looked forward to seeing Harding, she had joined the Inquisition so she could see Thedas ' _before the world got swallowed whole'_ and with that outlook Harding could give Ari honest reports. Not just locations and enemy numbers, but the feel of the land and it's people, Leliana must have seen that in her also since she decided that Harding, a sheep herder from Redcliffe, was capable of being the forward scout for the Inquisition with no military training whatsoever. Harding was rugged up in a cloak and bowed to Ari as they approached, she was also thoroughly soggy.  
  
“Inquisitor.” She said as they dismounted and the soldiers took their mounts to a somewhat sheltered area. “The area is still mostly stable, some rifts have opened to the south in the valley that are threatening the few locals.”  
  
“People actually _live_ here?” Varric piped in, sidling up to Harding who shot him a look, still unsure about him after his _Harding in Hightown_ comment, a joke in reference to a book that he had written.  
  
“A few determined fisherman. Not to mention the Hessarian Camp which is now an _ally_.” She stressed the importance of the alliance. Ari nodded and looked around the camp, the soldiers here huddled under awnings while a few patrolled the perimeter. The rain so heavy that no fire could be started, even a mage would have trouble keeping it alight.  
  
“Harding,” Solas called as he huddled under the awning, his rain soaked arm brushing with the Inquisitors. “Why are you here? Aren’t you a forward scout? The Inquisition is already well established here.” The dwarf smiled and bowed at Solas in greeting.  
  
“When we’re not expanding I go ahead of the Inquisitor’s group, just so you won’t get any nasty surprises.”  
  
“You’ve got a hell of a job.” Ari said. “Maybe I should take some time off and you can too.” Harding laughed.  
  
“If we go on vacation lets go somewhere not called _The Storm Coast_. Right now my men are struggling to keep their feet dry. I’ve had to send some away because of foot-rot.” Ari frowned and nodded.  
  
“I’ll make sure Cullen sends you more adequate supplies, or at least change the soldier rotation often.” Harding bowed to Ari.  
  
“Thank you, Inquisitor.” At that she walked to greet a scout arriving into the camp, Varric watched the other dwarf leave before turning to the group.  
  
“Let’s not stay until our feet fall off.” He said, Ari laughed quietly before turning her back to the group to survey the camp, the rain was falling heavier and her mark began to throb. Looking at her leather glove she clenched her hand before shaking and releasing it, a sharp pain lanced up her forearm causing her to hiss quietly. They hadn’t gotten close enough to the rift for her mark to react this way, perhaps another was developing nearby?  
  
“Inquisitor?” Ari gasped as Blackwall stood behind her, she spun quickly putting her hand slightly behind her side. She looked at Blackwall questioningly. “We can make the closest rift in a few hours and be back by nightfall. I’d advise against taking the mounts, we can cut across rough terrain on foot or go around by the coast on the horses, it’s a big detour though.” Ari nodded a bit too vigorously.  
  
“We’ll go by foot. You tell Varric though, he argues less with you.” Blackwall scoffed at that before turning back to the group, Ari watched him go and caught Solas’ gaze, he had been looking at her hand, he turned away quickly as if caught out. Ari steeled herself before striding over.  
  
“Alright, let’s go now and make it back before dark.”

 

The group slid down an embankment as the anchor flared into life painfully with a crack and dancing green light. Ari gritted her teeth as she knelt and aimed at the furthest wraith which was floating behind the large Fade Rift. Blackwall charged with a cry and engaged a mass of demons that were idling while Varric and Solas covered him with crossbow bolts and magic alike, Ari began to stalk closer as she peppered the demons with her own arrows.   
  
The second wave burst through and Solas used a dispel on the corona that was forming next to Ari, dissipating it and preventing the demon from coming through, Ari felt the residue shower over her like sparks and notched another arrow, she shot as a terror demon climbed out of the ground and it turned to gaze at her angry at the attack, it's elongated mouth clicking with too many teeth. The Terror delved back into the ground, clawing at the rocks and dirt and using the Fade to hide it's tall bulk. Warily she began to back away from her position, Terrors were more than just annoying to deal with, they were outright dangerous and- well- terrifying.   
  
Ari's heart was pounding as she shook sweat from her head as she tried to see where the Terror would emerge, she could see Blackwall crushing another Wraith with his shield as Varric and Solas worked together to freeze and kill the few remaining demons, Varric making obscene comments to his crossbow named Bianca. The terror burst through the ground beneath her, giving only black smoke by her feet as a warning, catching it's claws on her jaw as she threw herself back. With a cry she landed against a boulder, knocking the wind out of her body. The demon froze encased in ice thanks to Solas and promptly shattered as Blackwall charged it with his shield.   
  
Ari scrambled up and ran towards the rift as it changed form, willing her mark to be drawn into it. As the stream of green magic drained from her body through her left hand she could feel the rift try to draw her in as it always did, the whispers and just-beyond-hearing sounds of the Fade in her ears, the pain lancing up her arm familiar and yet different. Time seemed to slow and she could see her companions recovering from the fight. This was all normal, it happened every time she closed a rift, she breathed steadily until she felt enough of the magic pour into the rift and then, something different, a pulling sensation at her wrist that quickly turned into searing pain, she grit her teeth and screamed against the force, it felt like her arm was splitting, forming a fist she pulled back harshly as the rift imploded in on itself, staggering her onto her knees. She closed her eyes and willed the pain in her arm away as she breathed heavily. Footsteps ran over to her and Varric called her name as he grasped her shoulders. Ari smiled at him weakly to reassure him as she was helped up.  
  
“I’m fine,” she said to him, the others were watching cautiously at both her and the area for any remaining demons. “The rift was being stubborn, didn’t want to close.” She laughed as they walked over to the others.  
  
“We should get back to camp so you can rest.” Varric said and the others nodded. “You smashed into that rock pretty hard and I’m sure your willow switch frame needs to recover.” He teased her as they made their way back.


	2. Chapter 2

At the camp Ari excused herself to her tent while the others went to find some food, holding very little hope for a hot meal, or even a dry one, but maybe they’d luck out and find some salted meat and brandy. Ari stepped into her tent, exhausted and barely able to stand she slowly slid off the long leather glove which reached past her elbow, gasping as it stuck to her skin painfully it revealed a large gouge that snaked from the back of her hand to her upper arm, blood stained her skin from being trapped in the glove and she was sure the edges of the wound were actually burns, the mark faintly glowed mockingly from her palm.  
“ _Shit_.” She cursed, a sickly feeling forming in the pit of her stomach. It definitely needed to be cleaned and wrapped, probably medicated with something unpleasant. Her glove was not damaged, no marks on the outside, no tears to show if she could have been hurt from an external force. No, this was definitely the work of the anchor, the foreign magic she fell out of the Breach with. Looking at the rest of herself, her armour was soaked through, mud had seeped its way to her skin and she was just plain _cold._ “Bath.” She muttered to herself, “Well, at least something warm and clean.”

She made her way to the largest of the two permanent tents. The camps, although small, were efficient, one tent was for the soldiers to sleep, the other tent was affectionately dubbed ‘ _The Shit n Shave’_. Having left her armour hanging as best she could in her tent to dry she trotted through the rain in her leggings and tunic to the tent. Inside the area was split into two by a sheet of canvas, one side was a privvy and the other had a bench with pitchers of water and bowls, and small stools to sit on. Ari went into the bathing side and opened a crate at the back, in there were rags, bandages and small towels.   
"Thank you, military organization." She whispered, every camp had a tent just like this, with the same crate of supplies and the same benches. Grabbing one of each she sat on the furthest stool and began unbuckling her boots.

One boot off she started on the other with a sigh, her body was aching from the fight and the constant damp was not helping her mood, she hated when her hair stuck to her skin, usually opting to braid the side back. Unfortunately the constant rain and wind had other ideas. No wonder her companions didn't want to go, Ari always tended to forget the uncomfortable part of travelling. The tent entrance rustled and closed and she heard a deep sigh before Solas pushed through the first linen divider into the wash area looking exhausted.  
“In-Inquisitor!” he said, a little uncomfortable. Ari just grunted a greeting as she kicked off her boot and placed the pair away from the water. “I – I’ll come back when you’re done.”  
“Solas,” Ari said tiredly, “you don’t need to worry about my privacy, especially when we’re in the field. Or in a camp.” Solas paused and looked over his shoulder at her, talking in her tired frame. “I was a soldier long before I fell out of a hole in the sky.” She stood and poured water from the pitcher into the basin in front of her, after placing it back she began unlacing her leggings. Glancing at the other elf she laughed quietly “I doubt I have anything you’d be surprised at.” She peeled down her leggings and Solas straightened his back, walking to the basin furthest away from her and pouring in the water from the pitcher. With a wave of his hand the water in his basin boiled and steam began to rise up. “Nice trick.” Ari said and Solas bowed his head slightly before reaching over and doing the same to her basin. Ari smiled, “Thank you.”  
“Ma're vhalla” _You're welcome,_ he replied quietly before shrugging off his robe and draping it over the bench with a wet squelch. The rain had left him soaked though too and his white shirt stuck to his frame, giving Ari a view that was out of one of Varric’s cheesy- brilliant, if you asked Cassandra- romance novels. Ari quickly looked away, you don’t look at people in these tents, it was considered very impolite, and as used to these situations as she was, having to bathe with the other guards back home in rivers and lakes she still fought to stop the blush from creeping up to pink the point of her ears. She turned to her left slightly and removed her own mud stained tunic, and dipped the rag into the water.

Solas turned his back to the inquisitor slightly, and began to strip the rest of his clothes. He would have to remember to ask the blacksmith at Skyhold for a waterproof cloak if he ever had to return here. The tent was silent aside from water sloshing and a few sighs, Ari had begun to hum to herself quietly and Solas risked a glance, she stood with a leg on the stool, back to him as she ran the rag up the length of her thigh, her pale skin and hair glistening from the moisture of the rain with splashes and streaks of mud, Solas’ breath hitched as he turned away and fought off the burning blush. He cleared his throat and focused on his own bathing.  
“I was surprised to hear your views on Dalish politics earlier.” He spoke as Ari paused briefly. “We had never talked a great deal, I am ashamed to say that I thought you much more traditional.” Ari sighed and laughed a little.  
“I am traditional, don’t get me wrong.” She said as she unwound her breast band, “I love my clan and our history, but why can’t we keep our traditions and better ourselves at the same time?” She let out a groan of relief as she removed the breast band and muttered a curse, Solas couldn’t help his curiosity and glanced her way again, catching a glimpse of water running down her breasts. He sat on the stool and focussed on his feet.  
“I – uh, agree completely.” He fought to keep his mind focussed on the conversation, “It’s time the Elvhen Empire was re-established. We need to be proud of ourselves again.”  
"We should be able to do that _without_ having an empire." Ari said sullenly, "I worry for our clans." Solas smiled as he wrung out his cloth and wiped at the back of his neck.   
"You would make a good Keeper." He said with honesty and was surprised when Ari barked a tired laugh.  
"No, I would be terrible at it." She exclaimed. "I am happy with my duty as a... scout." She said softly, momentarily forgetting that she was more than a scout, she was the Inquisitor, responsible for the fate of Thedas. She had always balked at the responsibilities of a Keeper, feeling as if she could never _be_ the kind of person her clan needed. But somehow she got thrown into this, she survived where no one else had, the explosion at the conclave killing everyone who had attended, leaving her to her fate.  
"Ir abelas." Solas said quietly, hearing the discomfort the conversation had led her to. He had been alone for a long time, used to the lack of a home to return to, but hadn't realised that for her the pain of it was still relatively fresh. "Is that why you do not speak our language around me?" He asked, completely blunt. "Because you miss your clan?" Ari straightened and gave him a questioning look, he met hers with an expectant one of his own.   
"No, only that others need me to speak common." Ari said quietly. "I learned a long time ago that an elf is safer when strangers can understand what they're talking about." Solas hummed and returned to his bathing, painfully lifting a leg to prop on the stool.  
"Perhaps that is the wisest course." The disappointment was hidden in his voice, he had longed to speak to someone in his own language again. But she was right, as an elf and as the Inquisitor she could come under scrutiny if she wasn't clear in most things. 

The silence stretched between them as they bathed in peace, both unwilling to leave the warmth of the water while it lasted. They knew as soon as they stepped outside it would be into the cold rain again. The sound of a cork twisting open made Solas' ears twitch and he caught the sharp, bitter smell of elfroot. He turned to see Ari pouring a healing potion into her basin. “Are you injured?” He asked, moving to step towards her before thinking twice and rooting himself to the stool. She smiled at him, showing the claw marks on her jaw but keeping her arm out of view.  
“Scratches, nothing more.” She said quietly. Solas calmed, surprised at the relief he felt, and stared at the claw marks that reached up her jaw nearly to the tip of her Vallaslin, the tribal Dalish markings on her face, as she reached the rag up to dab at the cuts she hissed and closed her eyes, giving Solas a chance to gaze at her. Her limbs were strong for an elf, well toned from years as a scout, her pale skin, rosy from the cold, tingled in waves as Solas felt his stomach tighten, as she shifted he could just barely see the dusting of golden hair lower on her body, matching the white of her long hair. Solas felt his blood rush and he turned away, gripping onto the bench as he closed his eyes, forcing his body to obey him again as he concentrated on the rough feeling of wood under his fingers. Ari glanced to Solas to make sure he wasn’t looking before gingerly draping the elfroot soaked rag over her inured arm, she suppressed a cry as her arm began to sting and burn, the rag quickly soaking red with old blood. The pain danced up to her shoulder, it felt like the time she got grazed with a lightning spell, only much more intense. She let out a cry before shaking off the rag, dropping it thickly onto the floor. Solas stood quickly, startled by her scream.  
“Ari’Valen?” He took a step closer, gingerly placing a hand on her shoulder and forced away the thought of how soft her skin was under his hand. She trembled with her back to him and clutched her arm at the elbow tightly as if she could trap the pain to her lower arm only. Her breathing was laboured as she looked over her shoulder at him. “It’s the Anchor, isn’t it?” he said quietly, Ari looked away, guilty over having worried her friend. She sighed and slowly turned to him, showing her arm. Solas gasped at the sight of her flesh, as if something had split the skin, the burns that traced the edge looked magical and painful, he cradled her arm in his hands, red water pooling by his fingers. “Fenedhis! Ari’Valen you should have told me.” Ari paled and began to sweat against the pain, Solas’ cold hands comforting her as he talked, she could barely keep up.  
“It did not hurt this much before.” she said weakly, an awful excuse knowing she had been in trouble from Cassandra before when she kept her injuries hidden. Solas raised one of his hands above her wound and began a healing spell, Ari had the same spell before and she enjoyed the feeling of it, like cold oozing over her skin, but her mark wasn’t as spiteful then and when it flared suddenly it changed the wonderful cold to burning. Ari’s scream caught in her throat as her knees gave way, barely giving the mage time to break off his spell and catch her. She leaned into his chest, breathing hard before raising her good hand to gain purchase on his shoulder, he gripped her tightly, supporting her as she gained her strength back.  
“Inquisitor?” A soldier walked into the wash area, “We heard a scream-“  
“ _Get out._ ” Solas said angrily, as injured as she was, he certainly didn’t want the soldiers to learn about what the mark was doing, he could heal her, but he couldn’t stop the damage caused by idle gossip in the ranks. He heard the metal scrape of a sword being drawn behind him, slowly he looked over to see the soldier in a defensive stance.  
“Let the Inquisitor go.” The soldier said calmly, Solas was about to bark another order when he realised what the situation looked like, they were both naked, and she was leaning against him barely conscious, not responding to the soldier, a rag covered with blood on the floor beside them. Solas breathed steadily pushing away the panicked feeling, if the soldier rushed him, he wouldn’t be able to raise a barrier in time, and he couldn’t risk dropping Ari either.  
“I promise you,” The elf said steadily, “I am not harming her.”  
“Either way I would appreciate it if you placed the Inquisitor gently on the ground. And then put your hands on the back of your head.” The soldier gripped his sword tighter and Solas could feel sweat begin to trickle down his spine.  
“ _Enough_.” Ari said, her voice only a little shaken. The soldier hesitated, shuffling on his feet.  
“Ma’am-“  
“ _Leave us._ ” She said firmly before the soldier backed out of the tent. Solas released a breath he didn’t know he was holding. “Abelas, Hahren.” Ari sighed against him, Solas stiffened to hear her speak their language, his heart skipping a beat as she called him _Hahren_ , a title of respect, did she really see him in that light? For a moment he felt content hearing it, before addressing the situation.  
“Hamin, Ari’Valen. Ane melar.” He reassured her, lowering her to sit on a stool, she rested her head on his shoulder, exhaustion hounding her, she smiled sadly against his skin.  
“Ma seranas.” She whispered.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ma're vhalla = you're welcome  
> Ir abelas = I am sorry  
> Abelas, Hahren = Sorry, Hahren (elder/respected person)  
> Hamin, Ari’Valen. Ane melar = Rest, Ari'Valen. You are protected.  
> Ma seranas = Thank You


	3. Chapter 3

The stables in Skyhold were a welcome relief from the cold outside. Varmet called happily, announcing his return to the other mounts, making Ari laugh tiredly and pet his flank.  
“Well Inquisitor, I guess that trip wasn’t _so_ bad.” Varric said as he dismounted. "But next time we don't try to out drink the Hessarians." He yawned and promptly headed for his quarters, likely to sleep for as long as he could get away with.  
“I hate rain.” Ari muttered as she handed Varmet to the stable boy. Blackwall chucked as he wandered to his barn, also ready for the longest nap in history.  
“Inquisitor.” Solas called, using her formal title in front of company as all her companions did. “When you are rested might I call on you?” He glanced at her left arm, making clear his meaning of checking up on the anchor. Ari sighed, she didn’t enjoy anyone fussing over her but Solas was right in his determination to figure out the problem.  
“Yes, that would be fine.” She said, following on from his formal tone, as the stable hand left Ari leaned in to whisper. “Can we- please, keep this quiet?” she asked a little nervously. She hadn’t really trusted Solas with anything like this before, yes he watched over her initially at Haven, but he was studying the Anchor more than anything else. Solas leaned in, a little stunned at the Inquisitor’s sudden closeness. “I don’t want people to worry, not when we don’t have all the facts.” Solas nodded, placing his hand on the woman’s outer arm in comfort, noting the way she smiled at him and the way his chest unexpectedly tightened.  
“You have my word.” He whispered back.  
“Oh! Am I interrupting?” Solas blinked slowly and sighed.  
“Not at all Commander.” The elf stepped back to allow Cullen a viewpoint of Ari before bowing to her. “Until later, Da’assan.” Ari’s eyes widened at her new nickname, unsure if he was mocking her.

Cullen walked up slowly to Ari, his hand rubbing the back of his neck, his tell-tale tick when he is stressed or uncomfortable. Probably also when he is hungry, he just seemed to do it all the time.  
“If you’re not too exhausted, we can do the debrief now if you would like?” Cullen said quietly, knowing her probable reaction to the suggestion. He was right as he watched Ari pulled a face and groan piously.  
“ _Cull-en._ ” She pouted as she heavily leaned against the wooden wall. "I _just_ got back." she complained and he smiled at her. Looking around at the now empty stable he stepped forward and brought her into a quick hug.   
"And I'm glad you are." he said softly in her ear, forcing her to fight back a blush. He pulled away just as quickly and urged her to stand. "We can get you food along the way, but you know how the other two are, best get it over and done with." Ari sighed in defeat and walked heavily to the yard, trudging up the side stairs that cut through the kitchen, Cullen laughed and followed her carrying whatever piece of food Ari grabbed on her way. They walked out of the kitchen with bread, cheese and some kind of dried meat before Ari turned to her personal cellar.  
“Inquisit-Ari” Cullen corrected himself when she shot him a glare, she was adamant that everyone used her name in private. “Should we really bring alcohol into the war room?” She walked over to him and leaned against the wall holding a bottle of Antivan Sip-Sip.  
“Cullen,” she grasped his arms in mock seriousness, staring into his eyes, which was a little difficult considering he was a head taller than her and holding lots of cheese. “A week ago I woke up to _wriggling_ in my tunic.” Cullen raised his eyebrows wondering where she was going with this. “ _It was a frog, Cullen._ ” She deadpanned as he snorted and held back laughter, his lips twisting with the effort.  
“Alright.” He said “But you’d better not drink all of that. I've been eyeing it off for some time.”  
“Well then,” She pushed away from the wall, strutting out of the cellar. “You’ll just have to join me.” Cullen felt a blush spread across his cheeks as she turned the corner.  
“ _Maker.”_ He said before trotting to catch up with her.

There were times where Ari appreciated, even loved, her council. This was not one of them. Josephine and Leliana argued about this lord and that while Ari leaned against the table, slowly gnawing on a chunk of bread. Cullen stayed silent to the side, still holding cheese for some reason, hoping not to get used as bait in their machinations. Every now and then their gazes would meet over the table and he would roll his eyes, causing Ari to nearly burst out laughing. When the two moved onto the next argument Ari caught Cullen’s gaze and glanced at the bottle she had brought along, he took her meaning and cleared his throat.  
“Well I’m sure this can wait until tomorrow. It’s dark now and I’m sure the Inquisitor is exhausted.” He bowed curtly to the room and walked out before they could protest, watching him go Ari stood slowly and meandered out, waving the remaining women goodnight. Josephine grinned at Leliana.  
“Two hours before he objected, I think our Commander is becoming more outspoken.” Josephine said, her accent becoming chirpy as she talked. “I would give it three months before the two of them are, uh, _better acquainted._ ” Leliana laughed.  
“ _Three months_? Josie, he was holding a wheel of cheese for _two hours._ I give it a fortnight before they’re in each other’s bed.”  
“ _Leliana!_ ” Josephine cried, somewhat scandalized. “Our Commander is not there yet, the slightest complement and he scuttles away! Not to mention that Ari is a little reserved herself.” A messenger knocked and entered, handing the Spymaster a missive before leaving. “Thirty sovereigns say that they will dance about like this for a minimum three months.” Josephine continued as Leliana read.  
“I’ll take that bet,” Leliana said as she handed the message to her friend. “It seems our Inquisitor is less reserved than we had thought.” Josephine’s eyebrows raised as she read the missive.  
“Surely not?” she admonished. "At the Storm Coast camp?" Leliana just shrugged in reply.  
“Thirty Sovereigns yes? I'll collect it in two weeks.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just a short one for now!
> 
> Da'assan = Little Arrow


	4. Chapter 4

Ari settled in front of the fireplace in her quarters, placing the bottle of Antivan Sip-Sip beside the chess board, the fur blanket beneath her slid along the stone floor, moving her to lie comfortably on a mound of pillows. Across from her, the commander of her forces set up the board, lying comfortably propped up by his elbow. She rarely got to see Cullen in any state of ease, especially without his armour, which he removed and placed by the couch. They had become good friends, often escaping to her quarters to play Chess or Diamondback, it wasn't much of a challenge for him to be honest, Ari was still struggling with the names of the pieces.  
“Are you sure you’re not tired?” He asked as she poured two glasses for them, she handed the first to him and smiled.  
“I haven’t been much for sleeping lately.” She admitted, Cullen frowned, concern niggling the back of his head.  
“Can I help?” he asked quietly.  
“You can begin the game, if you’d like.” He laughed at that and made the first move.  
  
Several moves and a lot of explaining the rules later, the bottle was half finished.  
“You know,” Cullen said around a sip of burning, spiced and extremely strong alcohol. “If you need a break from all of this, it’s okay to ask. You have a lot of burden on your shoulders.” Ari snorted and pulled the leather band out of her hair, letting it fall before resting on a pillow.  
“I appreciate it Cullen, but I think there are more pressing matters than my nap schedule.”  
“Yes, like your health.” He retorted quietly as she scrunched her nose at him. “You could visit your clan?” Ari stilled, staring at the board before moving a rook.  
“I'm not so sure.” Her whisper was barely audible. Cullen felt his chest tighten and in an act of uncharacteristic boldness, shifted the board aside. Picking up the bottle he refilled their drinks before lying back to rest his head on her stomach. Ari giggled before resting her hand on his mantle, the fur soft and warm from the fire. "I believe that was a forfeit." She teased.  
“I took the moral high ground." he retorted, "Your loss would have been embarrassing." Ari laughed, bouncing his head as she did. Grinning, he took the opportunity to take another sip. "Tell me about your home.” Cullen demanded, resting his glass on his sternum. Ari sighed and looked to the ceiling thinking, lifting her hand to play through his hair she hummed.  
“What exactly about it?” Cullen groaned under her fingernails  
“Anything, just don’t stop doing that.” He slurred and she laughed.  
“Well, as you know, I was a guardsman.” Cullen hummed in agreement “We usually broke up into pairs, taking turns scouting ahead, training, patrolling and guarding the Aravels.”  
“Only two?” he asked a bit surprised.  
“That was all we needed, keep in mind we don’t have a lot of people and not all of us could fight. Most were elderly or children, healers and the like. If danger appeared, the scouts would fall back and rally, at night we stayed together. My partner, Leriel, taught me to shoot, fight, climb trees, ambush and hunt. Hell he even taught me how to swim.” Cullen smiled.  
“How to swim? Really?”  
“Well… he pushed me into a lake. When I didn’t surface he dived in and saved me.” Ari laughed at the memory. “Now Ari’Valen,” she mocked her friend’s voice “Push yourself like an arrow across the water, if you can’t do that, peddle your willow legs until you’re on land.” Cullen barked out a laugh.  
“I hope he taught you to fight in a better way.” Ari hummed, thinking about Leriel, her heart began to pound.  
“He taught me many things.” She said quietly. Cullen opened his eyes and gazed at her, a blush graced her cheeks and a hazy smile followed, he felt a pang of jealously and worked up the courage for his next question.  
“Are you-“ he cleared his throat a bit and reached for the back of his neck, his hand grazed her stomach instead and he quickly pulled his hand away. “Were you intimate with him?” Her blush darkened as she looked away. Cullen stammered and apologised. “I'm sorry, too personal.” He said quickly and sat up. Ari moved behind him, wrapping one arm over his mantle and the other snaked up his chest to join in the middle, he gasped as she rested her cheek on his shoulder, her hot breath rolling down his collarbone.  
“Don’t apologize.” She said, Cullen tentatively reached his hand up to brush her hand, pausing at the bandages on her arm. “You can ask me anything, and I would answer.” His heart hammered as he clutched at her hand. “We were betrothed.” She said quietly, “But ever since-“ she swallowed and sighed into his neck, breathing deep his scent of metal and sweat, it calmed her and affected her lower, the wave of anticipation rolling through her abdomen. “Since the Inquisition, our Keeper has broken our ties, I am… less welcome.” Cullen’s breath hitched and he turned in her arms, twisting his body to place one hand on her waist as the other cupped her face, running his thumb along the bottom of her lip.  
“Ari’Valen.” His voice was much more ragged than he intended, but was glad when he watched her lips part, her pupils dilated. “I would not let you go so easily.”  
His forehead pressed against hers and he could feel her pulse race, her staggered breath tightened his stomach, sending a pulse of pleasure straight down his spine. “Corypheus could walk in right now, and he would not take you from me.” He leaned in, palms burning against her skin, he willed himself closer, gathering his courage.  
“Cullen-“ Ari moaned as a loud knock echoed through her chamber.

Startled, they both jumped and looked towards the door, which opened and shut quietly.  
“Ari’Valen?” Solas called from the stairs as Cullen cursed under his breath. “I’ve been doing some research and I believe the problem may be- Oh!” Solas paused at the top of the stairs and gazed over the two, Ari’s face blazed red while Cullen stared him down, Solas felt defiance at the Commander’s glare followed by a pang of jealousy. “I apologize, am I interrupting?” he asked calmly in a mock of the Commander's interruption earlier that day, refusing to be ruffled.  
“Yes.” Cullen replied flatly. Ari squeezed his shoulder at his rude reply and he sighed, turning to her he whispered; “Tomorrow? Please?” she nodded as he stood up, grateful that his tunic fell low enough to cover his groin. He picked up his armour and walked down the stairs, giving Solas a measured look before leaving her quarters.

Solas watched him go as Ari put the chess pieces away, standing she set the board on her desk and turned to look at her guest. He glowered as the door closed, Ari bent to pick up her glass.  
“You shouldn’t be drinking, considering your injury.” He scolded her as he walked to her bedside and placed a bandage there.  
“A _cut_ , Solas.” She admonished.  
“A _deep_ cut, with burns, caused by the _tremendous amount of unstable power embedded in your hand_.” Ari held his gaze and raised her glass to gulp down the rest of drink. Solas sighed and laughed through his nose, pinching the bridge of it. “Yes, Da’assan, you are a law unto yourself.” He approached and held out his hand, unsure of his meaning Ari held out her bandaged arm, placing the empty cup on the desk behind her. Gently Solas guided her by the elbow to her bed and ushered her to lie down.  
“Uh – Solas?” Even amongst elves, this wasn’t considered proper.  
“Abelas, Da’assan.” He stood and picked up her chair by the desk and carried it over, sitting down again he began to unwind her bandage gently. Ari put her free head under the pillow to prop up her head. “Had I known you were going to be drinking Antivan piss water I would have called on you sooner.” Ari giggled.  
“It wasn’t _that_ bad.” She retorted.  
“But since you have gone and drunk yourself silly,” he continued, giving her a wink which made her giggle some more. “I must be inappropriate and ask you to lay down in case you faint.”  
“And why would I do that Hahren?” Solas smiled as she breathlessly tried to continue the conversation instead of falling asleep.  
“Because this is, unfortunately, going to hurt.” She sighed and closed her eyes. “I am going to dispel around the aura of the mark, hopefully affecting its aura enough to calm down. It will react against my magic and become active for a moment. Which is what will hurt you.” Ari nodded, bracing herself.  
Solas held his hand above her mark, his other hand grasping at hers, and began to chant. The room began to swirl in white and green, the two magics beginning to combat each other. Ari grit her teeth, her mark throbbed and sent pain shooting up her arm, breathing heavily she caught Solas’ gaze.  
“Ready, Da’assan?” he asked softly and she nodded meekly, he closed his eyes and pushed his magic, surrounding the anchor until her hand was at the centre of a green orb, encased with white. Ari felt the pressure, pain lancing her arm as Solas chanted, her anchor flared slightly as the feeling began to change, pain became stronger, masking pleasure. A wave of pleasure danced from her arm through her body and her supporting hand grasped the pillow instinctively, she gasped and arched her back, her marked hand clutching at Solas’ in response. The pleasure intensified with each wave and soon she was writhing and gasping, her free hand flew to the blanket, nails scratching along the surface desperately searching to find purchase, wetness flooded between her thighs as lights danced in her vision, Solas’ chanting a deep base in her highly strung moment. The waves reached a crescendo as she came, back arching off the bed and a scream ripping from her throat. Solas broke away, the combined magic making a smashing sound as it tore apart, he slumped forward, sweat beading on his brow.  
  
The anchor glowed and retuned to dormant in her hand, flickering momentarily. Solas looked up, blood was trailing from her arm in rivulets, he cursed and grabbed a nearby towel, staunching the flow. Ari winced as the rough fabric covered her arm. Coming down from her high slowly she blinked as Solas’ concerned face came into view, he reached up and cupped her face.  
“Ari’Valen?” he rasped, “Are you alright?”  
“Hahren,” she gasped, still trying to focus. “Something went wrong.” His face crumpled and he looked down to her arm, grabbing the bandage he gently wrapped her arm, his expert fingers trembling.  
“I knew it would hurt, but not expect that much pain.” He said quickly, “at least the mark is quieter now.” The mark gave a defiant spark as he said it.  
“No, Solas-“ she said tiredly as he stood and poured a glass of water, bringing it over he held the back of her head and pressed the rim to her lips. She drank dutifully, before pushing the glass away.  
“A little more Da’assan, then you must rest.” Solas insisted.  
“No Solas, _listen.”_ She hissed and he stopped immediately. “I wasn’t in _pain_.” Solas furrowed his brows.  
“You were screaming.” He stated. Ari blushed crimson, she hadn’t realised.  
Solas’ eyebrows shot up as he caught her meaning. “That is… unusual.” He glanced around, “in this circumstance.” He added quickly, the tip of his ears turning pink. He stood and returned he chair to the desk before hovering near the stairs; Ari threw the crook of her arm over her eyes, wishing herself away. “I will research into what… happened.” He said quietly before quickly leaving the room. Pausing on the inner walkway he took a deep breath, his heart was pounding. His magic had never had _that_ affect before, at least, not directly. Cursing he took off at a fast pace, bumping into a patrol, excusing himself he hurried to his rotunda.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I said it was going to be a slow burn, but I am a very impatient person. Sorry!


	5. Chapter 5

The next morning brought with it a hangover that felt like a sledgehammer to the back of her head. Ari groaned and hid under the blankets, the events from the night before mocking her, she crushed her palms into her eyes and made tiny helpless sounds and decided; damn the world, they’d have to drag her out of bed. Which is exactly what they did.  
  
She swiftly left the War Room after the meeting, Cullen was acting as professional as always but whenever the other two turned or had an argument he would smile at her. Every time he did Ari felt a mixture of happiness, guilt, anticipation, anxiety and then remembered what happened with Solas. And although it was magic gone wrong and Solas clearly didn’t have any feeling for her, she couldn’t help but feel all those emotions all over again, as if she were betraying him! So she decided to be a coward and was the first to leave when they had finished their meeting.  
  
The kitchens provided some reprieve, she began to sort through their stores of herbs taking a few here and there, she loved making her own teas, and she had perfected some combinations while with her clan, the healers using it as medicinal aids. The idea of finding the herbs, drying them, picking, smelling and brewing them just calmed her, made her forget about being the big bad inquisitor in the big bad stone castle.  
Alone in the storeroom she sorted through herbs, taking pinches here and there to throw into the mortar and pestle that graced a nearby table. She would crush them, pour it into some thin paper and fold it up into a small package. She had also secretly borrowed the cook’s ink and quill to label the packages, it wouldn’t be the first time she drank the wrong tea and fell asleep somewhere inappropriate.  
The shelves were built to reach the ceiling and she could see the wooden box marked _Embrium_ that she needed all the way at the top.  
“You bastard.” She muttered. “Get down here.” Looking around there was no steps or stools to use, a bit puzzled as to who was tall enough to put the crate there – although she suspected Bull might have done a bit more helping around the kitchen than he let on – she tapped a shelf to make sure they were solid before carefully beginning to climb them. At the top she balanced herself while carefully pulling a dried Embrium flower out of the crate. She cheered to herself at her achievement.  
“Da’assan!” she heard as Solas rushed up to her and put his hands on her waist to steady her. “What in Thedas are you doing?” Ari instantly tensed and faced the shelves to hide the blush that creeped across her face, she could feel the heat of his hands burning through her tunic.  
“I’m just getting some herbs Hahren.” She muttered.  
“Do you need to risk your neck doing it?” he asked with a huff. Ari slowly climbed back down, Solas’ grip on her steady, she noticed he averted his gaze as her behind passed his eye level and he cursed under his breath. Once she had both feet on the ground she turned and grinned, presenting the Embrium. Solas sighed and pinched the bridge of his nose. “Da’assan, Skyhold is not the forest. You must take care that you are sure footed here. There is too much stone and ice.” Ari opened her mouth to protest when Solas interrupted. “I saw you jumping from the battlements to the roof the other day.” Ari promptly shut her mouth and looked away. Solas cupped her hand that was holding the flower and raised it to examine the plant. “Why were you after this?” He asked quietly.  
“Tea.” She said before pushing past him gently, stripping the petals in one movement she put a few into the mortar and began to crush it. Solas noted the packages neatly wrapped on the table, he picked up one that had _Atisha_ written on it and smelt it, humming his approval.  
“You made this to help you sleep?” He asked quietly, his voice still loud in the small stone room. Ari took a pinch of the herbs from the mortar and put it into a small pewter cup. Tipping some water from a pitcher into the cup she spoke.  
“It would not make me sleep, but it helps to put my mind at ease. Keep the nightmares at bay.” She walked over to Solas and held the cup between them. “Would you mind?” she asked, almost a whisper. It took him a moment to realise what she was asking for, with a start he waved his hand over the water, boiling it. Ari nodded in gratitude, turning to place the cup down.  
The gesture reminded Solas of their camp on The Storm Coast, he gazed at her while she twisted back to look at him, the way her clothes clung to her stoked his imagination, remembering the water bead and roll down her breasts. His breath hitched in that moment, her cries from the night before echoing in his mind.  
“Hahren? Are you well?” Ari asked, seeing his gaze dark and unfocussed. He snapped out of his reverie, feeling his ears burn.  
“I must apologize, Ari’Valen.” He glanced at the doorway to check no one was eavesdropping. “Last night- I had no idea that would happen.” He looked down in shame. “Abelas, Da’assan.” He raised his hand and ran it across his scalp. Ari reached up and gently placed her hand on his shoulder.  
“There is nothing to forgive,” Ari said leaning closer, catching his gaze. “You said it was an accident, I believe you.” He reached down and held her hand in both of his, gently pressing at the anchor through her bandage.  
“Has it been quiet since?” he inquired, turning her hand to see her palm.  
“So far, yes.” He smiled at her reply.  
“Then some good has come from making an ass out of myself.” He said matter of fact. Ari couldn’t hold back the laugh and brought up her hand in an effort to stifle it.  
“To be honest,” Ari said meekly, “I much prefer that than the pain.” Solas laughed deeply, glad she was not angry with him.  
“I’ll remember that next time.” His voice a baritone in the cold room.  
 Her heart skipped a beat as she picked up the cup of tea, sipping it she hummed and Solas could see her shoulders relax. “And what is this tea for?” he asked curiously, tilting his head as he watched her, a smile spreading across his lips.  
“A hangover cure.” She said lightly, closing her eyes as her headache receded. Solas laughed.  
“Ma sul’ema em nehn.” He said, Ari opened her eyes suddenly, Solas inched closer bringing his hand up to brush her jaw, he still held onto her hand, his fingers soft against her own. Her pulse sped and she could swear the entire keep could hear it. Solas’ cool fingers raised her chin gently, her lips parting from the movement; he leaned in and gently grazed his lips against hers, Ari’s eyes softly closing against her will before he felt him kiss her, his tongue dancing lightly along her lower lip causing her to moan before he pulled away. Stunned, Ari watched him smirk and walk out of the room.  
“Oh. _Shit.”_ She whispered to herself, heart pounding, struggling to learn how to breathe again.

Clutching her satchels of tea to her chest Ari managed to avoid the nobles who just seemed to hover in the throne room and scampered up to her quarters. Bursting through the door she slumped against it, safe on the other side.  
“Shit.” She whispered to herself. Striding up the stairs she dumped the satchels on her desk, next to a few unread missives – which would probably stay unread for some time – and raised her hands to run through her hair. Pulling her palms over her face she groaned. “ _I am a terrible person.”_ She lamented. Cullen’s flirtations she could see coming, they had been building to it, playing Chess in front of a _fireplace_ no less, curling up by each other while blizzards raged outside. It was going to happen sooner or later. And she did have feelings for him in return, a lot of feelings, she loved his accent and how he would laugh and look away, rubbing the back of his neck when he was pushed out of his comfort zone. She loved watching him build up and face his fears in life, how strong he was when he commanded the men, and how gentle he is in his attentions to her. _Too gentle, sometimes_. She thought, recently whenever he got her alone, all she could think of was running her tongue along the scar on his lip.  
  
Ari flashed back to Solas’ tongue as he kissed her and felt excitement spark through her stomach. She had not anticipated that, they way her body reacted from the beginning, She hadn’t really gotten to know him before the Storm Coast, just accepted the fact that he had watched over her when all this shit went down in the beginning. She enjoyed his company, the way he was determined to protect and teach her, the way he could set her blood on fire with just a touch. She couldn’t help but think of when he bathed with her at the camp, picturing his strong, lean frame as she leaned against his chest – _dammit._  
It was also the way she could talk to him in front of the others, using their own language, and no one would know what they spoke of, it was almost forbidden, the feeling of what was happening between them. 

Her heart pounding she pushed open her balcony door and stepped into the cold. It was snowing lightly as the sun set behind the mountains, throwing a rose gold mist over the landscape. Her breath steamed in front of her, rolling into the air. She closed her eyes and breathed deeply.  
  
Footsteps sounded behind her as she slowly opened her eyes; softly a fur was draped over her shoulders, Cullen’s mantle. He traced his hand along her lower back as he walked around to face her; an honest smile graced his face, nothing like the smirk she had so recently seen.  
“I thought we might continue our Chess game.” He spoke softly, Ari smiled and nodded before staring at the horizon again, enjoying the feel of the fur wisping along her skin.  
“I would like that.” She whispered.  
Cullen gazed at the woman in front of him, delicate and pale, snow falling onto her white hair. Her Vallaslin a stark contrast as it arched down her face. His heart pounded as his gloved hand reached up to trace along her collar bone and up to the back of her neck. He stepped towards her, tracing the edge of the Vallaslin on her throat.  
“You are truly beautiful.” He said, leaning in to gently press his warm lips against her cold ones. She raised her hands to twine her fingers in his wavy hair, breathing heavily as he broke the kiss momentarily to gaze at her. “You’re freezing.” He whispered, pulling her closer to him by her waist before crushing his lips to hers again.  
She moaned as his tongue begged at her for entrance, accepting it he danced his tongue along hers, pushing against her, guiding, until her back hit a wall. Moaning he ran his hand up to cup her breast, sending sparks of pleasure though her body, she arched into his hand receptively, whispering his name as he lifted her legs, pinning her by her hips against the wall. Her anchor sparked in unison with her pleasure, forgotten in the moment. He pressed his hardness against her, causing her to tighten lower in her body, wetness pooling as he encouraged her.  
He cursed as he fumbled at the buttons on her tunic – _so many_ – and bit lightly at her neck, her gasping shot straight to his core, encouraging his hardening length. Peeling back her tunic he revealed her white skin to the mountains, one arm supporting her by the waist he pulled back to gaze at her. Her pupils completely blown she licked her lips against the cold, slowly tracing her hand up her stomach, his eyes following it hungrily, she pulled at the leather breast band, loosening it to expose her breasts to him. He bit his lip and groaned at the sight, as she reached up to pull his mantle further over her shoulders Cullen felt a tribal possessiveness in the back of his mind, seeing her bared to him draped in his fur. Unable to hold back he kissed her roughly, his free hand reaching down to unlace her leggings.  
Ari clutched at his shoulders riding the onslaught, her mark pulsed again painfully, she hissed as she kissed him ardently, lost in her excitement. Cullen’s hand worked quickly against the laces and carefully slid underneath the fabric, his gaze locked onto hers he slowly traced her slick folds, she moaned as he chuckled deeply, enjoying the effect he was having on her, and slowly slid his finger into the epicentre of her cunt. Heart in her throat she threw her head back and wailed, her walls clutching his finger, begging to go further. He pulled his hand out completely as she whimpered, holding it between them, he watched her fluid glisten on his finger before slowly sucking it off, revelling in her taste.  
Ari panted as her abdomen panged in pleasure, then cried out as her anchor angrily pulsed, splashing them in green light and sending searing pain into her hand.  
Startled, Cullen rapidly seized her wrist before cradling her, quickly moving her inside as she clutched her hand, gritting her teeth against her screaming.  
  
“Maker – Ari!” Cullen held her against the painful tides, holding her anchor away from her body as he leaned her weight against the desk. Sobbing Ari buried her head against his chest as the pain began to fade away. He soothed her, rubbing small circles on her back, reassuring her that he was there.  Once the anchor had settled, he pulled back, checking for any other injuries. “I’m taking you to the healers.” He said as he helped he fasten the laces on her leggings, the mood well and truly gone.  
“Cullen-” she protested as he moved to her tunic buttons and gave her a stern look.  
“No, Ari. This is serious.”  Lowering her off the desk, wrapping his mantle tighter around her, he helped her walk down the stairs and to the infirmary, avoiding people as best they could.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I said slow burn, what I really meant was smut by chapter Five. Hello E rating!
> 
> Please feel free to comment or inbox me, in particular about things like the pacing of the story. I have a tendency to just get a scene out a quickly as possible and have been trying to make sure it flows better.
> 
> Atisha = Peace  
> Abelas, Da’assan = Sorry, Little Arrow.  
> Ma sul’ema em nehn = You bring me joy


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A short one tonight but I promise the next chapter is much MUCH more interesting. <3

Ari sat on a cot while Dorian, Vivienne and Solas discussed the properties of the anchor and the effect it was having on their leader.  
“It’s likely connected to her emotions or hormones.” Vivienne stated arrogantly after nearly an hour of debate. Ari was trying not to fall asleep while Cullen was standing across the room, having been ushered away while they examined her.  
“She has a point.” Dorian agreed. “This has been happening often in high stress situations, battles and closing rifts aren’t exactly relaxing.” Solas frowned, pinching the bridge of his nose.  
“Da’assan,” he said in his serious doctor voice and Dorian raised an eyebrow to Ari upon hearing the new nickname. “What were you doing when the anchor flared?”  
Ari froze, all of a sudden thrown into a moral conundrum. She didn’t want to tell them, she didn’t know how Cullen would feel about that, but a part of her didn’t want to hurt Solas either.  
“We were playing Chess.” Cullen provided the answer for her; he didn’t want to give them the satisfaction of knowing intimate details of their personal lives, no matter the rumours that circulated. Solas looked the Commander up and down, who did not flinch under the gaze of the mages.  
“Was this a particular… _rousing_ game of Chess?” Dorian asked disbelievingly.  
“She was winning.” Cullen stated flatly. Ari closed her eyes and let her head fall against the cot. She was so tired.  
“Well, then I suggest you suspend your Chess games, Commander.” Solas said a trace of scorn on the edge of his voice. “In the meantime I will watch over her until she recovers from this bout.” Ari felt a blanket being placed gently over her; she cuddled into it as she heard the scrape of a chair next to her and just knew Solas was going to be true to his word.  
  
She awoke gradually in a different room, books were piled high in every free space, rich red drapes covered the walls and the air carried the scent of wine and incense. She stayed still, unsure of who was around her, or even where she was.  
“They’re not here, so you can stop pretending to sleep.” Dorian’s rich voice passed over her from the corner of the room, rolling over she found him sitting in an arm chair, book on his lap and a glass of wine in his hand. He hadn’t looked up from the tome, not really fussed about his patient.  
“Is this your room?” he hummed affirmatively. “I thought you lived in the library.” She murmured to herself, taking in all of the books. “No wonder the mages keep begging me for more books.” Dorian snorted before closing his own with a thump.  
“Bull and I decided it would be best to bring you here. He carried you to neutral ground while they were arguing about the best way to treat you.” Ari sat up, stretching her neck while complaining and leaned back on the headboard. Her head took a moment to stop spinning, when it did she noticed the bandage on her arm had been replaced with a new one and she had been stripped down to her smalls. Giving Dorian a questioning look he stood, swirling his wine he flopped on the bed beside her. “Don’t worry, I undressed you.” He took a sip of the deep red liquid. “You won’t distract me with your mystical lady-bits.” He declared as she laughed tiredly.  
He rummaged around in his pocket and pulled out a small flask of white liquid. “Now Missy.” He held it up with his thumb and forefinger, showing Ari the contents. “This is Lyrium, a lovely little pick-me-up for Mages and Templars alike. It is also highly addictive, as you have probably heard from your ridiculously handsome commander.” He waggled his eyebrows at her. “We theorised that if your Anchor is eating at your emotions and effectively waking up during _Chess_ _games_ or in the field we could give it something else to nibble at.” Ari blinked slowly taking in his explanation. She wasn’t a mage by any stretch of the word, but she was still unsure, especially knowing what Cullen had confided in her about his own addiction to Lyrium.  
“Are you sure _feeding_ it is a good idea?” she asked “I thought Solas said it was powered by the Fade?” Dorian nodded.  
“And yet when you get excited, or emotional, bringing up your energy, it fires up and takes as much as it can. Like a man dying of thirst being given water. You _can_ control the power, we’ve seen that when you close the rifts. So we know you have a connection to the Anchor instead of just being a vessel.” Dorian flipped open the vial, carefully letting a drop fall into his wine before sealing it again. “One drop, no more, every morning. In a week we will see if you have improved. I encourage you to have as many sweaty Chess games to see if there is any effect.” He handed her the goblet, placing the vial on the bedside table. “Drink up.” He said cheerfully. Ari pondered the liquid.  
“What did Solas say? He has been studying this recently.” She asked. Dorian huffed, before looking away incredulously.  
“Solas was more concerned about why the Commander was refusing to leave you.” He said raising his eyebrows at her. “Have you been holding out on me _Da’assan_?” He teased her with her pet name. Ari fought the blush but lost, shamefully. Dorian laughed as she turned bright red, grinning he scooted down facing her, propping his head on his elbow. “Details, now.” He demanded. “Only the juicy ones if you don’t mind. Especially about Rutherford, Maker that man is to _die_ for.” Ari hid her face with her free hand.  
“No! It’s not like that.” She protested. “Well, it is. But not as much as you think!” Ari became exasperated as Dorian rolled his hand in a _get on with it_ gesture that only nobles seemed to use correctly. “Cullen and I were getting along great, talking, chess games-“  
“Sexy Chess games?” Dorian interrupted.  
“No.”  
“Aw.” He pouted.  
“And then it was all closing rifts and close quarters naked with Solas and then _this-“_ she held up her wrapped arm dramatically “-happened. I came back to Cullen professing his feelings for me, and it got _extremely_ awkward with Solas. Then I got cold feet about everything and all of a sudden Solas was kissing me.” She sighed and looked to her friend who was wallowing in glee at the gossip. Tears threatened her eyes and she scrubbed at her face. “I feel so guilty.” Dorian frowned.  
“Why? Have you committed yourself to one of them?”  
“No-“  
“Have you even been intimate?” Ari paused.  
“Yes, but that ended up with me in the infirmary so… no?” Dorian threw his free arm into the air defiantly.  
“Then why stress yourself over it?” he chided. “Bull fucks anything that moves, Varric writes smut that Cassandra reads, _Vivienne is a mistress._ ” Ari chuckled at his passionate raving. “You had to leave someone you loved nearly a year ago, you got caught up in the biggest shit storm in a decade, your day is pandering to the bullshit nobles throw at you and now you’re letting something as wonderful as passion make you feel bad about yourself? Bah!” Dorian stood up in a flourish. “Let them fight for you I say.” He picked up her tunic and threw it at her, the fabric slapping against her face. “You’re young, take your time to decide what you really want and then take it. Maker, take both of them at once if you get the chance!” He found her leggings and threw them at her also. “Now drink your medicine, get dressed and get out before your presence ruins the good thing I’ve got going with the night guard.” She laughed, drinking the wine in one go.  
“Atta girl.” He encouraged, she got up and dressed quickly, snatching up the vial before walking over and hugging Dorian fiercely. He returned the hug, quietly murmuring into her ear; “They are both grown men, well aware of the convolutions of courting a powerful woman. _Have fun._ Maker knows there is little enough of it now.” Twirling her and opening the door he spanked her behind as he pushed her out onto the battlements.


	7. Chapter 7

Solas stalked along the battlements leading to the Commander’s office, he had been unable to sleep the night before, worried over Ari’s health and the ever growing instability of the Anchor. He had tried to visit her after Dorian and Iron Bull took her to the Tevinter’s quarters but was stopped by the Chargers, Bull’s mercenaries, who weren’t permitting any visitors. After that he had tried to paint, read, write, anything to take his mind off of how the other man looked at Ari as she lay in the infirmary. He paced for hours, his gut twisting with jealousy and worry. He needed to know just what he was to Ari, and just what Ari was to _him._

He opened the door and strode halfway across the room, gazing over the Commander while he was giving orders to a messenger. He cleared his throat, getting his attention.  
“A moment of your time, Commander?” his voice carried well through the room, Cullen dismissed the messenger with a nod who looked curiously at Solas before scuttling away through the side door. Cullen straightened his back and casually picked up a missive, reading it while he addressed the elf.  
“What is it, Solas?” He asked, showing the elf he was clearly busy.  
“I wish to discuss Ari’Valen.” He walked slowly towards the desk, spine straight and showing his determination. “I believe that you have developed feelings for her. I do not want this to affect our work for the Inquisition.” Cullen dropped the missive on the desk and looked at him squarely, Solas noticed that the Commander had gotten very little sleep also.  
“Explain to me how any feelings I harbour for Ari would affect _our_ work.” Cullen said incredulously, staring down the mage. He rounded his desk to face him properly, already annoyed. Who the hell was he to judge what he felt for the Inquisitor?  
“Because I have also developed feelings for her.” Solas stated. Cullen raised his eyebrows before laughing and wandering to his bookshelf in the corner of the room, his hand rubbing at the back of his neck. Solas watched him, annoyed at the man’s pacing.  
“She _is_ an incredible woman.” Cullen said softly as a thought occurred to him. “Have you made clear your feelings to Ari?”  
“I have.” Solas said, placing his hands behind his back. “I believe she is receptive to them.” Cullen stuttered and strode to him, stopping himself he turned back to his desk and gripped the edge.  
“And why do you _believe_ that?”  
“That is not for me to say. I respect her privacy.” He said softly, enjoying his effect on the flustered Commander. Cullen huffed through his nose.  
“Whatever you are insinuating, I can assure you that Ari and I are very close, and if she harboured love for you I do not think she would be so intimate with me.” Solas held back rage in his stomach; he hated hearing this man say he had been familiar with her. Cullen leaned back against his desk comfortably, crossing his arms on his chest. “I will admit, Ari has not _committed_ herself to me, indeed I have not asked. I felt it selfish considering what we are undertaking, saving Thedas and all that.” He seemed lost in thought and Solas nodded.  
“I agree. However Ari’Valen is strong willed, if she had decided on one of us we would know by now.” Cullen hummed in agreement.  
“If I asked you to stop pursuing her?” Cullen gazed at Solas steadily as he asked.  
“You would not be surprised at my answer.” Solas smirked and Cullen laughed through his nose. Unsure of how to feel, Cullen tried to listen to his logical thoughts rather than the primal emotions surging in him, he both respected and despised Solas for approaching him about Ari.  
“I cannot stop you from this, but I warn you that I will fight for her.” Cullen said.  
“I expected no less, Commander.” Solas gave a curt bow before spinning on his heels and marching out of the office.  
“ _Maker._ ” Cullen muttered to himself before standing with determination. He had been presented with a challenger, and he certainly did not intend to lose.  
  
Ari managed to sequester herself in her quarters with strict instructions not to be disturbed. Her messenger, Harman, was the only one permitted in and out as she poured over maps and information at her desk. She wrote a requisition for the camps in the Storm Coast to have sent better equipment, explaining the problems they were facing and handed it to him.  
“Give this to the Commander and ask him for the report on the Red Templar activity in the Dales.” He bowed before hurrying out of her quarters.  
She sighed and stretched as she looked out to her balcony; the sun was slowly making its way across the sky, she took a moment to put her head on her arms and sighed.  
  
Her bare toes wiggled as they touched the soft grass, looking up the Aravels were unloaded and camp had been set up. Solas stood beside her as she smiled.  
“Your home is beautiful.” He said, “Do you often stop here?”  
“Yes, at the end of summer we come to the edge of the plains. The trees here are so big we are sheltered from the season’s storms. We bring our goods from the forest to trade, the merchants know to come here.”  
“You trade with the Shemlen?” Solas asked in surprise.  
“Yes, it took some convincing, but the Keeper eventually agreed with us.” Ari said proudly. “Leriel and I spent days coming up with what we would say to her, she was so stubborn, frightened to expose our clan. In the end it was worth the hassle, a small step towards emerging from the shadows.” Ari walked to the Aravel and placed her hand on the smooth painted wood, frowning she turned to Solas. “Why are we here?”  
“You like it here.” He replied, walking up to also place his hand on the wood.  
“Yes, but,” she paused confused. She stared into his eyes as he put his hand on her waist, running his thumb along the bottom of her ribs. His hand trailed along the wood until it met hers, fingers intertwining on the sun baked paint. “This isn’t real?” she asked breathlessly as he gently pulled her to him, pressing the line of his body against hers.  
“No.” he whispered, shaking his head slightly.  
“It feels real.” She whispered against his lips, he paused and gazed into her pale blue eyes.  
“Emma lath, ane ga.” He sighed as she raised her lips to meet his, his heart jumping into his throat. Their hands rooted to the Aravel, Solas pulled her hips to press against his as their kiss became demanding. Drawing back he gave her a knowing look, his pupils blown. She bit her lip and laughed before he pulled her away from the Aravel, biting and sucking on her neck as he slowly moved backwards with her. He sat down and pulled her into his lap, her legs straddling him, continuing his attention to her pale neck. He bit her quickly and she gasped, a small pink imprint remained when he pulled away.  
Ari looked down at him as he grinned, pleased with his mark on her, she crushed her lips against his, their tongues dancing as they moaned together. Solas’ hand moved up to cup her breast, his thumb running over her nipple to make it peak through her tunic, she tilted her head back, closing her eyes from the wonderful sensation. He moved his hands to the buttons of her tunic and hummed.  
“This will not do Da’assan.” He rasped before meeting her eyes, he smiled and ripped open her tunic, the buttons popping away onto the grass. He pushed the material back off her shoulders as he leaned forward to take her breast into his mouth. Ari whimpered as she arched to meet his mouth, his tongue flicking against her pebbled flesh. Kissing along her flesh he gave attention to her other breast, pulling her tunic off her arms he threw it away. He grazed his teeth along her, sucking on her nipple until she was just shy of pain before gently soothing it with his tongue. Ari squirmed in his lap, grinding against his hardening cock, growling he rolled her to lie on the grass before assaulting her mouth again.  
Ari hiked up his tunic, massaging her hands up along his toned muscles before helping him remove it completely. He dramatically threw his tunic in the opposite direction of hers, making Ari laugh as she bit her lip. His shoulders were broad from training and she was reminded that he was, in fact, a skilled fighter with a staff. As she took him in she felt heat spread across her face, he reached down and undid the laces to her leggings, smoothly pulling them off her legs on one motion.  
Solas made a strangled noise as he slowly spread her legs apart, positioning himself between them. Fingers lightly trailing down her thighs she gasped as he ghosted them across her coarse hair, teasing. Slowly he kissed down the length of her thigh; following the path his fingers took earlier, her breath hitched as she felt his hot breath against her skin, pausing before he licked brazenly from her entrance to her clit. Ari tensed and arched in pleasure as he hummed and focused on that bundle of nerves, her voice begging shamelessly as he laved his tongue against her.  
Urged on by her cries, he slid his finger into her, moaning when he felt how wet she was for him. He crooked his finger, massaging the sweet spot inside of her.  
“Hahren,” Ari keened, “Sathan, tel’venavis.” Solas’ cock throbbed in need; gently pushing another finger into her he flicked his tongue in time with his fingers. Ari began to writhe and push against him, begging as she came in shockwaves.  
Solas crawled to kiss her and Ari mewled as he tasted herself on his lips. She reached down and, with his help, unlaced his breeches letting his cock spring free. She gently wrapped her hand around him, his skin burning and soft, slowly stroking he jerked with a gasp before pulling her hand away. He kicked off the fabric and rested above her, the head of his cock twitching against her entrance. He looked up and gazed at the woman in his arms, her lips red and swollen as she raggedly breathed, eyes darkened with lust, a contrast to her pious white hair.  
“Sathan?” he pleaded. Ari smiled at the gesture and nodded in permission before he pushed into her, growling as he was met with her tightness. Ari moaned loudly as he sheathed himself, her nails scratching lightly across his back. Directing her legs to hook around his waist he propped himself above her before rhythmically moving in time with their breathing.  The pressure began to build in him as he fought not to lose control, snapping his hips as Ari screamed his name, coming undone again. Feeling her wet heat tighten around him pushed him over the edge as he lost his rhythm, he jerked his hips as he called her name, the pleasure stiffening his spine as he released in her.

He lay beside her on the grass, the earthy smell embracing them. Ari hummed happily as she curled up into his arms.  
“Ari’Valen.” He said softly, she tiredly whined in response, eyes closing. “You cannot sleep here Da’assan.” He stroked her cheek before whispering in her ear. “ _Wake up.”_

Ari jerked up as a piece of paper unstuck from her face, dropping to her desk again. Harman walked in and handed her a report, she looked up at him questioningly.  
“The report on the Red Templar activity you requested, ma’am.” He said.  
“Ah!” she said flustered, “Thank you Harman, that will be all for today.” He bowed and left as she shakily stood, leaning against the fireplace she breathed out, laughing to herself.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Emma lath, ane ga = My love, you are everything.  
> Sathan, tel’venavis = Please, Don't stop  
> Sathan? = Please?
> 
> I am using a few websites for translations, and kind of just mudding the language together. I found Project Elvhen today so hopefully the language will start to become more accurate. The other sites I am using are:  
> http://lingojam.com/ElvenDAI  
> http://dragonage.wikia.com/wiki/Elven_language
> 
> As a general rule I try not to use too much from the game word for word/scene for scene, it may become inevitable when it comes to the key points in the storyline but for the most part I enjoy writing the background stuff we wouldn't see. The Fade cut-scene when you romance Solas was one of my favourites (the look on Solas' face when the inquisitor turns away? So cheeky!) and I didn't want to do in injustice by fumbling through it with my narrative so I hope you enjoy this alternative!


	8. Chapter 8

A few hours later Solas found Ari in the War Room, she had met with Leliana with concerns over the Venatori activity close to Skyhold, after the Spymaster left she remained to study the map, thinking through the strategies they were implementing in the Hinterlands. Solas leaned against the frame of the small door that was embedded in the large wooden ones, he smiled to himself as he watched her work, clearly seeing her leadership talents and having confidence in where she would take the Inquisition.  
“Are you going to linger all day?” Ari asked teasingly as she turned to lean against the table, gazing at him as she crossed her arms under her breasts. “The guards will start to talk.” Solas laughed as he stepped away from the door, letting it close behind him.   
“They likely already are.” He chuckled as he looked upon the maps. “Last I heard, Iron Bull was seducing you to facilitate a Qunari invasion.” Ari rolled her eyes, out of all the rumours that circled about her, that one had been the most prevalent. More often than not she could hear Bull talking in the tavern to soldiers saying _“I wouldn’t even think of it, she scares the crap out of me.”_ Ari sighed and gazed at him, he was rugged up in his mages robe idly playing with a map marker.  
“That dream-“ Ari swallowed around the sudden lump in her throat. “That was in the Fade?” she asked and Solas nodded absently. “It wasn’t real.” She said a little disappointed.   
“In terms of physicality, no.” He said as he wandered away from the table, slowly pacing in front of her, he tugged at the sash of his robe to loosen it and let the fabric fall back past his shoulder, turning his back to her Ari gasped, red lines trailed along his skin where her fingernails had scratched. “However some things do come back with us.” He chuckled before shrugging his robe back on and tightening the sash. He stepped to her, resting his hands on her waist. “I should have waited. I wanted to take you out of Skyhold, if only in a dream, and give you some time away from this.” He sighed and gently rested his forehead against hers. “To be familiar with you for the first time, I had not intended it to be in the Fade. But it is… _easier_ for me.” He whispered. “I forgot myself. Forgive me.” Ari laughed and Solas was taken aback.   
“Hahren.” Ari brought her hands to his face and guided him to look at her directly. “I was not unwilling.” She reassured, smiling at him.  “You took my questions too seriously. I needed to know in case I had to go make myself some tea.” She casually said. Solas blinked in confusion as she tittered and kissed him swiftly. “I enjoy your company Hahren, but the Inquisition comes first. Thedas can ill-afford for me to become with child.” Realisation played over his face before being followed by a rush of blood. He cleared his throat awkwardly.  
“You do not have to worry Da’assan.” He said without meeting her eyes. She laughed and kissed him again before pushing past to leave the War Room, muttering about “ _creepy Fade babies”_. Solas laughed and pinched the bridge of this nose before following her out.

Ari wandered towards the tavern, halfway through the Great Hall she had been approached by Josephine, two messengers, a handful of nobles and Blackwall. Giving up on trying to make the rest of the distance she darted off to the side door and followed the lower stairs to the large empty hall. Sighing in relief she wandered through to the side rooms, usually she would just be here to go to her cellar but there was another room full of old dusty books where they had begun storing maps and there was a particular one she was hoping to find.

Opening the heavy door she stepped inside, glad to see that the dust and cobwebs were gone. Maps were rolled up and piled along one of the shelves, the small tags tied to each one noted what the map was of and fluttered slightly from the movement in the air she created. Ari heard paper shuffling and rounded the corner to see Cullen engrossed in a book with a rich green cover, she stepped back and hid the bulk of her body behind a bookshelf, peering around to gaze at him.   
“Anath- _Aneth_ \- ari-ah?” He huffed and rubbed his neck struggling to roll his tongue over the Dalish words. Ari’s heart panged as he tried to learn the greeting. She stepped out from behind the shelf and softly corrected him.  
“ _Aneth ara.”_ Cullen jumped as she spoke, his face blazing red as he got caught out. She walked over to him smiling, he closed the book and opened his arms to embrace her, a smile breaking out on his face.  
“I was afraid you would never escape your duties.” She settled in his arms, her cheek rubbing against his mantle, he leaned down and kissed her forehead. “Are you feeling better?”  
“Ir tel’him, ma serannas.” She replied and looked up, laughing at his confused look. “It means: I’m me again, thank you.” He smiled and twirled her to rest her back against his chest, embracing her from behind he reopened the book, an old Dalish phrase notebook written by Brother Genitivi, and resumed his sounding out words.  
“What does this mean?” He asked pointing at _Aneth Ara_ , “It’s like _hello,_ yes?” Ari giggled and brought up her hand to idly stroke at his stubble as it grazed her neck.  
“In a sense. A direct translation would be _my safe place_. However you would not say this to a Dalish, _I_ would, being of the people, but we don’t use it for outsiders.” He hummed and kissed her neck, thinking.  
“If we were to have a clan visit here what would I say?” He asked.  
“ _Andaran atish’an._ It is a greeting for letting someone into your home, and politely telling them to behave themselves.” Cullen softly laughed, the sound sending a shiver down Ari’s skin. “If you came to see my clan, they would say this to you.”  
“And how would I respond?”   
“ _Ma serannas_ would be enough.” Cullen mouthed the syllables, whispering them into her neck, concentrating on how the words flowed. He quickly learned to sound the words out although they still had a think Ferelden accent.   
“I think it will take me some time just to grasp the basics.” He laughed as Ari gave him a swift kiss on his stubble.  
“I grew up learning your language; you have not had the same advantage. Besides, with me you would not need to speak it.”  
“Ari,” he said, moving one arm to pull her closer to him as he nuzzled at her skin inhaling deeply. “I am not learning it for dignitaries. I want to learn it for _you_.”  She blushed as he closed the book and placed it gingerly back on the shelf, his hand free he brought it up to cradle the back of her neck. Craning his neck he kissed her tenderly, his whole world focussing down to the woman in his arms.  
“Ma sa'lath.” He whispered against her lips, Ari gasped in surprise as Cullen kissed her again before withdrawing. “Did I say it right?” he asked sheepishly. Her heart jumped to her throat as she nodded, she shakily stepped out of his grasp before exhaling and leaning her forehead against the bookshelf.  
“Ari?” Cullen asked, concerned at the change of mood. “Are you alright?” She nodded. “Did I offend you?” Cullen had checked and double checked the meaning of the phrase, He was certain it was an endearment, _my love_ , did he insult her? Ai shook her head and faced him, her hands trembled as she raked them through her hair.  
“No, Cullen, it was perfect. _You’re_ perfect.” His chest tightened, happy at the words but not at the way she said them. “It’s just. Everything is so _uncertain_.” She began to pace the small room. “It’s so much, the Inquisition, Corypheus. This damned thing on my hand.” She waved it as she spoke and the Anchor sparked as if it was listening. Cullen stepped in front of her grasping her shoulders before she could work herself up any more; he held them tightly as he stared into her eyes.  
“I know, Ari. The world is on the brink of disaster and _I know_ you are the one holding us together. But please, Ari.” He pulled her into his arms, holding her tight. “The Maker sent you when we needed you the most, but you do not have to do this alone.” Ari buried herself against his armour, fighting back the tears that threatened to escape.   
“I don’t want to _hurt_ you, Cullen.” He gripped her tighter as his heart panged, he knew full well that they all might not survive in the end, but he refused to dwell on that. Another part of his mind thought that instead of talking about Corypheus, it was Solas she referred to.  
“You have so much on your shoulders. I’m not asking you to make me your world, but let me be a part of yours, even if it is a small part.” Ari sniffed and Cullen couldn’t hold back his smile at the adorable sound. “I don’t need for you to commit to me,” He whispered. “And Maker knows-“ he sighed and gripped her tighter. “ _I_ know,” he corrected himself, “that I cannot claim to be the only one who has your affection.” Ari’s heart stopped and she tensed, barely able to breathe. “But for now, until Corypheus is dead, I don’t need to be.” As much as it hurt to think of her turning her affections to Solas it would be worse to push an ultimatum and lose her. She was stubborn; he knew this before the loss of Haven and watched her choose another option purely out of spite. And as love-struck he was around her, in the end the Inquisition had to come first. After this, after they had lay waste to Corypheus and his forces, Cullen could be selfish. He pulled her away from his chest, gripping her chin he raised her face to look at him, her pale blue eyes sparkling from tears. “I just ask that you do not push me away, I could not live if you forgot me.” Ari hiccupped and clutched at his armour.  
“I would never, Ma’vheraan.” She whispered before he crushed his lips against hers, overwhelmed with relief. He wrapped himself around her and breathed deeply, rejoicing in her earthy scent.  
“What does that mean? Mah Vah-“  
“ _Ma’vheraan.”_ Ari corrected and smiled. “It means _my lion._ ” He beamed, blushing slightly at his new name.  
“I think I will need lessons in Dalish, Ma sa’lath.” He teased, kissing her suddenly. “ _Private_ ones, if you’ll allow it.” She giggled, wiping at her eyes.  
“My Commander needs only to give the order.” She purred. With a groan he licked his lips; the image of Ari _obeying_ him tightened his stomach. He brought his lips to hers, tongue grazing along begging for entrance.   
“Commander?” A recruit called from inside the hall. Groaning, Cullen pulled away, looking pained he stepped back.   
“ _Andraste damn it all._ Duty calls, I’m afraid.” Ari nodded, Cullen picked up his book from the shelf and turned to leave. Ari quickly grabbed his arm, kissing him deeply. He smiled and winked at her before striding out of the room.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Andaran atish’an = I dwell in this place, a place of peace (formal greeting)  
> Ma serannas = Thank you  
> Ma sa'lath = My one love. (So close Cullen!)  
> Ma’vheraan = My Lion
> 
> If you've read my other series Silly Little Rumours you might remember that they have a contraceptive tea, this fic is based in the same universe/head canon.  
> Just a short chapter tonight partly because I've been spoiling you with these nightly updates and also because the next one is a bit full on.


	9. Chapter 9

The next few days were full of work. Corypheus had sent forces to Crestwood so Skyhold was busy requisitioning troops to stabilise the area. Nobles had a tantrum over both the Venatori _and_ the Inquisition being there, causing refugees to flee the area into other hostile spaces. It was madness. Both Cullen and Solas apologized profusely about being unable to see her as often as they wanted but Ari couldn’t feel upset considering they were busy pulling all of Thedas out of the shitter. Besides, emotionally, she was wrecked.   
  
The Lyrium had kept her Anchor quiet for the most part, the stresses of the week was not having an adverse effect on it, the wound had mostly healed and she would be able to take the bandage off soon. She didn’t tell Cullen about it, each time they passed in the halls they were both racing to their next job and in the War Room the moments they did steal together were spend on much more pleasant conversation. She thought perhaps, considering he was still withdrawing for years of using it, it was best not to concern him or to let him know where some was readily available. She suspected Solas knew, having been a part of the deliberation of how to treat her, and in the way he watched her when he got a chance. Noting her pallor and movements, casually asking if her hands were shaking when she wrote or if she was nauseous.

She found herself in the training yard practicing unarmed combat, something she neglected; enjoying the cathartic way beating up a straw dummy could clear her mind. Iron Bull walked over to her wrapping his hands in a bandage to protect his knuckles while training.  
“Hey Boss.” Ari grunted in response. “Want something alive to hit?” Ari paused and look Bull in, well mostly his chest; she could curl up like a cat and just nap on that chest all day. She blinked herself away from the thought and nodded her head, they squared up and they began with Ari jabbing and Bull deflecting.  
“Bull, can I ask you something?” she asked between jabs.  
“Sure Boss.” He shrugged his shoulder as Ari managed to land a hit.  
“When you can’t focus on, well, everything. What do you do?” Bull paused for a moment and Ari took the chance to jab, which was casually slapped away by the Qunari.  
“Just go pop ya cork.” He said nonchalantly.  
“I don’t understand.” She really didn’t. Slang sometimes just lost her completely.  
“Find someone as equally distracted, take them somewhere private, or public if that’s what you’re into, and work out your stress together.” Ari paused and stared at Bull as he made a popping sound. Bull sighed and rubbed his eyes. “ _Sex,_ Boss.” He said. Ari’s blush began to creep and Bull, being the smug Ben-Hassrath he was, caught on just a little. “Unless that’s what you’re distracted by in the first place?” he said, trying to hide his amusement.   
“No!” Ari protested as Bull raised his eyebrow at her reaction. “Well, mostly no.” She admitted. He chuckled.  
“Just need to get it out of your system. If you ever need assistance I know a great alley behind the Tavern.” Ari laughed as she dropped her fists and relaxed out of her stance. Shaking her head she walked away from him.  
“Bye, Bull.” She called.  
“Seriously Boss!” he called and pointed to his side “It’s right there!” His laughter followed her as she escaped.

Grabbing a tankard from Cabot the bartender she carried it up the stairs of the tavern and sat by the window, looking out at the courtyard of Skyhold. She sighed and closed her eyes, listening to Leliana’s ravens caw at each other, it was a much needed moment of peace, away from her quarters which was beginning to feel like a prison.  
“It surprises you, drives you mad and completes you,” Ari gasped as Cole appeared sitting crossed legged on the floor beneath her, shattering her peace. “But it makes you sad. It used to make you happy but you had to push it away.”  
“Cole.” Ari said quietly.  
“Hahren reminds you of him, his passion masked by his guidance. But someone else does too, the way he listens and protects.” Cole refocussed, blinking away her thoughts. “Who is Hahren?” he asked. Ari smiled at him before Sera jumped down from the railing.  
  
“Oi piss nuggets.” Sera chimed, Ari blinked while processing the new endearment. “Wicked Grace upstairs. I reckon Ambassador Frilly Knickers is gonna bleed Cully-Wully dry.” She laughed mischievously before trotting away. Cole stood up making an approving sound before meandering up the stairs. Ari followed laughing at the ruckus Sera was already causing above them.

As Ari approached the table Cullen glanced at the chair next to him, taking his cue she sat next to him. Varric cheered as she sat down and dealt her in. She stared at the cards unsure of what to do.  
“Pick them up,” Cullen whispered into her ear “I’ll help you out.” Ari smiled at him as she picked up the cards, at least she wasn’t the only one lost; Cole was trying to balance the cards on their edges. Varric stared at him for a while before throwing some more cards to the space next to her. Ari glanced and saw Solas sit down beside her, the only empty chair remaining. He caught her eye and gave her a slight nod. Ari returned the favour.   
“It pulls in pain, one way or the other, shouldn’t be so distracting.” Cole muttered to his cards. Bull huffed beside him.  
“Probably just needs a good cork popping.” He said quietly. Ari laughed despite herself.  
“Alright Kid, try to shut down the juju.” Varric said as the round begin.

Many tankards later they were well on their way to being broke, except for Varric and Josephine. Leliana was talking about the Hero of Ferelden and the horrible awkward flirting between her and King Alistair, while Dorian and Bull had begun to debate the rules of War. Varric was telling Cullen about Hawke while Cassandra glared at him.   
“Do you miss her?” Ari asked Varric during a lull in the conversation.  
“Every damn day.” He said quietly. “She’s maddening, passionate, reckless, clumsy and drinks just about everyone under the table. How could I not?” Josephine sighed.  
“How _romantic.”_ She leaned her head against her hand, swaying a little.   
“And what about _you_ Inquisitor?” Vivienne crooned from the end of the table. “Anyone special back home?” Ari levelled a glare at the woman. “Your husband perhaps?” an uncomfortable silence fell over the table and Ari could feel both Cullen and Solas stiffen.  
“No.” Ari said calmly, meeting her eyes.   
“Really?” She asked, shuffling her cards around. “I find that amazing considering your culture. How old are you now? Twenty-seven? Your people are usually married by that stage yes?”  
“No.” Ari replied. “Once again your knowledge of Dalish culture is abysmal. Might I suggest picking up a book?” Solas snickered into his tankard while Sera made a _rawr_ sound.  
“Perhaps it is for the best then.” She looked around uninterestingly. “I’m sure _Leriel_ wouldn’t have waited. You certainly didn’t.”  
“ _Enough. Vivienne_.” Leliana warned. She looked coldly at the redhead before shrugging.  
“Darling it is not _me_ having relations with men in camps and screaming at night.” Everyone began to lean back as the Inquisitor calmly put her tankard and cards down. . “At least have the _dignity_ to hide your actions from the Rank and File.” Cullen turned to Ari, confused at the conversation.   
“What is she talking about? Camps?” He asked Ari, she was unsure herself, before she could answer Vivienne rearranged her cards and spoke lightly.  
“Perhaps _Solas_ can answer that.” Vivienne murmured as Cullen slowly looked up at the elf, who remained still.  
“Can he?” Cullen’s voice dripped with something that made a shiver run down Ari’s spine.  
“Madame De Fer is mistaken.” Solas answered the charges calmly. “If she is referring to the rumours regarding our time at the forward camp on The Storm Coast I was merely providing assistance.” Cullen stood while Varric shook his head muttering _not good_ over and over.   
“ _Providing. Assistance._ ” Cullen shook with rage as he repeated the words. He had been logical and calm when Solas confronted him in his office; he had taken the moral high ground believing that his place was firm in Ari’s affections, no matter what Solas claimed. But having those claims thrown in his face stretched the limits of his control. It was one thing for his Solas to tell him, it was a whole new beast when another began to verify the story.   
Solas stood, aware of the present danger. Ari rubbed her forehead against the growing headache. Her stress levels were raising and her hand begun to ache. How did a card game manage to get this far?   
“ _Enough._ Both of you.” Ari said commandingly. Cullen shook his head.  
“No, not until I know what this _apostate_ means by ‘ _providing assistance’_.” He barked, causing others to jump. The sound causing her Anchor to throb painfully.  
“Clearly that means I _violated her_ since that is the only thing _Templars_ can think of.” Solas bit back. “Did it ever occur to you, _Commander_. That an _Elvhen_ mage could be exactly what she needs? At least I have time to tend to her wounds while you plan more campaigns to harm her. She is a tool to you, you know _nothing_ of her.” Solas began to yell as Ari hid her face in her hands. No. This was too much.  
“Really?” Cullen’s sarcasm dripped from his words. “Because I knew about Leriel. Did you?” Solas was taken aback, for all the moments they had stolen together she never told him about the people in her old life. His gut wrenched in the realisation that she felt enough for the Commander to confide in him. Solas may have known her language and her culture, he may have known _her_ , but her past remained a mystery to him. Cullen stepped around Ari's chair to square off with Solas. “I can tell you now what you so _obstinately_ interrupted a week ago, was not _nothing._ ” He bit. Ari could hear a few gasps from Josephine and Cassandra, looking up she saw Leliana elbow Josephine who rolled her eyes before passing half her winnings to the Spymaster. Solas straightened his back, his chin high, cooly, his voice laced with disdain, he replied to the angry Commander.  
“And when you left, who do you think she screamed for?” Cullen’s fist appeared so quickly, no one reacted until Solas was on the floor cradling his face. Ari stood up quickly knocking her chair backwards and slammed her fist on the table, the anchor flared on impact, scattering cards and tankards in a wash of green. Everyone had frozen; Blackwall had even reached for his sword. Shaking, Ari unclenched her fist as the pain rippled through.   
“ _Venavis!”_ Ari shouted. “Is _this_ what we are?” She turned on Cullen and Solas who was warily standing up. “Da’len who fight over petty rumours?” Ari was shaking, her anchor flaring every few seconds. She clutched her arm to her as it crackled, frustrated she began to unwind the bandage, blood oozed from the wound which earned a few gasps. Cullen’s face softened in remorse as tears threatened his eyes.  
“Ari- I’m sorry.” He reached for her but she backed away. Shaking her head she slowly walked towards Vivienne, “You would rather think me a whore, than her a liar.”  
“No!” Cullen protested.   
Ari placed her bloodied hand on the back of her chair, and the other on the table in front of Vivienne. Leaning down she gazed into Vivienne’s eyes who stared unflinchingly.  
“Ma emma harel, ar tu na’lin emma mi.” She said steadily. She stood and began to walk out of the room, Vivienne shivered as Ari turned her back to her. Solas reached to stop Ari as he used a chair to steady himself, she jerked away as his fingers brushed her tunic sleeve.   
Ari looked Solas over, his eye already blackening. She let her face drop into sadness, she knew this would happen eventually, she _knew_. The small hope she had of being able to take time to figure out her emotions without affecting the Inquisition crumbled as she watched the men she loved resort to violence. The men who were leaders and advisors of Skyhold. How could she be so naive as to think that as _The Inquisitor_ her relationships wouldn’t affect everyone? Solas and Cullen watched Ari’s face as she wrangled with the pain in her arm, and something much deeper.   
“Iras mah gilas, Da’assan?” Solas asked softly, eyes glistening with tears she whispered.  
“You disappoint me, Hahren.” Solas jerked back as if he had been physically slapped.   
  
Ari opened the door to the battlements and walked into the snow, the white cold crunching beneath her boots. Her anchor flared again, scattering green light across the whitened stone, a soldier nearby saluted her. She paused a few steps before the first tower; the stairs descending to her left, her vision swam and flashed green. She wanted now, more than anything, to be resting under the trees as the Aravels creaked in the wind. Leriel by her side watching the horizon, reaching down to brush her white hair away. _Ma vhenan,_ he kisses her cheek as she lulls to sleep. Opening her eyes the grass is gone, just cold stone and snow beneath her cheek.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Venavis! = Stop!  
> Da’len = Children  
> Ma emma harel, ar tu na’lin emma mi. = You should fear me, I will see your blood on my blade.  
> Iras mah gilas, Da’assan? = Where will you go, Little Arrow?  
> Ma vhenan = My heart
> 
> Holy sass Solas! Every time I read that comeback, I just started giggling.


	10. Chapter 10

She felt warm and comfortable as she lay on her side; rumbling of delicate snoring matched the breathing of the person behind her, their arm flung around her waist. Ari was snuggled up to a pair of legs herself, in her daze she ran her hand up them lovingly smiling to herself, burying her nose between a thigh and the mattress.  
  
She froze, slowly opening her eyes to see Dorian smirking at her, a book in his hand.  
“Don’t stop on my account.” He teased. “This ménage a trois has just started to get interesting.” Ari closed her eyes, keeping her breathing even through nausea and aching muscles.  
“Sera is spooning me isn’t she?” Dorian laughed loudly before closing his book, thwacking Sera on the shoulder waking her up.  
“Whazzit?” She poked her head up suddenly, the left side of her hair sticking completely upright; she blearily blinked and looked down at Ari, smiling without moving her arm. “Hey snuggie-bear.” She purred, letting her head fall back on the pillow and scooting closer to Ari’s back. “Bout time you woke up.” Ari looked around and recognised her quarters before remembering the card game, Cullen punching Solas and Vivienne being a complete bitch. She cringed against the memory, causing Dorian to gently stroke her hair.  
“Don’t move too much.” He said quietly. “You’ve been through a lot.” Ari sighed, focussing on the wonderful feeling of his hand.  
“What happened?” she whispered.  
“You collapsed on the battlements; luckily you didn’t go tumbling down the stairs. We brought you here but you weren’t waking up. You were dreaming though, nasty ones by the sounds of it.” Dorian dropped his book on the floor and picked up a goblet of wine, he sipped and settled back onto the headboard. “You were swinging between a fever and going ice cold, took quite a few of us to get your Anchor under control too. Solas and Vivienne weren’t allowed in here, so you know, I think it will be quite a long time before Vivienne is allowed to do anything except greet and entertain lesser nobles.” He laughed. “You should have seen her face when Leliana threatened to have her imprisoned until you were well enough to judge her.”  
“Put lots of spiders in her bed too.” Sera piped up from between Ari’s shoulder blades.  
“Okay.” Ari mumbled. “But why are you both in bed with me? Not that I’m complaining.”  
“Ah, yes.” Dorian cleared his throat. “You were thrashing around so much we were worried you would injure yourself further. We restrained you but you just started – uh – screaming. Terrifying sound actually. The servants refused to go anywhere near you. Sera got _particularly_ annoyed and jumped on you to hold you down and what do you know? You simmered right down.” Sera roared at her quietly. “And I’m just here for funsies mostly.” Ari smiled, happy she was blessed with her friends.  
“How long?” Ari stretched carefully, testing her muscles one by one.  
“Four days.” Dorian said quietly. Ari shuddered to think about the pure amount of work she’d have to go through when she emerged from her quarters. Dorian stood up gently and made his way to the door; he opened it and spoke to someone before returning again. “First thing is you need a bath, I’ve sent for one and also a messenger to tell the spymaster that you’ve awoken. She’d kill me if I didn’t let her know.” He said a little sarcastically. They waited patiently as recruits started the pain staking process of bringing up a tub and filling it with water, Ari rarely asked for one, knowing how annoying it would be to do something like that, she was usually happy to bathe like she did at the camps. Eventually it was all ready and she was helped by the two of them to stand, she didn’t realise what days of being bedridden did to the body and she struggled to hold back her whimper as she weakly made her way over. They stripped her with no fuss and after only a few teasing remarks Dorian scooped her up, gently lowering her into the hot water, Ari sighed in pleasure as her muscles relaxed, the bath was completely worth every comment Sera and Dorian could imagine.  
  
A knock echoed from the stairs and Dorian left Sera to fuss over Ari, he returned shortly with a frown.  
“Both of them are at the door, they wish to see you.” He grumbled. “I said you were busy but they’re being stubborn pricks.” Ari leaned forward at Sera’s insistence, Sera began rubbing a cloth along her back making growling sounds.  
“Sera I don’t actually _need_ to be washed.” Ari huffed. “I can manage that myself.”  
“Yes you do. Shut up. Doctor’s orders.” She retorted.  
“You’re not a doctor.”  
“Yes I am, shut up.”  
Dorian waited patiently as the women took their time with bickering. Ari looked to Dorian for counsel who shrugged.  
“You’ll have to see them eventually. At least you can put them offside with the lovely naked elf bath time yourself and Sera have going.” Dorian surmised. Ari gestured of the hairbrush that was nearby and Dorian obliged, handing it to her. If she was going to see them, she was going to at least look semi presentable. Dorian walked to the door again, letting them in. Ari scooped her long hair over her shoulder and began to brush, pretending not to notice the two men walk in as she fought back the panic in her core.

Solas and Cullen looked about as bad as she did, unshaven and tired they stood next to each other facing the tub. Sera glared at them while she continued her ministrations and Dorian propped himself against the wall behind her, arms crossed wearing a similar scowl. Cullen cleared his throat and nervously glanced at Solas who nodded to him.  
“Ari, it’s good to see you.” His voice was barely loud enough.  
“Are you recovering well?” Solas asked, stopping himself from moving forward, he wanted to kneel by her and grasp her hand, feel her skin against his cheek.  
“I had to be helped by these two just to stand. Let alone undress and climb into this tub.” Ari said, trying to keep the impatience out of her voice. “If moving across a room to get soggy is progress then yes, I am recovering well.” Sera snickered before encouraging Ari to lean back, taking the brush off her and scooping her hair to trail off the edge of the tub. Ari complied, hissing as she worked her muscles to lean back. She was thankful that the edge of the iron tub was high enough to cover her nudity. She hated feeling vulnerable and she always reverted to being rude to deflect it. Sera began brushing as Dorian shook his head at her display.  
“Ari, we’ve been talking and – _Maker_. We have acted like idiots.” Cullen rubbed the back of his neck, glancing around the room. “We’re sorry. _I’m sorry._ I promised you that I wouldn’t demand commitment and the first thing I did when faced with a competitor for your affection was resort to violence.”  
“Arbelas, Da’assan.” Solas added. “Our actions were unforgivable; you were right in calling us Da’len. Neither of us can claim to have been _wholly_ intimate with you and yet we were acting as scorned lovers knowing full well of each other’s intentions.” Ari raised her eyebrows questioningly at the pair who shifted on their feet.  
“Solas had approached me days before asking my intentions.” Cullen stated. “In our jealousy we didn’t think about what this could do to you, about your feelings or your… health.” He looked at Ari’s arm, wound starting to heal after being reopened that night, rubbing the back of his neck he began to pace. Solas watched for a moment before continuing the conversation.  
“We have discussed at length about our situation and agreed that, if you decided to pursue one, or both, of us, we would be civil. No matter your decision.”   
“The Inquisition and your health and happiness is the priority for the both of us.” Cullen continued. “When the day comes that Corypheus is gone, we may ask you to choose. But until then, we are here for you. Whatever you need.” Cullen stepped forward and picked up Ari’s hand, dumbfounded she watched him gently lean down to kiss her forehead before stepping away, Solas stepped up after him also gently grasping her hand before raising it to his lips. They both walked out of her quarters as Ari tried to wrap her head around what happened.  
“ _Well fuck me._ ” Sera said in disbelief.  
“What just happened?” Ari asked, looking to Dorian who laughed.  
“Well, I believe you just got permission to pursue both men.” Dorian huffed. “I’m insanely jealous.” Ari’s heart thumped in her chest. Exactly what in Thedas had happened while she was asleep? This had to be a dream, she was in the Fade again surely.  
“I’m not sure I can do that.” She said quietly, allowing herself to develop feelings for the both of them is what caused her current predicament, both Sera and Dorian laughed.  
“If you don’t take this amazing opportunity then I’m afraid your decision making skills are sub-par, you’ll have to step down from being Inquisitor. And I shall never talk to you again.” He announced. “Now, get out of that damn tub.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I didn't want a magical "everyone is all ok with the love" situation to happen but it happened a bit anyway. I'm undecided if this fic will go towards M/M/F and if it does they're going to have to go through some emotional horror beforehand! I am a terrible person. ^_^


	11. Chapter 11

Ari gazed at her desk which was laden with missives and ran her hand through her hair sighing. She had managed to eat and gain enough strength to return to duty but now she regretted it. She saw the relief in Josephine’s eyes when she told her she was well enough to answer a few messages.  
“I will send you the most urgent ones.” She claimed. The _urgent ones_ being just about every letter over the last week. Sifting through the piles she took note of the seals, trying to recall each noble’s individual seal and unashamedly ignoring the nobles who annoyed her the most. Her hand grazed over one letter that had been sealed using tree sap, curiously she pulled it out of the pile and looked at the seal. It was of a tree with an Aravel wheel at the base, the sigil for Clan Lavellan, her clan. Hands shaking she opened the letter, she had only received one letter from them after the Breach, and that was a basic _Good that you’re alive, please stay there_. She spoke as she read the words, reading the brief letter over and over before clutching and walking quickly down the stairs.

  
She strode into the War Room as Josephine and Leliana rounded on her.  
“You cannot be seriously thinking about leaving, you have barely recovered.” Josephine griped at her, clutching at the quill in her hand.  
“You must take time, Inquisitor. Skyhold is the best place for you right now.” Lelianna added. Ari handed the letter to Leliana as she pushed past to examine the map. “Your brother?” she asked as she passed the paper to Josephine.  
“My younger brother.” Ari closed her eyes against the burning of tears; she needed to keep together until she got to him. “I am his only family, if they are asking me to come, if they have given their location-“ Ari shivered momentarily before gathering her wits. “He must be gravely ill. I need to go.” The advisors looked to each other with concern.  
“Have you considered the possibility that this is a trap?” Leliana said softly.  
“I have.” Ari said. “And I am still determined to go.”  
“It is not an easy journey, you must not undertake it unprepared. I will send letters to the nobles of Orlais, informing them that you are passing through.” A laugh from the doorway echoed and the women turned to see Cullen leaning against the door.  
“Pandering to every noble from here to the Free Marches will take time that we do not have. We must move quickly if we are to make it in time.” He said as he walked over to the table.  
“ _We?_ ” Ari asked.  
“I have been intending to check on our troops stationed in Orlais for some time.” He stated before smiling at her “Besides, do you really think I would pass on the chance to meet your clan, Ma sa'lath?” Leliana sauntered to the other side of the table.  
“You would get there quicker, yes. But the area is too unstable to travel safely in small numbers.” She said. “You would need to go through Emprise du Lion before you cross the Waking Sea. Even with the peace talks between Empress Celene and Duke Gaspard the area is volatile.”  
“Then we take a bigger group.” Cullen said flatly. Ari nodded.  
“Why do we not travel through Ferelden and up towards Kirkwall?” Ari asked. “It would take weeks off our journey.”  
“Kirkwall is still extremely unstable after the Qunari Invasion. Not to mention that crossing at this time of year is risky.” Leliana replied. “Two weeks of sailing in constant storms? No, much better to take the mounts west and cross between Val Royeaux and Val Chevin. From there you can head west on the roads through the hills. Your clan is camped at the eastern base of the mountains some distance from the ocean, but the roads are safer in the area.”  
“Very well.” Ari said. “Make what preparations you need. I will be leaving at first light.” She pushed away from the table and marched to her quarters to pack.

Strapping her rolled up tent to Varmet Ari checked over her supplies once more. Her packs consisted mostly of clothing as winter was beginning to descend. It would take the group two days before emerging from the Frostback Mountains and they would have to be careful, even though their mounts were sure footed one slip could mean disaster on the icy slopes. Even though they had travelled to and from Skyhold many times they couldn’t take the mountains for granted. Once out of the Frostbacks they could begin to hunt for food and replenish supplies at camps so at least Varmet wouldn’t be weighed down with food.  
Ari petted his neck and dodged his antlers as he turned to nuzzle at her. Double checking everything she led him out of the stables to the gatehouse. She spied Cullen giving orders to a flock of messengers before they scattered away. He turned and the smile he gave her damn near made Ari’s knees give out. She walked to him and smiled, bowing slightly, unsure of how to act around him now. Cullen bowed in return out of habit, she was a superior after all, before clearing his throat.  
“I got something for you.” He said quietly, he pulled swathe of fabric from the saddle of his Ferelden Forder before stepping close to Ari, contemplating the fabric. “For riding through the snow, I know you dislike the cold.” He handed the fabric to her gently, his hands lingering on her arms momentarily. The fabric was a deep green, almost black, that shone a deep blue when the sunlight hit it just right. Turning it over gently the other side had a mottled grey wolf pelt sewed into it, it was amazingly soft as she ran her hand through it. She couldn’t help but smile at Cullen who seemed relieved that she liked the gift.  
“It’s beautiful.” She said, barely a whisper. Cullen held his hands up to cup hers and gently unfurled the rest of the fabric.  
“May I?” He asked and Ari nodded in reply. Cullen grasped at two leather ties at the edge, he stepped close enough to Ari that her hair caught on his stubble when the wind blew, he gently skirted his hand up her breastplate and peeled back her leather overcoat, revealing a small loop in the plate. He tied her left side and then draped the fabric around her back letting it fall like a cloak and tied the right tie around a separate loop. Like this it looked similar to his own mantle. He reached back and grabbed the other side of the fabric, pulling it over her head he created a hood and tied another pair of ties to her armour. The fur tickled her ears and she rubbed at them reflexively, it was instantly warm in the hood. The bulk of the fabric draped down her shoulders, resting just below her collarbones, but didn’t restrict her arms as she tested her freedom of movement. “Now your ears won’t get frostbitten in Emprise du Lion.” They laughed and Ari realised that somewhere along the line he had taken her hand in his.  
“Thank you, Ma’vheraan.” She whispered, pulling his gloved hand up to cup her cheek she kissed the leather tentatively. She felt comforted having him so close, she had been so worried about her brother and the Inquisition since yesterday she hadn’t realised that she was missing him dearly. He rested his forehead against hers, for a brief moment his world focussed into nothing but the feel of her skin against his and their steady breathing. The moment lasted until Varmet decided they had to leave and nudged at their faces, sticking his wet nose against their cheeks. They laughed and settled in the saddles of their mounts. Cullen directed his horse mostly with the reigns while Ari used her knees to guide Varmet and repositioned her bow comfortably on her back. She could rarely get him to wear a saddle and wouldn’t have today if she didn’t need to take supplies, getting him to wear a bridle was something she didn’t even want to attempt.  
“Cullen, who is coming with us?” Ari questioned. She always struggled to get her companions to accompany her on campaigns. It was always too wet or hot or too far away, if she could get Corypheus to battle her in the tavern then this war would be over within a week.  
“Well, you know how stubborn they are.” Cullen said without meeting her eyes. “As soon as I said _ship_ half of them tried to run away.” Ari wasn’t surprised but her eyebrows still rose involuntarily. “They are… hard to wrangle.” He remarked.  
“So-“ Ari’s voice broke as her face burned, suddenly it was a bit too hot under the hood. “Is it just you and I?” she queried. Cullen gave her an apologetic smile as the gate opened to the bridge, he motioned in front of them and Ari turned to see all of her friends mounted and ready. She smiled before shooting an accusatory look at Cullen who laughed.  
“I couldn’t keep them away.” He said as he nudged this horse forward. Ari blinked back tears as she looked at her friends mounted and ready to take the long journey to the Free Marches with her, chest tightening she silently thanked Mythal for leading her to them over the last year. It was a bigger group than what she was used to travelling with nine others instead of three but she was confident they could move just as fast. Relief flooded through her as she realised Vivienne wasn't with them, Leliana wouldn't have released her from her duties attending to lesser nobles yet. Varric was already shifting in his saddle uncomfortably as he called out.  
“Let’s go before my ass freezes to this saddle.” He turned his nag and lead the troupe into the Frostbacks.

Sunset came and they stopped on a large ridge that curved into the mountain. The mounts secured away from the cliff’s edge Ari set her tent up. It wasn’t as large as the ones in the camps, at a squish maybe four people could fit inside and the top of the tent was shoulder height. Small was good though, it helped to warm up the inside faster. Bull and Varric had found some wood nearby and with Dorian’s help managed to dry it out and start a campfire. The temperature dropped rapidly after the sun set and Ari and Sera shivered even with the fire. Ari grabbed the fur she slept on from her tent and wrapped it around herself and Sera, it barely helped as they all chewed solemnly on some dried ram’s meat.  
Bull sat happily in his usual armour, chest bared to the cold, telling a story about an insane noblemen who had hired the Chargers to hunt down cats in his castle.  
“You didn’t kill the cats though. Right?” Cassandra asked, feeling pity for the creatures.  
“Nah, we caught them and sold them to another noble in the Bannorn. He was having a rat problem.” He snickered at the memory. Sera swore and tucked herself closer to Ari, her fingers were icy and Ari yelped as they touched her skin. Sera whispered in Ari’s ear before taking a swig from the brandy she was hiding.  
“What are you two planning?” Blackwall noted the suspicious behaviour. Ari nodded while pressing her mouth into the fur, breathing into it to warm it up, together they stood and shuffled as a bundle over to Bull, quickly sitting on his lap and huddling into his chest before he could protest.  
“ _Ooooh yes._ ” Sera approved of the amazing heat radiating from Bull. “You’re in my tent tonight.”  
“Damn.” Dorian sniffed as he drank from his own bottle. “Why didn’t I think of that? Got room for one more?”  
“Only if you never tell a soul.” Bull replied. “If the other Qunari find out I’ve let a ‘Vint in my tent I won’t be able to attend the club meetings anymore.” Dorian laughed and swore with his hand on his heart before turning to Varric.  
“Varric I’ve got a secret for you.” He teased as Bull claimed treachery.  
“It’s actually not a bad idea.” Cassandra stated. “The temperature is only going to keep falling, we should bunk together while we’re on the mountain.”  
“Why Seeker! I knew all your aggression towards me was just a façade.” Varric quipped. “Bianca doesn’t usually like to make room, but for you-“  
“ _I_ will be in Blackwall’s tent.” Cassandra interjected.  
“What?” Blackwall looked up from gnawing on his food.  
“I don’t feel the cold.” Cole piped up. “But I can keep you company if you’re lonely.”  
“Nah Kid, Bianca has me covered. Besides I bet you snore.” He grinned. “Chuckles and Curly can spoon with Ari and we’re all set.” Cullen rubbed the back of his neck muttering while Solas’ spine went stiff and he scooted away from the commander. They shared an awkward glance before frowning at each other. Solas came up with a quick change of topic.  
“Tell us about your family Da’assan.” He asked without really asking. “Your brother, what is his name?”  
“Varrahel.” Ari piped up from the fur blanket. “He’s nine years younger than me. When I left for the conclave he had just begun his training with the Hunters.”  
“Your parents must be proud of you both.” Cassandra said quietly while poking the fire.  
“They were killed by bandits when we were young.” Ari quietly spoke as Bull put his arms around the two women in his lap.  
“I’m sorry Ari.” Cullen wanted to hold and reassure her, but was happy that Bull and Sera had it well under control.  
“I don’t understand why Shemlen apologize for death they didn’t cause.” Ari looked to Solas who shrugged.  
“It is their way to apologize when faced with sad conversation.” Solas reasoned.  
“Who looked after you?” Blackwall asked around his whiskey.  
“I was sixteen, old enough to be responsible for my brother. The clan helped us out but no more than any others. I became a Hunter and that was life until the conclave.” She said stifling a yawn. Cassandra poked the fire with a stick before wrapping her own fur tighter around her shoulders.  
“That is sad. You were far too young for such responsibility.” She said. Ari bristled at the comment, a bit annoyed at Cassandra’s tone.  
“I was not a _child_ , Cassandra.” Ari admonished. “I raised my brother the best I could.”  
“I didn’t mean it like that.” Cassandra huffed and Ari noticed her accent became thicker when she got flustered. “All I meant was that it was unfair. Your Elders should have stepped in and looked after your brother.” Ari’s laugh was more of a scoff.  
“Who better to raise a child than their family?” Ari said defensively. “If a Shem child loses their parents or is born to someone considered too young, they are taken away and given to the Chantry, abandoned to strangers. I was young, yes.” Ari shifted and Sera took the opportunity to get closer to her warmth. “But if I needed help others would be there to guide me.” She sighed in frustration. Solas cleared his throat before speaking up.  
“Dalish believe that if a child loses their family, if their world is shaken to its core, it is best to keep them with what remains, even if it is not much.” Solas smiled at Ari who returned it with a hidden smile from behind the fur. “I am certain though, even if Ari’Valen were much younger, she would have been a force to reckon with when it came to her brother.” Ari blushed at the compliment.  
“Well,” she said quietly, “He definitely couldn’t hide from me.” They laughed in response.  
“Is it true you have to ride a wild Halla to be a Hunter?” Varric asked, chuckling at the mental image of Ari leaping from a tree onto a Halla.  
“No!” Ari snickered, “That is ridiculous. They pull our Aravels that is all.” She hummed to herself before remembering. “Before the Dales fell, warriors would ride them into combat but now they are our companions. My mentor tried to ride one once. He got bucked and kicked in the ribs, had to help him back to camp. Keeper Deshanna was _pissed_.” She giggled to herself. “For a mentor he was rather reckless.”  
“That was Leriel, yes?” Cullen asked, smiling broadly.  
“Yes.”  
“Sounds much more fun than my studies.” Dorian piped up. “It was all books and snobby nobles. Will we meet Leriel? What’s he like?” Ari’s stomach clenched, all of a sudden she didn’t want to think of him, or what she might find when she returned home. No, not home. It had been long enough it didn’t feel right any more, she realised that going back meant that it _would_ be different, that they might not see her as a part of the clan any more, but an outsider. _The Inquisitor_ instead of Ari’Valen. She stood and peeled her fur from around Sera who whined at the cold air, Bull snuggled her close to help against the chill.  
“Another time perhaps.” She snapped. Solas stood as she walked past. “Don’t drag the snow in you two.” She piled herself into her tent, fighting the anxiety that sat in her chest.  
  
Cullen was the first to come into the tent; he quietly took off his armour and threw his own fur on top of Ari before lying down beside her. Ari was shivering as he wrapped his arm around her waist; she rolled to rest her face on his chest, nose being tickled by his mantle. He kissed her on the forehead and hugged her tightly.  
“Do you want to tell me why you left so quickly?” He murmured in the dark. Ari shook her head and buried her face into his shirt as the tent opened again. Solas placed his folded blanket at the head of the tent for the three to use as a pillow before crawling under the blanket. He huffed and put his arm over her waist but jerked back as if he was burned when he grazed the other man’s arm. Swearing he lowered his arm to rest over her hips and Cullen scooted his own hips away.  
“We promised to be here for you Ari. But you need to talk to us.” Cullen rubbed his thumb along her ribs. The warmth from the two men stopped her shivering but she still didn’t dare take her boots off, she needed her toes and didn’t want to risk frostbite.  
“The commander is right.” Solas caught on to the conversation and kissed her shoulder, propping his head up on his elbow. Ari sighed as the weight in her chest moved to her throat.  
“I’m afraid.” She murmured.  
“Of what Da’assan?” Solas urged gently.  
“Of going back.” She whispered, barely heard by the others. “I left so much behind; it won’t be the same as I remembered.” She sighed deeply. “It’s stupid. Of course it won’t be the same.”  
“It’s not stupid if it makes you feel this way.” Cullen said and Solas hummed in agreement.  
“Being the Inquisitor does not mean you cannot have feelings Da’assan. I,” Solas sighed. “ _We_ , are here to help you shoulder these burdens.”  
“What if we don’t make it in time?” Tears pooled in her eyes as tiredness began to overwhelm her.  
“We will.” Cullen reassured her. “Sleep.” She closed her eyes, her doubt still present but lessened. The warmth of them radiated over her and she felt safer than anywhere before.  
“Ma serannas.” She whispered to them, clutching both of them to her as she fell asleep.


	12. Chapter 12

Varmet hollered as the group approached the first camp in Emprise Du Lion, it was snowing and cold enough for Ari to have her hood up and fabric covering her nose and mouth to protect them from the chill. Scout Harding emerged from a tent in her usual garb and bowed as Ari dismounted and awkwardly walked over to the scout. As much as she loved Varmet, riding him for a week in the snow was not fun and her leg muscles were exhausted from guiding him, _maybe I could convince him to wear a bridle for a while_ she thought and turned to look at her mount. Varmet levelled a glare at her and stomped his hoof as if he knew what she was thinking.  
“Alright, alright.” She whispered to the beast.  
“Inquisitor.” Harding bowed and Ari saluted back. She liked Harding a lot and appreciated how well she did her job; considering not so long ago she was a shepherd.  
“Harding. Aren’t you freezing?” Ari was certain that the scout wore the exact same clothes every time they met regardless of the weather.  
“You get used to it.” Harding pulled out a small stone from inside her jacket. “Hot Rocks help too. If you want I can get the local mage to enchant one for you. It’ll keep you warm for a while.” Ari pulled down her mask and grinned.  
“I’ll be fine, I don’t intend to stay for long here.”  
“Yeah, about that.” Harding said sullenly as Cullen joined Ari, Harding bowed to him before continuing.  “The area is swamped with Red Templars.” Ari and Cullen glanced at each other. “We’re outside Sahrnia at the moment, well, what’s left of it. The river froze almost overnight and the area is cut off from outside support. The locals rely on the river for trade and commination with Orlias but that’s not the worst of it.” Ari sighed and closed her eyes, when Harding paused Ari nodded for her to continue. “The villagers have started to disappear. We think it may be connected to the Red Templar activity at the local quarry. ”  
“How far have you been able to scout?” Cullen asked.  
“Not far, my scouts have been pushed back and I’ve lost too many men already, I won’t risk more casualties without support from Skyhold.” Cullen nodded in approval. “We’re localised to Sahrnia only.”  
“Thanks, Harding.” Ari said as the scout left them to greet the rest of the group who were setting up their tents.  
“So much for travelling through quickly.” Cullen said quietly. “I was expecting Orlesian soldiers but not this.” Cullen reached for Ari’s elbow to get her attention, she was staring out to the distance in thought, startled she turned to him, closing the distance so that the soldiers nearby wouldn’t overhear. “Emprise Du Lion is at the base of the Frostbacks, I know you want to get to your brother as soon as possible but if Corypheus gets a foothold here it would be easy to siege Skyhold once winter is passed-“  
“He wouldn’t wait that long.” Ari interrupted. “He could launch an attack within the month, even with moving an army back up those damn mountains. The warmth the red lyrium gives off would probably protect them from the worst of the weather.”  
“If Harding couldn’t get her scouts through then we will not be able to reach the Exalted Plains border undetected and once word reaches the bulk of the Templars that _you_ are here we will be swarmed.” Cullen didn’t doubt that their position would be made quickly; he knew he was going to be sleeping restlessly for the next few weeks. “We could head south west to the Emerald Graves. Skirt along the base of the mountain range until we clear the mass off the Templars.”  
“No.” Ari said and Cullen felt relief. “No matter what we do we need to address the Red Templar threat now. We go west as planned and gather more information, hopefully we will be able to weaken their presence here.” Ari gripped Cullen’s arm out of sight of the soldiers and squeezed it reassuringly. “Send a raven to Skyhold to send soldiers and for Josephine to contact the local noblemen, I’m sure whoever they are will have soldiers to spare. In the meantime we push forward.” Cullen rubbed the back of his neck, he glanced over to the group of companions who were trying to watch them subtly.  
“Your brother-“  
“Is strong.” She interjected. “He knows I’m coming. He will not give up.” Ari whispered the last part, letting slip her façade for a moment and Cullen saw a glimpse of the worry she was feeling before she put her Inquisitor demeanour back on. She spun on her heels to gather information from the scouts; leaving Cullen to speak to the few soldiers.

Sahrnia was nearly a ruin. Buildings had collapsed and villagers huddled in the debris, charcoal and dust stirred up with the powdery snow whenever the wind blew, the villagers refused to approach them, a change from what usually happened when Ari walked through a town as the Inquisitor.  
“The Templars came through recently.” Bull grumbled behind Ari. “A fortnight at most.”  
“Meaning there would be some close by.” Varric implied. “Should we head past the town and-“  
“ _Hush._ ” Ari quieted Varric as she stood still, closing her eyes to listen. Solas and Sera stepped forward straining to hear as the others waited on them.  
“Wolves.” Solas said before running towards the sound with the two elves.  
“ _Don’t run off!_ ” Cullen scolded before running after them with the others. Ari Jumped over some debris to see a man fighting a wolf pack and quickly notched an arrow while Solas cast a barrier around the man who cut down a wolf; slicing its stomach open. The man glanced behind at them quickly before bringing his sword down on the wolf who rushed him. Ari let her arrow loose and sunk it into the shoulder of a flanking wolf before drawing another back to hit it again, shaking and stumbling the wolf was met with Iron Bull’s war axe, who cut it in half with a splatter of guts.  
Blackwall, Cullen and Cassandra yelled and rushed the pack, slamming their shields into the beasts, pushing them back from the mages who reigned fire down at the back of the pack. The smell of burning hair and flesh assaulted Ari’s nose as she spied a wolf up on the ledge, it pounced towards Cullen as she gasped and raised her bow, shooting the wolf in its hind leg as a lightning bolt cracked into it. Cullen swung his shield smashing into the wolf above him, knocking it into the snow where he dealt the final blow. He quickly glanced at Ari and flashed her a grin before spinning to rush the remaining wolves. Ari turned to see who was next to her and saw Solas throwing lightning to the stray wolves, he caught her eye and winked before running off to use his staff against the beasts. She heard Varric talking dirty to Bianca as he shot a volley to scare off the remaining wolves who retreated into the sparse forest.  
  
Ari approached the man who turned and bowed to her. He was lithe but carried his armour well, he spoke confidently in an Orlesian accent as he introduced himself.  
“Michel De Chevin at your service, Your Worship.” His blond hair fell forwards onto his face as he rose from the bow, bringing a hand up he smoothed it back into place. “I saw the Inquisition’s banners from afar. Never expected to see the Herald of Andraste herself.” Ari smiled as she admired the man’s armour, gold and purple and well cared for, she guessed this man was from the Orlesian Court. Ari bowed in response as Dorian walked up beside her.  
“Michel De Chevin?” Dorian interrupted. “I have heard of you. Celene’s Champion who was disgraced and removed from court.” He explained to Ari who pursed her lips and nodded in thought.  
“There is more to it than that.” Michel said and the others began to gather behind their Inquisitor. “But it ends the same way so I will not bore you.”  
“You fight well, are you protecting the town?” Cullen piped up from cleaning his sword of blood and chunks of flesh.  
“It was not my original intention, but yes.” Ari looked at him questioningly. “I hunt a Demon named Imshael, he has settled in the hills at Suledin Keep. I have not been able to reach him, but now the Inquisition have arrived the Red Templars who guard him may be routed.” Dorian cleared his throat and leaned down to whisper in Ari’s ear.  
“It might be worth checking out.” Ari glared at him before whispering back.  
“The Keep or De Chevin?” she teased as Dorian blushed slightly.  
“You’ve already got two.” He glanced at De Chevin who watched curiously. “Let me have this one.” Ari rolled her eyes before addressing Michel again.  
“You’re a Chevalier.” she guessed and he bowed slightly in affirmation. “Why are you after this Imshael? Before I commit my best to this task I will need more information.”  
“He is free because of a mistake I made. I will see him destroyed. Why he is in Emprise Du Lion I do not know, I would have faced him by now if he weren’t guarded by Templars in Suledin.” Ari considered the man in front of her as Solas approached her other side, he spoke quietly to Ari.  
“Suledin is an Elvhen fortress. Abandoned years ago but the humans stayed away from it. Perhaps it’s best not to let the Red Templars remain in there.” Ari nodded as he stepped back.  
“Alright, Ser Michel.” He perked up, relaxing into a stance that screamed military training. “We will help you. However, once Imshael is dead I want you to consider joining the Inquisition.” Michel paused considering for a moment before bowing.  
“You honour me, your worship. I thank you.” He sheathed his sword and she heard her companions doing the same behind her. “I will meet you at Suledin.” He marched off towards the keep and once out of sight she turned to Dorian who was smiling and rocking on his heels happily.  
“You’re incorrigible.” She said to him as he happily nodded. “You could be a little more subtle.” He scrunched his nose up at that.  
“Not my style.” He said. “Besides, if you want us to be subtle maybe you should work on trying not to drool while you watch the Commander in action.” He laughed as Ari’s hand instinctively went to her mouth before scowling at him. The man in question approached and suspiciously regarded the two as Dorian smirked and Ari’s face went crimson.  
“Are we ready to head out?” Cullen asked.  
“Yes.” Ari said a bit quickly. “Let’s go.”

As Cassandra cut down the last Red Templar at the entrance of Suledin Ari ran to Michel. He was sweating from exertion and looked pained.  
“Bad news Inquisitor.” He said, straightening his posture.  
“Are you injured?” Ari asked, about to wave Solas over.  
“No,” he reassured. “But the Red Templars have noticed your arrival and Imshael has sent Shades to attack the town. I must return to defend them.” He glanced at the wooden gates of Suledin and cringed. “I had hoped to kill him myself but I cannot allow the town to suffer. It is up to you to kill Imshael.” Ari nodded as he ran back towards the town.  
“Well,” she said to Bull who had approached while the others recovered. “Do you like smashing down doors?” Bull’s grin was feral.  
“It’s only polite to knock.” He said.  
  
Ari sliced open the neck of a Red Templar in the halls of Suledin before carefully pulling her arrows out of the corpse. She was exhausted and they hadn’t made it to the inner courtyard yet, she was sure that’s where the demon would be considering they all liked to posture about their power and what not. She looked at her quiver and sighed, she was going to have to start conserving her arrows, checking out Sera’s quiver she noted that she was also in the same predicament. Solas kneeled down beside her and swept her hair out of her face.  
“Is your anchor stable?” He asked quietly as she nodded.  
“It hasn’t flared.” She whispered as she recovered from the exertion of the last battle, jumping backwards away from the enemy was a good idea but adding the flip was probably unnecessary. “It feels like it wants to, like it’s building just behind my skin. When we face Imshael I’ll open a rift above him.”  
“Don’t do it if it’s not safe.” He reprimanded before quickly kissing her forehead. “If you need lyrium-“  
“No.” She said quickly. “Keep it in case you or Dorian needs it.” She glanced at Cullen to make sure he hadn’t overheard the offer; he was tending to a cut on his arm out of hearing range. Solas followed her look and frowned, sighing he pinched her chin and guided her face to look at him.  
“Don’t put yourself in danger for _his_ sake.” He said angrily before bumping his forehead to hers and walking to Dorian. Varric ran quietly up to them gesturing that a patrol was approaching, Ari stood with a quiet grunt and prepared.

Imshael looked like a man, a mage, as he stood in front of a fountain that had a spire of red lyrium jutting from it. He instantly started to posture as Ari approached, calling her a hero, then a murderer.  
“You’re the demon called Imshael.” Ari stated as the demon bowed mockingly.  
“I much prefer the term Choice Spirit.” He corrected. Blackwall growled behind her and instantly promised the demon his death. “ _Wait!_ So _violent_ your friends are. There are better ways to resolve this.” Imshael purred as Ari glanced around the courtyard. There were at least four Red Templars in the area, and the longer the demon prattled the more reinforcements could arrive.  
“Talk.” Ari growled as Cullen stepped up, shield at the ready.  
“Ari- just kill it.” He snarled.  
“It rarely hurts to listen.” Solas said from the back of the group as Cullen tensed beside Ari. “Trust is something else entirely.” Ari squeezed her bow and raised it slowly, making a show of pulling the arrow back as Imshael grinned at her.  
“ _Talk.”_ She repeated.  
“Simple.” The demon swayed on the spot, the light hitting his translucent skin showing dark lines scattered across his flesh. “We don’t fight and I grant you power. Shower you with riches. Or maybe Virgins. Your pick.” Ari laughed at the ridiculous offer.  
“I’m already rich.” She stated. “And my love life is already complicated enough thanks.” She let loose the arrow and it landed in Imshael’s throat as he screamed he transformed into a fear demon, ripping the arrow from his flesh.

Cullen let out a war cry and rushed Imshael as Blackwall joined him, Cassandra and Bull took on the flanking Red Templars while the archers and mages peppered the area. Imshael screamed again as Cullen ripped his sword through the demon’s gut, spraying the area with dark blood, the demon curled in on itself before exploding outwards changing its form into that of a rage demon. Ari heard Sera yell _What the fuck_ before feeling movement behind her, she spun deflecting the Red Templar’s dagger before pulling out her own, the Templar scored her lower back as Ari kicked at his knee, dislocating it. As he crumpled down in pain she thrust her dagger into the side of his neck and she could feel the heat of his blood as it gushed out onto her arm. Sheathing her dagger she reached for an arrow and found nothing, she was out.  
“ _Fuck_.” She swore as she dropped her bow and pulled her dagger out again, Imshael laughed and transformed again, throwing Cole off of his back as the demon’s skin bubbled and tore. As the pride demon towered over the group it taunted them about being unreasonable. Distracted by Imshael’s change, a Templar took the opportunity to knock Cassandra back into the wall, causing her to hit her head on the mortar rendering her unconscious. With a cry the Templar rushed Ari suddenly, giving her only time to raise her hands, as she did her anchor flared to life, concentrated on the knight’s face, she could hear the metal of the knight’s helmet wrenching and tearing apart as his screams turned to gurgles, pulling her hand away she watched the knight sink to his knees slowly, his face gone, replaced by a cavity in his head that began to ooze a thick liquid. Ari breathed deeply holding back the nausea; a mistake as the smell of death hit her hard. Grimacing she turned to Imshael who was swinging his arm back to hit Blackwall. With a cry she thrust out her hand and released the anchor above the demon, opening a rift above him. The companions stumbled back and shielded their eyes as they were blinded by the light emanating from the large rift. Screaming, Imshael struggled to pull himself away from the rift, the demon’s hard skin ripping away from it’s bones, Ari pushed harder, feeling the rift trying to pull her in, her hand burning from the Fade energy. She watched as the demon was pulled apart and sucked into the fade along with the two remaining Red Templars, screaming she pulled back cutting her connection with enough force that she fell backwards onto the stone.

The silence was deafening as she leant on her side and caught her breath, the others all sat on the ground or leaned against the walls in exhaustion.  
“Solas.” Ari said as pain laced up her torso “See to Cassandra.” He nodded, shaking some sweat from his chin and he made his way over.  
“She is breathing.” He called as Ari closed her eyes and rolled gingerly onto her knees, using her arms to brace against the stone floor. She hung her head and nodded, her hair falling out of its braid to cover her face. Liquid rushed up her oesophagus and she retched it up quietly, spitting out thick blood onto the stone. Reaching into her belt she fumbled for the healing potion, slipping it dropped onto the floor tinkling and rolling to her knees. A plate covered hand picked it up and gently helped her lean back into a kneeling position, Blackwall supported her bulk while pulling out the cork of the vial with his teeth.  
“Easy now.” He said quietly as he held the vial to her lips, she swallowed the bitter potion dutifully before looking at him. He had a large gash across his forehead that had bled down his face into his beard. She smiled in thanks and he nodded before helping her stand, her body just beginning to register all the residual pain she was in.  
“Raise the banner so the scouts know we’ve claimed the keep.” Ari commanded. Blackwall rested her against a pillar, grabbing the Inquisition banner from a nearby pack he headed for the platform near some stairs accompanied by Cullen. Dorian limped over to the Inquisitor smiling weakly and flopped to lean onto the same pillar, his usually immaculate hair was ruffled and stuck to his forehead with sweat and his left eye was starting to blacken where he got sucker punched by a Red Templar. His robes was stained with blood from the knees down  and the arm had been ripped to show his shoulder, overall he looked like a handsome mess. Ari tiredly laughed at the state of him.  
“Go back to De Chevin looking like that and you’ll have him in your tent in no time.” She said and Dorian snorted.  
“If only I could say the same for you.”  He declared, “You are _coated_ in blood. Please tell me it’s not yours.”  
“It’s mostly not.”  
“Nothing sexier than the smell of guts on a petite woman.” He drawled, “Seriously, I would at least wash your face before trying to kiss your men.” Ari’s hand touched her chin and dried blood flaked off, she grimaced and looked down, her leather was darkened with drying blood and the fabric was worse for wear. She was not used to it; usually she would stay out of range but taking the keep dragged on for so long that she had to engage the enemy in close quarters.  
“I opened a rift on a man’s face.” She gestured over to the corpse and Dorian stared at it momentarily before blinking slowly and turning to her.  
“ _What._ ” He deadpanned.  
“I sucked a man’s face off with an itty bitty rift.” She mimicked the gesture and made a sucking sound as Dorian stared at her incredulously before slapping her hand down. “Could it have something to do with the Lyrium?” she whispered, he frowned shaking his head.  
“I think, perhaps, it was more of a reaction to battle. I’ll examine your anchor back at camp.” They agreed and once rested began the walk back to the camp.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So... How about some Dorian x Michel De Chevin?


	13. Chapter 13

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *clears throat*  
> This chapter is purely smut. You have been warned.

Ari handed her armour to a soldier who bowed before taking it away to clean, she briefly wondered what the poor soldier had done to earn the task of cleaning everyone’s armour and weapons but she was overcome by the joy of not having to do it herself. She felt almost naked without it and ducked into her tent to retrieve the hood that Cullen had given her. She wrapped it around her shoulders as a mantle to keep her warm before joining Scout Harding and Cullen by the fire. Cullen looked her over and smiled as she approached, blood still smeared across his cheek, he hadn’t had time to bathe either. The downside of being in charge was that once the battle was over you had to debrief, which usually meant putting off personal hygiene until everything was settled.   
“Inquisitor.” Scout Harding bowed as she addressed Ari. “Skyhold has sent word; soldiers will arrive in a week, in the meantime the local nobles have provisioned us with soldiers to maintain a presence in Suledin. It seems the bulk of the Red Templars were stationed there, a least the command was.”  
“Good.” Ari inched closer to the fire, “What about Ser Michel?” She questioned her Commander.  
“He is happy to join us at Skyhold. He seemed disappointed that he could not face Imshael himself but it speaks well of him that he put aside his own vengeance to protect the town.” Cullen shifted uncomfortably and pulled his mantle tight around his shoulders, without his armour he was feeling the cold too. “Dorian is giving him the run down about the Inquisition.” Cullen stated as Ari tried not to laugh, instead covering it with a cough.  
“Alright.” Ari sighed and scrubbed her face with her hands, tiredness overwhelming her. “Let’s clean up and retire early. I want to be able to push on at first light. We should be able to make a good distance if we don’t run into many Red Templar patrols.” Ari glanced around at the strangely empty camp. “Where are the others?”  
“Hunting I believe.” Cullen responded, “Not far, just by the river in case of trouble. How they have the energy I have no idea, but they wanted to restock the camp and assist the villagers before leaving.” Ari nodded.  
“Well, at least the bathing tent will be empty.” She bowed to the two before dismissing them and wandering to the large tent.  
  
She opened the flap to the tent and wandered into the partition to the left, thankful that the tents were the same at each campsite so she didn’t wander into the privvy accidentally, she really didn't want to be faced with _that_ right now. She froze as the stepped past the partition, her face instantly flushed as she saw Michel backed up against the bench, his hands gripping the wood unmercifully as Dorian laced his fingers into the man’s blond hair, pulling his head back to reveal a taught line of neck which was receiving attention from Dorian’s mouth. His other hand had made its way into De Chevin’s breeches, the hand’s ministrations paused as the two men looked up at the intruder. Dorian laughed a little as Michel’s face went crimson, untangling himself Dorian picked up a bowl and pitcher of hot water and pushed it into the stunned Inquisitor’s arms, before spinning her by the shoulders and pushing her out of the tent. Cullen stopped in front of Ari and eyed her and the tent curiously.  
“It’s out of order.” Ari said flatly, fighting back the blush which had become ridiculous. Cullen groaned and rubbed the back of his neck, stretching back and scrunching his eyes shut.  
“Maker damn it all.” He cursed before eyeing the hot water Ari was holding. He took the pitcher from her before striding to his tent, dragging Ari along with him.  
“Cullen?” Ari questioned quietly as the Commander moved his bedroll and fur to one side, placing the bowl on the ground before pouring the water and retrieving a rag from his pack.  
“We need to bathe Ari.” He stated as he took off his mantle and tunic to reveal his toned muscles, Ari kneeled on the ground, the tent too short to stand in, gaping as she stared at his shoulders. Broad and well defined from carrying his shield and sword, his skin was mottled with steaks of dirt, blood and the occasional cut and bruises. Cullen turned and smirked at his ruffled Inquisitor, seeing her skin flush red as she stared at him tightened his stomach and he had to will his body to behave. He moved gracefully over to her and untied the fur mantle on her shoulders, placing it on the floor, Ari watched as he crouched in front of her, slowly unlacing her tunic and undershirt and peeling them down her shoulders. “Besides,” he growled quietly. “You have yet to give me a lesson in Dalish.” Ari smiled, slowly coming out of her revere. Cullen reached back to pick up the soaked cloth, wringing it out he gently brought it to her shoulder and dragged it across her collarbones. Ari closed her eyes and sighed as the hot water graced her skin, biting her lip instinctively. Cullen dragged the cloth up her neck before raising his free hand to wrap in her hair tightly, guiding her head backwards to reveal her throat to him. He kissed along her neck, sucking and biting gently to coax moans from her lips. Nuzzled by her ear he whispered to her while working to loosen her breast band, the cloth returned to the bowl without Ari realising. “It’s been driving me mad,” his deep voice rolled over her skin and she shuddered in his grasp. “Having you in my arms each night, your body pressed against mine while _he_ keeps you warm from the other side.” Her breast band loosened and it was placed aside, the warm cloth replacing it, instantly causing her nipples to tighten. Cullen growled appreciatively as he gently bathed her torso, kneeling he pulled her closer, crushing his lips against hers he kissed her passionately, her whimpers drowned out by his growl. Breathing heavily he pulled away to bite at her neck, Ari clinged to his shoulders for balance as his motions slowly became less controlled. “Start with numbers.” He raggedly demanded against her skin, it took a moment for Ari to realise he was referring to Dalish again. “One to ten.” He pulled back and gazed in her eyes patiently as Ari’s brain tried to remember her own native language.  
“Sa.” She breathed, he leaned closer while dropping the cloth back into the bowl, his lips barely grazed hers as he untangled his hand to cup her jaw, the other mirroring it’s twin, his pupils were blown as he gazed at her lips.  
“ _Sa._ ” He repeated before crushing down on her lips, his tongue demanding along her own. Her hands ran down his stomach as they moaned in unison, feeling his muscles clench and shift beneath her fingertips. She felt herself tighten in anticipation as her fingers brushed over his hard cock, trapped in his breeches. He quickly grabbed her wrist, pulling her hand away from him, bending her arm behind her he held her wrist in place at the small of her back. He grinned and scolded her for trying to distract him.  
“Ta.” She said as he reached down and cupped her breast, running his calloused thumb against the pebbled flesh, she bit her lip and whimpered as he pinched her sensitive nipple, arching to follow the pull of his hands, he breathed into her neck and repeated the number.  
“ _Ta._ ”  
“Tan.” She groaned and Cullen reached to grasp her free wrist, pinning it behind her back with the other, his large hand easily encircling both of her wrists. He leaned down and took her nipple into his mouth, gently sucking before moving to the other. Ari cried out and arched into his mouth, spurring him on to carefully graze his teeth along her flesh.  
“ _Tan._ ” Ari breathed heavily, her body reacting to his ministrations as she became wet, she wriggled on the spot and Cullen looked up at her expectantly.  
“Ny.” Cullen raised and pinned her to his chest as he unlaced her leggings roughly, causing her hips to jerk towards him, he watched her with swollen, parted lips and raggedly repeated the number.  
“ _Ny._ ” Her leggings unlaced he splayed his finger onto her abdomen, slowly pushing them down he pulled her back to meet his eyes.  
“V-va.” She stuttered as his fingers trailed down beneath the fabric of the leggings and smalls, her muscles tensing from the pleasure. His held her gaze as his fingers gently brushed further down to trace her swollen lips, she gasped from the tingles of pleasure, her eyes rolling back as she tried to arch forward into his touch. Cullen removed his hand quickly and Ari’s eyes snapped open, her face flushing from being denied.  
“ _Va._ ” He smirked before he quickly moved her to have her back to him. Pulling her by her wrists he sucked her neck from behind, she shook beneath him, body strung tight from being teased. “Six.” He ordered and Ari gasped from hearing him use his _commander_ voice on her.  
“No.” She stammered and Cullen wrapped his hand into her hair, pulling her head back onto his shoulder to growl into her ear.  
“Our lesson is not over yet, _Ari’Valen._ ” Ari couldn’t hold back her moan and bit her lip immediately after, she was getting too loud for the tent.  
“No _is_ six.” She protested and Cullen chuckled behind her, kissing her neck apologetically before letting go of her hair. He slowly pushed her leggings down to her mid thighs, followed by her smalls. His hand followed the curve of her inner thigh before gently trailing up and parting her lips, growling masculinely as he felt how wet she was. He lifted his hand up and presented his finger, slick with her, to Ari’s lips. She sucked on his finger slowly as he moaned, panting as his cock twitched, desperate for attention.  
“ _No._ ” he dragged his hand back down her torso, stopping only to cup her sex, waiting patiently.  
“Noa.” Cullen’s finger quickly found her clit and Ari threw her head back onto his shoulder, pleasure shooting up her abdomen, she gasped for air as her hips bucked and chased the circles his hand was tracing. He fought to hold her still with the grip on her wrists and considered letting them go to cover her mouth as she struggled to keep quiet.  
“ _Shh._ ” He whispered and Ari bit her lip to suppress the noise. “ _Noa._ ”  
“Han.” She urged, climbing closer to orgasm. Cullen removed his hand and grasped her shoulder, gently pushing her forward to rest her shoulder and head on the ground, he leaned back taking in the image of her, his _superior_ , bound by his hand, presenting herself to him. Her thighs were shiny and slick from the effect of his attentions as she wriggled and cried from the pause in his ministrations. His laugh was all male as he slowly slid a finger into her tight cunt, her walls tightening around it. She tensed at the sensation and began to plead as he explored her, finding the sweet spot and concentrating on it.  
“ _Han_.” He rasped as she bucked, on the edge of coming.  
“Uan-“ She moaned and he removed his hand, unlacing his breeches quickly he listened to her whine plaintively as he pushed the fabric down, letting his cock spring free. He grasped himself and slowly traced the head of his cock from her clit to her entrance, stroking himself slowly he paused to rest against her, not entering but knocking at the door.  
“ _Maker.”_ He took a moment to appreciate how she quivered beneath him, the feel of her walls pulsing in anticipation.   
“ _Cullen-“_ she begged, rocking back slightly before being stilled by his hand. “ _Please.”_ He hummed, enjoying teasing her. He had struggled to get her out of his mind for weeks, consistently thinking about her nude, wrapped in his mantle on the balcony in Skyhold.   
“Is that Dalish?” He teased as his cock twitched against her.   
“ _Sa-sathan!_ ” she cried and he leaned over to run his hand down her back, noting the gash that graced her lower back and shifting his grip so he wouldn't accidentally hurt her.  
“Uan.” He said as she cried almost instantly.  
“ _Asan!_ ” He thrust forward, sheathing himself inside of her as she gasped breathlessly, he cursed as her wet heat tightened around his cock, breathing steadily he pulled out slowly before thrusting again, setting an unforgiving pace as Ari tensed and moaned, waves of pleasure overcoming her as she came. Cullen struggled to keep a steady rhythm, his body begging for release as he drowned himself in the sensation of her. Releasing her wrists he quickly pulled out of her, pushing her to lie on her back before sheathing himself again, he slid one arm under her back for purchase, grasping at the shoulder and hooked her leg up with the other and continued the punishing pace. Ari’s cheeks were flushed as she gripped onto his side, fingernails leaving marks as she tried to find an outlet for the pleasure that was building up again.   
“Ari-“ Cullen growled as he bit at her neck, her breasts bouncing against his chest. She buried her mouth against his shoulder, biting lightly as she begged.  
“ _Sathan-Cullen-“_ He cried out as he thrust harder, barely able to hold back, Ari arched beneath him and tensed as the pleasure spilled over her again, her nails raking down his back. Cullen felt her tighten intensely around his cock and let go of his control, gasping as he jerked and came inside of her. Heart pounding he held Ari as she quivered, revelling in the heat of his seed. He gave one last testing thrust causing her to squeal before lifting himself off of her, rolling onto his side with a sigh he gathered Ari in his arms again. Panting, she caught his gaze and smiled, his heart skipped a beat at being the object of her affection.  
“Asan.” He said calmly and Ari laughed suddenly, it took her a few moment to become collected before peeling away from him and bathing properly.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sathan = Please


	14. Chapter 14

They had passed though most of Emprise Du Lion and Ari felt no better about the region than before. They had cleared out both Suledin and the quarry, finding disturbing machinations and plots, Cullen was particularly annoyed that Samson had survived Haven and was causing trouble again. Varric was increasingly worried about the red lyrium growing out of the ground and Ari shared the concern; ordering the soldiers to ensure they clear the area of it before setting up camps, something that was going to take a long time considering how careful they had to be not to touch it. Dorian was pining over Michel De Chevin who was on his way to Skyhold, even Bull’s flirting couldn’t cheer him up and Cole kept appearing out of nowhere to voice extremely embarrassing thoughts. Solas and Sera kept bickering about elves and trying to drag Ari into it, eventually giving up when she points out that she is, in fact, Dalish and they were, in fact, headed for her Dalish Clan.

They had camped on the border of the Exalted Plains, giving Scout Harding and her men a chance to explore the area they were about to travel. The snow had begun to thin as they approached the plains, even though it was approaching winter, the cold had become bearable again. The group had a streak of luck and discovered some nearby hot springs, almost instantly the women were walking off leaving the men to organise the camp.  
“Thank the Maker.” Cassandra said as they climbed the rocks that led to the springs, steam raised up from the water and Ari tentatively pulled off a glove and tested the temperature.  
“Perfect.” She sighed and the women stripped down before climbing in carefully. The volcanic rock provided a flat and smooth surface to sit on as they relaxed, Sera made happy humming sounds and Ari scooped her hair up away from the water. Even though the springs were hot, she knew if her hair got wet it could freeze or she could fall ill.  
“It’s interesting having the Commander with us.” Cassandra said “I only ever really saw him training troops and giving orders, seeing him engage the enemy is somewhat surprising.” Ari laughed and agreed.  
“I must admit, although I _knew_ he was trained it never really clicked in my mind until I saw him outside Sahrnia.” Ari smiled and rested her head lazily against her propped up arm. “I was surprised when he said he would be travelling with us.” Sera and Cassandra laughed and Ari looked at them questioningly.  
“You’re joking right?” Sera said and Ari just stared at her blankly. “Andraste’s knickers you’re clueless sometimes. Do you really think Cully-Wully would let you go for months in the company of Solas? He might as well wave a white flag and pay for your honeymoon.” Cassandra giggled and relaxed further into the water.  
“Solas _was_ annoyed when the Commander rode through the gate with you.” She added and Ari scoffed.  
“They have been remarkably civil to each other.” Ari stated, “True to their word.” Sera giggled.  
“Yeah because if they piss you off they know you’re gonna choose the other one.” Ari blushed at that, it wasn’t a secret that she was stubborn. “So- go on.” Sera gestured, splashing water and letting it drip off of her hand. “Give us details.” Ari laughed.  
“I _know_ you and Dorian gossip like house wives, you probably know them all.” Ari admonished.  
“No!” Sera objected. “I want to hear the truth of it. Dorian bet that the Commander is all submissive under the sheets and that Solas is eerily quiet.” Ari giggled as Cassandra shook her head disapprovingly.  
“ _I_ don’t need to hear this.” Cassandra protested and Sera splashed her demanding her silence, she turned back to the Inquisitor with a grin and waited. Ari sighed and looked to Cassandra who just shrugged.  
“Wrong.” Ari answered. “On both accounts.” Sera squealed and relaxed back with a grin.  
“I don’t know how you’ve managed to find time.” Cassandra stated, holding back a smile.  
“It is difficult to.” Ari agreed. “I feel guilty that I haven’t been able to give them the attention they deserve.”  
“I’m sure they understand.” Cassandra reached over and petted Ari’s arm comfortingly. “I take it you are still undecided?” Ari nodded and sighed.  
“Whenever I get a moment to stop being the Inquisitor, I think about it. I imagine what it would be like with just one of them.” She paused, worrying at her lip. “Cullen is amazing. I can easily confide in him, he is supportive, loving. Even with, well.” She shrugged “his own demons.” Cassandra hummed in agreement. “It is hard to forget who I am with him. I am grounded, but as the Inquisitor. It’s only when he takes a moment to rest that I feel I can too.”  
“That man never stops working.” Sera snorted. “What about Solas?” she asked as she scrunched her nose up at his name.  
“Solas is-“ Ari took a moment to try to put it into words. “He is like home. He gives me guidance and direction, I can easily forget the inquisition with him, but he is quick to bring me back to reality when I need it. He is surprising and passionate, where Cullen is steadfast.”  
“Cully isn’t passionate?” Sera asked and Ari couldn’t hold back the blush, receiving giggles from her friends.  
“I didn’t say that.” She said quietly. “More that, Cullen and I have been building to this for a while and just before he confessed his feelings to me, Solas came in like a sledgehammer with his fucking sexy shoulders and the passion that I didn’t know I needed.” Cassandra sighed longingly, taking a moment away from the warrior guise and enjoying the romance.  
“Do you love them?” Cassandra’s accent was thicker from being lost in her own thoughts. Ari paused and gazed at the water, floating her hands on the surface she stared as she thought. Did she? She certainly couldn’t stop thinking about them, the emotional turmoil she felt around them was palpable, but with them she felt safe, loved. She loved Leriel, but that felt different to how she felt now, her heart twisted as she thought about him. Was she betraying him? The memory of him? Being what she was, the Inquisitor, had he given up on her? It had barely been a year since she left her clan, was that long enough to mourn what she lost? The women watched patiently as Ari slapped the surface of the water and made a pained sound.  
“Yes.” She pouted. “I think that I do.” She sighed as Cassandra and Sera smiled pityingly at her. “Dammit I just know this is going to end up as one of Varric’s books.” They laughed as Dorian called from behind the rocks.  
“Get the hell out and let the men have a go.” He yelled and the women collectively groaned. “We’ve set up your fucking tents for you.” Reluctantly they stood and dressed quickly before the men could ambush them.

The next morning Ari emerged from her tent to find Solas sitting by the fire drinking tea. Wrapped in her fur she walked over and sat next to him, tiredly leaning against him.  
“It is barely dawn.” He spoke quietly since the others were still sleeping. “Did you not sleep well?” Ari scrunched up her nose in reply, she hadn’t been sleeping well since Cullen and Solas stopped joining her at night, returning to sleep in their own tents, leaving her to lie awake in a combination of cold and anxiety, unable to turn her brain off even for a moment. Solas sighed and put his arm around her, drawing her into his chest where she closed her eyes and hummed appreciatively. He took a sip from his tea and grimaced.  
“Something wrong with your tea?” she asked.  
“It’s tea. I detest it.” Ari giggled and took the cup off of him before sipping it, he had let the tea brew for too long and it tasted bitter, no wonder he didn’t like it. “I have a favour to ask.” He said quietly, frowning while he stared into the fire. Ari waited patiently for more information while idly stroking his chest. “I had a dream one of my oldest friends was in danger, forced into slavery, I heard the cry for help as I slept.” Ari sat up and gave him her full attention.  
“A mage?” she asked and he shook his head.  
“My friend is a spirit of wisdom.” He said quietly, watching her to gauge her reaction. “I believe mages have bound it somewhere in the Exalted Plains and is torturing it.” Ari nodded slowly processing the information. They would be crossing into the Plains today, certain to be waylaid by whatever crisis was happening, looking him over he was clearly worried, stress radiating off of him. She hurt seeing him like this; she would do anything to make him happy again. He took her hand and raised it to his lips tentatively.  
“This is important to you.” Ari said as he raised his eyes to meet hers, the worry clear in them. “I will help in any way I can.” He sighed and his shoulders relaxed, relieved at the answer. He leaned forward and kissed her gently, cupping her jaw.  
“Thank you, Da’assan.” She smiled at him and kissed him again, her hand exploring the side of his chest before she settled to lean against him again.  
“We will cross into the Plains today; hopefully we will be able to reach your friend soon.” Solas stared into the fire as Ari gently detached herself.  
“We have time, I hope.” He said quietly.

The look Scout Harding gave the Inquisitor as she dismounted at the camp in the Exalted Plains dropped Ari’s mood significantly. Cullen quietly urged her on with a hand at the small of her back as Harding bowed.  
“It’s bad isn’t it?” Ari said. “Don’t be gentle with me, it’s a cluster-fuck right?” Cullen nudged her with his elbow, silently reprimanding her language. Harding laughed sharply but it did nothing to take the worry from her features.  
“The region is volatile.” She reported. “This was a front of the civil war, now there are rebels called the Freemen of the Dales who have emerged to add to the chaos. They are well organised, more than we had anticipated.” Ari looked around sadly at the countryside, a ruined battlement arched over the road ahead as fog began to dissipate from the area. The road itself was not maintained and was overgrown with grass and rubble. She had been told stories of the Dales when she was little, how after the fall of Halamshiral what remained of the elven army was cut down by the forces of the Exalted March. She struggled to picture what it would have looked like in ancient times, but instead felt overwhelming sadness from the land.  
“The Orlesians shouldn’t be fighting with the peace talks, who are these rebels?” Ari asked.  
“They seem to be deserters. Tired of fighting and dying for the Empress or Duke Gaspard; they want the Dales for themselves. Between the rebels and undead the Orlesian armies have been driven back to their forts.”  
“Did you say undead?” Cullen piped up and Harding nodded. “Maker. Fucking undead.” Ari elbowed Cullen, scolding him for his language.  
“My scouts have also reported being pushed back by Dalish scouts, there is a Clan nearby but my men couldn’t get any closer.” Ari nodded and hummed, she wasn’t sure what clan would be in this area.  
“You won’t be able to. Ensure your men give the clan space, otherwise they will be engaged.” Ari ordered. “Thank you, Harding.” Scout Harding bowed and was dismissed by Cullen who turned to the Inquisitor, hand worrying at his neck.  
“Maker, we’re not having much luck.” He said, lowering his hand and smiling weakly at Ari who laughed curtly in response.  
“You have been away from the field too long, Ma’vheraan.” She teased. “These disasters are normal; although I must admit I enjoy seeing you do the grunt work.” She flirted, enjoying his reaction when he blushed and coughed.  
“Yes, well. We need to get these rebels and undead sorted out. It would gain us favour with Orlais before you go to the Winter Palace.” He spoke as they slowly began to walk back to the group who had begun to set up their tents and ready themselves for possible combat.  
“I don’t want to risk our soldiers here.” Ari confided to him. “We have scarcely restored order in Emprise Du Lion. We do not have enough troops to push on into the Dales without weakening our hold elsewhere.” Cullen nodded in understanding. “And I doubt Orlais would appreciate the Inquisition’s presence in both Emprise _and_ the Dales.”  
“Then we restore order enough for the Orlesian armies to regain a foothold here. Let their soldiers do the work without seemingly pushing our own agenda.” He stated calmly, showing her just why he was the Commander of her forces. “There is little in the Dales that we want. We have no need for land, resources are scarce and any we do find Josephine can negotiate for or we send in a handful of scouts. The only concern I have is the undead; do you think the Venatori could be behind it?” Ari ran her hand through her hair in thought. If the Venatori were behind the undead then Corypheus was moving faster than she had anticipated.  
“We will have to investigate.” She stated as they reached their companions who gathered for orders, after recounting the situation she decided it was best they remain at the camp until morning, with only a few hours of daylight left it was dangerous to go into the area so quickly. The group dispersed to get comfortable and argue the watch rotation for the night. Solas paused and gazed west as the others argued, Ari walked up to him and he smiled at her.  
“I promise we will get to your friend as fast as we can.” She spoke quietly and he nodded.  
“I know, Da’assan.” He sighed. “It will take days to reach them, but the spirit is strong.” He kissed her on the cheek quickly before joining the others.

Ari lay in her tent staring at the fabric, curled up in the fur she sighed as she struggled to sleep. Her mind kept wandering to her brother, wishing that the letter from her clan had more information, she didn’t know if he was alive or not and the constant delays were wearing at her resolve. Even some details on the nature of his injury would have been helpful, but even though her clan was progressive they still saw sharing any information as dangerous. The fire was still flickering just outside her tent; Sera had lost the argument and was on the first watch with a soldier named Patrick, she could hear her giggling every now and then so at least Sera was entertained. Ari’s eyes grew heavy as her mind still buzzed with information and Inquisition tactics, interrupted by soft footsteps outside of her tent. A shadow crouched by her tent entrance and Ari slowly reached out to grip the dagger beside her bedroll.  
“Ari?” Sera whispered and Ari let out a breath she wasn’t aware she was holding, relaxing back into the bedroll.  
“What is it?” she whispered back while scrubbing her face with the palm of her hand and sitting up. Sera silently opened the tent and crouched inside.  
“Something is wrong with Cullen.” She whispered, “He’s been making awful noises.” Ari pushed her fur from her legs groggily and nodded.  
“He doesn’t sleep well.” She admitted to Sera who shook her head.  
“Nah, I’m pretty sure he’s awake.” Sera backed out and left Ari to crawl out of her tent. Emerging Ari found Varric, Sera and Solas sitting around the campfire. Varric and Solas stood as she did, worry clear on their faces. She held up a hand gesturing for them to stay where they were as she walked across the camp to Cullen’s tent.

Pausing outside she understood what Sera meant, the sounds weren’t of a sleeper but more gasping and pained whimpers, her stomach clenched in worry as she called his name. When he didn’t respond she untied the rope keeping the tent flaps secure and carefully crouched inside. In the low light she could see that he was on his bedroll, fur tangled around his legs while his naked torso was sheen with sweat. He was tensing and gritting his teeth against pain, his head lolling back as he clutched anything he could reach.  
“ _Shit._ ” Ari whispered as she touched his foot to let him know of her presence, she didn’t want to scare him and end up being punched. He looked up suddenly and the ashamed expression on his face made Ari’s gut twist, he sighed and dropped his head back, abdominal muscles still clenching. He was embarrassed for her to see him.  
“Please leave, Ari.” He raggedly said. She crawled up to his pack and pulled out the cloth he kept there, it was easy to find since he was impeccably organised from years of military training. She picked up the water skin next and sat by his side, pouring some water onto the cloth.  
“No.” she said authoritatively as she gently dabbed at the sweat on his forehead. He watched her as she did, his look pained. “Is it the lyrium?” she questioned quietly and he closed his eyes, jaw tensing as he tried to even his breathing.  
“The withdrawals hit me sometimes. I thought I was past the worst of it.” He laughed bitterly. “I was confident I could get through this journey without being a hindrance. I was wrong.” She shushed him before cupping the back of his head and lifting the water skin to his lips, he sipped obediently, sighing as the cool water soothed him. Ari continued to gently wipe the sweat from his skin and untangled the fur from his legs.  
“You are not a burden Ma’vheraan.” She whispered before kissing his forehead gently, he tensed in pain and gritted his teeth. Ari held him steady as he rode the wave of pain, unable to do more for him. “I will get Solas.” She said, thinking that he might be able to help her Commander.  
“No.” he rasped and gripped her thigh. “It won’t help. Just-“ he swallowed and breathed heavily. “Just stay. Please.” Ari nodded and shifted him so his head and shoulder lay on her lap. His arm reached up and circled around her waist as if to ensure she wouldn’t go anywhere. Ari grew increasingly worried with each gasping breath, she kept the cloth cool and draped it along his forehead, doing little to fight the fever that raged through him. He gripped her involuntarily as his body was torn apart in pain, holding her closer he half buried his face into her lap and quietly sobbed as the spasms raked through him. Ari blinked back tears, it broke her heart to see her strong commander this way. He had told her when he decided to stop taking the lyrium, trusting in Cassandra’s judgement she supported his decision, but when he had told her it didn’t seem real, not like this. This was reality slapping her in the face, roughly reminding her that the troubles in her personal life paled in comparison to others. She saw him every day, working well into the night and rising early to train his troops and each time he saw her he smiled, stopping to make sure that she was alright. When she left Skyhold on a mission he would stay up all night preparing provisions and troop movements in the areas she would go to, when she returned he would meet her in the stables each time and escort her to her quarters so she wouldn’t be pestered. Thousands of stolen glances, smiles, touches and whispers accumulated in the man she cradled. The man who suffered for months unnoticed. She closed her eyes as she felt the tears finally fall down her cheeks, she had wished that she could change a lot of things over the course of her life, but right now she would trade in everything she had if she could go back and protect him as he has protected her. She felt his hot hand cup her cheek and wipe at the tears, looking down she saw him smiling; exhausted bliss on his face. She lay her hand over his and nuzzled into his palm.  
“The fact that you feel enough for me to cry,” he rasped, recovering from the last wave of pain. “Makes all of this worthwhile.” She sniffed and kissed his palm.  
“You have hid this from me.” She whispered while wiping her face. “Why?” he smiled sadly and brought his hand down, hers followed to gently stroke her hair.  
“You can’t be weak, as a Templar, we were trained to show no mercy to the mages. We weren’t even allowed to _talk_ to them, let alone-“ He sighed before coughing, “well, you know.” Ari nodded, he had told her stories of the Templars who regularly bedded the circle mages. “Once that was all over and Knight Commander Meredith was killed by Hawke I left the Templars, I had no faith in what we were anymore. But that didn’t mean I could change who _I_ was and then becoming the Commander of the Inquisition… If the soldiers saw me like this they would lose morale, it would breed dissent. And-” He frowned, huffing. "I was egotistical enough- I couldn't stand he thought of you seeing me like this."  
“You didn't need to hide it from _me_.” Ari said exasperated. “I could have been there for you I could-“  
“You _were_. Ari.” He reassured “Every time I felt like I couldn’t do this, every time the pull of lyrium was overwhelming, I went to you. And you never turned me away. You’d let me stay with you for hours, playing chess, talking, or just being in the same room. _Maker_ ,” he pulled her hand to his mouth and gently kissed it, sighing against her skin. “I don’t know if you truly are the Herald of Andraste, but you have saved me many times over.” She chuckled, fighting back fresh tears as her heart pounded in her throat.  
“Ma’vheraan, I could not exist without you.” She whispered as his face contorted, the brief reprieve from pain giving way. Kissing his hands she whispered sweet nothings to him as she cradled his shaking body, calling her name he clutched to her thigh, curling in on himself, she soothed him as best she could; reassuring him. “I am here Ma’vheraan, I’m not going anywhere.”

 

An hour later the worst had passed, Ari gently massaged the tension out of Cullen’s muscles while softly humming. Cullen stared at the tent wall moving from the slight breeze as if it were breathing and sighed as her hands kneaded down his ribs, the symmetrical actions of her hand relieving the surface pain.  
“Is it still bad?” she asked softly.  
“Not anymore. Just sore from tensing.” He raised his hand to rub at his eyes. “And this headache won’t leave for a few hours yet.” The headache always marked the end of the episode of withdrawal, it never truly left but faded to the back of his mind, waiting patiently before striking at him again.  
“You need to sleep Ma’vheraan. Let me get you a healing potion.” Ari insisted, the elfroot may help take the edge off his pain but it could do nothing for the larger addiction problem. He shook his head and grimaced.  
“No, I don’t want to waste one on this.” Ari huffed and looked around his neat tent, she didn’t want him to resign to lying in pain, she was determined to help him relieve it, if only for a moment.  
“You’re punishing yourself unnecessarily.” She cupped his face with her hands and bent over to look at him directly. “What do you usually do to feel better?” She demanded to know and Cullen’s face turned crimson, evident even in the low light, he averted his eyes as Ari’s eyebrows shot up in realisation. “Ah. I see.” She said quietly. He cleared his throat fighting back the heat in his face, she didn’t mock him for it but he was embarrassed none the less, it wasn’t something you just admit to people, especially the woman you were courting.  
“I will be fine Ma Sa’lath. You need to sleep; it must be well past midnight.” He said quickly trying to gloss over his admission. Ari hummed and gently guided him off of her lap and onto the bedroll, he grunted unhappily before smiling at her. “Thank you.” He said as she kneeled up, “You saved me again.” He heard her chuckle above him.  
“Anything for my Commander.” She purred, he heard her shifting against the canvas floor and he sighed and closed his eyes while he waited for her to return to her tent. He felt the fur being pulled gently down and opened his eyes as her warm hand brushed his abdomen. “Ari?” he asked in confusion. “What are you doing?” Ari gently unlaced his breeches, peeling the fabric back. A rush of cool air graced his skin and his body responded favourably, he gasped and leaned up on his elbow, grasping Ari’s shoulder. “I didn’t mean to suggest-“  
“ _Commander._ ” Ari said sternly and Cullen’s heart stuttered in time with his stomach. “I will not leave you lying in pain.” Cullen flushed, thankful that the low light covered his blush somewhat.  
“Ari, I have been lying in sweat.” He protested as she rounded on him and gripped his shoulders firmly, staring into his eyes.  
“Ma’vheraan. Your body, no matter the state, will never offend me.” She stated and Cullen relaxed slightly. “However, you have had a trying night and if you wish for me to leave I will.” He leaned forward and kissed her, bumping noses awkwardly in the darkness.  
“No, stay.” He whispered between kisses “Stay with me Ma sa’lath.” She gently pushed him back to lie down before slowly leaving a trail of feather light kisses as she made her way down his chest, his stomach that twitched beneath her lips, past his navel and followed the faint line of hair to the base of his cock. Cullen gasped and clenched his fist as she paid him attention, his abdomen muscles contracting pleasurably with each kiss, a welcome change from the agony he was in an hour earlier. Ari grazed her teeth along his hip bone before giving it a nip, he gasped and laughed quietly at his own jerking reaction and was prepared when she did the same to the opposite side. Slowly she kissed back to his cock, now standing at full attention, and leisurely laved her tongue up the underside before taking the head into her mouth, smiling as Cullen’s breath hitched and body tensed, arching subtly as he stretched out. Gently taking the base in hand she pulled away to settle between his legs comfortably, she gazed up the line of his body as she tentatively stroked him. He caught her eyes and smiled, folding his arm behind his head for support.  
“You don’t have to.” He murmured, unsure why she pulled away, or if she had changed her mind. Ari raised her free hand to pull her hair to the side, she chuckled quietly.  
“It’s not that.” She gave a few more strokes, her initial confidence wavering. “I just- haven’t done _this_ in a long time.” Ari never had claimed to have great sexual prowess and she could count the amount of times she had brought a man to completion with her mouth on one hand. She knew she didn’t have to _prove_ anything to Cullen but in the same notion she didn’t want to disappoint him, as if it would make him think less of her. Cullen sat up and pressed his forehead against hers.  
“Then let me help you.” He purred teasingly and the sudden nervousness Ari felt waned as he comforted her, one hand tangling in her hair while his other hand wrapped around hers on his cock. He kissed her softly, his hand encouraging hers to tighten gently.  
“Like this.” He rasped and guided her hand with his own in long, slow strokes, she smiled as his eyes closed in pleasure and a long, breathy moan escaping his parted lips, the sound chasing away the last of her sudden anxiety. Holding her close possessively as he guided her to build his arousal sparked something intoxicating within him; he longed to keep her close, far from the outside world as they explored each other. Jerking, he moaned as her thumb brushed over his glans, his control lessening as his muscles began to scream from the position he was maintaining. He buried his face in her neck and bit her lightly as he lessened his hold on her, ensuring she was confident before he let go completely and leaned back on his elbows, moaning appreciatively as his head slumped back. Ari leaned down and carefully slid her mouth around him, even with her hand at the base his cock tickled at her gag reflex as he hissed and bucked involuntarily at the intensity and change of sensation. His heady scent assaulted her senses and her body reacted, pulsing in time with his increasingly vocal desire. Shakily he put his weight onto one elbow and ran his hand through her hair, massaging the back of her head as she sucked on him, she glanced up and saw the need in his expression, his lower lip between his teeth as his unfocused eyes watched her sink down.  
“ _Maker,_ Ari.” He growled hungrily, “you feel so fucking good.” His fingers tightened in her hair as he began to wantonly roll his hips to meet her, gently fucking her mouth. She hummed appreciatively and the vibrations sparked through him, faltering his rhythm, she revelled in her effect on him, the stoic, steadfast commander desperately fighting to stay in control as he gradually became undone, whimpering and grinding his cock past her swollen lips; the liquid sounds spurring him on as his grip in her hair became harsh. Ari moved her hands to brace his hips giving him permission to lose himself while gaining control in directing the ferocity of his thrusts. Blood rushed in his ears as her fingernails began to prick into his flesh, the pain edging him further towards orgasm. “More.” He pleaded, “scratch me,” Ari let his hips go and situated her hands further up his back and slowly dragged her nails down, he squirmed and struggled between the pleasure of her mouth and the pain gracing his back, so close his vision was edging white and his heart pounded. “ _Harder_.” He choked and stiffened as she complied, arching forward harshly as the pain lanced through his body the tension within him snapped, pleasure smashing into him as he came rivulets into Ari’s mouth, clutching her head to him she was forced to swallow or choke, moaning as the salty liquid ran down her throat.

Relaxing he slumped down onto the bedroll, sighing as tiredness overwhelmed him he heard Ari giggle quietly as she got comfortable beside him and pulled the fur over the both of them.  
“Sorry.” He whispered a bit embarrassed. She shushed him and pulled his head to her chest, kissing his forehead.  
“I didn’t know you were into scratching.” She teased; he lazily draped his arm over her hips and breathed her scent, faintly noticing that the headache was gone.  
“Neither did I.” he admitted. “Something about you, Ma sa’lath, makes me lose control.” She smiled and hugged him closer as they drifted to sleep

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A lot of Cullen love recently, I promise I haven't forgotten about Solas though!


	15. Chapter 15

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Some Solas love for you before we get into the emotional horror. 
> 
> On another note I'm writing a prequel for Silly Little Rumors which is my HawkexVarric fic from last year and I'll be going through it all and expanding/editing it (I re-read it and cringed).

Ari kept a watchful eye on Cullen as they made their way to the next camp, he looked tired, dark circles around his eyes enhanced the pale of his skin. Her companions assisted him wherever they could, or rather, wherever Cullen would allow them; it was obvious by the way he looked shrunken in his armour that he was not well, even though no one directly mentioned it. Ari wanted to avoid fighting but that wasn’t possible and moments after leaving the first camp they were cutting down undead. Ari noticed that of everyone, Solas was the one assisting Cullen the most, casting a barrier and keeping it constantly active around Cullen, exhausting himself but protecting the Templar. He also took it upon himself to watch the Commander’s flanks, casting a lightning bolt at any undead who approached and paralyzing them so they could be cut down. Having cleared the ramparts of undead Varric happily went to the horns and sounded the call for the soldiers to return and Ari watched as Cullen bowed his head in thanks to Solas who smiled and returned the nod.

Welcoming the Orlesian soldiers back took some time and of course Ari had to meet the General, who didn’t believe she was the Inquisitor at first but after his second in command confirmed who she was the General was grateful for her help and only a little embarrassed that he had said _knife-ears_ half a dozen times. They decided to move on and set up camp rather than stay on the ramparts, gaining what little ground they could at the end of the day. The tired but thankful soldiers escorted them part of the way, making their journey much easier and nestled on the border of the forest they set up camp. As the others started a fire to ward off the chill that still hung in the air Ari paced nervously along the forest’s edge, her body tired but her mind raced with images of maps and the quickest way to reach the Free Marches, she started to regret that she didn’t insist on heading through Ferelden instead, it had to have been quicker than the path they were taking now. Cullen also took up a large portion of her thoughts, she had been unable to shake memories of him writhing in agony and wondered if they could keep this demanding pace without harming his health. She considered splitting into two groups, one to push on and the other to address the issues in each region, but she knew Cullen would be adamantly against it and after hearing his confession that she was helping him through his recovery more than she knew, Ari didn’t want to risk him relapsing either. Her back to the camp she pulled out the small half full vial of lyrium from her sash, the silver liquid rolled thickly in the glass, sparkling in the sunlight. She had been instructed to continue taking it, her anchor having calmed down since she started the regimen, but she still hadn’t told Cullen. Sighing she popped the tiny cork and pressed her fingertip to the opening, flipping the vial she collected a drop on her fingertip and sucked it off, replacing the cork automatically.  
“Ari?” Cullen called her from a few paces away, startled, Ari quickly tucked the vial into her sash and turned around, trying not to look too much like a naughty child caught in the act. She smiled at him and he looked her up and down suspiciously. He may have been exhausted, but he was still extremely observant. “What are you doing?” he asked.  
“Thinking about our next movements.” She wasn’t completely lying. Solas stepped up beside Cullen and folded his arms over his chest, he was tired but was refusing to give in to his exhaustion.  
“Seems like I frightened you.” Cullen said, not letting her suspicious behaviour pass.  
“That’s because you wouldn’t like where my thoughts were going.” She admitted to him, Solas looked Cullen up and down before shaking his head.  
“Cullen will be fine, you don’t need to split the party up.” Solas said bluntly, guessing her previous thoughts with eerie accuracy. “He has been in many campaigns, injured numerous times, survived abominations, Kirkwall _and_ Haven. Not to mention Leliana and Josephine on a daily basis.” Ari and Cullen laughed at that. “Even if our Commander is feeling ill, he can still ride. It makes no sense to split up our strong party to make two weaker ones. Where is your head at?” he rapped her forehead with his knuckle and Ari turned crimson from the scolding gesture. She scrubbed her face with the palms of her hand, making a plaintive, tired sound.  
“Sorry.” She said as she began to pace and fidget again. “Sorry.” She repeated, this time to Cullen who just smiled at her, not showing anger at Ari’s doubts in him but a calm understanding. Solas stepped forward, gently guiding her with his arm until her back bumped against his chest. He embraced her tightly as she pouted, still recovering from being scolded, Cullen stepped up and cupped her face, kissing her gently on her forehead before running his hands down her shoulders to hold her hands. This was the closest the three of them had been since the Frostbacks, the safe feeling returned and she didn’t realise how much she had missed it. She sighed and closed her eyes, leaning back into Solas catching a whiff of his earthy scent mixed with the grass of the plains and the metal of Cullen, the world faded until her existence was purely about the wind, grass and her lovers, the rhythm of their breath and the rustle of their clothing. Solas kissed her neck and hummed into her skin.  
“You haven’t been sleeping Da’assan.” He scolded and Ari shook her head, almost nuzzling into his neck. He hadn’t asked, he knew she wasn’t sleeping. “You cannot keep this pace up _and_ stay awake all night.” Cullen agreed and Ari raised an eyebrow at him, he was the reason she was awake all last night! Solas chuckled before voicing her thoughts again. “She is not the only one who needs to sleep, Commander.” Cullen muttered under his breath.  
“You were sleeping well in the Frostbacks Ari, and that was freezing. Solas and I pretty much lay awake while you snored.” Ari shot him daggers with her eyes. She didn’t snore! “What has changed?” Cullen asked and the tips of Ari’s ears flushed pink, Solas cleared his throat and assisted her.  
“In the Inquisitor’s defence, she slept poorly on most of the previous missions.” Ari frowned.  
“How did you know, Hahren?” She asked him.  
“We could always tell when you were asleep.” Solas admitted while shuffling on his feet. “You snore.” Cullen nodded sagely in agreement. “Badly.” Solas added and Cullen scrunched his face, still nodding. Ari sighed in defeat.  
“So,” Cullen said “You sleep better with us near.” He stated as a matter of fact. “And I will admit that I also benefit from your presence.” He smirked and she wasn’t convinced it was entirely involuntary, Solas’ arms tightened slightly around Ari’s waist as if he wanted to drag her away from Cullen.   
“Then it’s settled.” Solas concluded. “We return to our previous sleeping arrangements.” Cullen frowned in confusion.  
“Are you having trouble sleeping, Solas?” he asked,  
“No.” Solas smirked. “But if _I_ suddenly started sleeping in Ari’Valen’s bed would _you_ leave me to it?” Cullen swore and rubbed the back of his neck.  
“ _No._ ” he admitted. “ _Fine._ ” Solas chuckled and stepped to the side of Ari, still holding her waist.  
“Shall we hunt, Da’assan?” Ari was startled out of her thoughts, she was still stuck on the snoring part truthfully, Solas bent to pick up his staff before levelling his gaze at her. “We need to eat tonight, especially after today’s battle.” Ari hummed in agreeance. “And it’s your turn to hunt.” She pouted as Solas reminded her.  
“It’s still dangerous out there.” Cullen said quietly, worried about her safety.  
“Which is why I am going too.” Solas said and Cullen glared at him, “Trust me Commander,” Solas smirked “Ari’Valen’s safety is my first priority.”  
“Yes, but, have you gone hunting before?” Ari asked as Solas burst out in laughter.  
“Of course I have Da’assan. What a strange question.”  
“I guess. But, you’re a mage.” Ari said quietly and Cullen stifled a laugh behind his hand, Solas rapped his knuckle against Ari’s forehead again and she protested with a wail.  
“I am an apostate that has lived off the land and explored ruins his whole life.” He scolded her. “I believe you are mistaking me for a circle mage who has never stepped outside.” Ari apologized and Cullen kissed her hands, telling her to be careful before he left her with his rival.

Solas and Ari began to stalk through the trees. As they walked the forest became thicker, the air stilled and the elves got a sense of timelessness, broken only by the occasional ruined building or wall. Ari periodically stopped to crouch in the undergrowth and listen for movement or animal calls, ears twitching in concentration. Hunting in familiar territory could take hours but in a foreign land it could take much longer, she didn’t have that time to spare but returning empty handed wasn’t much of an option. Solas smiled to himself each time he saw her ears twitch and had to hold himself back from embracing or touching her, as much as he wanted contact he knew that interrupting her now would just lead to a scolding for not taking the hunt seriously. Eventually they came across a doe grazing in a clearing, it was beautiful with fawn and white patches, it’s small hoof gently scraped at the grass, stirring it up to graze. Silently Ari notched and arrow and drew it back on her bowstring, exhaling she let her vision fade until it was focussed purely on the path her arrow would take. Behind her Solas muttered in arcane and gracefully gestured towards the doe, it panicked as ice grew around its hooves, immobilising it. Ari loosed the arrow and struck its neck, the doe stumbled to its knees as Ari leapt forward drawing her dagger and swiftly she dealt the killing blow, putting it out of its misery.   
“Well,” she said as she hefted the doe onto a nearby boulder, she draped the carcass so the blood would drain from the open throat, she didn’t want to return drenched in animal blood. She had made that mistake when she was younger when she didn’t realise just how stubborn blood was to remove from fabric and leather. “You are certainly handy on a hunt.” She admitted teasingly, Solas chuckled and leaned on his staff. “Fifteen minutes and I’ll be game to carry it back to camp, should have drained enough by then.” He hummed in agreement. Ari leaned against a nearby tree and silence stretched between them, she glanced at Solas who was staring at her in thought, squirming under his vision she averted her eyes only to look back and seeing him smirking at her. “What is it Hahren?” she asked exasperated.   
“You are infatuating.” He said and Ari blushed red, still unused to direct compliments. “And I finally get you alone.” He added as he stalked towards her through the grass, leaving his staff propped against a tree. He braced his arms on either side of Ari, trapping her against the tree trunk. Her heart pounded as he looked her over with dark, lustful eyes, as if he could see through her clothing. He smiled at her and gently ran his fingers down her cheek, caressing her skin, his hand moved slowly down, fingertips committing each curve to memory. “The Commander was in a lot of pain last night wasn’t he?” his baritone voice made Ari’s breath hitch in her throat as she nodded meekly. He stared at his fingers as they idly played along the fabric of her sash, plucking taught lines here and there. “You should have called for me.” He gently scolded her, “I could have helped.” He stepped closer and Ari’s heart thrummed at the way he looked at her, gentle and commanding as he lowered his hand further to hook his finger in the top of her leggings.  
“That wasn’t my decision.” She whispered, her breath hitching as his finger caressed the skin below her navel. He leaned in and kissed her neck softly, his lips causing her skin to tingle, she gasped quietly. He breathed deep, catching the delicate scent of her hair muddled with the strong smell of bark and forest. Ari raised her hands to his chest, pushing the outer fabric of his robe to either side and basked in his body heat, trailing her hands down to wrap her arms around his waist. “Aren’t we too exposed here?” Ari softly said, scanning the expanse of forest before her, the area was still and quiet, the only sounds their increasingly heavy breathing.   
“Perhaps.” Solas purred in her ear before kissing her deeply, what started out as longing quickly became heated as his hand left the tree trunk and clasped the back of her neck, massaging gently. His hand plucked at the lacings of her leggings, easily loosening the fabric and slipping his hand down the front to cup her sex. Ari bucked her hips from the attention and clutched at the front of his robes. “I can stop,” he rasped, his words breathy against her lips. “If my Inquisitor commands it so.” Ari blushed as he gazed into her eyes, licking his lips he began to circle her clit delicately, her hips rolling to match his movements. Warmth built up in her, settling pleasurably in her abdomen and she bit her lip against the whimpers that were escaping her throat. Solas hummed and looked to the left, muttering under his breath he cast a barrier to encircle them both, protecting them from an ambush at least. Ari gazed down at his hand as it moved underneath the fabric of her leggings, shifting his robe to the side she could see the outline of his erection through his breeches and reached down to unlace them. Solas leaned to whisper in her ear, nipping at her lobes quickly and coaxing a moan from her. “It is fitting, I think, for two elves to be making love for the first time in the forest.” Ari chuckled and he bit her neck before soothing it with his tongue.  
“You don’t consider our time together in the Fade as being intimate?” she breathily said as she shifted his breeches lower on his hips, freeing his cock into her hand. She stroked him gently and he moaned in response, twitching in her grip.  
“I’d rather feel your _true_ lips against mine.” He admitted before kissing her roughly, their tongues meeting and gliding together. Their touches becoming urgent as they teased and coaxed each other under the widespread branches of the tree, Ari groaned and moved her other hand to gently cup his balls gaining a positive reaction from him as he moaned loudly.  
“And what else would you like to feel my lips against, Hahren?” She purred and the smile he gave her was purely masculine, his blown pupils reflected the lust they were feeling as he watched his lover slowly move down to squat at the base of the tree, she gazed up at him before gently gripping the base of his cock and sliding it into her mouth as far as she could comfortably go. Solas’ groan was animalistic and his hand automatically tangled itself into her hair, gently guiding her movements. Ari slowly sucked him, teasing and holding him back from orgasm, he panted above her, propped against the tree with his arm. He began to shake and his breathing was laboured as the wet, velvet heat embraced him, his fingers absently stroked Ari’s scalp encouragingly as he teetered on the edge of orgasm. Ari slowly drew back, the head of his cock barely past her lips as Solas gripped her arm, pulling her to stand before he roughly pushed her against the wood, manically kissing her.   
“Da’assan,” he croaked, hands fumbling to push her leggings down further and guide her to turn her back to him simultaneously. “You shouldn’t tease me so much.” He growled and jerked her hips back to him, his hand on the small of her back encouraged her to lean forwards, exposing her sex to him. Ari reached up and held tightly onto a low branch for support, her other hand reaching between her legs, making a show of her arousal as she pushed a finger into herself. Solas groaned, eyes transfixed on her finger as it emerged slick and glistening, he noticed she was looking over her shoulder at him, her smouldering expression made his cock throb in anticipation and he reached his hand to caress the curve of her ass. He guided her hand away and ran the head of his cock along the line of her slit, pausing for a moment he took a deep shuddering breath before slowly pushing inside of her. She was tight and Solas had to draw out before he could gently thrust again, working her open slowly, their moans carried in the stillness of the forest, Ari’s quickly working up to be urgent as she circled her clit. Sheathed in her Solas growled and slapped her hand away, replacing it with his own and began to fuck her in earnest. Ari braced against the tree, at risk of falling forward from the ferocity of Solas’ thrusts, biting her lip to prevent her screams of pleasure as the heavy electricity pooled low in her abdomen, the heat of desire rose quickly as his hips snapped harshly into her. Solas felt her tighten around him fleetingly and he had to fight to stay composed, her moaning pushed him further and he wanted nothing more than to come inside of her, to watch his seed drip slowly from her sex as she panted on the forest floor. Ari’s hips bucked violently and she clamped around him like a vice, Solas felt a rush of heat as she came and dropped his hand away to grip onto her hips and pounded into her savagely, moans were torn from their throats at the apex of each thrust and soon Solas felt himself tipping over the edge, pulling out of her he gripped his cock and barely a stroke later was spilling his seed on the ground, his muscles contracting his whole body to jerk and he groaned loudly as the pleasure slowly dissipated, leaving him to catch himself on the trunk, embracing his lover.  
“Hahren.” She whispered, still quivering from the aftershocks of her orgasm, he moaned and tightened his embrace, hearing her call him in that voice still made him pulse in pleasure even though he was spent. They stayed like that a moment, moving only so Ari could turn and kiss him deeply, still moaning and breathy against him.  
“We should go, Da’assan.” Solas raggedly said in between parting lips. “If we continue like this, we will be fucking under the starlight, lost in the forest until the day.” She chuckled at his words as he reluctantly stepped away from her. They rearranged their clothing and Ari wobbled over to pick up their kill. “I will do that Da’assan.” Solas insisted but Ari draped the small doe over her shoulders none the less.  
“Hahren, you have expended much energy.” She teased. “Besides, the blood won’t stain my leather. Your robes on the other hand…” He looked down and laughed and Ari lead the way out of the forest, their camp barely half an hour walk away.


	16. Chapter 16

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Story time!  
> I love hearing from you all, please let me know what you think of the story so far. :)

Ari’Valen lay awake in her tent, comfortably wedged between Cullen and Solas as they quietly rumbled in their sleep. The furs on top of them trapped the heat and Ari felt as if she were in an oven, it had been good in the mountains and she had desperately sought it then, but now they were out of the snow it had started to become uncomfortable even with the winter weather. The heat didn’t bother the men, who could sprawl out and kick off a part of the furs if they needed, which Cullen seemed to do quite often between dreams and eventually Solas and Ari would be squashed up in the corner of the tent while Cullen would be comfortably spread across the rest.

Tonight Cullen was still, lying on his back with one hand over his heart and the other resting on Ari’s thigh, his head was facing her slightly and in the low light she could see his eyelashes like dark marks on pale skin. The scar on his lip was prominent amongst his stubble, which had grown longer – something that usually happened between camps where troops were stationed. He wouldn’t worry about shaving until the night before they were to arrive at a location that had troops, then he would shave but by morning the stubble would be back. Ari smiled to herself as she looked him over before turning her head and being met with the vision of Solas, curled on his side her face her, lips parted as he breathed softly. His arm around her waist and his opposite hand clutching onto her arm, he looked peaceful in his sleep and Ari wondered if he was walking through the fade, watching the memories of the land and the elves that once lived here ages ago. It seemed that the only times he didn’t look pensive was when he slept and when he was alone with her, but even when alone with her he seemed like he was ready to give a lecture at a moment’s notice.

Ari gazed over Solas and tried to imagine being with him after Corypheus was defeated, she could imagine wandering Thedas with him as they explored, hand caressing the stone of ruins as Solas shadowed her, spinning moral laden stories and legends as Ari, the perpetual student, listened while she watched him recount the memories with passion and sadness. Each day would end with him halfheartedly scolding her before giving in to their baser desires. Never settling, living off the land as they recounted endless history, adding their own to each forest, each ruin and isolated village with every subtle whisper, possessive caress and maddening bout of passion. But it seemed hollow, and as much as she felt happiness at the idea a part was still missing. It was that void that made her soul ache, made her reach further than she ought to in the pursuit of something between love and self-serving platitude.

Glancing back to Cullen she imagined their future would be very different, he would want to go settle somewhere, probably a farm, where they could have freedom in relative safety. Far from the Templars and mages they would have a family, their half-blooded children living in peace as the world continued around them, knowing of their mother’s clan and their father’s past but far from them both. She could imagine her strong Commander playfully teaching their children how to fight with toy wooden swords while Ari dragged them through the woods so they could learn how to track with their Mabari in tow. She'd sit with him leaning against her chest and card her fingers through his hair as he sighed and relaxed after whatever work he had found for himself. Leaning forward to kiss the scar on his lip she'd melt into him, reveling in the feel of the corded muscles of his back and shoulders, each touch building up to become more demanding until they finally found completion in each others arms. This daydream, as much as it made Ari smile, reflected the first. Something was missing and she wondered clearly for the first time that if she survived the war, could she really choose between them? Could she stand in front of them and be resolute in her decision, as if she were sentencing a prisoner in Skyhold? She cursed herself, feeling her mind slipping towards maudlin, now wasn't the time to be thinking about that decision. The now should be preoccupied with Corypheus and making her way to her brother. _If_ she survived the war, she could think on that, _if_ she survived the war, she could try to survive her love life. Solas shifted in his sleep, releasing Ari from his embrace, and she decided there was no sleeping tonight. Silently she untangled herself from the men and picked up her overcoat, stepping outside she stood up stretching and shrugged the overcoat on.

Varric sat with his back to the fire so he wouldn’t ruin his night vision, no point trying to guard the camp if you were blinded by the firelight, Bianca in his lap he drank from a mug and nodded to Ari as she sat down quietly next to him.  
“Inquisitor.” He said softly and offered the mug to her, she took it and was surprised when it was warm to the touch. Taking a sip the liquid poured like honey down her throat, warming her up from the inside. It tasted like something between mead and brandy and she hummed her approval. Varric chuckled before grabbing a bottle that sat beside him and pouring more into the mug. “The secret is the drag some coals away from the fire and rest the bottle in a nest of sandy coals.” The golden liquid steamed as he poured. “You not sleeping?” he asked and closed the bottle again, placing it back by his side. She shook her head and handed the mug back to him, she pulled her coat tightly around her chest and gazed up at the millions of stars above her, each one shimmering to its own heartbeat, making her feel small as she sat on a patch dry grass. Varric huffed before placing Bianca by his side and giving the crossbow an affectionate tap. “You know, Hawke always said I was a great listener.” He said nonchalantly, gently prodding Ari who smiled in return. The problem there being that Varric was entirely too good at listening, even when nothing had been said he could cut to the core of the situation, usually retelling it in a way that that was extremely entertaining or profoundly grounding. Lately though, Ari could hear a sadness in his voice whenever they spoke and she attributed it to homesickness and being separated from his lover. She hadn't realised that of everyone she had gathered on this ridiculous crusade that Varric hadn't been displaced, orphaned or on a righteous mission. He had been brought into the Inquisition before it began to be interrogated, weaving his story to protect the people he cared for, but instead of returning to them he remained. He stayed because of his own moral compass, and that compass had directed him away from Hawke.

Her heart hurt thinking about what Varric gave up to be here, tromping through the wilderness with the mad people, fighting demons and various harsh versions of humanity. She let out a huff of air and he just waited, Ari got the feeling that Varric wasn't going to talk until she did and to break the silence she asked the first question that crawled into her head.  
“When you find her again, do you think you’ll settle down?” Ari asked and Varric scratched at his stubble in thought.  
“I guess that depends on how deep in shit the world is.” He rumbled quietly. "It's never ending, apparently. And the worse it gets the more Hawke feels like she needs to rise against it." He let out a short laugh, shaking his head in both pride and disdain. “It surprised me how much she took to being the Champion." He murmured, as if revealing a secret to Ari, and he may well have been. "Before the deep roads she mostly just wanted to make sure her family was cared for, and to be rich of course. Those plans never included saving a city, defending the downtrodden or whatever else Kirkwall could throw at her.” He chuckled. Ari idly picked at a blade of grass as she listened.  
“What changed?” Ari encouraged the story, she loved listening to him talk, his gravelly voice pitching and falling in just the right places to create an array of emotions, and if she was honest with herself, she needed something distracting.  
“Her sister, Bethany, died in the Deep Roads.” He smiled apologetically to Ari, knowing how close to home the subject of a dying sibling would hit. “We were so close to the surface. Barely a week away. Bethany didn’t tell us that she had gotten the Blight sickness, that girl was always trying to prove her independence.” He smiled, remembering a memory that he didn’t share. “It hit Hawke hard. They lost Carver, her brother, on the way to Kirkwall and her mother had begged Hawke not to take Bethany on the expedition. Bethany had _wanted_ to go, fought to even, but knowing that doesn’t help when you return home to tell your mother that you couldn’t save your little sister.” Varric paused, taking another drink and offering it to Ari who declined. “I never told Hawke, but I followed her to her home when we got back to Kirkwall. I thought I could help but- no, I think I just wanted to make sure she would be okay. I hid just outside her door and- well. The news wasn’t taken well as you could imagine.” Ari smiled as he glanced at her, showing that she was listening, not wanting to move unless she made him feel awkward about revealing this to her, these details weren't in his books, they weren't for everyone to know and Ari appreciated it, that she could be someone he confided in. “It still breaks my heart when I remember what her mother said. She screamed and screamed at Hawke, struck her, the whole lot and Hawke just… took it.” He looked down and shook his head. “She was there for all of ten minutes after being away for _months_. She walked right out the front door again and just stood there, staring at nothing. Her lip was split, and I remember blood dripping off her chin. She always wiped blood off herself, it was a bit endearing, especially when she did it while _glaring_ at the enemy and promising their death. A merc had gotten lucky once, punched her with a spiked gauntlet and sliced her skin open just under her eye. She grabbed and wrenched his arm so he'd drop to his knees, paused in the middle of the fucking fight, taking enough time to wipe of the blood and flash him a blood curdling, completely fucking feral grin before she sliced his hand clean off.” He chuckled to himself before taking a deep breath and becoming somber. “But this time. No tears, no… anything.”  
“What did she do?” Ari prompted after Varric has been silent for a moment, lost in his thoughts.  
“What she always did.” He laughed. “She got drunk.” He took a dramatic sip of his mug before pouring some more into it. “She wasn’t exactly an _open_ person.” He admitted, his voice becoming softer. “Especially back then. Took a long time and a copious amount of alcohol to get her to talk about what happened, and when she finally did all she could say was _I killed my sister._ ” Ari felt a pang of sadness as she watched her friend, he was still effected by it, his eyes shining in the flashes of firelight. “Let me just warn you now, Inquisitor. If you ever try to get someone to face their demons, alcohol is _not_ the way to go.” He put his mug down and wrung his hands together, frowning towards the darkness. “I tried to tell her that it wasn’t her fault, but the way I did, _Maker_ , I can’t even remember. She wasn’t the only one who had been drinking.” He ran his hand through his hair, mussing it up he pulled out the tie and retied it, making sure his hair was neat. “She ran from me and, I don’t know if you’ve ever been to Kirkwall, Inquisitor, but at three in the morning the only safe place to be is at home in bed, and even _that_ is a risk.” Ari’s eyes widened, remembering Leliana’s warning about going through Kirkwall to reach the Free Marches. “I didn’t find her. Anders did. Maker knows why he was wandering around at three in the morning but as we all know, he wasn’t exactly right in the head.”  
“He blew up the Chantry, yes?” Ari asked and Varric huffed.  
“Yeah. Started this whole fucking mage Templar war if you ask me.” He growled before shaking his head. “I pride myself on being a good judge of character, but that asshole-“  
“ _Varric._ ” Ari interrupted, “What happened to Hawke?” He smiled, pleased she was enraptured by the story, before he thought back to what happened and his smile faltered.  
“She tried to kill herself.” He said quietly and Ari’s breath hitched. “Not like you’d imagine, she didn’t try to poison herself or anything.” He sighed. “She came across a gang, they knew who she was and that they’d probably get paid well if they took her out. When they rushed her she… just didn’t fight back.” Ari reached over and placed her hand on his arm, comforting him. "We had thought that they had gotten the jump on her, but she told me after that she just didn't have it in her anymore, she couldn't bear to be responsible for what happened to Bethany. Even after I begged her to listen, to understand that the _Blight_ had consumed her sister and it was beyond her control she wouldn't accept it. ' _You didn't sink your dagger into her.'_ was about all she said." Ari squeezed his arm gently. “Anyway, Anders chased the gang off and dragged her back to his clinic, it was a long fucking time before she woke up.”  
“Oh Varric.” Ari whispered and he smiled at her, placing his hand over hers, accepting her consolation. “You must have been worried.” She added.  
“Yeah, but not in the way you’re thinking.” Varric grinned at her confused expression. “I didn’t know I was in love with her then. Sure we flirted and teased each other but _love_ , well, that didn’t hit me until much later. And the idiot that I was didn’t realise that I was pushing her away when she was with someone else, I could have lost her entirely, but thankfully she is stubborn.”  
“ _Someone else?_ Who?” Ari demanded to know.  
“Anders.” He said as Ari pulled her hand away in surprise.  
“ _Anders?_ What? No she loves you!” Ari had to stop herself from shouting and Varric chuckled.  
“Yes, she does _now_. But it didn’t start that way. Love ain’t that easy, Quizzie.” Ari giggled at the new nickname.  
“Tell me that story next.” Ari demanded, almost childlike and Varric laughed.  
“Maybe another time.” Varric frowned, staring at the ground. He took a moment to sort his thoughts before taking a deep breath and shifting so he was comfortable. “Now, where were we? Ah!” he continued his story. “When she did wake up I think she finally knew she had hit rock bottom and Maker, she was pissed off.” He laughed at the last part. “Went straight from self-pity to rage and the gang who stabbed her in the street was the first to feel it. She slaughtered the entire group, and for the first time in a _very_ long time the docks were safe. The people came out and thanked her, had a celebration in the streets, and then she realised what she had done. She had made a fucking difference.” Ari smiled at the pride in Varric’s expression. “She became the person who people ran to and once the Viscount found out about it he asked for her help too. Slowly, and bloodily, she became the Champion of Kirkwall.” Ari sighed and Varric drank from his mug, swirling the liquid around. “When I find her again, it won’t be to settle down.” He said quietly. “Not yet. The world is fucked up and there are too few people who can help make it right. After all this, maybe we will go back to Kirkwall. She’s still a noble and I’m still a businessman. There is a place for us there.” Ari sighed, pouting and poking the fire with a stick.  
“I want you to be happy Varric.” She said quietly. “I want you and Hawke to have babies who grow up to be shrewd and lethal.” Varric laughed, finishing the last of his drink.  
“They’ll be devastatingly handsome, infinitely clever and if Hawke gets any of her genes in there they’ll also be stubborn redheads. I can barely keep up with one Hawke, let alone little versions of her getting into the kitchen and climbing up drapes.” They laughed together and soon silence stretched between them, the only sounds were the fireplace, crickets and a distant rush of water.  
“Do you think-“ Ari started but the question wouldn’t leave her tongue, she closed her mouth with a click of her teeth and sighed. “Never mind.” She said quietly as Varric raised an eyebrow at her. She stood and bushed the grass from her leggings, smiling at Varric, who noted that the smile didn’t reach her eyes. “Good night, Varric.” She turned to go back to her tent.  
“Ari.” Varric said, looking to the darkness again. She paused but didn’t turn to look at him. “Do you know _why_ Cullen and Solas are behaving so admirably?” He asked and Ari turned to him slowly, her heart thrumming in her chest. “It’s because of _you._ They might not like each other, they may see each other as rivals for your affection but they are smart enough to know that where one fails the other will succeed. They know that in order to protect you, they have to protect each other.” Ari’s mind went to how Solas had spent the day watching Cullen’s back on the battlefield, exhausting himself to ensure the Templar’s safety.  
“Why are you telling me this?” Ari asked quietly.  
“Because you were going to ask me if you were doing the right thing, if you were being cruel by being with the both of them.” Ari sighed and ran her hand through her hair, he did it again, he figured out the fucking problem without Ari saying a damned thing. Somewhere in the back of her mind she tried to comprehend the unstoppable team he and Josephine would make if Varric were in any way politically inclined. “You need to know that they made this decision. They could have insisted that you choose, but they didn’t. While you were unconscious a few weeks ago they came to the idea that you were the important factor, not to mention the Inquisition, and that together they could be what you needed.” He snorted, laughing at his own train of thought. “Honestly, with your job, I’m surprised you don’t have a harem of people just to keep you sane.” Ari smiled tiredly.  
“And what happens after all of this? What happens when I’m so _invested_ in the both of them and I have to choose? They are both so different, I can’t see them wanting to live harmoniously, growing old together.” Ari huffed and held herself back from ranting. “Can you imagine? If they wanted to get married and have children? _Oh don’t worry let’s just gamble with the parentage of our children._ ” She mocked her own voice. “ _No no Cullen, You’ve already got one. It’s Solas’ turn now._ Why are you laughing?” Varric leaned to the side and was laughing with his hand over his mouth to stifle the noise.  
“Ari, you’ve gone from worrying about choosing to worrying about keeping them both.” He said around laughing as he calmed down. Ari smiled and felt a bit better, although she was feeling a bit chided after being irrational. “But in all seriousness, once Corypheus is dead, do you really think that will be the end of the Inquisition?” Ari stilled, she hadn’t considered that. What she was imagining, the farm with Cullen, travelling with Solas, seemed further and further away. Kirkwall was still in chaos a year after the Qunari Invasion, the political and social clean up after Corypheus would be horrendous. She could be the Inquisitor until she died. Her sadness over the impending choice was stifled and taken over by new anxieties of having no choice at all. Ari was vaguely aware of a pitiful sound she was making as Varric swore at the paleness in her face and stood up, walking over he wrapped his arms around her and hugged her tightly, the top of his head just reaching her shoulder. “All I’m _trying_ to say, and failing to do so, is that you don’t need to worry about the status of the relationship you have with them, they know what they’re doing. You just worry about the Inquisition, and let them look after you.” Ari nodded, and Varric let go of her, stepping back.  
“Thanks, Varric.” Ari said quietly before turning to go back to her tent. “Hawke is right, you’re pretty good.”  
“Any time.” He said to her back before settling down by the fire again, resuming his watch for the next hour.

Ari stealthily crawled back in between Cullen and Solas and settled, sighing contentedly as their body heat enveloped her. She felt Solas shift and his arm snaked over her hips, hugging her tightly. He kissed her shoulder and with his eyes still closed whispered.  
“Templar seed is lazy. I’d father the first child at least.” Ari’s blush burned knowing that he had overheard her, beside her Cullen snorted derisively, his arm flung over his eyes as he lay on his back taking up a good half of the tent.  
“You wouldn’t get the opportunity to, old man, Ari and I would have _ten_ children before you even got a look in.” Ari laughed suddenly and quickly covered her mouth with her hands, giggling as Solas became flustered beside her.  
“ _Old?_ We are near the same age!” He protested and Ari made small snorting sounds, laughs quaking her body.  
“My mistake.” Cullen drawled, “It is unfortunate that you lost your hair so young, not a good trait to pass on to potential children.”  
“ _I shave it_.” He growled and Ari had to breathe deeply to calm down. She grasped one of their hands in each of her own and sighed, some tension leaving as she began to get tired. She raised their hands and kissed them before clutching them to her stomach.  
“The two of you,” she said as sleep began to draw her in. “Are exactly what I need.” She heard them both chuckle before she slipped into darkness

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I edited this chapter because of a combination of inspiration and unhappiness. Fleshing it out has made me feel better about it.
> 
> This has also renewed my love for the whole VarricxHawke thing, and I've decided to add more to the Silly Little Rumors series in the form of a prequel and possibly a fourth part. And also possibly rewrite the existing parts of it since whenever I read old work I just cringe and hide under a quilt.


	17. Chapter 17

They packed up their camp and headed south west, pushing their mounts to reach the river where Solas had felt the cry of help from his friend, the Spirit of Wisdom. Aside from the odd wolf pack they hadn’t come across much resistance and made it to the base of a waterfall near the forest within a few hours. Ari circled Varmet to face her companions who were catching up to her, Varmet was by far the fastest mount of the troupe, held back only by his massive antlers that made picking a path through dense terrain difficult at times. Solas slowed his Dalish All-Bred horse and scanned the expanse of the river, standing in the stirrups to gain a better view.  
“I don’t see anyone.” Ari said to Solas who gave her a sideways glare that said _Thank you for stating the obvious_. She ignored it and continued. “Was this the area you felt it?”  
“It is the area, perhaps along the river?” Solas murmured, his horse scaping it’s hooves along the river stones as he ventured closer to the water.  
“We should travel west first, we can sprint along the river bank easily enough, but taking the mounts up this waterfall would mean doubling back quite far.” Ari stated and Solas nodded, worry clear in his expression. “Solas,” Ari said to get his attention, he looked up and regarded her; she was regal on Varmet, her armour fitting her perfectly, the green fabric complementing the contrast between her paleness and the dark lines of her Vallaslin. Behind his high strung worry he felt pride for his lover, always infuriating and sometimes illogical but completely suited to her role as a leader. “We will find your friend, I swear to you.” She reassured him and he smiled tiredly, the smile was more acknowledgement of her statement than any positive feelings to her words, Solas didn’t mean anything by it, Ari knew that. He was always reserved, no matter the situation. Dorian rode up beside her and gazed at the river, sighing at the prospect of getting wet.   
“At least it’s not a wide river.” He said, trying to find the positive. Bull grunted from the other side of Dorian.  
“Fast though, and deep by the looks of it. The water has carved its way through rock further along. If we cross we need to do it here.” Bull rumbled as he dismounted, walking to the river’s edge and guiding his horse to drink. Ari did the same and Varmet wandered to the river without instruction from Ari. Everyone followed suit, giving their mounts, and themselves, a much needed break.

Ari wandered to the east of the group who were arguing whether to cross the river or not, finding a large boulder she climbed on top to get a better vantage to scan the area. There wasn’t much of note except a couple of specks of that were almost shaped like ship sails. _Well,_ she thought to herself, _Found the local clan at least._  
“We stay to the North.” She called from her boulder, the others turned to face her.  
“Inquisitor?” Cassandra questioned her, not to be contrary but she liked to have reasons behind orders, Cassandra was all about the details.  
“The Dalish clan Harding mentioned are on the southern side of the river, it would be better not to get too close to the- _argh!_ ” The anchor sparked and Ari fell to one knee, steadying herself before she fell. The pain ricocheted up her arm and she clutched at her wrist, as if pinching it would somehow stop the throbbing agony. “I’m fine.” She said through gritted teeth, the others all stepping forwards calling her name in panic. She heard a distant crack and the pain subsided to a low thrum, looking to the east she could see a rift newly opened over the water at the base of the falls. A few wraiths and terror demons spawned from the ground and Ari could barely make out a despair demon in the background, floating in rags, covering its face with its hands. Ari unclasped her bow from her back and drew an arrow, following her cue the others drew their weapons, each charging towards the rift with a war cry or taking up positions at range. Sera, Varric and Ari each took a moment to line up their shots, picking targets before loosing their arrows which screamed through the air above the heads of the warriors and into their enemies. Bull laughed and jeered as he spun, circling his massive blade and cutting down a terror demon, Dorian and Solas controlled the battlefield, working in unison to ensure no one was rushed by the demons. With a screech a terror disappeared back into the ground and the archers paused, looking for the tell-tale black and bubbling circle that would show before the terror burst through. Ari looked down and saw the black bubbles beneath her feet on the surface of the boulder.  
“ _Fuck.”_ She yelled, “ _Get back.”_ Sera rolled and Varric dived to the side as Ari leapt backwards off the boulder towards the water. The terror burst through too late and missed the Inquisitor with his claws as she shot an arrow into its chest. Dorian spun and froze it in place moments before Solas cast rock fist and struck it hard, causing the demon to shatter in a splatter of green-black liquid. Blackwall bashed the despair demon with his shield and sliced off its arms before silencing its screeches with his blade in its throat. The rift warped and pulsed before tendrils reached out to form new domes on the ground around them, Cassandra yelled over the hum of the energy.  
“ _Quickly,_ dispel!” She shouted as she ran between two coronas and flung out her arms, her body shook as she cast dispel and blue light swirled around her like a tornado, causing the energy to dissipate. Dorian, Solas and Cullen followed suit and between them covered the remaining pods of energy, sending it back into the rift which lurched and became nearly white, Ari’s cue to close it. She threw her hand up and with surprisingly little difficulty she closed the rift, leaving some residue to splash into the shallow water. They gathered around her, each inspecting the small scratches they received from the skirmish. Ari looked at them and shook her head.  
“Why have we never just dispelled all the damn things before?” She asked, laughing.  
“Far too simple.” Dorian supplied. “You have to work for _something_ around here.” They chuckled and waded their way out of the water to where the horses were being kept in place by Varmet. After taking moment to empty their boots of any water they collected and refilling their water skins they mounted and began their race to the west.

Hours later they were nearing the western mouth of the river, Ari’Valen had pushed them hard and they made a lot of ground even with diverting north as they realised how close the Dalish clan was to the riverside. Ari felt almost guilty for rushing past the clan without paying her respects but it would take up time she didn’t have, she could always come back and ask their forgiveness but in all honestly they probably preferred that she stay away. Varmet roared at his rider and slowed, telling her that they had to stop. Ari huffed and patted his flanks, she was sore from hanging on as best she could as he near flew over the grass riverbank, deftly leaping over hidden rocks. She reconsidered the bridle again but thought against it knowing he would just throw her out of contempt.

The others caught up one by one, Bull was last on his gigantic stallion and they all took a moment to let their mounts breathe easy. Varmet circled the group with Ari relaxing on his back, nudging the horses in their flanks with his snout and stomping his foot in dominance. Striding past Blackwall and his stallion Varmet nipped at the two, making Ari chuckle at her Hart’s display. She whacked his flank again absently before taking a long draw from her water skin.   
"We cannot be far from the mouth of the river.” Cassandra commented as she wiped sweat from her brow. Riding in plate mail was difficult normally, let alone at the punishing pace they were keeping. Ari looked over her companions, eyes settling on Dorian who scrunched his face and straightened. Usually Ari would think he was just trying to work the pain from his muscles but this time it seemed to have a purpose.   
“Dorian.” Ari called, “What is it?” Dorian inhaled deeply before shaking his head, Solas steadily approached him with a measuring look.  
“Do you feel it?” Dorian asked Solas in his Tervinten lilt who closed his eyes frowning, almost straining to hear something. His eyes snapped open as he urged his mount to the west.  
“We are close.” Solas said with urgency to Ari who nodded and bent forward to call to her Hart.  
“Be swift Varmet.” Her mount responded with a demanding call before rearing up and lurching to sprint west.

Varmet slowed and stopped just below a rocky ledge, dismounting quickly Ari sneaked up and peered over the outcrop to see four rock spires glowing and crackling with energy, seemingly trapping a pride demon that knelt in the centre. The breeze that washed over her smelled metallic, almost coppery as if she tasted blood, there had been a lot of magic here recently. Looking at the demon her stomach twisted in worry, Solas had told her that his friend was a spirit of wisdom. Her knowledge on the Fade and its inhabitants was not anything to brag about, but she knew a demon when she saw one. Had he lied to her? Or were they too late?

Solas had run up beside her, using the slope of the ledge to run forward without checking for danger first, Ari had to sprint forward to match him, revealing themselves to the area. He gasped and was taken aback, stopping suddenly in surprise.  
“My friend-“ he whispered as Ari caught up with him, he let out a growl of frustration and anger and Ari could hear the others approaching on their mounts.  
“Solas-“ Ari said warily, keeping an eye on the demon, “You said your friend was a spirit of wisdom, not a fighter.” Solas looked down and adjusted his sleeve, his back rigid and eyes dark. When he turned his gaze to her Ari could feel the power of his magic roiling just beneath his skin, he was angry, his expression contorted and unbridled as he let some of that anger slip in her direction.  
“A spirit becomes a demon when denied its original purpose.” He spat, trying to calm himself.  
“So whoever summoned it bound it to a purpose so opposed to its original nature it corrupted it? Fighting?” She asked and Solas glared as a rustle ahead of them revealed a dirty looking mage stumbling tiredly towards them.  
“Let us ask them.” Solas growled. The mage looked Solas over, staring at the staff on his back.  
“A mage!” he said, and Ari had an instant bad feeling. “You’re not a bandit! Do you have any lyrium potions?” He asked, Ari tried to pay attention to the mage, but kept noticing Solas clenching and unclenching his fists in the corner of her eye. “We’re exhausted. We’ve been fighting that demon.” He said simply as he scratched at his too-big-for-a-human ears. Cassandra and Cullen ran up the embankment, stopping in surprise just as Solas had, with the remaining troupe on their heels, most of them cursed softly at the sight of the demon but Sera said _shite biscuits_ loud enough that Solas’ jaw clenched.  
“You _summoned_ that demon.” Solas spat angrily, taking a step forward menacingly as Ari took one to intercept him if she had to. “Except it was a spirit of wisdom at the time.” The mage looked away guiltily. “You made it _kill._ ” Solas shouted. “You _twisted_ it against its purpose.”  
“I-I-I understand how it may look to someone who had not studied demons.” The mage prattled to Solas and Ari lifted her hand to rub at her forehead. This mage was an idiot, a pretentious one. And he just insulted Solas’ intelligence. “But after you help us we can-“  
“We’re not here to help _you._ ” Solas growled and the mage whimpered, finally realising his situation. Solas folded his arms across his chest and looked to Ari, barely keeping his rage in check. Cullen inched closer to Ari, putting himself between her and Solas, coming to the conclusion that the strange mage was not a threat.  
“A world of advice.” Ari drawled to the mage, “I’d hold off on explaining how demons work to my friend here.” Solas smirked momentarily before it was wiped off his face by the mage’s demands.  
“Listen to me.” The stranger demanded. “I was one of the foremost experts in the Kirkwall cir-“  
“Shut. Up.” Solas warned, it was a final warning and it put everyone on edge, even if wasn’t directed at them. “You summoned it, to protect you from the bandits. You bound it to obedience, then _commanded it to kill._ That is when it turned.” Solas looked to Ari again “The summoning circle, we break it we break the binding. No orders to kill, no conflict with its nature. No demon.”  
“What?” the stranger gasped, “The summoning circle is the only thing keeping it from killing us all!” Solas stepped to Ari, his hand out to reach for her.  
“ _Ari’Valen, please._ ” His voice lined with desperation, Ari sighed and closed her eyes for a second. Either way they couldn’t leave the demon there, but the summoning circle was what was weakening it. Cassandra walked behind her and whispered.  
“Inquisitor, you are surely not considering this?” Opening her eyes she could see everyone waiting for her decision, but none more so than Solas, his gaze crumbling in panic with each moment she took to consider it, he pleaded with her silently. Glancing at Cullen he was giving her a wary look, he seemed torn, as if he knew it was a bad idea but felt that it should be done anyway. She sighed a long breath before meeting Solas’ eyes. She gave one nod and relief poured through him. “ _Thank you._ ” He said before the demon reared up and roared, the strange mage whimpering and running away.

With a roar the warriors charged into the fray. The plan being that they would bash at the summoning stones as the archers would distract and taunt the Demon. It seemed a sound plan and the first two stones fell with a crumble of dust, the demon cackled and whipped lightning at them, the blow barely deflected by Blackwall’s shield. The recoil of the whip smashed into the ground by Sera and Varric, sending dirt into air and impact threw the two backwards, they ran to the side to get a clear view away from the dust cloud, the Demon rearing back to strike again. The third pillar was taking longer, as Dorian focussed on holding a barrier around the warriors Solas grabbed Ari by the wrist and they sprinted to the last pillar, he pressed her palm against the stone and shouted.  
“ _Use your anchor, push it down_.” He commanded.  
“ _What?”_ Ari shouted, “ _I don’t know how.”_ Her control over the anchor was mediocre at best, what was he asking? Opening a rift here near the demon would kill it before the summoning circle could be fully broken.  
“You can do this Ari’Valen, use your willpower.” He turned to send a fire bolt hurtling at the demon, distracting it from the group, it worked as the demon turned to rush at them. “ _Now Ari!”_ He shouted as he put a barrier around them just as the demon’s fist came smashing down on it, Ari screamed and felt the anchor crack and burn in her palm, whether it was willpower or panic, it didn’t matter. The anchor pulsed out from her hand in a painful rip and shattered the stone pillar. The Demon jerked and swayed before it curled in on itself, shrinking to reveal the shape of a woman, grey and swirling with a sickly mist. It kneeled on the grass by the river, watching the group through hollow green eyes. Solas gasped, the barrier had exhausted him but he stumbled over the spirit none the less and crouched before her. He looked broken.   
“Ir’Arbelas.” He whispered to it. He was apologising. Ari breathed deeply to recover and was met by Cullen who gingerly raised her wrist to look at her hand, the leather glove had been torn to shreds and her hand was a mess of blood from what looked like a mass of small cuts. Her palm throbbed and she smiled tiredly at him, he pulled her close into his chest and looked over to Solas who was speaking to the spirit in Dalish.  
“What are they saying?” Cullen whispered to her, Ari just shook her head, Solas was clearly upset and didn’t want to trivialise his emotions by explaining it to everyone present. The way he looked at his friend, holding back tears as he gestured to her gently, broke Ari’s heart. The spirit faded away in ash as Solas said goodbye.  
  
Ari took a few steps to Solas, the others stood back all finding something else to pay attention to.   
“I’m sorry.” She said to him quietly. He stood and turned to her.  
“Don’t be.” He said. “We gave it a moment’s peace before the end. That’s more than it might have had.” He looked down at her hand that was dripping with blood and gave her a pained look, showing remorse at his actions mid-battle. Footsteps beside them drew their attention as three mages, led by the one who had approached them before, walked up to them now that the danger was over. Solas’ expression grew dark, his featured contorting in rage.  
“You.” He growled as he rounded on them. “ _You tortured and murdered my friend.”_ The mages backed away, frightened of the angry tempest Solas had become, Ari watched a moment, wary of the pain that had contorted her lover. As she moved to tell Solas to stop he exploded in flames, killing the mages instantly. Gasping she leapt back, her hair blown back from the heat of the explosion. Cullen had run forwards yelling her name, grabbing her by the collar he dragged her back, sword in hand he held her to his side, prepared for when Solas turned around to harm them. The others stood in shock, having witnessed their Inquisitor allow someone to murder out of rage. Her heart pounded in her ears, mouth open in surprise, she had thought that Solas was compassionate enough or intelligent enough to not act on emotion, she knew he was in pain, but this was his reaction? She struggled to wrap her mind around the logic behind his action as he turned to look at her. He was panting, clutching his staff until his knuckles were white and couldn’t meet her eyes.   
“I-“ his voice broke and her chest hurt hearing it, he turned away and she felt an overwhelming need to comfort him, grounded only by Cullen’s fierce grip on her side and the tense air between them. “I need some time alone.” He said before casting her one last look and striding around the bend, heading south away from them. Ari shook as Cullen lowered his sword and drew her into his chest, he held her tight as if she would disappear like ash on the wind, just like the spirit. She breathed deeply, her stomach roiling in guilt, knowing that Solas wouldn’t come back.


	18. Chapter 18

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Would you like a long-ish chapter? Have one anyway. ;)

They had arrived at a small port town on the southern coast of the Waking Sea, the town itself was just a tavern and a few merchant buildings with cobblestone roads that faded out into dirt the further away you travelled from the docks. The docks were impressive considering the size of the town, plenty of fishing boats were hauling their catch onto the piers to be sorted by the wives and children of the fishermen, who gutted the fish expertly. The smell of the salt and fish guts assaulted Ari’s senses as the seagull calls drowned out most of the ambient sounds.

The last pier stretched far into the small bay where a sizeable barge was anchored, sailors were taking on cargo and rushing around the docks as a woman barked orders, Cassandra trotted forward and dismounted to speak to the woman. As she did Dorian stopped his horse next to Ari and gave her arm a nudge with his elbow, from under her hood she looked at him and he gave her a small smile.   
“How are you feeling?” he asked in a murmur, not wanting others to overhear. Ari didn’t respond, it had been two days since Solas had left and she hadn’t spoken to anyone but Varmet. She wanted to tell Dorian that she felt betrayed, not only by Solas but by the others who glared and judged _her_ for not acting to stop him. She felt that she had betrayed herself by being blinded by her feelings for him. She should have made him answer for his actions but did nothing, she let him murder people and then walk away. In addition to her emotional state she was exhausted. Her hand had been hastily wrapped and itched relentlessly as it healed, only to be opened if she used a bow or had to grab onto anything – like Varmet as he galloped. She hadn’t bathed for days, having left the river to head north where they hadn’t established camps yet and she had barely slept. Cullen tried his best to comfort her, keeping her company at night and taking command of the troupe during the day, but when he had a bout of painful withdrawals the night before Ari felt immensely guilty for putting him into this situation. He shouldn’t have to be worrying about her, especially not when he was struggling himself.

Dorian sighed having received no response from his friend and the stomping of Cassandra’s boots drew their attention to her.   
“We will leave just before dawn.” She said to Cullen, her accent thick as she gave orders. “Rooms have been prepared at the tavern and we can stable the mounts there until the deckhands retrieve them in the morning.”   
“The tavern?” Dorian piped up. “Maker, I do love sailing with a hangover.” He drawled, Ari smiled from under her hood and caught his eye as Dorian winked at her. “ _Varric_ ,” he called, “I do believe you owe me a rematch of Diamondback.” 

The tavern gave a welcome relief from the road. Ari had disappeared into her room while the others went straight for the food and ale, she could hear their laughter as they sat around the fireplace on the floor below her, probably telling stories that made Cassandra roll her eyes and grunt in disapproval and that Blackwall would disapprove of initially before joining in on the vulgarities. The room was pleasant, a large bed was on the far side with a framed partition hiding a tub, something she thought would be normal for Shem taverns. She hadn’t been in many, the Herald’s Rest in Skyhold being the only one she’s visited more than once. What wasn’t normal about the room was the large brass pipe that hovered over the wooden tub and the lever attached to it. Tentatively she tapped at the lever with her fingernail, pulling her hand away as if the metal would somehow bite her. She paused with her hand hovering for a moment before warily pushing the lever down. The metal creaked from within the wall before water spurted out of the pipe and into the tub, Ari yelped in surprise before lowering herself down by the edge of the tub to try to peer up into the metal tube.

Cullen had opened the door quietly and stepped into the room, placing his pack by Ari’s at the base of the bed. He could see her by the tub poking at the brass faucet suspiciously. Taking his time to watch Ari try to figure out the plumbing he couldn’t hold back his laughter as she squeaked when she touched the metal, now hot from the warm water rushing through it. She turned quickly to see him smiling at her, arms crossed over his chest which was devoid of his chestplate, Ari blushed and stood as he walked over, the glowing smile still on his face as he pulled her forehead closer to place a kiss there. His grey tunic was dirty from the travel here and as he wrapped his arms around her Ari was met with a very _male_ smell, unperturbed she buried her face into the crook of his neck and inhaled, happy to be behind walls and in privacy for once.   
“I take it you’ve never seen plumbing before.” He said as she shook her head gently. “It’s Dwarven, they had it for decades before humans got a hold of it. Still relatively new, but I guess it wouldn’t make sense for Aravels to have it.” He stepped back and reached for the straps of Ari’s armour, gently unfastening the half breastplate that rested over her leather. “There is a furnace to the side of the building, they keep the fire going so you can have hot water. Skyhold doesn’t have any, but we should put some in I think. Would definitely boost morale.” Ari shrugged out of the plate and Cullen placed it next to his own armour before coming back to help her remove the rest, Ari had started, but fumbled a bit as she tried to get her injured hand to cooperate, the cold and the cuts making it difficult to move. Once suitably naked Cullen reached behind her to run the lever off, stopping the water from flowing.

He quickly pulled his tunic off, followed by his breeches, Ari noticed a trail of bruises over his shoulders from a previous skirmish and gently ran her hand over them. Cullen smiled as the short woman went onto her toes to peer at them, holding her steady with his hand on the curve of her lower back. Directing her with his hand he stepped into the tub and helped her step in after him. The tub wasn’t huge, when he settled in his knees could hook over the edge and a well-placed towel under his neck made the wood corners comfortable to rest on, but Ari was quite small. She leaned back onto his chest, enveloped in the warm water with her legs propped up between his knees and arms wrapped around her waist as if she were in danger of floating away. He sighed contentedly and Ari allowed herself to relax, to stop thinking of the events from two days ago and be content in her Commander’s arms.

A while passed and the water had turned from hot to comfortably warm, Ari was fighting to stay awake when Cullen shifted and picked up a small vial of oil from the windowsill above them. Uncorking it the scent of Embrium wafted around them and Cullen poured some into his hands before placing the bottle back on the windowsill. He rubbed his hands together and brought one to each shoulder and slowly massaged at her tense muscles. Groaning in appreciation she was met with masculine chuckling as he nibbled at her ear as she let her head loll to the side. His hands moved down, the warmth of the Embrium leaving a pleasant sensation on her skin, he reached her forearms and he paused, gently raising her cut up hand by her arm to get a better view of it. He sighed and kissed her neck, speaking into it softly.  
“I saw him run with you to the other pillar. I thought he was going to have you watch his flank while he blasted down the pillar with a rock fist spell.” Ari gazed at her hand, clean of blood she could see the myriad of cuts in a circular pattern as if it were an explosion and her palm were the epicentre. “It made sense to me, his spells can pack a hell of a punch.” She smiled at the turn of phrase. “Then I saw him out of the corner of my eye, yelling at you to blast it down before he got the demon’s attention and threw up the barrier. I didn’t think about it before, after the skirmish, I think we were all shocked by what he did to those mages, but-” He sighed again and rested his head back on the towel, his thumb making gentle circles around her wrist. Ari waited patiently for him to continue, her free hand tracing the muscle of his thigh under the water. “If his intention was to knock the pillar down,” Cullen’s voice became softer and Ari absently realised that it was dusk outside. “He could have done it without endangering you. He’s an expert on the Fade, he’s been studying the Mark on your hand, he must have known it would hurt you to do it. And at no point did he need to draw the demon to the both of you, he could have put the barrier around the rest of us by the other pillar.” Ari’s heart thrummed uncomfortably as Cullen verbally worked through his thoughts. “This,” he said as he pulled her hand to his face to gently kiss the fingertips, “should not have happened.” Ari closed her eyes, fighting back the worry that pooled in her stomach like a heavy stone.  
“A lot of things should not have happened.” She whispered sullenly. Cullen wrapped his arms tightly around her and kissed whatever part of her he could reach.  
“No.” he said against her skin. “But they did, and you cannot blame yourself for his actions.”   
“I could have stopped him.” She whispered, staring at the wall.   
“And what then?” Cullen asked firmly, gently urging her to rotate so she was facing him, legs straddling his hips, she settled on him with her back arched, arms propping herself up. “He was determined to vent his anger. If not at the mages then at someone else, most likely you.” He massaged down her back, a contrast to his stern look. “No matter the outcome he had to leave, either to sort himself out or to run as an outlaw if he harmed you.” Ari stared at his lip, the scar interrupting the line of his facial hair which had grown thick over the last few days. She sighed and leaned forward, cuddling herself into his chest and submitting to his hands, his thumbs making their way up her back, thumbs grazing at the side of her breasts which made her skin tingle.  
“Do you think he’ll come back?” She asked quietly, his hands stilled for a moment and Ari looked up to see him lost in thought. He turned his gaze back to her and Ari could see that he had decided on something, a determination clouding his vision.   
“If he doesn’t then Leliana will ensure it.” His hands trailed forward to run his fingertips gently over her breast, leaving a trail of oil and water. “I have questions for him.” He almost whispered dangerously as he watched his hand travel. She remained there a moment, committing to memory the shine of the orange dusk in his blonde curls and beard. The way his lips curled up to the right, pulling at his scar as he smiled at her, the sound of the water sloshing as he relaxed back into the water and closed his eyes.

The water became cooler, almost tepid as the last remnants of dusk filtered through the window. Ari was sitting up, straddling him properly and tracing lines across his chest as he relaxed with his eyes closed. He smiled and hummed happily every now and then, content in her attentions. She gently leaned forward and kissed his lips softly, meaning it to be a sign that she was going to get out of the bathtub, he frowned and pouted before raising his hand to the back of her neck, pulling her forward to kiss her deeply. Ari moaned softly against his lips as his hand lazily raised to cup her breast, pinching the nub of flesh softly until she half squeaked from the pressure. Shifting his hips slightly he moved her enough to be straddling his groin, his erection pressing firmly against her clit. She gasped and flushed at the sudden spike of pleasure, pulling away to look down on him she blushed harder at his expression. His eyes dark and lidded he watched her as a small smile spread across his face before gently thrusting his hips up, grinding his cock against her and making her gasp. Grabbing her hips he held her still and repeated the action, biting his lip against the moan that escaped him. Ari giggled and put her hands on his chest.  
“Cullen, it’s time to get out of the tub.” Not that she wasn’t enjoying herself, but tepid water didn’t help with friction and she could see it becoming a problem quickly. He hummed in agreement and nodded before Ari stood up, the water dripping off her skin. Cullen leaned forward and slid his hands up her thighs, reaching around to grasp at her behind as she smiled at him. “You’re making it difficult to go anywhere.” She playfully chastised him and he gave her a cheeky knowing smile before he shifted to kneel and kissed softly against her sex. Ari sighed with the pleasure and lifted her hand to steady herself against the wall, his kisses increasing with urgency until she whimpered and shivered in the cool air. With a growl he scooped up her left leg and hooked it over his shoulder, gripping her hips to steady her he laved his tongue against her clit, revelling in the reactions she was giving as she shook and moaned, growing wetter with the attention. Reaching down carefully so he didn’t over balance his lover, he gripped his erection and gave it a few testing strokes, groaning as the heavy pleasure rolled through him. Her hand at the back of his head his cock twitched when she stuttered his name, hand involuntarily tightening on his hair, he reached up and lowered her leg off his shoulder, standing and taking her nipple in his mouth before breaking away with a breathy growl. He stepped out of the tub and pulled her with him, barely able to see without the candles lit, the water dripping from them onto the wooden floor as he sat on the edge of the bed. Gently he guided her to straddle him again, his fingers exploring her gently, coaxing moans from them both. He slid a finger inside of her and the sudden pleasure arched her back, a crook of his finger adding a loud moan to the vision above him as he hit the sensitive bundle of nerves. She was so tight from the water Cullen had to be patient and work her open with his fingers, his cock aching to replace his fingers her moaning spurred him on, his patience quickly wearing as his need grew. He pulled his fingers away and gripped his cock, using the slick on his hand to lubricate himself. Another few strokes and he had to force his hand away, grasping at her hips and lining the head of his cock up with her entrance. He looked up to see her dazed expression and bit at her lower lip gently, she whimpered and he kissed her, his tongue finding its way into her mouth quickly. Her hands around his shoulders their actions grew urgent, her nails scratching him slightly as he shuddered.  
“ _Ride me._ ” He demanded breathily and Ari pushed him down suddenly, her strong arms pinning him to the bed. Slowly she tilted her hips and slid down the length of him, taking her time as Cullen arched and gripped the sheets until he was fully sheathed, gasping she rolled her hips as he groaned and growled, gripping her hips to control her speed. Resisting the urge to roll her over and take her hard, he gave himself over to the feel of the velvety wet heat sliding over his cock, shooting pleasure to his spine where it built with each roll of her hips. Her face was contorted with concentration and pleasure, and each stuttered movement told him that she was close to orgasm, getting closer as she mewled and clutched at his chest. Meeting her hips’ movement with his own thrusts her breathing became laboured, her bottom lip red and swollen from resting between her teeth. His hand fumbling forward he rubbed her clit with the pad of his thumb, a few hard strokes and she stiffened, her moan hitching in her throat as she came, tightening around his cock as the pleasure crashed through her. Unable to continue his restraint, Cullen thrusted unmercifully, ripping the moan from her throat as she squeezed around him, a few moments later he released, the pleasurable relief escaping him with a shout that calmed into a very masculine laugh. Nearly falling forward, Ari curled on her lovers chest as he ran his hand through her hair, panting against her flushed skin.  
“Thank the Maker it was you that fell from the Breach.” He whispered as he cradled her, kissing her enough to reassure himself she was real.

Ari’Valen struck a match and lit a candle on a small table near the bed, the soft glow throwing shadows across the room. Cullen lay in the middle of the bed, propped up on pillows he sleepily watched his lover rise and potter around the room, picking up the armour and clothing before throwing the dirty travelling clothes into the tub. Cullen smiled to himself as she hummed softly and washed his tunic, finding some soap to scrub away at the worse stains. They hadn’t had much of an opportunity to wash anything yet, the river in Emprise du Lion was frozen over and using the hot springs there was a gamble since the clothes would freeze in the cold air; Varric had lost a pair of socks to the frost and was still bitter about it. She seemed completely comfortable kneeling in the nude by the tub, doing work that most people in a high social position would refuse to do.  
“You know,” Cullen said quietly, “there would be a servant who could do that.” Ari glanced to him and smiled before scrunching her nose.  
“No doubt some poor elvhen girl who has to also tend the kitchen, wait the tables, clean the room, empty the chamber pots _and_ wash everyone else’s clothes.” Ari shook her head before dunking the tunic back into the tub to rinse it. “I’ll spare the poor thing from having to clean my smalls as well.” Cullen chuckled before expending far too much effort to sit up and shuffled over to Ari, grabbing a pair of leggings and joining her in the chore.  
“I’m always surprised when I see you do chores.” He said offhandedly and stumbled to recover when Ari raised her eyebrows at him. “Not that I don’t think you would- Maker knows that you pull your weight. It’s just that most people who get into a position of power stop doing the little things.” Ari snorted delicately, if you could call it that, at his statement.  
“The little things are still important.” She said quietly, wringing out the tunic and draping it over the privacy screen to dry. “I can’t claim to know what is best for our people if I don’t do what they do from time to time.” Cullen hummed as he hung up the leggings and grabbed the next item of clothing. “It’s actually what I noticed about you at first.” Ari said, giving him a sideways smile and bumping her shoulder into his gently. “When we first met on the fields near Haven you were so stern that it scared me.” Cullen chuckled as he lathered up the soap.  
“Well, it was a stressful day.” He muttered. “You didn’t look scared though, more _defiant_ than anything else. I thought Cassandra was crazy for unchaining you.”   
“When we talked after I realised you weren’t so bad.”  
“ _Weren’t so bad?”_ Cullen questioned as Ari giggled.  
“When you gave me the lecture on what you were trying to do at Haven and watching you train the troops I stopped being so afraid of you, you weren’t like the other shem soldiers I had met before.” She glanced at him to find that he was staring at her, a hazy smile on his face as his hand sought hers under the water and squeezed. He leaned forward and kissed her so gently it made her heart thrum happily, his beard tickled her skin and she pulled away giggling.   
“Time for a shave?” He asked through quiet laughter and she nodded, rubbing the back of her hand at the tingling sensation that was left behind on her skin. They finished the rest of the clothes in peace and drained the tub, Ari stayed to watch the water drain completely mesmerised by the spiral of water that swirled from the pipe. Cullen pulled some relatively fresh clothes from his pack, grey breeches and a linen tunic, and dressed quickly, determined to find some food and get Ari to eat something. Barefoot he walked over and kissed her on the top of her head.  
“Are you coming down? I think Dorian misses you, he’s becoming very salty to deal with.” Ari looked up at him before standing, giving him a quick hug and a nip on his shoulder.  
“Yes, I’ll dress and come down.” she said and the smile he gave her was worth it, even when her heart twisted in guilt over her actions of the past few days. She wrapped herself around him again, burying her face in his chest. “I’m sorry.” She said quietly as he gently stroked her hair. “I haven’t exactly been a leader the last couple of days, too selfish in my own morose-ness.” He guided her chin up to look at him, his smile unfaltering before he pressed his lips to hers.  
“Nothing to forgive, Ma Sa’lath.” He rumbled, “I told you before, whatever you need.” She smiled and looked away to hold back tears, every time he said it it was overwhelming. She still struggled to see _why_ he would want to be with her, but was thankful that he did.

He opened the door to leave and paused, looking out to the hallway before turning back, brow furrowed he ran his eyes over the Inquisitor who was pulling on a pair of deep blue leggings.  
“Ari-” he said and she turned to him with a tight smile, concerned by his new expression. “When Solas told you to shatter the pillar, did he know you could do that?” Ari paused to consider it before pouting and shaking her head.  
“I had never done it before.” She said before starting to wrap her breastband around herself. “Why do you ask?” He blinked and shook his head, smiling before turning to leave again.  
“Just a question, love. Come down soon okay?” She hummed in agreement as he closed the door.

Pulling out a linen tunic of her pack she shook it to unfurl the fabric and paused. A cool breeze drifted over her back from the window which she had left closed, heart racing she fought to keep calm as her skin crawled. Crouching down to her pack she rummaged until she felt the hilt of her dagger. Gripping she silently unsheathed it, taking a steadying breath before standing quickly and raising the dagger to see a man clad in dark clothing approaching her with a dagger in his own hand. His eyes gleamed black in the candlelight as he approached her, face covered by fabric he growled in an Orlesian accent.  
“Time to die, _Inquisitor._ ” He lunged at her, Ari dodged, stepping out of range and slicing at his side, the fabric parting to reveal leather armour underneath. Rushing her again Ari forced him to drop the dagger from his hand with a twist of his wrist, something that Bull had taught her a few months back, his free hand grabbed her wrist to keep her own dagger a distance from him as he brought up his knee to drive it into her gut. Ari doubled over, winded and seeing stars before he hit her hand against the bedpost, having held onto her weapon he hit her hand against the wood again and her dagger clattered to the floor. Pulling back Ari looked up in time to receive a fist to her face, pain slamming into her cheekbone and snapping her head back, she let out a cry and he surged forward again, the both of them tumbling over a table with a crash. His heavy bulk pinned her down, her legs still tangled over the table as his hands gripped her throat, the rough calloused fingers scraped against her skin as he squeezed tightly, cutting off her air, strangling her. Her hands fumbled and slapped at him, the pressure in her head building as her eyes watered. Forming a fist with her middle knuckle protruding she punched him in the throat, jerking he gasped and wheezed but his hands were unrelenting. Ari’s vision was edging with black, her ears ringing as she desperately gasped for air, absently she could feel pain in her legs as the assassin’s bulk pinned them against the table. Reaching up her hand found his face, the fabric still in place, tracing over his brow with her fingers she found the edge of his eye and roughly shoved her thumb into his eye socket. He screamed and warm fluid gushed over her hand to drip onto her neck, his hands squeezed harder as he reared up.  
“You _bitch.”_ He snarled. “ _Fucking cunt!”_ Ari’s head lolled back as he screamed, unable to reach his face her hands scratched at his arms, her vision nearly gone.

The door slammed open and with a roar the man’s body was lifted from her, his hands still gripping she rolled with the momentum gasping to breathe as the calloused fingers were ripped away. Cullen had tackled the man and had a grip on the fabric wrapped around his head, slamming it into the floor repeatedly. Blood splattered and made a sickening squelching sound as the Commander used his whole body to smash the assassin’s face into the wood, his usually kind face distorted in anger as blood sprayed up onto his skin. Ari could feel gentler hands holding her legs as someone removed the table, still struggling to breathe she watched Cullen drop the now limp and bloodied corpse, staring at it a moment panting and shaking at his own actions before crawling over to gently lift and cradle her.  
“ _Maker_. Ari- can you hear me?” Ari blinked up at him, blood dotting his face thickly, and tried to talk. Instead pain blossomed through her throat and it the sounded ended up being pious and weak. Cullen’s hand shook as he took an opened elfroot potion from Blackwall and gently lifted her to sit up with the other man’s assistance. “Try to drink, I’m sorry. I know it hurts.” He dribbled a small amount into her parted lips, her breath still a rattling wheeze. His eyes were wet and in the back of her mind, past all the pain, she wanted to comfort him, to tell him it was alright. He continued dribbling small amounts of the potion into her mouth and it was slowly becoming easier to breathe, even if the pain was remaining.  
“Should I get Dorian?” Blackwall asked, unhappy at the slow progress.  
“Dorian can’t heal, not anything more than surface wounds. Solas was our only fucking healer.” Ari was surprised at hearing him swear, she raised her hand and rubbed at his arm gently in a half scolding manner, looking down at her he smiled and she could see his relief at her reaction. Proof that she was still with him. He caressed her jaw with his thumb before feeding her some more of the potion, looking up at the heavy footsteps that approached. Bull’s voice rumbled through the room as he reported.  
“One horse, no documents save a picture of the Boss. No additional tracks. Looks like he was working alone. The others are scouring the streets just in case.” His horns and head came into view and Ari could feel her right eye swelling as she tried to look at him. “Still with us Boss?” He asked and Ari gingerly gave him a thumbs up before letting her hand flop back onto the floor. Bull walked over to the corpse before swearing at the damage to it and the floor. “That. Is _fucked up.”_

The last of the potion was swallowed and she could breathe raggedly again. She sat up carefully with a lot of help from Cullen and tested her extremities one by one looking for injuries. Looking around at the half destroyed room thick with the smell of blood she flopped back into Cullen’s arms who kissed her carefully. His eyes were still wet and she wiped at them with her thumb, smiling at him.  
“I need a pint.” She said raggedly and the men laughed, lifting her up to take her out of the room and away from the lingering smell of death.


	19. Chapter 19

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Aw. I'm starting to miss Solas. :(
> 
> Thank you everyone who has been commenting/kudos-ing, your input goes a long way to inspiring me to keep going with this. <3

Another sleepless night- for everyone after the attempt on the Inquisitor’s life- and the troupe were on the barge ready to depart. The town was eerily quiet in the soft fog, the fishermen not yet awake to sail out for their catch, the creaking of the wood as the water gently lapped against the hull of the barge was drowned out by the bustle of the sailors who prepared to set sail.

The Captain, a Free Marcher by the name of Meridin, approached the troupe as they milled on the deck. The woman bowed and shook Cassandra’s hand, having only dealt with her before, and introduced herself.  
“I have informed my crew that you are a mercenary company.” She said quietly, addressing Ari mostly. “Your Spymaster has informed me you wish to keep your identities as such as you travel?”  
“If you please.” Ari said from under her hood, her voice still ragged from the assassin’s attack, she had to speak softly to avoid a painful spasm in her throat. “We must move quickly and as you can understand it would be difficult if the local nobility learned of our presence.” Meridin laughed loudly, her black hair bobbing around her bandana as she did.   
“Yes, the Orlesians are fond of their pomp. Do not worry ma’am, we will get you north without any trouble. My first mate will show you to your cabins, there are other passengers aboard, all civilians, but they shouldn’t hassle you.” Ari bowed and the Captain left to put fear into a sailor that was doing _something_ wrong. A man approached, the first mate, and led them below deck and pointed out the cabins assigned to them, there were twenty cabins in total, some larger that could fit four people in it, others only two. Below them was the cargo hold, where their mounts were probably unhappily stabled. Ari opened the slim door on one cabin and was surprised at how large the room was, she had expected bunks but there was a large bed, a desk with writing materials and privacy screen. The furniture was bolted to the floors and walls so it wouldn’t move in the swell of the ocean and above them a lantern hung by a chain. She wandered in and looked around, poking things here and there, Varric walked in and laughed at her as she explored.    
“You haven’t been on a boat much have you?” he asked smugly, crossing his arms over his chest. Ari turned to him and pushed her hood back, smiling.  
“I have, but not often.” She said, “I thought it would be smaller.”   
“I heard the seeker say that this crew takes mostly passengers across. People pay a lot of money to be comfortable at sea.” He informed her in a businessman like tone. He walked to the middle of the cabin and kicked his foot against the wood of the bed. “You’ve got your bed,” he gestured to the desk, “your business, and-” he opened a small cupboard that was next to the bed, revealing a small cache of bottles. “Your _booze._ ” Ari laughed and sat carelessly on the bed.  
“That’s a bit dangerous, storing the liquor next to the bed.” She said as she examined one of the bottles, as far as she could tell it was wine.  
“Depends on your business I guess.” Varric said before giving her a salacious wink and leaning against the desk.  
“How long until we reach the northern coast?” She asked as she ran her hand through the fur that covered the bed.  
“Two nights, as long as we don’t get inclement weather.” He said, opening a draw to peer at its contents.   
“So two nights of Wicked Grace then?” Ari surmised, giving Varric a knowing look to which he smiled back and winked. He looked up as Cullen walked in with his pack which he placed carefully in the corner. “Good thing our Ambassador isn’t here, you might have a chance of winning Curly.” Cullen rolled his eyes at him before walking over to the desk and shooing Varric away. Pulling out a piece of paper and inkwell he sat on the bolted down chair and picked out a quill, looking up to the dwarf he gave him a mischievous look.  
“Dorian is taking the last private room, but he just left to get his pack.” Cullen hinted as Varric stood upright, striding out the door muttering about unclaimed territory. Cullen began to write furiously with a frown, Ari quietly tiptoed over to glance at what he was writing, seeing figures and catching a few location names before he turned and put his hand on her waist, drawing her attention. “I need to send a report before we cast off. Can you see if the Captain has a messenger bird?” He asked, all business. Ari nodded and Cullen turned back to his letter, determined to write it quickly. She made her way out of the cabin and up to the deck.

Captain Meridin just so happened to have three messenger birds and was kind enough to lend them one before going back to frightening her crew. The sun was beginning to rise and the soft light sparkled on the water, Ari walked to the bow of the ship and rested on it, peering over to see small fish swimming beside them. The air was still cool and her breath steamed, winter was definitely on its way.  
“Inquisitor,” Cassandra’s lilt broke her moment of peace and Ari turned to see the woman standing just behind her. “I must speak with you a moment.” Ari turned back and sighed quietly, every time Cassandra said those words she knew the conversation was going to be unpleasant on some level.  
“I thought we were trying to be incognito, maybe don’t use my title here.” Ari said quietly and Cassandra closed the distance to stand beside her, looking to the horizon.  
“Of course.” She said, “I apologize.” She paused and Ari waited patiently for the lecture to begin, as it was she didn’t have to wait long. “I need to know your decisions are not being influenced by your feelings towards Solas or the Commander.” She said outright and blunt as usual. Ari cringed, somehow she knew this was going to be the conversation and talking to Cassandra about feelings was a bit of a grey area. “I do not believe that before commencing your _relationship_ with Solas that you would have let anyone murder out of rage. If he is somehow influencing you then the Inquisition cannot be put in that position.”   
“Cassandra.” Ari said warily, exhaustion making her short with the warrior. “We kill people every day. They may be bandits or soldiers, but we are killing them in the belief that we are doing the right thing. He shouldn’t have done it, we all know that. But if someone turned your friend into a demon, can you say you would have acted rationally?”   
“I wouldn’t be friends with a demon. _Spirit._ ” She corrected herself when Ari gave her a glare.  
“You have already made your feelings on spirits very clear.” Ari said. “And as I said before, Cole is an ally. You _will_ treat him as such.” The conversation detoured to an old argument between them, Cassandra did not trust Cole one bit, actively avoiding him most of the time. Cole understood in his own way but still talked about it often. Ari wasn’t sure if he was sad about it or not. “Besides, in order for Solas to influence my decisions, he would actually have to _be_ _here_.” Ari said, her voice dripping with disdain. “And as for the Commander; if he were influencing me, it would be to the benefit of the Inquisition.” The silence stretched between them and Casandra began to fiddle with her sleeves. She straightened up and faced Ari.  
“If Solas returns he must face punishment, we cannot risk becoming what we are trying to oppose.” She stated with a determined voice. Ari knew that Cassandra had never trusted Solas, her time as a Seeker causing her to be wary and judgemental of most people she came across. Ari didn’t respond, she still didn’t even know if he was going to come back. Once they set sail the chances he could catch up even if he wanted to were slim. Ari grappled with her answer, she honestly couldn’t decide the course of action from here, couldn’t picture sitting on the throne in Skyhold passing judgement over him. Her hands tightened on the wood until her knuckles were white, luckily she didn’t have to answer.  
“Should he come back the decision will be discussed between the Inquisitor and the Council.” Cullen said with authority and the women turned to face him, one scowling and the other with relief. “And should he return while we are travelling he will answer to myself and Ari’Valen. Not the Seekers and not the blighted Chantry.” Cassandra huffed in disgust before catching herself, relaxing into a military-style stance.  
“Commander-” she began before Cullen cut her off.  
“You are dismissed, Cassandra.” He rumbled before she hesitantly bowed and left the two alone. He waited until she had returned below deck before moving closer to Ari, blocking her from the view of the sailors he gently ran the back of his fingers down her forearm, looking at her sideways he gave her a small smile. It was how he usually showed his affection when there were soldiers around.  
“We need to go below deck, they’re casting off in a minute.” He said quietly. “And I’m exhausted, you haven’t slept either have you?” Ari just shook her head in response. After the assassin she definitely wouldn’t be able to sleep. Cullen hummed before directing her below deck where they entered their cabin, thoroughly checked for intruders by the Commander before he locked the door behind them. Shedding their armour they crawled into the bed, curling up in each other’s arms for a fitful few hours of sleep.

Sitting on the floor of Varric’s large cabin- which he had won the rights to after locking Dorian out and blackmailing him – Ari stretched back with playing cards in her hand. Wicked Grace was about the only thing to do in between sleeping and drinking aside from being on the deck, Ari had gone out but discovered, to everyone’s amusement, that she got seasick very easily. She placed an I.O.U bet, something they agreed on when travelling- no gambling with the loot, and settled back against the wood. Sera was giggling beside her having finished a bottle of wine and losing the game shamelessly, encouraging Ari to drink more which she did happily. The wine, although strong and a bit hard to palate, had that wonderful numbing effect and soon Ari was eating and talking without any pain.

Cullen began to drift off, a combination of exhaustion and drink and Ari threw her cards onto the floor, Bull and Varric the only remaining players took it as forfeit and decided to throw their own in as well.   
“Let’s call it a night.” Ari said while rousing Cullen enough so he understood he had to walk back to their cabin. “We’ll pick it up again tomorrow no doubt.” There was only so much planning they could do while isolated on the ship, something that both stressed and relaxed Ari. Cullen stood with a groan and a stumble, using the wooden wall to steady himself he could barely feel the coarse grain of the wood beneath his hand, he could feel the impending hangover, however. Ari draped his heavy arm over her shoulder, if she could steady him enough to get him to bed she would be happy; and giving herself something to focus on made the rocking of the ship less harrowing. Shuffling out of the room they made their way down the tiny hallway and into their own cabin where Ari unceremoniously flopped Cullen’s overbearing weight onto the bed. He landed face down and let out a regretful groan into the fur while Ari worked at his boots, trying to slide them off his feet.  
  
Ari struggled with the second boot, the first one flung frustratingly into the corner, while Cullen murmured into the blanket, in his mind he was having an in depth conversation with her, giggling into the straw mattress Ari wretched the last boot off and rolled him – not easy when you’re a teeny elf and he’s a lumpy human slab of muscle- onto his back. Ari looked him over and decided it was far too hard to get any more of his clothes off and grabbed a pillow to stick under his head – which lolled from the movement, bringing his attention to her, eyes lidded he smiled at her dopily, making a slurring, cheerful, humming sound.  
“Why Inquisitor,” he mumble-slurred. “I do believe you’re trying to take advantage of me.” Ari laughed and kicked her own boots off, uncaring of where they fell.  
“Ma’vheraan, even if I were, you are in no state to comply.” She teased, jumping up to lower the lantern to a soft glow. She could hear his arm dragging across the blanket, followed by a sing-song _where are you_? Once in range of his arm she was scooped and dragged back to settle in the curve of his body, his warmth comforting in the strange environment.  
“Ma’veren-vheran- _vereen_.” He rolled the words over his tongue and chuckled, the sound lost as he snuggled into her hair. She could smell the wine on his breath, hot and sweet, accompanied by a lazy graze of teeth against the tip of her ear, she shuddered before giving his arm a squeeze and relaxing further against his body. “I like your name for me.” He rumbled, half asleep. “I want to live up to it.” Ari kissed his arm, the easiest part of him to reach and stifled a yawn.     
“You do, _Ma’vheraan.”_ She stressed the name, reassuring as he struggled with wakefulness. His breathing evened out after a time and Ari was sure he had fallen asleep while holding onto her tightly. She was close to drifting off herself when his whisper, so quiet she would not have heard him if he wasn’t already next to her ear, brought her back from the edge of sleep.  
“Do you miss him?” It was a question, no judgement, no resentment, just a question. She intertwined her fingers in his and drew them to her chest, enclosing her in that last bit of the tight embrace. Her earlier maudlin returning as she lay in the dark.  
“Yes.” Her voice croaked and Cullen nuzzled her hair away from her neck to kiss softly at it. The sensation sent a tingle down her skin, his hot breath comforting and welcome.  
“I’m not angry.” He whispered and Ari felt a bit of relief, she relaxed although she wasn’t aware she was tense. “In truth, I wish he were here again.” Ari rolled in his arm to look at him, the soft glow of the lantern tinging his skin with gold and deep shadows cast off his features. He smiled at her, running the back of her finger across her cheek as she sighed at the contact. “I’d feel safer knowing he would be watching over you as well.” He chuckled. “As much as I dislike the competition for your affection.” Ari kissed his thumb as it ran over her bottom lip, the calloused skin leaving a lingering impression on her lips.  
“My feelings for you do not lessen in his presence.” Ari whispered and Cullen smiled, the barest hint of sadness in it. He cupped the back of her head, raking his fingers into her hair and leaned forward, pressing his lips against hers in a chaste yet enduring kiss.   
“ _I love you_.” He said, voice cracking as he watched her lips part, Ari’s heart thudded; although it was always implied in his actions, steadily growing stronger as the months passed, he had never openly told her he loved her.

His nervous ragged breath echoed between them as he waited patiently for a reaction, he began to regret his forwardness, his usual apprehension over the idea of telling her washed away with the heady wine. Her hand slowly dragged up to lightly trace at his stubble, the feel of each individual hair being moved tickled at his jaw, biting his lip nervously his hand itched to rub at the back of his neck, his doubts rising up to take place at the forefront of his mind. Her hand wandered down the strong muscles of his neck to press at his chest, exploring the firm bumps and ridges of his bones and muscles. She met his gaze, eyes shining in the low light, almost ethereal against her pale skin and hair, smiling she pressed her cool lips against his hot ones with a passion that made him tighten his arms, pulling her body in a tight line against his own. Moaning he slipped his tongue past the threshold of her lips, shuddering when she accepted him with a small mewl. The feel of his tongue sliding against hers prompted his desire through the haze of alcohol, pushing his body to respond instinctively. Pulling back he bit sensually at her swollen lower lip, her mouth desperately seeking out his own again as he teased her with proximity.  
“ _Ma’vheraan.”_ She breathily rasped as he pressed an open kiss against the corner of her mouth before claiming her lips with his own again, his fingers massaging tenderly at the back of her neck as his tongue laved against hers. Her hand mirrored his own and twined into his hair, gripping slightly she broke away from his kiss, panting and nipping at his lip as he growled hungrily. She pressed her forehead against his, thumb caressing just below his ear, calming down her escalating need. “I love you, Cullen.” She whispered against his lips and he let out a shaky sigh of relief, his smile spreading across his face as he left a trail of light peppered kisses over her cheek and neck accompanied by her giggles as she tried to escape the tickling stubble. The anchor sparked between them lazily, casting a soft green glow over their fevered bodies, Cullen pulled back and sighed, knowing that it could easily react badly, especially since Ari had been drinking. He pulled her into his chest and breathed in the smell of her hair, humming happily as he traced circles along her skin.   
“ _Maker_.” Cullen whispered as the wary promise of sleep washed over him again, his body content with the idea of passing out. The woman in his arms sighed happily before gently laying a kiss on his breastbone, curling the fabric of his tunic in her fingers, her mind couldn't help but think momentarily of her missing lover, the comfort of his warmth that would have been at her back, before pushing that thought and its connected sadness away and slipping into sleep, lulled by Cullen's rhythmic breathing.


	20. Chapter 20

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 20 chapters? Really? oh my. -.-'

Cullen and Ari’Valen stepped out onto the deck of the ship, blinking against the mid-morning sunlight. The coast of Southern Orlais had completely disappeared leaving them surrounded by the Waking Sea, Ari felt a surge of nervousness, not used to the absence of trees or hills and paused a moment, blocking the ladder to the below decks. Cullen stepped beside her and put his arm around her waist and she took the opportunity to be grounded in his presence, one more night and they would be on land again, one more.

The sailors went about their duties completely autonomously and even civilians were on deck untroubled by the rolling water and lack of land. Cullen looked to the east and sighed, seeing the approach of darker clouds blowing towards them, lined up against the clear sky like the forward line of an enemy army.  
“That storm looks menacing.” He muttered and Ari glanced at him quickly before looking around at the sky.  
“ _What_?” she whispered, trying to sound much calmer then she did. “Storm? What do we do?” Cullen chuckled and pulled her into an embrace, kissing the top of her head reassuringly.  
“Nothing, love. If it hits us we stay below deck and let the crew sail us through, I’m sure they’re very experienced on these waters. Oh look- Dorian is up.” Cullen guided Ari over to Dorian who was leaning over the ship’s side, groaning with his head in his hand.

Cullen removed Ari’s too tight grip on his arm and directed her hand to grip the railing instead, he put his hands either side of hers and held onto the railing, circling her back and blocking the wind with his body. Dorian looked up through his fingers at the peacefully calm Commander and the terrified Inquisitor before making an exasperated sound.  
“If I hadn’t drank bottle upon bottle of some awful desecration of grapes last night I would blame your sappy-happy display for my nausea.” He complained but it lacked his usual ferocity, Ari smiled at him tightly, unable to hide her concern for being on a ship anymore while Cullen chuckled with a grin behind her.

A group of the civilians wandered behind them, returning to the hatch that would take them below decks, hooded and rugged up from the cold air they excused themselves as they passed between the Cullen and crates that had been secured on the deck. Smiling and nodding to them Cullen stepped forward, giving himself an excuse to get closer to Ari when a surge in the waves tipped them off balance, Cullen gripped onto Ari for safety and his other hand clasped onto a thick rope that ran along the railing, steadying them through the roll of the waves. A man stumbled behind them and bumped into Cullen, apologising quickly he righted himself and followed the group back below deck.

Cullen stared after the group, holding Ari tight even after the unexpected wave dissipated. Uncertainty crawled up his spine and he met Dorian’s hard stare, clear of the hangover that was dogging him. Dorian gave one curt nod to Cullen before sliding over to put himself between the Commander and the Inquisitor.  
“Ari’Valen, I need to go back to the cabin for a moment.” Cullen said quietly to her, giving a swift kiss on her cheek. She looked up at him concerned in his change of demeanour.  
“Are you unwell?” She asked while Dorian made a pitiful sound and lumped against her. Cullen smiled tightly at the display.  
“A bit. I’ll be back soon.” She nodded to him and he walked over to the hatch and lowered himself down the ladder. Dorian looked at Ari with a pout, his olive skin had tanned quite a bit since they left Skyhold and his hair was ruffled from the breeze.   
“Make me feel better.” He demanded childishly and Ari sighed, still refusing to relinquish her grip on the railing.   
“I can get you some tea from my pack if you want?” she offered, there was plenty of the hangover tea in her cabin, she had packed it mostly for Dorian and Varric, knowing they’d get into a stupor at some point.  
“ _No_.” He said and flung his arms around her. “Tell me some gossip. How are you and Commander Rutherford faring?” Sighing she couldn’t suppress her smile and ducked her head to try and hide it without success, Dorian crooned and shook her a little, demanding all the tiny juicy details.

Cullen slid down the ladder once out of sight of Ari’Valen and landed softly on the wooden floor. The Civilians were ahead of him chatting and peeling into their respective cabins. Watching the man who had bumped into him- who was walking to the furthest cabin covered in a heavy grey woollen cloak- Cullen gripped the hilt of his sword and pretended to be unconcerned with the others in the hallway. His heart beating he counted the remaining steps to his own cabin and hoped the other people disappeared quickly, the wood creaked as the first man turned into a cabin with a woman followed by another man exiting the hallway into a cabin a few doors up. Close to his own now Cullen had closed the distance between himself and the last man, as soon as he was beside the right door Cullen drew his sword with a silent hiss of the metal against its scabbard and lurched forwards, clapping one hand on the man’s mouth to stifle his surprised cry and bringing up his sword to rest the blade against the stranger’s throat.  
“ _Not a sound._ ” Cullen growled dangerously in warning when the man’s hands flew to grasp at his arms. Dragging the man a few paces back Cullen nudged his cabin door open with his foot, stepping in, he roughly flung the man onto the floor, slamming the door and locking it behind him. The man hit the floor with a thud, landing on his side. Cullen turned to see a familiar glare as the hood fell back, propped up on one elbow he stranger reached up and pulled down a fabric mask.  
“That was unnecessary, _Commander._ ” Solas growled as Cullen sheathed his sword with a practiced precision.  
“ _Get up._ ” Cullen snarled, his face distorted in anger as he grabbed Solas by the front of his robes and slammed him against the wall, forcing the air out of his lungs with an _oof_. “You have some _fucking nerve_.” Cullen angrily hissed, hands still wrapped in the robes. Solas laughed breathlessly, meeting the Templar’s rage filled eyes with calm ones of his own.  
“Thought you were rid of me, Cullen?” Solas mused, a smirk curling the edge of his lips despite the choking sensation of the tightening fabric. “Sorry to disappoint.”  
“ _Maker take you._ ” Cullen snapped, “Do you have _any_ idea what you put us through? You and your _fucking_ spirits?” Solas’ hand gripped Cullen’s wrist as the fabric grew tighter, he considered sending a spark of lightning into the other man but didn’t want to risk being smote, knowing firsthand how nasty having all your magic drained by a Templar felt.   
“I did not intend to-“ Solas protested before being slammed back into the wall again, blurring his vision momentarily.  
“ _Shut the fuck up, Solas.”_ Teeth bared Cullen struggled to control his rage, giving him unwanted flashbacks of his life before the Inquisition, before fighting to get a hold of his life. His hands shook and he breathed heavily, the stress pushing his need for lyrium further. “Shut the fuck up.” He reiterated, calmer after taking a moment to breathe. “And listen.” Solas nodded gently, the tips of his ears scraping against the wall, he watched as the other man flexed his fists and breathed to regain control. “I don’t want Ari’Valen to know you’re here, not until you are aware of what has happened. Otherwise, _Maker knows_ you’ll fuck it up and she will send you away.” Solas raised an eyebrow at the unexpected statement.  
“Commander Rutherford,” Solas said slowly, carefully. “I do not believe that I am understanding what you are saying correctly.” Cullen’s head dropped to look at the floor, he muttered under his breath and Solas strained to hear it. “Cullen, I cannot hea-“  
“ _She nearly died._ ” He snapped his head back up and nearly shouted, anguish clear on his face. Solas’ breath caught in his throat as he felt a swirl of guilt and rage in his gut. “When you left she wouldn’t talk, wouldn’t sleep.” He continued quietly, hands trembling from the continued tension. “She refused to eat or even give orders to the troupe. Cassandra and I took charge, by this point Ari was barely able to fucking ride Varmet.” Cullen made a strangled sound as Solas stayed still and listened, eyes narrowed as he took in the information. “The others blamed her for not stopping you and Cassandra began to question her ability to lead us.” Solas growled under his breath, angry at how quickly everything began to crumble barely a week after he had left, angry at their companions who could judge so harshly. “Two nights ago I had finally gotten through to her. She was talking again, going back to her usual self, I went downstairs to get her food- she needed to eat- _maker_ it had been days.” His voice cracked and he let his head drop again, his arms trembled and Solas lifted his hand to gently place on his shoulder, feeling the uncharacteristic need to comfort him. “I was right there- I walked out-” Cullen breathed heavily, trying to calm himself as the stinging need grew, the lyrium withdrawal rearing its ugly head. “I fucking left her alone.” He choked, “And when I heard the crash I ran back up, the man had his hands around her throat, crushing her. _Killing her._ I barely made it in time.” Solas squeezed his shoulder, hand trembling in anger that someone would dare hurt her. Cullen’s grip on Solas’ robes lessened and he straightened up, meeting his rival’s gaze. Cullen fought with what he was about to say and what he _wanted_ to say, he wanted to say that he was going to give Solas over to Leliana, let her decide if his intentions were pure, but what he did say- “Cassandra wants to bring you in for punishment, in fear of you influencing the Inquisitor to become what we are trying to fight. Leliana agrees.” Solas stiffened, he had already been under scrutiny for some time, even threatened to be executed, ever since he had arrived to help them with the Breach, but this- this would take him away from Ari’Valen for the foreseeable future and likely be an extremely unpleasant experience.   
“Cullen-” Solas rasped, he had not been _close_ with the man, but surely he could convince him to remain? _No._ Solas thought, _he loves her, he wouldn’t want me in the way._ But what Cullen had said before- was he against Solas being sent away? The mage held onto that awful, lamenting hope as Cullen finally let go of his robes and flexed his hands to rid them of the tension.  
“But I have refused.” Cullen added as relief washed over Solas. “At least for now.” Cullen stepped backwards, stumbling over his own feet as sweat poured from his brow. “I don’t know what game you’re playing.” He rasped as he sat tentatively on the wooden edge of the bed, his muscles screaming in pain. “Pushing Ari to use the anchor in ways she could not before- putting her in danger just to experiment with that damned mark.” Cullen pulled off his mantle and dropped it on the floor, something he would never do given his precise military upbringing. “But it stops today.” He met Solas’ concerned gaze with steely determination. “I will ensure Ari does not send you away and in turn you protect her when I cannot.” He gasped and loosened his tunic, pulling it free from his breeches, Solas stepped forward in concern as the man fell rapidly into illness. “If I think, even for a moment, that you are anything but sincere in your actions. I will give you to Leliana myself, regardless of the Inquisitor’s orders. Do you understand?” Solas nodded and Cullen took it as acknowledgement before sighing and slumping forward, barely giving Solas enough time to catch the heavy man.  
“Fenedhis!” Solas cursed as he tried to support the human’s bulk. “ _Cullen,_ can you hear me?” Solas limped the half conscious human to the side of the bed before dropping him gently onto it, the pale and clammy man groaning in pain as he was shifted. Lifting his hand to place gently on Cullen’s chest he concentrated until a blue glow shone from his hand, he pushed his healing magic into the man, searching for the source of his illness until he stumbled upon the presence of lyrium addiction, gnawing and unrelenting in his blood.   
“ _Withdrawals?”_ Solas gasped in surprise. “ _You have stopped taking lyrium?”_


	21. Chapter 21

“I _love_ salted meat.” Dorian said around a mouthful of it. “It’s so versatile and you _never_ get sick of it.” The group sat on the deck watching the approaching storm warily as Dorian complained for the fifth or six time.  
“I’m glad to hear it.” Blackwall replied in his rugged voice as he sat against the mast, one knee up to prop his arm on. “Given your lifestyle choices I shudder to think what you’d complain about if you _didn’t_ like it.” Iron Bull barked a laugh at the joke while Cassandra gave another grunt.   
“ _Warden Blackwall_.” Dorian exasperatedly protested. “Did you just _sass_ me?”  
“Now, now.” Blackwall purred, ripping a chunk of meat apart. “No need to be _salty_ about it.” Everyone groaned at the pun while Varric let his appreciation be known, laughing loudly from across the deck. Ari looked around at the group and wandered how Cullen was faring, it had been some time since he excused himself, she had been meaning to check on him but Dorian had managed to monopolize her attention.

Brushing her hands of the crumbs of food Ari stood, still unsteady on the rolling boat- although at this point it was likely all in her head- and stepped away from the group.  
“Where you off to now?” Dorian asked, pinching at the hem of her coat.  
“Checking on Cullen, he was feeling ill before.” She said and tried to walk away but Dorian had a firm grip on her coat.  
“I’m sure he’s fine.” Dorian said dismissively, “But I can check on him if you’d like?” Ari raised an eyebrow suspiciously at the offer. “Sometimes men like to be alone if they suddenly fall ill, or at least don’t want their lovers to see them in such a state.” He added before Ari swatted her coat out of his grasp.  
“He would likely appreciate my presence more than yours Dorian, besides, if you leave now how will Iron Bull slip in his joke about offering his salty meat to you?” She chuckled and Bull made a pious sound.  
“Aw Boss, don’t spoil it.” Bull rumbled and while Dorian was distracted by the Qunari, Ari took the chance to escape his absurd clinginess.

Pushing at the door to her cabin she could hear gasping behind it, Cullen’s. _Dammit, he is sick_. Testing the door quietly it was locked and so she silently slipped the key into the lock and turned it. Slipping into the cabin quietly she was faced with the scene of a man hunched over Cullen who was half collapsed on the bed as he gasped in pain, magic glowing between them.  
“ _Cullen!”_ she shouted as she drew a dagger and threw it at the man, looking up he gasped and flung himself backwards, landing awkwardly on the immovable chair as the dagger sailed past and landed with a _thunk_ in the wooden wall. The man turned and held up a hand as she drew a second dagger to advance on him, shouting he scrambled to stand.  
“ _Ari’Valen, Venavis!”_ He shouted for her to stop as she strode across the room. “It’s _me,_ ” he slipped as he tried to stand and fell to one knee, “ _Solas!”_ he shouted before her fist collided with his cheekbone, rendering him unconscious as he slumped onto the floor. Ari shook her hand, pained from the impact.   
“I know who you are.” She muttered before going over to Cullen, anxiously looking him over. One knee on the bed she cradled his head in her hands and felt the fever and shaking that wracked his body. His pale, sweaty skin ashen in comparison to his golden hair. Swearing continuously at the frequency of his illness she set to work to bring the his fever down.

When Solas awoke the first thing he noticed was the splitting headache that sent sparks of pain from his left eye to the back of his head. The second thing was that when he tried to reach up to hold his head his arms were bound behind him to the chair that was bolted to the ground. He could hear the sloshing of water and the shushing, comforting sounds of a woman and for a moment thought they were for him, until he heard the muffled, painful cry of another man.

He sat up with a groan, wrists twisting uncomfortably against wood and rope until he was sitting upright on the floor, the chair leg digging into his spine as he leaned back. His blurry vision caught the movement of Ari’Valen kneeling on the bed as she wiped Cullen down with cool water, his fever and muscle cramps causing him to convulse in pain and grip at her desperately as she supported his head and whispered comforting words to him.   
“You need to breathe Ma’vheraan.” She cooed to him as he arched off the bed, her hand gently on his chest to steady him back down, he tried to slow his breathing only to be lost in another wave of pain.  
“Ari- please.” He begged, voice cracking and Solas winced against the sound. “I need the lyrium.”  
“No.” she said firmly and his face crumpled.  
“I need to- I- I can’t do this, can’t. I need to be strong, do my duty.” He rasped and weakly pawed at Ari who collected his hand in hers, pushing it to his chest.  
“You will not take lyrium Commander. _That is an order._ ” Her voice so stern it surprised Solas, she had never spoken to him in that manner before, never needed to. Cullen’s face crumpled into despair at the refusal, but he didn’t fight her decision, ever the soldier even now as his body tried to tear itself apart. Ari’Valen glanced up and saw Solas was awake, pity and concern played on his expression as he watched them both struggle with the effects of addiction. She held his gaze a moment before turning back to Cullen, his thrashing waning slowly as she shushed him into calm. Once breathing normally he looked up to her and smiled tiredly, the smile held all his relief and comfort at knowing she was there with him and it made Solas glance away, as if he shouldn’t have witnessed the private moment, instead focussing on the dagger that was still in the wall.  
“It’s nearly over, ma’vheraan.” She said softly and he raggedly sighed, she leaned over to pick up a cup and held it to his lips as he drank painfully before letting his head fall back with a torn grunt. The pillow beneath his head was wet with his sweat and uncomfortable but the cool cloth that was draped on his head helped him forget it. Peering over at Solas who was sitting on the floor Cullen smirked when he saw the black eye that was gracing the other man’s face.  
“Did you do that?” he asked Ari who glared at her captive. “I don’t think its necessary.”   
“It’s alright, Commander.” Solas said roughly, “I would have reacted the same way, however, now that you are lucid, may I be untied?”  
“ _No.”_ Ari said stubbornly and Cullen lifted his hand to shift her gaze from the man on the floor to him.  
“Ari-“ he whispered, pulling her down to kiss her lightly. “I was speaking to him before, we need to consider the situation rationally.” Solas watched as Cullen pleaded his case, a bit jealous of his close proximity to her.  
“The situation in which he was on the ship with us the whole time? And likely in the town when I was attacked?” She said incredulously. Cullen sighed and pulled her closer, wanting to hold her and sleep for days.  
“You love me?” Cullen asked and Ari sighed, knowing where he was going with this question. It reminded her of Cassandra’s concern, the loaded question indicative of Cullen’s influence over her. She took a moment, barely noticeable, to roll that thought about her mind before pushing it aside to consider later.  
“Yes.” She said quietly and Solas looked away from the two, chest hurting as she answered him. _I should never had left_ ; he scolded himself.  
“Then trust me.” Cullen whispered before pressing his lips to hers in an open, desperate and exhausted kiss. Ari sighed against him and supported his head as he climbed out of the withdrawals slowly.  
“Once I know you are well, I will untie him.” She promised and he nodded, smiling in return. She lifted his hand to kiss at his knuckles, the rough skin grazing her lips as she looked him over. His skin was pale, clammy and he had lost weight since they left Skyhold. Although it was not unusual for them to do so on a demanding mission, it did not usually leave anyone with sunken eyes and hollowed cheeks. He was beginning to lose the fight against the lyrium, he needed to take time to rest and strengthen and soon.  
  
Cullen mercifully slipped into sleep, the remaining headache and smaller cramps going unnoticed as Ari secured him in the brown fur blanket. Sighing she stood and stretched her muscles, opening the side cupboard she snatched out a bottle and pulled out it’s cork with her teeth before spitting it to the far side of the room and perching on the end of the bed to look over Solas. His gaze followed the cork’s trajectory until it rolled to a stop by the privacy screen, then giving Ari a sideways glance he raised his eyebrow at her incredulously while inwardly enjoying her display as she tucked her knee up by her chest and took a swig form the bottle. At least she had recovered enough from the woman Cullen had described to him, though she bore marks of it with the bruises that laced around her neck and the fading black-blue ring just below her eye. She raised a hand and gestured between her eye and his.  
“We match.” She remarked and Solas simpered with a huff. He looked down to the side, ashamed of seeing her injured even though he was not the one to cause it.  
“Tell me.” He softly demanded, gaze still rooted to the ground as he twisted his wrists uncomfortably. Ari paused and looked over Cullen again, still asleep, his pale lashes casting dark shadows across his cheekbones.  
“Some Orlesian assassin.” She muttered. “Came in through the window.” She considered the bottle she held before taking another drink, the wine was sweet and thick, warming her stomach as it settled there.  
“You kill him?” Solas presumed, he had hoped it was the case, not only because of the attack but so the assassin couldn’t report the Inquisitor’s whereabouts to anyone else.  
“Cullen did.” Solas lifted his head and met her eyes, hard and wary when they should have been earnest and comforting. “Smashed his face into the ground until it was pulp. Most I managed to do was gouge his eye out.” She pointed out simply and Solas winced at the crassness. She stood and walked to the dagger that was still protruding from the wall, dislodging it with a swift yank. Crouching down in front of Solas she idly spun the dagger in her hand, not threatening but just for something to fiddle with. Closer to him she could see the streaks of dirt on his skin, the tired dark pools under his eyes, he smelled of something off as he met her eyes confidently, worry masked behind the arrogant stare. “Where did you go?” she asked, hair falling from behind her ear to tickle at her downcast face.  
“I found somewhere and went to sleep, journeyed in the fade to where my friend once was.” He answered. “It wasn’t there- but there were faint stirrings of energy. Perhaps someday something will grow there.” His voice was quiet, still laced with grief over the death of his friend.  
“You killed those people.” She cautioned, trying to read his face for any belying emotions.  
“I do not regret that.” He stubbornly insisted, meeting her gaze, his frown deepening the shallow scar on his forehead. “However, I do regret the way I left. If I could change it, I would. But I am not that gifted.” He smirked at her, leaning forward until her face was barely an inch from his. “Let me make reparations to you, prove that I am worthy of fighting by your side.” She watched his lips move and resisted the urge to press her own against them. She had missed him, more than she wanted to admit but hated the maudlin she was thrown into when he had left. What was to stop him from disappearing again?  
“You could have stayed, you know. I would have been there for you.” She scolded him lightly and he smiled sadly.  
“I know, Da’assan. I’m afraid I am so used to being alone, the consideration did not even occur to me.” She sighed and closed her eyes, tapping the hilt of the dagger against her forehead. She hoped, really hoped, that she wouldn’t regret this decision.  
“Alright.” She uttered to herself, leaning forward and reaching her arms around Solas to feel for the rope, he took the opportunity to gently brush his cheek against her hair as she did, breathing deep the smell of her hair and skin. She untied the knot and unthread the rope, letting Solas slowly relax his arms and reach forward with a groan. “You know, being a mage and all you could have just burned the rope.” Ari stated and he gave her a measured look.  
“To what purpose? Had I done that you would have lost all trust in me and I would be stranded on a ship.” He rubbed his wrists before hesitantly picking up her hand in both of his, scared that she may reject him now, even though she had released him, it did not mean that she could bear his touch.  
“I am not so driven with pride that I must win in all situations.” He risked a smile at her, catching her large pale blue eyes as she finally raised her face to him.  
“Yet it is your namesake.” Ari would have almost purred if her hesitance hadn’t mottled her words. “Solas. Pride.” Solas’ usual blank face masked his surprise, although he shouldn’t have been, he had been around humans too long if he has forgotten that the Dalish still spoke and read Elvhen. “Surely you were born with another name.” Ari slumped back and leaned against the bed, fishing around for the bottle with the hand that Solas didn’t have in his own. He smiled, relieved to see her becoming comfortable around him.  
“Names aren’t all we are.” His voice automatically changing to his lecturing tone. “You are more than just the Inquisitor, than Ari’Valen. Just as Cullen is more than his title of Commander.” He shifted to be kneeling in front of her, loosening the tight robes around his neck with his free hand, not daring to let hers go and break the skin contact. “Besides, there is nothing wrong with my name.” Keeping her gaze he brought her hand up and pressed his lips against her skin, running his thumb over the spot he kissed he let himself feel relieved, even happy, when she squeezed his hand in response. She opened her palm and caressed the faint roughness of his jaw, his catlike eyes narrowing as he turned to smile into her palm, kissing it gently. Ari frowned in thought, turning her ear towards Cullen as his breathing changed, the gasping tension easing from his lungs.  
“We need to do something about Cullen.” She stated and Solas nodded in agreement.  
“Of course.” He reassured her. “We will do whatever we can.”


	22. Chapter 22

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So very NSFW.

Thunder cracked above them and Ari clung onto the chair with a squeal when the ship rocked. They had been ordered to stay below deck as the crew navigated through the apparently small storm cell. Solas looked up from Cullen’s side to the swinging lantern above them as it threw shadows across the room, growing and shrinking like the ocean tide. He reached one pale, elegant hand up to stop it’s movement before returning his attention to his Commander.  
“I cannot _cure_ him of addiction.” He said in a formal, businesslike tone, running his hands deftly down his chest feeling for something that Ari was not aware of. “Templars take lyrium to sustain their abilities and very few ever rid themselves of it. Had he stopped abruptly he likely would have died but since he is weaning himself off of it he _may_ succeed.”  
“Will he make it to the Free Marches?” Ari said from clutching at the chair as the ship heaved- and her stomach along with it. “He can recover with my clan, but there is no place along the way I would trust to leave him.”  
“We may have to increase his dosage until we arrive there, I can help him with the pain but it would do nothing for the stress his body is under. Do you know how much he is taking?” Ari shook her head in response to Solas’ inquiry.  
“I haven’t seen him take it at all, he must do it in private.” She surmised as Solas cast a quick spell over Cullen. Sighing he returned the blanket to cover Cullen’s chest.  
“That will stop his fever at least. He’s not to get out of bed until we reach land.” Ari snorted derisively and Solas turned to give her an incredulous look.  
“Are you going to tell him that?” she asked with sarcasm. “Because I can tell you now he won’t listen to me.” Cullen never stopped working, always driving himself to exhaustion. The few times Ari got him to stop was with promises of Chess and a bottle from her private cellar. Solas grinned and knelt in front of her, placing himself between her knees as he reached up and untied her hood, pushing the fabric back to reveal her neck.  
“He will listen to you, of that we can be certain.” He said softly as he turned her head delicately to examine the extent of the bruises.  
“Have you forgotten how stubborn he is?” she asked, wincing when the movement pulled painfully on a tight muscle.  
“No, I just remember how stubborn _you_ are.” He retorted and gently ran his fingertips over her skin sending a shiver down her spine. Closing his eyes in concentration he cast a small healing spell, blue light glowing just out of Ari’s vision complemented the pleasant cool sensation as it became easier to breathe and the residual pain dissipated. Opening his eyes he smiled at her, taking in her unblemished skin. “Perfect.” He breathed as the ship rolled again, the undulation of the ocean rocking their bodies closer, his hands falling to her waist and shoulder to steady himself while she still clutched onto the chair. Uncertainly he let his hands linger, she was yet to push him away tonight but that didn’t mean that she would be welcoming of him. He stayed still, kneeling before her and heat building between his hands and her tunic covered body, mirroring her own stillness as she clutched onto the chair and gripped his waist with her thighs.

Her body tremored tensely as her stomach dropped with the ship over a wave, but that was only one reason for her tension. She looked down at Solas, situated comfortably between her knees, hands tentatively making contact with her, his eyes unfocussed and levelled at her newly healed neck. She knew why he hadn’t moved from that position, why he hadn’t pushed getting closer to her; he was afraid she wouldn’t take him back and honestly she wasn’t sure herself. At least, not to what they were before.

She had no doubt that she still had feelings for him, and the horrible sense of betrayal had surged uncontrollably as he had shouted for her to stop, before she knocked him unconscious and took a moment to be in shock at his presence. But more than being angry at him, she was sad to see him so careful, uncertain when he was so forward with her before, always confident in his decisions. She knew that she was partially to blame for that lack of confidence but at the same time knew that he had to take some of the blame for leaving. After all, what did he expect her reaction was going to be? To embrace him suddenly without taking precautions? She closed her eyes and wondered if it would be so bad in the end to let him back into her heart, he had certainly seemed to garner Cullen’s favour and she thought, maybe not for the first time, if they had more of a relationship than they let on when she was around.

Opening her eyes she found him gazing at her, smiling subtly he leaned closer, lips a breath away from hers, letting the anticipation spark and surge between them. It had felt like an eternity since he held her in his arms even though in reality it had only been a short time. Her shallow breath ragged, he slid his hand up to her cheek, cupping the cool flesh as thunder broke out above them, deafening and sudden, causing Ari to jump in surprise and cling to him, wrapping her arms around his waist and burying her face into the crook of his neck. Laughing, the tension between them broken, he stood with her in his arms and guided her to the bed.  
“Surely you are not afraid of thunder?” he teased as Ari made a small whining sound.  
“Not on land.” She protested. “But there’s nothing out here, we could get struck by lightning and-”  
“Hush. Ari’Valen.” Solas said firmly placing a kiss on her forehead before detaching her arms and pushing her to lay on the bed. “The crew know what they are doing, this is their life.” He admonished before stepping away from the bed, shedding his stolen cloak and robes before disappearing behind the privacy screen. Ari could barely hear the movement of a water pitcher over the roar of rain and waves on the hull and when Solas’ breeches were flung over the screen she knew he was bathing. Peeling off her coat and stripping to her tunic and smalls she crawled under the fur blanket and cuddled against the heat of Cullen, trying to think of land and trees to calm herself.

A crewman called for no movement below decks, meaning that they were stuck in whatever cabin they found themselves in. It also meant they were about to endure the worst of the storm and didn’t want to risk land-loving civilians injuring themselves or worse- going on deck and being swept away. It had gotten quite late and Solas snuffed the lantern in case it fell from its chain during the storm and caused a fire. The darkness was thick without a source of light and Ari felt rather than saw Solas slip into the bed behind her, his skin damp and heated from bathing. Cullen lay on his back still, deep in slumber and rumbling quietly, his sounds drowned out by the storm outside.

A flash of light somehow permeated the darkness and thunder rolled loudly as Ari jerked in fright, she felt strong arms encircle her as she was pulled back into Solas’ broad chest. He nuzzled at her ear and kissed wetly along her neck, making comforting hushing sounds as Ari’s heart pounded from nervousness.   
“Do not be frightened Da’as-” his sentence was drowned out by deafening thunder as was her embarrassing yelp, he held her tightly, hand travelling in small circles on her thigh and stomach as she shook. He pulled back his arm and propped his upper body up on his elbow, using his free hand he cupped the back of her neck, guiding her to him as he kissed her openly and passionately, tongue invading as they were taken by the sudden surge of need, moaning and gasping against each other’s lips as they broke for breath only to drown in each other again. Their bodies responding desperately Ari arched under his wandering hand as it travelled up, pushing her tunic out of the way to cup her breast, calloused hands grazing at her tight and sensitive skin. Biting her lip she keened at the attention, roughly pulling him back into her kiss as he growled in need.

He lay back on his side and dragged her back until her behind was firmly nestled against his erection through the layers of their clothing. With a groan he bit at her neck, sucking at the newly healed flesh until a heated moan escaped her lips. He clamped his hand over her mouth, halting her cries and leaving her ragged breath to wash over his skin. Slowly, teasingly, his free hand brushed and trailed from her breast down her stomach, past her navel and into her smalls.  
“You must be quiet Da’assan.” He lustfully growled in her ear remnant of the booming thunder. “You don’t want to wake him up.” Her eyes shot to Cullen who was still deep asleep, snoring in the same rhythmic pattern. A blush broke out, embarrassed she had forgotten about his presence and excited by it. His hand traced over her wet slit before quickly and expertly finding her clit, bucking to meet his fingers she grunted from behind his silencing hand, her legs shifting and moving in defiance of the pleasure that radiated from her core. She gripped at his flank, nails scratching against his breeches before shifting to push her smalls lower down her legs. Solas laughed, deep, dark and masculine. “ _Eager.”_ He chastised, before roughly pulling her leg back to rest on his waist, exposing her to the cool air. Teeth grazing along her neck the laces of his breeches rubbed into her skin as he unconsciously ground his hips into her, his fingers traced her swollen lips, skirting the edge of her wetness teasingly before plunging into her core, eliciting a fluttering breath from her as she tightened around his fingers, feeling stretched and full, keening as she arched against him trying to both escape and chase the rolling pleasure.

Reaching back she found the laces of his breeches and deftly untied them, flicking the leather cord against her behind as it was pulled free. Hand skirting down his abdomen her hand met with hot flesh, soft but rigid that seemed to be made perfectly for her hand. Her lover gasped in her ear at the touch and soon moaned as she rolled his soft, delicate skin over his hardened length that bucked to meet her movement. He responded in kind by curling his fingers, elegant and strong, to massage at her sweet spot, hushing her when she couldn’t hold back a heady cry. His fingers slid away from her having opened her enough for him to easily bury himself in her, teasingly slow as he growled through his pleasure. Once sheathed in her he took a moment of composure before he shakily, slowly and torturously withdrew, gripping onto her hip to anchor himself. Finding her clit he traced small, accurate circles and pushed into her again, the slow movement stretching out the static desire that built steadily and low in her stomach.

The frustratingly slow and endless rhythm teased her with the edges of orgasm, she desperately wanted to abandon her senses and force him to go harder, faster, until her cries were torn from her throat at the apex of each thrust but he held her back with his hand clapped over her mouth and arm pinning her to him as he relentlessly traced her sensitive clit, keeping the perfect tiny movements steady as she desperately tried to undulate and shift against him. His breathing had grown laboured, strained with the effort of staying quiet as sweat beaded off their connecting, heated bodies. Hazy with lust Ari gripped and massaged at his side, reaching down to his arse to squeeze the firm flesh, he moaned, loud in the darkness and thrust harder, breaking the perfectly maintained cycle to become vigorous in his actions. Scrabbling for purchase on his skin and the bed Ari felt the static in her being pulled longer and tighter, her anchor throwing a shard of green light into the room as the static snapped, bursting forth to electrify her as she orgasmed. Solas froze, tense as he teetered on the edge of orgasm himself, hands slipping away Ari took in a breath of cool air before her head was supported, urging her to curl up. His fevered body shifted as he went on his knees, hand stroking his length as he presented it to her parted lips. Running her tongue along the underside of his cock she tasted herself and he shuddered violently, barely able to restrain his release, sensing his urgent need she slipped her lips over him, sliding as far as she could in the somewhat awkward position. With a grunt he shifted his hips forward, careful in his movements and revelled in the pressure of her mouth and tongue as she brought him to climax, swallowing his seed as he came in rivulets, whimpering her name.

Sated he collapsed beside her, arm flung over and brushing against the still snoring Commander. Resting his head on her shoulder he nuzzled into her breast, a sheen of sweat on them both. The storm had calmed to a distant thunder and Ari smiled, realising that he had managed to effectively distract her from her fears until the ocean had calmed


	23. Chapter 23

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Aw, they're getting along so well. ^-^

Ari thanked Mythal the moment she stepped onto the dock on the northern coast and almost instantly decided they would be taking the long way back to Skyhold. She didn’t care how annoyed Josephine would be at her absence, it would be a long time before Ari got onto any kind of boat again.

Solas and Cullen were behind her, they had taken the longest to disembark - wanting to make sure Cullen was truly able to push on to the Free Marches. It wasn’t far now, just east along the coast for a few days then across the mountain range, made easy by the well-constructed road that carved through them, then north until they came across the elves.

Boots making hollow sounds against the wood of the dock, the three approached the waiting group who were saddling their mounts and tying down packs onto them. Cassandra measured them up, arms crossed over her chest, but said nothing. The others just waited for Ari to speak while going about their duties.   
“We’ve got a hard ride ahead.” Ari said to them, signalling Varmet to approach her, he did with a shake of his massive antlers. Cullen and Solas wordlessly went to their own mounts to prepare for the ride. “We pass Val Chevin today. I have no desire to be hindered by the Orlesian politics.”  
“We _should_ reach the clan before the week is out.” Cullen added and a couple of them nodded. “And if anyone has any concerns with Solas re-joining us, you are to speak to _me_ about it.” He nearly growled the last, letting everyone know that he was not to be trifled with.

They led their mounts onto the crushed rock road and waited for the group to gather, before Ari could mount Varmet and join them Bull approached her with his own stallion, reins in hand. He waited patiently as Ari secured her pack onto Varmet’s saddle, without looking in his direction she calmly gave him the order.  
“Keep an eye on him, Bull.”  
“You got it Boss.” He casually replied before mounting and making his way over, Ari swiftly settled in the saddle and urged Varmet into a gallop, sweeping past the group who kicked their horses into following, leaving clouds of dust behind them.

They set up camp an hour outside Val Chevin on a local orchard behind a half collapsed barn, the farmer was more than happy to be of service to the Inquisition, especially once his palm was greased with gold. Just out of sight of the road and the many travellers trying to beat the winter snow the Inner Circle of the Inquisition sat around a small campfire, warming a few bottles of mead with dragged out coals under Varric’s instruction. The laughed and told stories in the fading light, all exhausted after the full days ride.

Ari stood and wandered towards the old barn, it was missing half a roof and parts of the wall having been in a fire long ago. The structural beams were still strong and it looked as if the farmer was still using it as storage. She rounded the inside wall and paused to take a breath, needing a moment of quiet after the long journey. It had been a few weeks since they left Skyhold, her worries about her brother were growing stronger with each passing day. _Not long,_ she kept telling herself, _He will be fine_. As if repeating it to herself would put her will out into the universe and strengthen his own.

Her hand ached as the anchor fizzled and cracked softly, she gazed at it, no longer feeling completely disconnected from it. She had been afflicted with it long enough to consider it apart of her, and without the means to remove it, it seemed more and more unlikely that she would ever be without it. Even if she defeated Corypheus. Sighing she ran her hand underneath the green sash that wrapped around her waist and fished out the small thin vial of Lyrium, since she began to dose herself the mark had been quieter, less volatile, but the way the anchor acted now – was it always able to be manipulated, or was it because of the Lyrium? The silvery liquid swirled as the vial rolled across her open palm, it was half empty now, she quickly uncorked it and held her fingertip to the opening, collecting a drop before sucking it off her finger.  
“Silver and sweet, it spreads through your blood.” Ari looked up to see Cole sitting on a beam above her, feet swinging as he stared at the sky. “Singing to the mark in harmony, but the singing has to be quiet. His song was too loud and now he hurts. He can’t sing anymore.” Ari stepped on a crate and scaled the beam easily, balancing as she walked she sat beside Cole, he peeked at her from beneath his wide brimmed hat, his white hair – nearly the same as her own – draped in front of his eyes. “You do not tell him because you are scared he would be sad?”   
“No.” she said quietly to him, watching the group as they prepared food by the campfire. Cullen was laughing with Iron Bull, looking unexpectedly healthy for someone who had just ridden for hours. “I don’t tell him because I’m afraid he would be happy.” Cole blinked slowly before gazing over the group, seemingly hearing things that Ari did not.  
“I don’t understand.” He seemed almost scared that he didn’t know.  
“He wants the Lyrium, he is fighting it but there will always be a part of him that craves it.” She tried to explain to him. “If he knows that I am taking it, I am scared that he will want to stop fighting.”  
“Soldiers fight until they fall, can’t give up.” He nodded suddenly before picking up her hand, examining the bones and skin as he held it close to his face.  
“Cole?” She questioned, strange behaviour was more than normal for Cole, but he always had a purpose, a curiosity that stemmed from somewhere.  
“They like your hands.” He said simply, as if that would explain all of it. “I like them too. Small.” Ari laughed and pulled her hand away, giving him a playful flick on the brim of his hat. He smiled widely before disappearing and reappearing by the campfire, giving everyone a fright – except for Solas who seemed to have the uncanny ability to know when and where Cole was about to appear from. Cole crouched and stared into the fire and Varric pinched the back of his shirt so he didn’t tumble into the flames. Varric treated Cole in an almost fatherly way, and she could imagine him having children one day. Many, many children who would be good at haggling. Ari sighed and flipped herself back off the beam, creating enough momentum to land on her feet, raising dust into the air around her.

She awoke the next morning in a tangle of limbs. Cullen and Solas had been active sleepers and flung their arms over her, resting on each other’s sides. At least one leg pinned hers down and Solas was breathing into her hair as Cullen nuzzled into the crook of her neck. She wrangled with the ideas of climbing out of their arms or staying put in the warm and pleasant company when she heard Sera yelling for the camp to wake up. It was dawn. And Sera was possibly the most irritating person to have on the dawn watch.

That morning saw the group pass into Cumberland and the mountains rose before them, smaller than the Frostbacks but still with snow on their peaks, a road cut through the southern-most mountain, following a natural canyon to the Free Marches and into the forests that lie on the eastern slopes. The road ended in the thick forests, most travellers opting to head to the coast and travel by boat to Kirkwall. They took a break by a stream to let the mounts rest and Ari looked over the mountains, beautiful and intimidating, flanked by plains of yellow grass to the west and ocean to the south. Glancing to the sky she noted the sun was high, they had maybe six hours of sunlight left, not enough to get through the mountains today.  
“Inquisitor?” Blackwall stood to attention beside her, his thick gambeson protecting him from the chilly wind, hand resting casually on the hilt of his sword. “We are ready to continue.” Ari tapped her lips, pondering their next movements.  
“What do you make the base of the mountains, Blackwall? Two hours?” He swept his gaze from the mountains towards the sea grunting an affirmative.  
“If the rain clouds hold out I’d say less, given that the road is dry.”   
“There is no cover in the mountain path.” She said to him quietly. “We can neither make camp there nor continue the ride into the night.”  
“No moon tonight either.” Blackwall added. “I’d not be keen to tackle the mountain path in the dark. There have also been rumours of bandits ambushing travellers occasionally. But camping to the west means we are delaying.” Ari looked to the black rain clouds, still some way off from their position, but crossing onto land from the sea already. She nodded to herself and walked to Varmet, climbing into his saddle before looking to her companions who awaited her orders.  
“We camp on the western slopes and cross the mountains tomorrow.” She called to them before ushering Varmet into a gallop.

They had managed to make camp moments before the sky opened up and poured water down on them in a steady, heavy drizzle. The mounts were fastened securely under a couple of lone trees with wide branches, happily out of the rain while the tents were situated a good distance from the mounts, in case they spooked and broke their ties they wouldn’t trample the sleeping occupants of the tents – but that also meant that the tents were in the rain.

Ari let out a sigh as she lay on her stomach, watching the rain pour down through the open flap of the tent to quickly turn the soft soil into mud. Cullen was cleaning his armour by her feet, occasionally being poked and prodded by her toes, and Solas was reading to her right, one leg propped up to support his arm. Across from her Varric and Sera were playing cards in her tent, their flap open also. Solas let his book drop and looked out to the downpour.  
“Tara'syl'nu'man juvenavis.” Solas calmly said, placing a hand on her lower back. Cullen put his armour down and stretched out to lie to her left.  
“What did he say?” Cullen asked, propping his head up with his arm.  
“ _Rain will stop_.” Ari helped as Solas turned back to his book.  
“I know _Venavis_ means _stop_.” Cullen mused out the sentence. “Does _ju_ mean _will_?” Ari nodded and smiled at him, he was catching on to Elvhen quicker than she thought he would. “That first word was very long for _rain_.”  
_“Rain_ is a very short word for _tara’syl’nu’man_.” Solas drawled, not looking up from his book.  
“ _Solas.”_ Ari scolded him and Solas looked to her.  
“Tel’abelas.” He said in all seriousness before hiding an edge of a smile behind the book. Ari rolled her eyes at him and it was enough for Cullen to understand the context, who snorted at the other male and rolled to drape his arm over Ari’s lower back, brushing gently at the waistline of her leggings in small circles.  
“Hopefully the mountains aren’t getting this much rain.” Cullen rumbled, “Soft or icy ground will definitely slow us down.” Ari bit her lip in thought and nodded. The worst that could happen would be a landslide cutting off the path, but the chances were slim.

“According to Leliana they were just north of the road,” Solas spoke without looking up from his book, “If we clear the pass tomorrow we may even reach the clan the same day.”  
“Do you know the area Ari?” Cullen asked, leaning forward to kiss her shoulder lightly.   
“Yes, but we still approach with caution.” She said, “They stop there often, lots of water and hunting to be found before moving on in the spring to get closer to the Shem villages to trade.” She let her hand hover outside of the tent and watched as the rain collected on her palm.  
“Are you expecting resistance?” Solas asked, finally looking up from his page.  
“I am expecting them to behave as they always do when strangers get near.”   
“You aren’t a stranger.” Cullen protested and Ari smiled at him, although it didn’t reach her eyes.   
“She has been gone for over a year,” Solas reminded him, “and now leads an army. The clan made their feelings clear when they asked her to remain with the Inquisition.”  
“But surely- you grew up with them!” Cullen said exasperated. “They _sent_ for you.”  
“They are just being careful, ma’vheeran.” Ari shook the water off her hand and rolled onto her back.  
“They are being ignorant.” Solas rebutted and Ari sighed, flinging her arm over her face to hide her eyes in the crook of her elbow. Cullen and Solas’ eyes met over her, giving each other a measured glance. Cullen shook his head at Solas, now wasn’t the time for a debate on Dalish practices, he stroked the flat of her stomach reassuringly.  
“But we don’t know this for sure.” Cullen murmured. “Let’s talk about it when we’re actually there.” Solas scooped up Ari’s hand and kissed it briefly before holding it in his lap.  
“Tomorrow Da’assan. And you will see Varrahel.” Ari smiled at the mention of her brother’s name, she was glad to hear it, even if the small happiness was chased away by worry over him.

Cullen curled up to rest his head on her stomach, her hands automatically reaching down to cord her fingers through his hair. He sighed appreciatively and ran his hand up her side and down again, fingernails scratching her skin lightly. “Don’t get too excited Commander.” Solas teased, “Varric is keen to write a novel about us, and the tent is still open.” Ari looked up to see Varric and Sera lying in their tent facing them, hands propped under their chin grinning and Sera had a playing card stuck to her forehead which made her fringe peak and fall in an odd way. Cullen gave them a rude gesture before pulling the tent closed, adjusting he sighed and urged Ari to lay down.  
“You have the watch in a few of hours Ari. Best try to get some sleep.”   
“Great.” She replied. “I get to get soaked while you two stay warm.” Cullen hummed in acknowledgement and kissed her deeply before pulling the fur over her body and reclaiming his armour to clean it more.

Ari was asleep, curled up in the fur with the sun setting as Cullen finished off polishing his pauldron and Solas continued to read. Every now and then her steady breathing would be interrupted by a whimper or murmur as she dreamed, it started as a diminutive sound but soon she was whimpering and clawing at the fur blankets. Solas dropped his book and sighed, concentration broken as he pinched the bridge of his nose, Cullen paused in his work and watched her until she quietened, with an uncomfortable groan he stretched his back out, feeling his spine creak from sitting in the same position for a few hours. He looked to Solas who was looking her over with tired, analysing eyes.  
“I don’t know if I just didn’t notice it before, but I’m sure her dreams are getting worse.” Cullen said quietly, not wanting to wake her. “We struggle to get her to sleep and when she does she wakes up exhausted.”  
“Sleep, even broken and full of nightmares, is what she needs.” Solas assured him. “The same goes for you as well.” Cullen reached down and stroked some hair out of her face, she mumbled against the movement and frowned as if she were in pain.   
“Remember back at Skyhold when we fought? She fainted and didn’t wake up for days.” Cullen whispered and Solas gave him an affirmative grunt, still a bit unforgiving over the punch he received. “We could hear her screaming from the battlements, the sounds were-”  
“Terrifying.” Solas interrupted, meeting his eyes.  
“I’d heard screaming like that before.” Cullen said flatly, “Out of my own lungs included, I can’t imagine what she was dreaming of.” He rubbed the back of his neck habitually and set the boot down before scrubbing at his face with his hands. Solas watched him, noting his pale skin and the slight tremble in his hands.  
“Much the same as you or I.” Solas softly said, Cullen looked at him with tired, watery eyes and huffed.  
“Maker, I hope not.”

Silence stretched between them and Ari rolled onto her back, letting her arm stretch above her head and brush against Cullen’s thigh. He smiled at the touch of her thin fingers and Solas saw the happiness behind the exhaustion, where once before that would have annoyed him, he was glad to see it now.  
“Cullen,” Solas paused, unsure of how to continue, the patient gaze of his Commander leveled on him. “If you need help-” he sighed and pinched the bridge of his nose again, willing his mind to keep up. Cullen half smiled and hung his head, running his hands through his golden curls.   
“I am alright.” He said, voice rumbling.   
“That was not what I saw on the ship.” Solas prodded, he needed Cullen to speak to him, to open up in order to help him. “I know you don’t want anyone to see you like that,” he said carefully, “that you hid it from us until the Dales, but, Cullen-” Solas leaned over and placed his hand on Cullen’s arm, getting his full attention. “If you continue like this, you _will_ die, or worse- you could lose your mind.” Cullen huffed and rubbed his eyes with his hand, not moving the arm that Solas rested his hand against, the warmth grounding Cullen to the tent. Solas smirked as he caught the Commander’s gaze again. “And that would be a terrible waste.” Cullen laughed short and sudden, stopping when Ari shifted and batted at his leg.  
“I can’t go back to the lyrium.” His voice broke as he said it. “I don’t want to end up addled without sense in ten years.”  
“A commendable choice,” Solas purred, “and one that I will help you with, but you must listen with an open mind.” Cullen raised his eyebrow in suspicion and Solas raised his hand to motion him to wait and listen. “Increase your dosage of lyrium-” Cullen scoffed and shifted as if to move away, Solas gripped onto his forearm to gather his attention again. “Only by a minute amount, to halt the stress your body is under. This journey has been punishing on everyone and while we can hold on through exhaustion _your_ body _will_ shut down.” Solas was determined for Cullen to listen but he sat and shook his head, weary of the thought of losing ground in this battle.  
“You don’t know-“ Cullen growled quietly. “What kind of person the lyrium can make you – especially if you have been starved of it.”   
“As much as I disagree with you on most subjects, I know you are an honourable – and _stubborn_ – man. You won’t let it get the better of you.”  
“And what happens when it does?” He nearly whispered, his hands trembling. Solas felt guilt pang in his stomach, guilt over asking the man who defended him to surrender, even if it was a little to save his life. He smiled sadly at Cullen and squeezed his arm.  
“You have so much faith in your Maker, you need to have some in yourself as well.” Solas admonished as Ari whimpered again between them, a pious sound that sparked worry in the back of their minds. “Besides, what future can you give _her_ with the lyrium? No. You _need_ to fight this.” Cullen frowned in confusion.  
“You seem so sure that her future is with me- what game is this?” he asked Solas suspiciously who laughed derisively.  
“I’m not certain I haven’t already lost.” Solas admitted, remembering the way she cared for him while Solas was tied to that damned immovable chair on the ship. “The way she looks at you, she loves you.” Cullen looked away, unable to watch the hurt concern on Solas’ face. “She was so angry at me, but she loved you enough to stay her anger when you asked her to.” Cullen sighed and pulled a small bottle out of his bag, popping the cork he took a drink before offering it to Solas. He took the bottle and examined the clear liquid with suspicion, taking a whiff he drew back instantly, his nostrils burning from the smell of alcohol. Taking a swig he grimaced as the liquid burned his throat.  
“Fehedhis! What is this?” he choked.  
“Moonshine, the sailors were kind enough to sell me some. It’s awful, but wonderful at the same time.” He took another drink and placed the bottle between them, away from Ari in case she flailed her arms. Silence stretched between them again before Cullen spoke up. “She was angry with you.” He said, meeting his friend’s eyes. “But only because she loves you.” Solas’ blank face did not change as he studied the man. “She missed you, I doubt she would have cared if you were anyone else.” He said with finality and Solas smiled sadly.

They spoke into the night, not emerging from the tent at all as it soon became time to wake Ari for her to go on watch. Solas was telling Cullen about observing the memories of a dwarven battle in the fade when Ari gasped and jerked in her sleep, they stopped and watched her as she breathed heavily and whispered.  
“Ar nuven’in ma Leriel, ma halani.” Solas frowned and ran his fingers against her cheek, stilling her. Cullen looked at Solas expectantly, waiting, when Solas said nothing Cullen took a guess.  
“She was dreaming about Leriel?” he asked quietly and Solas nodded curtly once.  
“She was asking for his help.” He whispered, “Only natural to dream of him- considering what they once were.” Cullen sighed and looked over his lover, eyelids flickering with movement, it looked eerie in the low candlelight from the small storm lantern they had lit as the sun set. The dark lines of her Vallaslin looked as if they were hollow lines carved into her pale skin, he didn’t like the idea of Leriel seeing her again for the first time in over a year, and hated the idea of her seeing _him_. He knew parts of their story, and the parts he knew made him nervous about their reunion.  
“Are you worried?” Cullen asked, leaning down to kiss her gently on her forehead. Solas hummed in thought as he watched Cullen fawn over Ari.  
“Yes and no,” Solas mulled over his feelings on the matter, “she cannot drop everything to be with him. Whether she wants it or not she’s the Inquisitor now, she knows that. But it was not their choice to part ways, her heart is still broken and who knows what _his_ feelings are.” Solas leaned onto his side, his head by Cullen’s knees and his arm over Ari’s ribs. “Are you?”  
“Yes.” Cullen said flatly, “she is free with her love, and there is no love greater than your first.” Sighing he leaned back to stretch his muscles, nearly falling asleep where he sat. “But whatever happens will happen, I have faith in her.” He said, taking a completely passive stance on the situation despite his uneasy feeling.

Solas sighed, unhappy with the idea of just letting fate take over, the thought of another man- another elf- running his hands over Ari was infuriating and it sparked something possessive in him. Solas propped himself up and kissed at Ari’s lower lip, stirring her to wake up slowly, as she did he deepened the kiss, groaning as her tongue slipped past his own. He pulled away with a grin and watched her become aware of where she was, she sat up slowly and Solas glanced at the other man, Cullen had his eyes averted, frowning with a slight blush on his skin until Ari was close enough and with determination Cullen pulled Ari across his lap, kissing her passionately through gasps before reluctantly pulling back.  
“It’s time to go on watch.” He said huskily before turning to glare at Solas, who was grinning at the Commander’s possessive reaction, near identical to his own when he thought of Ari with Leriel. Ari hummed and hugged Cullen’s shoulders.  
“I’m not sure I want to.” She teased, “The way you two are acting.” Cullen petted Ari’s thigh before shifting her off of him, leaning forward to let her pick up her armour.  
“Somehow I think the only thing the Commander wants to do is sleep.” Solas said as Cullen yawned and nodded. “However if you want _me_ to keep you company-”  
“And get murdered in Orlais because you were distracting me? No thank you, I don’t think I could stand eternity being haunted by our friends. It would be a constant I-told-you-so from Cassandra’s ghost.” She laughed and kissed them both on the forehead before picking up her bow and quiver and ducking out into rain.  
“Sorry.” Cullen said, scratching at his beard after she had left. “I get a bit possessive, which you already know.”  
“Tel’abelas.” Solas smirked as he heard Blackwall call for lights out in the camp, so they wouldn’t be spotted by unsavoury passer-by’s. Cullen shuffled under the fur as Solas snuffed the candle that was in the small glass lantern.  
“What does that mean?” Cullen asked, about to pass out.  
“ _I’m not sorry_.” Solas said and Cullen chuckled.  
“I figured as much.” He drawled and drifted to sleep


	24. Chapter 24

Solas peeked out of the tent to see Ari huddled in the branch of a nearby tree, trying to find shelter from the still constant drizzle of rain while she watched for danger. Waving goodnight to her he closed the tent and tied it securely before peeling back the fur and settling on his back next to Cullen who had done is usual sprawl of limbs. Slightly annoyed Solas closed his eyes with a frown and willed sleep to take over his body.

He wasn’t sure what had woken him at first, remaining still he listened for any sounds that could mean an attack. A few anxiety ridden heartbeats later he realised that Cullen was mumbling in his sleep, loud enough to wake Solas. In the dark he could barely see the man’s features were screwed up in concern, head tossing from side to side along the fur beneath it. Sighing he sat up and leaned over to grasp Cullen’s shoulder, squeezing it to wake the man up.  Cullen mumbled and tried to roll towards him, frowning as he dreamed. Solas tried again to wake him by shaking his shoulder, he leaned down towards the human and whispered, not wanting to alert anyone else in the camp.  
“Cullen, dammit, wake up you’re dreaming.” His voice rumbled in the still air, the baritone lilt heard easily even with the sound of rain against the tent canvas. Cullen’s eyes opened momentarily only to be dragged down by sleep again, his arm, however, had enough reach to pull Solas by the waist and drag them together with a gasp from the elf. Solas embarrassingly realised that Cullen was not having a nightmare, in fact it was very much the opposite.

Hand on the man’s chest Solas tried to gently push out of his embrace, his hand tangling somewhat in the fabric of Cullen’s tunic. With a groan Cullen’s arm shifted to pull Solas’ upper body towards him, and before Solas could protest his lips were crushing down on the Commander’s own.

Solas froze, caught between the surprise of the kiss and the surprise that he had not wrenched himself away yet. His heart hammered as he felt his face flush, Cullen’s stubble grazing along his lips left a lingering sensation which was foreign and new to him, hands tightening on the muscle of his shoulder Solas let out an involuntary groan as Cullen lazily licked at his lower lip. Regardless of what their relationship was, regardless of them both pursuing Ari fervently, or of sleeping in the same tent, he hadn’t thought of Cullen as a possible lover. He was attractive yes, smart and a skilled warrior but it just hadn’t occurred to him. And now, lips against his, his body was urging him to stop pushing against the man and pull him closer instead. The image flicked though his head of Cullen beneath him, his hands exploring every inch of the man as he arched under the touch, eyes darkened with lust as he watched the elf above him. Solas cursed his mind – and his body – he refused to develop feelings for this man, it was just another distraction.

Breaking away slowly Cullen mumbled and opened his eyes with a dazed smile, holding the contented look for a few moments before it melted into confusion.   
“Solas?” Cullen croaked, his voice breaking away from sleep. Solas was still trying to push against Cullen’s chest, looking down at the hand it took a few seconds for the Commander’s brain to catch up. Realisation dawned and Cullen looked up in horrified embarrassment. “ _Maker_. Solas I- I- uh. I’m _sorry.”_ He released the man quickly who rolled back now that he wasn’t pinned to Cullen’s chest. Cullen sat up abruptly and found his boots in the dark, he roughly tugged them on, his face flushed red as Solas watched in silence. “Sorry.” He repeated, “I was dreaming- not that that is an excuse-” he threw off the fur and grabbed his mantle, wrapping it around his shoulders.  
“Cullen-” Solas began only to be cut off.  
“It won’t happen again.” There was a part of Solas that was disappointed in hearing that but he didn’t let it show. Cullen paused by the opening, hand ready to push the canvas aside, his voice was so soft that Solas could barely hear him over the rain. “It was an accident, but-”  
“I won’t tell Ari’Valen.” Solas reassured him, “I don’t think she would care but… she doesn’t need any stress at the moment.”  
“Thank you.” Cullen said before stepping out into the dark. Solas flopped back onto the fur, burying his face into it and letting out an exasperated sigh. The feeling of his Commander’s lips still lingering on his own.

Cullen jogged through the rain to the tree where Ari was keeping watch. Her legs were dangling down and swinging as she hummed to herself, sharpening her dagger with a small whetstone. Cullen paused to take her in, her hair was tied up high, strands of it moving in the slight breeze, the fur hood he gave her was resting down her shoulders as she breathed steam into the night air.  
“Can’t sleep Ma’Vheeran?” she sheathed her dagger and kept her eye on the horizon, Cullen smiled to himself and walked closer to her.  
“Sleeping far too well.” He lifted his foot to gain purchase on the trunk of the tree and hoisted himself onto the thick limb, nudging Ari to scoot forward he settled behind her, resting against the trunk before pulling her back onto his chest. With no moon it was hard to see even the tents, let alone if someone was approaching, Ari hated nights like these, no light to see by and the rain to muffle sounds- a perfect time to attack travellers.   
“You were having bad dreams tonight.” Cullen said softly as he breathed in the scent of her hair – faded now from weeks of travel. She gave a non-committal hum in response. “Want to talk about it? After all you have gone through an awful lot, and there is a lot more to do.” His voice sounded sad, weary, and Ari felt guilty. She felt like she had been fighting forever, but Cullen had been fighting since the beginning. She gave anther grunt and he nudged her, prompting a small smile. “Tell me.” He insisted. “It helps to share.” Sighing she relaxed into his chest and let his arms wrap around her, she knew she had to talk to him about these things, especially if she expected him to talk to her, but it didn’t lessen the feeling that she was burdening him.

  
“It was Haven for a long time,” she felt him nod behind her, “I kept dreaming that Corypheus would kill me as he dangled me like a worm instead of throwing me, or that you never made it through the woods in time.”  
“I have the same ones.” He rumbled behind her. “That the avalanche swept us away or you died in my arms just as you found us in the valley.”   
“I think I’ve come to terms with Haven.” She nearly whispered. “When I dream about it now it’s just a place. No Templars. No dead soldiers.”  
“That’s good.” He kissed the crook of her neck gently. “We could not have known what Corypheus was about to do. We were unprepared. But not anymore.” He had promised her that he wouldn’t allow a defeat like Haven again, and Skyhold was well on its way to becoming formidable. “What do you dream of now?” Ari took a shuddering breath and watched the steam curl into the air, too many things, too many to name, she either dreamed of everything or nothing.  
“Everything.” She whispered, fingers picking at loose bark on the tree limb. “You, Solas. Everyone. What will happen when this is all done. Sometimes it’s bad, blood and battles. But I think I’ve been too tired to dream lately.” He hummed in agreement as the rain began to ease. She waited a moment but Cullen said nothing, knowing she had more to say, his fingers rubbed gently at her waist comfortingly as he warmed his nose in the crook of her neck. “I dream of Varrahel.” She said through a wavering sigh, “Of if he is alive or- or not. If he’s angry at me for leaving.” Blinking back tears she let out a rush of air, calming herself down. “I think about bringing him back with us, to Skyhold, or if he is better protected there. But I know either way he would be in danger.”  
“I don’t think anywhere in Thedas is safe anymore.” Cullen murmured and Ari huffed in agreement.  
“I doubt our Keeper-” Ari closed her eyes and sighed at the slip of phrase. “ _His_ Keeper. Would let him come with me, not after the trouble I got into.” Cullen frowned and scratched at his stubble.  
“Can a Keeper govern the others like that?”   
“In some things. But mostly Keepers just hold respect and give guidance. Influence the decision of the people. Varrahel is still young so Keeper Deshanna does have the right to demand things of him.”  
“Like she demanded that you go to the Enclave?” Cullen asked, unsure.  
“No. She asked me and I went willingly.” Ari pondered over the reasoning for a moment. “I was the one most likely to remain unseen and who had proven that I could survive on my own. Most other scouts were still uncertain in their methods.”  
“Why did she not choose Leriel?” Cullen asked quietly and Ari shrugged.  
“She must have had her reasons. Besides, if I did die Leriel would still be able to protect the Clan. If he had gone in my stead I may not have been able to live up to what was expected.”  
“He is a skilled fighter then?” Cullen successfully kept his jealously from his voice.  
“Better than me.” Ari muttered before squeezing his thigh and changing the direction of the conversation. “Tell me of your dreams.” She insisted and he shifted uncomfortably. “After all, it helps to share.” He chuckled as his words were used against him before stilling and holding her tightly.  
“I dream of- of everything.” His voice cracked as it rumbled over her quietly. “I told you, before, that I was stationed at the Circle of Kinloch Hold.” Ari nodded, keeping silent to let him speak. “I still dream about the apprentice mages that failed their Harrowing, each one that I killed. About Uldred turning to blood magic and killing everyone, torturing us for days. About the Hero of Ferelden, but instead of rescuing me she would leave me there. My parents dying as they fled the blight.” Ari brought his hand to her lips and kissed it gently. “Knight-Commander Meredith as she turned on us, driven crazy by the red lyrium. Of Hawke and Varric dying as they fought her, but I would be paralyzed, unable to fight. The Qunari slaughtering people in the streets as they invaded Kirkwall. Leaving you at Haven.” His voice trailed off and he stared out into the darkness for a moment, remembering things he wanted to forget. “But for all of that I still have good dreams.” Ari shuddered at the thought of any one of those things, but for _all_ of them to happen, to one man, no wonder he had nightmares. An on top of it to try and stop taking lyrium?  
“You’re always putting me first, looking after me.” Ari whispered. “Making sure I’m alright after every battle. But you have been through so much- it’s not right, what you have had to endure.” She tilted her head back, bringing her hand to brush against his stubble as she guided his lips to hers. “Just remember that you do not have to endure it alone.” She said against his lips as he cupped her neck, trailing small circles with his fingers. “It would break me to lose you to your past, to the lyrium.” He kissed her deeply, pulling her against him as if she would slip through his fingers if he didn’t.   
“I promise, when I die it will be as an old man with you next to me, or under the open sky with my shield.” He said half in jest, sighing against her as he pressed his brow to hers. “Ar lath ma, Ari’Valen,”  
“I love you too, ma’vheeran.”

An hour later the rain had stopped, Ari poked her head into Cassandra’s tent and tapped her foot, waking her up well out of the reach of her right hook. She bolted upright and stared at Ari with a look that meant she would happily murder in order to go back to sleep, Ari cautiously skulked out of the tent as Cassandra cursed and threw on her armour, emerging like a rage demon to go on watch until dawn.

Back in her own tent Ari stripped and set her bow, quiver and armour down carefully. It was cramped in the tent with two sets of armour, one being made of plate metal, a staff, sword, shield and her bow but somehow Cullen and Solas managed to be as far away from each other as possible, their backs turned leaving a large gap for Ari to climb into. She stepped around Cullen, aware that he would likely be awake and Solas asleep and shimmied under the fur to settle between them, drifting off to a dreamless sleep.


	25. Chapter 25

Varmet snorted as he pulled a hoof out of the mud and flicked it, spraying mud over the rocks that bordered the mountain path. He was definitely a fussy creature, vain and prideful, but Ari wouldn’t have him any other way. She wouldn’t have been able to trust another mount, her Hart knew the dangers of war and how to keep his rider safe. Ari breathed a lungful of cold air and pushed her hood back, scooping her hair up she tied it and sighed in frustration. The rain had gone on for most of the night, turning the path into mud and slowing them down to a trot, Ari could have pushed them harder but every now and then the path would rise or have a sheer drop next to it but aside from the terrain her companions were tired. Weeks of travelling had taken its toll and none were in the mood to be pushed, even Varric was silent.

Cassandra galloped up the line and slowed next to Ari who inwardly cringed. Cassandra was well known for being grumpy when travelling, but perhaps grumpy wasn’t the right word. _Furious at all who dared to come near_ was a much more accurate phrase.  
“We are all experienced riders. We should pick up the pace.” She suggested, impatient to go anywhere.  
“When the sun dries the road more we will.” Ari said. “But for now we take it easy.” Cassandra sighed and looked to the road ahead, she had that look in her eyes when she knew something about someone that they didn’t know themselves. Ari was always cautious of that look, it meant she was about to hear something she didn’t want to.  
“You know, stalling will only delay what you fear.” Cassandra said quietly, Ari snapped her head up to look at her, hoping that her face didn’t show that Cassandra was right.  
“I’m not-”  
“You’re worried that Varrahel will be dead when you get there.” Cassandra interrupted, “If he is then you will wonder if you could have been quicker, you will blame yourself, torture yourself by wondering if you could have saved him if you didn’t delay.” Cassandra met her eyes and wasn’t angry or grumpy, she was genuinely concerned for her friend. “If he is alive then he is wondering where you are.”  
“Everyone is exhausted. Even Blackwall is about to fall off his horse.” Ari protested.  
“Then best we get to our destination quickly then.” Cassandra drawled before slowing to retake her position at the back of the company. Ari sighed and looked to the sky, she was right of course, Ari was delaying without realising it. Her worry gnawed at her gut the closer she got to the Free Marches, not just over her brother, but over everything.

Iron Bull soon casually caught up with Ari, as if he just wanted a conversation, the thing was that Iron Bull never _just_ had a conversation, say one word to him and you may have well just told him your entire life story including every time you’ve embarrassed yourself as a prepubescent elf trying to outsmart the Keeper.  
“Boss. Something is going on with your men.” He said quietly and Ari slowly raised her face to look at him. His stallion rivalled Varmet in size, although it was very complacent, and Ari’s head was at the height of his ever-bare chest, it had gotten to the point where she was sure that she had seen Bull’s nipples more often than her own. He watched her out of the corner of his one eye and laughed at her glaring at his chest. “Like what you see?” he teased.  
“Which men in particular?” Ari asked exasperated.  
“ _Your_ men.” Bull rumbled and Ari turned to look down the company line to see Solas and Cullen riding awkwardly side by side just before Cassandra.  
“Okay Ben-Hassrath, enlighten me.” Ari said with a sideways smile. They had been acting aloof towards each other earlier, but she had just put it down to exhaustion. Cullen hadn’t quite recovered from his bouts of sickness on the ship, or any of them really, and Solas had renewed his efforts in keeping him stable but it was tiring to do that _and_ travel _and_ keep watch at night. Let alone the constant cold and rains that seeped into your bones, making your clothes stick and armour heavy as water squished inside your boots. Hell, Solas didn’t ever wear shoes. Bull looked ahead and spoke as if he was discussing the weather or something similarly inane.  
“Cullen left the tent in a hurry last night while you were on watch. Didn’t even take the time to put on warm clothes. Just the two of them were in there and now they can’t even look at each other.” Ari mulled the information over in her mind, it was unusual behaviour but nothing that threatened the Inquisition. Cullen had come to her last night – something about sleeping too well. “ _He’s_ been acting real sketchy too. Won’t speak to anyone. Won’t _look_ at anyone.” Ari chewed her lip lightly in thought and decided to tuck that information away for later.  
“Thanks Bull, keep me posted of anything else but I think it’s just a combination of exhaustion and testosterone. They’ll figure it out.” Ari glared against the sunlight glinting off of snow high up on the mountain and Iron Bull nodded.  
“Whatever you say, Boss.” He fell in line behind her as Dorian yelled up to her.  
“ _Can we pick up the bloody pace?_ I’m dying for some Dalish hospitality.” Ari could practically hear the pout in his voice, smiling to herself she urged Varmet into a gallop, kicking mud up behind them.

They stopped at a stream halfway through the mountains to rest their horses and relieve themselves, they had made up a good distance but the track was not a comfortable one to travel. Cullen was refastening a pack that had come loose from his saddle on the ride when Solas approached him.   
“May I speak with you, Commander?” Cullen glanced over his shoulder at the elf before turning back to his work, unsure if he was in the mood to talk to Solas, or more likely listen to a lecture. His skin itched as he felt Solas examining him with calculating eyes, they were never just _eyes_ they were always examining, demeaning. Cullen resisted the urge to growl in frustration- although it wasn’t at anything in particular- and remembered his duty as the Commander. Even if he didn’t want to, he’d have to listen.  
“Of course, but we are leaving again soon.” He said somewhat formally and Solas stepped up beside Cullen, invading his space so he could speak quietly.  
“I wanted to ask if you had increased your lyrium dosage as I suggested.” He questioned in a murmur, no one was nearby to hear him but he still wanted to be careful for the sake of Cullen’s privacy. Cullen focussed on his saddle a moment before answering, wondering if this was really the right time to be discussing it.  
“I have.” He replied, unhappy about it. “But only a small amount, I will not take a full dose.”  
“No, indeed a full dose right now would probably make you euphoric- if it did not kill you that is.” Solas stated without emotion. “But you look healthier, the withdrawals seem to have abated for now and you slept last night. Once at the clan we will begin to wean you off it again, we do not have to return to Skyhold as quickly as we arrived here.” He raised his hand in comfort and placed it on Cullen’s upper arm, Cullen glanced down at the man’s hand before shrugging it off, feeling the presence linger uncomfortably.  
“We cannot dawdle on our return.” Cullen said bluntly. “There is much to be done and I cannot ignore my duties any longer. We may even have to risk sailing from Kirkwall.” Solas let his face show the surprise he felt.  
“Commander, aside from the fact that Kirkwall is still reeling from the invasion, the area will be crawling with bandits and looters. Not to mention the crossing from Kirkwall to Ferelden is much more dangerous on the Waking Sea. We will never get Ari’Valen on the damned ship.” Solas watched Cullen rub the back of his neck jerkily and frowned, he didn’t like the signs he was seeing, the way his skin shivered and paled or how he became frustrated at simple questions – how he hadn’t managed to tighten the pack on his saddle yet.  
“She will have to do it, I cannot secure Skyhold from these fucking mountains.” Cullen spat and Solas got an uneasy feeling in his stomach.  
“Cullen,” he said warily, “are you well?” Cullen rounded on him, glaring and angry.  
“You will address me properly.” He admonished in a voice he reserved for disobedient soldiers. “Just because she spreads her legs for _you,_ doesn’t mean that I will give you preferential treatment.” Solas allowed himself to look shocked for a moment before scowling and grabbing Cullen’s forearm, jerking it towards him. “What the hell do you think you’re doing?” Cullen growled and Solas clasped the man’s head in his hands, tilting it to the sunlight to see his pupils dilated. With a curse Solas checked to ensure they weren’t being watched by others before dragging Cullen behind a nearby boulder and pushing him against the rock out of sight.  
“You’re intoxicated.” Solas chastised him, his hands gripping the edges of Cullen’s armour as he pressed him into the rock with the weight of his body. “How much did you take?” Cullen was breathing heavily, partly from being dragged over and partly from the anger rising in him. He gripped Solas’ arm tightly, baring his teeth in a grinding wince. Who the hell was this man to question him? This subordinate, this _mage._  
“Enough.” He growled quietly through his teeth.  
“Give it to me.” Solas demanded as felt around the man’s pockets for the wooden box that he kept the lyrium in. “If you cannot be trusted to keep yourself safe _I_ will administer the lyrium.”  
“So you can overdose me and take Ari’Valen? That’s your fucking game?” Cullen near shouted as he shoved the man’s hands away from him. He had known since the mage conveniently showed up at the breach that he had been acting strangely, the way he refused to leave Ari when she crawled out of the fade in a swathe of green light. He’d been advising her from the beginning and for what? She was getting sicker because of the anchor on her hand, distracting her from her duty, distracting _him_ from his duty by announcing his challenge for Ari’s affection. Cullen’s skin crawled as he realised his mistake in letting Solas so close to him, he was blind to the man’s intentions _because_ he had trusted him so implicitly, he had even allowed him- _begged him­-_ to stay after he had effectively ruined his chances to be by Ari’s side. The Inquisitor’s side.

Cullen felt determination rise in his chest, glaring at the mage he threatened, letting him know that he wasn’t going to be blinded anymore. “I’ll not allow you to bury the Inquisition.”   
“ _Listen to yourself_ , you’re not making any sense.” Solas near yelled in exasperation. “Give me the lyrium before you kill yourself.” Solas was roughly pushed back, skittering on the pebbles that lined the stream he automatically reached for his staff before thinking that arming himself would be an act of aggression to Cullen.  
“You do not order me, _mage_.” Cullen sneered as he raised his hand and with a burst of energy, smited Solas. Solas gasped, all air taken from his body as he felt like he had been punched from the inside out and his blood turn to ice. Collapsing to his knees he scrabbled to regain some magic to defend himself but it had been dissipated, his vision swirled and blurred, barely able to make out the pebbles his fingers scraped against. Cullen took a step towards him, feeling nothing for his fallen rival but the rush of victory and malice, the need to persevere at any cost, the righteousness of protecting the Inquisition. Hand on the hilt of his sword he began to draw it, the gleaming blade releasing a virtuous scream of metal on metal.

Ari’Valen stepped around the boulder and placed her dagger at Cullen’s throat, stopping suddenly Cullen glanced to see her, surprise showing in his eyes at the cool metal that threatened his life. Behind her the others had gathered, hands hovering over their weapons. Slowly and clearly Ari gave him an order.  
“Hand off your sword.” She demanded and he complied, movements careful as he raised his hand away from the hilt. “Stop, and look. Look at where you are.” Cullen glanced around as if waking up from a dream, his eyes flitting rapidly between the landscape and Solas who was dry retching while trying to recover from the smite. “Varric, get his weapons.” Varric quickly stepped around Solas and approached Cullen, unbuckling his belt to take his sword and pulling a dagger from his boot before stepping back out of harm’s way.  
“Ari-” Cullen muttered, careful of the blade still against his throat.  
“You smited Solas.” Ari stated flatly. “Your _friend_. The man who has saved your life many times over.” Cullen looked down at Solas who was panting on his knees, arm wrapped around his stomach as if he had taken a blow, a sheen of sweat on his skin.   
“He’s deceiving us. He’s-” Cullen tried to remember the reason for smiting him, but as he blinked and tried to focus his thoughts moved further and further away, like trying to catch mist in your hands.  
“You’re not thinking clearly, Ma’Vheeran.” Ari said and he focussed on her words, her tone. The way she ordered him as she should- the way she was masking her sorrow, as she shouldn’t have to. Cullen blinked, holding back tears. This wasn’t right, she shouldn’t sound like that. He realised what he was about to do, what he had done and began to hyperventilate.  
“You need to- to replace me.” He scrunched up his face, trying to will away the daze he was fighting out of. “Maker, Solas. I’m so sorry.” He gasped.  
Cassandra stepped forward, “We don’t need to replace you,” she said, “but we need to take the lyrium.” He shook his head in small movements, fear in his eyes, if they took it away he could die. Ari sighed.  
“Bull?” she asked and he rumbled from behind her.  
“He keeps it in his saddle, I’ll get it.” Bull rumbled and Cullen glanced at her as if he had been betrayed.  
“I had Bull watch you since we left the ship.” She admitted to him and he let out a raspy laugh. “I told you, I’m not going to lose you to this.” Dorian walked up to Cullen’s other side quietly as Ari spoke, she gave him a nod and pulled her dagger away before Dorian touched Cullen’s neck, pushing a sleeping spell at the contact and catching the Commander as he slumped.

As the others carried him to the horses Ari helped Solas stand and checked him over for injuries before giving him a firm hug.  
“You couldn’t stop him _before_ he smited me?” Solas breathily drawled in joke as he pulled her closer to him, body shaking from a combination of adrenaline and stress.   
“Abelas, Hahren.” She said quietly, not meeting his eyes. “I should have been watching him closer.”   
“No, Da’assan.” He reassured her by rejecting her apology. “You’re not alone in this.” With a kiss he allowed himself to lean on her, welcoming the help back to the horses.


	26. Chapter 26

Cullen had been flung over his horse as they continued until he awoke hours later and could sit properly. With him unconscious they slowed to a crawl, having to check on him every now and then. Solas said the intoxication would wear off in a few hours and he stayed by the Templar’s side until he awoke, flustered and pained from being slumped over his horse. He had apologised repeatedly and handed over another vial of lyrium that Bull didn’t find in his search, Solas had forgiven him and said as much, but the Commander still couldn’t meet his eyes, instead opting to quietly distance himself from the group.

The rocky and muddy path soon gave way to bush and forest and Ari slowed the group to a walk. She knew the area but it had been some time since she had been there and the paths the Dalish took shifted and changed each season. She paused and surveyed the north side of the road, seeing an unusual gap in the foliage, dismounting she waded past large ferns and found a track leading north.   
“A scout trail.” She called before returning to Varmet. “Probably a couple of hours north, we need to be careful from here on, don’t want to force their hands.” Turning off the road they headed north, following the narrow trail through the forest and past crags until they came across a lake.

The water was crystalline and orange light bounced off its still surface as the sun began to set, the banks of the lake ran along a small clearing flanked by thick trees, Ari looked around nervously before deciding to stop.  
“We’ll make camp here, but let’s keep things nice and quiet.” She said, dismounting and scanning the tree line again, her skin crawling in apprehension.   
“What is it Boss?” Bull asked from his stallion, leaning forward to stretch out his lower back, the others noticed her apprehension and scanned the tree line.  
“They know we’re here.” Ari said quietly so her voice wouldn’t carry to the trees. “Have for a few hours now.” Cassandra dismounted and walked to stand beside her, her armoured pauldron at Ari’s eye level.   
“Will they approach us?” she asked, her accent rolling. The others made their way closer, all anxious and unhappy about being spied upon.  
“No.” Ari said before turning her back on the trees and facing her friends. “They will stop us before coming too close to the aravels.” She pulled her hood closer around her ears as the cold wind passed through them, frowning she looked down, resisting the urge to stare at the trees.  
“What is it?” Dorian asked, recognising her worried expression.   
“Word would have been sent to the Keeper about our presence and given our numbers she would want more scouts to escort us through, but they’re just watching us, letting us stumble blindly to them.”   
“You’re wondering where the other scouts are.” Blackwall grumbled, shifting on his feet as Ari nodded. “They could just be patrolling.” He added.  
“You’re right.” Ari said quietly, “It could be nothing.” She also knew it could mean that there was something more threatening than them in the area. “But just humour me and double the watch tonight.” They nodded and walked away to set up their tents and tend to their mounts, Dorian stretched as he dismounted and let out a sigh, looking to the lake.  
“At least we can have a somewhat proper bath here.” He said with a smile. “Riding downwind from Blackwall has _not_ been a pleasant experience.” Ari snickered and shook her head.  
“You’ll have to put up with it a while longer I’m afraid. That lake will kill you.” She threw the fur and pack from Varmet’s saddle onto the ground before beginning to loosen the saddle’s buckles.   
“You’re saying that to upset me.” Dorian pouted at her as he threw his own packs to the ground.  
“Ala'syl'ise'man or din.” Ari said, easing the saddle off Varmet. “Water of death. The cold will kill you in minutes but the lake does not freeze over.”  
“Fine,” Dorian huffed, “Maybe if I drink enough wine I won’t be able to smell all of you.”

Cullen held his rolled up tent in his arms, debating with himself if he should pitch his own or remain with Ari and Solas in theirs. The camp had been set up as normal and everyone was milling about, lighting the campfire and looking for wood while Ari and Varric went to forage in the surrounding area, not keen to risk distancing themselves from the group to hunt, especially since they were being watched. Blackwall and Cassandra paced the edges of the camps, looking to the trees every now and then as if they were expecting an ambush and Cullen noticed that whenever Cassandra became on edge Blackwall was soon to follow suit, their fighting styles complementing each other over the weeks since leaving Skyhold. He dropped his tent and sighed, still wrangling with the decision, before feeling the call of nature. Rubbing the back of his neck he made his way over to the lake, mindful of what Ari told them about it earlier, and stepped onto a small rocky outcrop a little away from the camp and began to relieve himself. He could hear Cassandra yelling at him from where she patrolled, telling him to be cautious and he yelled back an affirmative, fascinated at how clear the water was, he hadn’t seen water like this often and felt almost bad for pissing in it. Once finished he crouched down, noticing small pale fish flit around under the surface as they ducked in and out of plants and small spaces between the rocks.

Cole appeared behind him suddenly and silently, looking over Cullen’s shoulder.  
“Pretty.” He said and Cullen startled, trying to stand and turn too quickly on the slippery surface. With a yelp he fell backwards, crashing into the water and sinking rapidly.

From the surface the water seemed shallow, barely to his knees, the reality of it was the lake was much _much_ deeper. The freezing water stabbed at his skin like knives and he desperately kicked to the surface, hindered by the weight of his armour and the panic rising in his chest.

He burst from the surface of the water with a gasp and flung his arms over the rocks he had slipped from, gripping onto its rough surface. Large, strong hands gripped his upper arms and hoisted him out effortlessly, the movement of the air prickling his skin sharply with frost, Iron Bull steadily placed Cullen on the bank of the lake before stepping off the rock and onto the grass. Cole was frantically pawing at Cullen’s chest, trying to wrench the fabric from his skin as it slowly iced over.  
“Cold. Cold all over his skin, tiny needles pricking.” Cole yelled to Solas who was running over with Dorian. “He’s _freezing_.” Solas gently brushed Cole’s hand’s away before seeing the frost forming on the clothing, astonishment turned to concern when he noticed Cullen’s lips were already blue.  
“Get to the fire.” He commanded Cullen as he pushed him, forcing him to move before he curled in on himself from the cold.   
  
Cullen was quickly stripped by Solas and Dorian just outside of Ari’s tent, the commander was shaking violently from the cold as he wrenched off his gloves and dropped them on the ground, his numb fingers struggling to undo a buckle so he could slip out of his armoured chest piece. Dorian slapped his hand away before quickly loosening the buckle and easing the armour off of Cullen. He stood there shaking as his mantle and layers of clothing were pulled off, watching the others quickly try to find wood to feed into the fire, Cullen noticed that Dorian was eerily quiet as he worked on getting Cullen out of his breeches, knowing that it wasn’t good if he was silent.  
“I-I’m almost dis-sappointed.” Cullen joked through chattering teeth, his fingers began to blue so he tucked them under his arms. “I expected at- at least _one_ remark from you.”   
“Thought I might get you naked first. Hard to flee when your breeches are at your ankles.” Dorian quipped as he finally got the ties undone and began to peel the icy clothing down.   
“You need to get under the fur.” Solas said, his voice stressed as he helped Dorian.  
“You go in with him.” Dorian ordered Solas as Cullen stepped his breeches off of his feet and ducked into the tent to wrap himself in the furs. “I’ll find Ari’Valen.”   
“Take Cole.” Solas said, “He’ll find her quickly.” Dorian nodded before grabbing Cole and running for the trees, Solas ducked into the tent feeling the blazing heat of the campfire radiate over his back. Cullen had curled up amongst the furs, his teeth chattering as his muscles spasmed from shivering.   
“ _Andraste’s fucking tits.”_ The fur muffled Cullen’s swearing as he buried his nose into it. “Not even the Frostbacks were this cold.” Solas kicked his boots off before flinging his robe away, not caring where it landed. He undid his breeches quickly before sliding them off in one motion and lying next to Cullen under the fur. Solas could feel the cold like an aura emanating from the man and grimaced before wrapping his arm around Cullen’s chest and sliding his other arm beneath Cullen’s torso, pulling him backwards to press his cold back against his warm chest, sharing his body heat.  
“ _Fenedhis_ _fuck.”_ Solas swore, it was like hugging an ice block that jerked and kicked involuntarily. Cullen whimpered from the sudden heat at his back, painful against his skin. “Give me your hands.” Solas demanded and Cullen jerkily let his fingers fall into Solas’s hand, Solas gripped them and rubbed at the fingertips, trying to stimulate blood flow and warm them before frostbite set in.

Solas closed his eyes and began whispering, Cullen strained to hear him and tilted his head, seeing the elf frown out of the corner of his eyes.  
“Solas?” his voice croaked.  
“ _Quiet_.” Solas scolded him before whispering again, Cullen sensed the magic building in Solas, like thick streams pouring over him, Solas’ hands grew hot, almost like wood that was smouldering and Cullen sighed as feeling returned to his fingers in painful tingles. Eyes still closed in concentration Solas moved his hands to Cullen’s chest, slowly moving down as the human’s skin warmed. Cullen writhed as the strong hands painfully eased the cold on his skin, the pleasant pressure mixing with the sharp tingles of magic. Solas halted at his hipbones and relaxed his muscles, panting from the exertion of limiting his magic.   
“It’s easy to create fire,” Solas explained, “hard to control it.”  
“Thank you for not burning me alive.” Cullen grumbled, “Maker I’m an idiot.” He felt like a burden, that he should have been left behind weeks ago.  
“Not your fault.” Solas sighed and settled in, trying to cover Cullen’s legs with his own, “Cole needs to be more aware of danger around him. It seems he can only focus on thoughts half the time.”  
“Still- I am sorry. About everything.” Cullen mumbled, focussing on the fur next to his eyes instead of the sculpted muscle pressed against him. “I want to say that the lyrium makes me like that, like how I was in the circles, but-”   
“ _Cullen._ ” Solas interrupted him firmly. “I forgave you the moment you raised your hand to smite me.” Cullen shivered and tried to curl in on himself from the memory, Solas’ arms not allowing him to go far. “And you are right- about the lyrium. It changes people if they are not careful. But right now I need you to focus on staying alive.” Cullen nodded, thinking warm thoughts far removed from the heat of Solas’ form.

Soon Cullen’s shivering had lessened, his muscles weren’t spasming and he allowed himself to relax into the other man’s body heat. It wasn't long before he became acutely aware of Solas’ heartbeat, thudding as he pressed his chest against his back, the feel of the man’s breath curling along the back of his neck in warm swirls of air and the strength of the arms that still pinned him close. Burying his face into the fur again Cullen sighed and tried to block out the sensation of Solas, remembering too clearly how he awoke to Solas’ lips against his the night before.

Agonising minutes had passed and Cullen was still very aware of the man’s body pressed against his own, Solas’ hand was still resting on Cullen’s hip bone, heavy and hot as Cullen tried not to think about its proximity, he tensed and shifted slightly as his body reacted favourably, trying to avoid accidentally brushing Solas' hand with his erection.  _Calm down,_ he urged himself,  _just a standard reaction from where his hand is resting,_ but his mind defied him, sending a thought of what it would feel like to have that hot hand wrap around him, those long fingers tracing along his flesh. He turned his face into the fur, hiding the rising blush and willed his mind to not think of anything but a desert and heat. Feeling the tension emanating from Cullen, Solas shifted to pull his arm away, to move his hand from where it rested remembering that even though they had been sharing a tent for weeks, Cullen had balked at accidentally kissing him previously.

As Cullen felt muscles move and the hand began to slip away his own hand shot out to ensnare Solas’ wrist, his body acting before his brain could stop him. Both men froze, surprised at the action, Cullen’s hand still cool against the warmth of Solas’ wrist. Cullen blinked, anticipation and uncertainty swirling through him as he tried to control his quiet, ragged breathing. With one move he had thrown their unusual relationship in the air, letting it teeter to fall one way or the other. He could laugh it off, saying he was half asleep and the movement woke him, or that he just wanted the warmth and move his hand elsewhere. Instead he lowered the hand down again, sliding it further across his hip so Solas’ wrist touched his hip bone, letting the hand hover over intimate places but not touching.

He could feel Solas’ heart thudding harder than before, the elf completely still at his back, Cullen was giving him the choice of where the decision would fall. He knew it would be an arrogant remark, a jibe about Templars and their tendency to hassle mages or a silent rejection as Solas left. His face was burning as it rested in the fur, tortuous seconds passing as the anticipation was fuelled by the heat radiating from Solas’ hand. He felt delicate bones move against his hip as the hand moved and Cullen’s breath stopped, anxious from the slow movements.

Softly and tentatively he felt a fingertip against his erection, followed by three more as they skirted up and over his glans, his breath left him in a choked rush as his cock twitched from the pleasurable, teasing touch. At his sigh the fingers stilled, feather light against him, his stomach tensed knowing he was about to be rejected, scolded for fraternizing with the troops. Still shaking he squeezed closed his eyes and gripped the fur tight in his fist before he felt a thumb run up his erection, rubbing at the soft skin of his glans as the fingers joined in small upward strokes. Groaning he tensed and pulled at the fur under his hands, hips involuntarily trying to follow the hand’s movement, to get more and more contact.

Cullen felt the heavy heat as his cock was palmed and the hand wrapped around it, giving a gentle squeeze to which Cullen arched his back, bringing his face from the blanket and rolling slightly into the long line of Solas’ body. He could feel his erection hard against the flesh of his ass underneath thin fabric, lightly grinding against it he elicited a groan from the elf before sliding his hand down Solas’ side, with a held back moan Solas stopped Cullen’s hand before it reached his cock and guided it back to the warm fur.  
“No.” Solas breathed into Cullen’s neck before resuming the gentle strokes on his cock, “let me.”  
The rhythmic strokes continued even as Cullen writhed beneath the attention, he rolled onto his back, forcing Solas to shift away, and scooped his arm under Solas’ body, pulling him tight against his side, the elf’s erection grinding against Cullen’s flank. With a moan he opened his eyes to see Solas propped up on his side, eyes dark as the hand’s rhythm increased in pressure and speed. Gasping he followed the movements with his hips gently, grinding against Solas who growled and bit his lip in an effort to stay quiet

Placing his hand over Solas’ he squeezed and bucked into the pressure, grunting as his situation became desperate, he was so close, overwhelmed by heat and scent and sounds of ragged breath. Solas thrust into his hip and panted, his usually blank face giving away how close he was. Pulling him hard against his side Cullen raised up, licking at Solas’ lower lip. Surprised at the action Solas was slightly taken aback, meeting the Commander’s desperate gaze. Cullen panicked, did he push too far? He wasn’t sure if he could handle the man’s rejection at this point, to be teased and left. He wasn’t left in turmoil a moment longer as Solas smirked, a hungry look to his eyes as he crushed his lips down on Cullen’s, tongue invading as the sensation overwhelmed them both. Cullen whimpered as his body tensed, coming all over his stomach as the pleasure wreaked havoc through him, followed closely by a sudden warmth on his side as Solas shuddered and came panting and moaning.

Solas found a cloth in his pack and wiped them both clean before settling back and flopping the crook of his elbow over his eyes and sighing, Cullen lay beside him still wrapped in the fur, much more warmer than before. He looked over the elf, his lithe but strong body pale in the filtered light, grimacing he scrubbed his hands over his eyes.  
“I’ve complicated things haven’t I?” Cullen asked quietly, without an answer he barrelled on through his thoughts. “We can forget about it, if you want. I’m sorry. Maker knows I’ve been out of my mind lately but I thought- I don’t know what I thought.” Solas sighed from underneath his arm, quieting Cullen.  
“Things were already complicated.” Solas scolded him, drawing out the sentence as if he were barely awake. “Perhaps we have made them simpler.”

Ari ran to the tents followed closely by Cole and Dorian, a bit behind them Varric was crashing through the underbrush with a growling curse. As they approached Bull pointed to her tent, signalling that Cullen was in it. Heart in her throat she dropped her bow and quiver onto the ground, letting the arrows fall where they may, roughly she pushed the tent open and crouched inside.

A moment of panic filled her as both Cullen and Solas laid too still under the furs, a second later Cullen shifted and huffed in his sleep, followed by a frown and quiet shushing from Solas. Relief coursed through her as she sank to her knees and crawled up the short distance to sit next to their sleeping forms. Puffing from the run through the forest she willed herself to calm down.  
“He is all right.” Solas said sleepily, Ari looked to him and he smiled at her, reaching to squeeze her hand. She smiled and felt her emotions crash through, eyes watering as she desperately tried to calm herself. She sniffled and Cullen awoke groggily, looking from Solas to Ari, confused by the situation.  
“Hey.” He said through remnants of sleep, reaching for her. “Hey, It’s fine.” He pulled her closer and she leaned forward on her knees and gently cupped his face in her hands, kissing him between breaths.  
“You’ll be the death of me.” She scolded Cullen and he pulled her down into a haphazard embrace. “ _Both_ of you.” Solas smiled with a hint of sadness and pulled the both of them closer, taking the sniffling and shivering pile of people into his chest.


	27. Chapter 27

Varmet walked cautiously through the forest trail, antlers brushing past vines that hung from the tall trees. His grey-blue fur shimmering in the mottled sunlight. It was warmer today away from the mountain breeze but Ari still had her hood pulled up to cover her ears. She glanced behind her to Sera who was looking about the underbrush with a scowl, her short cut hair messy from sleep still. Sera pulled a face at her, breaking the tension of the silent company.

They came to a clearing, the entrance from the trail marked by two tall boulders on either side of the narrow path, a short distance away the clearing ended, marked by another two boulders. It was an old path, here long before Ari’s clan came to the Free Marches and she knew it well, years before she became the Inquisitor she had guarded this path, hiding in the trees to intercept shem who wandered too close.

She held out a hand to her side, signalling caution to the riders behind her, the signal repeated by each person in turn until they were all alert. Ari whispered to Varmet who huffed and slowly walked into the centre of the clearing. Spine straight and shoulders back Ari held down the anxiety building in her chest, halting Varmet a few paces before the furthest boulders. Her inner circle were fanning out into a line behind her, showing themselves clearly.

Slowly she reached up and pushed her hood back to revealing her face. The white of her hair shone as the light danced on it, breaking though the leaves of the canopy. Ari listened and heard only the trees and the cry of a bird but knew there was more.  
“ _Sura suleth_.” Ari called to the area before her, she could her Solas whisper to the others that she was telling the scouts to come forwards. “Ar’an tel suleva nua.” She waited as birds chirped back at her, then the slight sound of a step on stone as a scout emerged from the trees to stand on the boulder in front of them, almost melting out of the shadows and into the light. The scout was tall and lithe, short black hair fell unkempt onto his face and Ari recognised him as a scout who began his training just as she left for the enclave.   
“You claim no harm to us and yet you arrive with mercenaries.” The scout- _what was his name?-_ had his bow drawn and aimed at her. “We have seen _that_ one before.” He gestured to Bull who swung Ari an apologetic look.  
“ _That_ one is a mercenary,” Ari said as Varmet shuffled beneath her, unhappy with the threat to his master. “But he is also my friend.” The scout glared at her unhappy with the answer. “It is a dangerous journey from Skyhold, surely you did not expect me to arrive alone?”  
“We do not know what to expect from you anymore Ari’Valen, _Fen'Harel ma ghilana_.” Ari bristled at the insult and her anger jogged her memory. _Bramen_. That was his name, and he had been a pain in the ass since he was born.  
“ _Lasa adahl su nar masa Bramen._ _”_ Ari spat at him and Solas sighed and pinched the bridge of his nose. “I did not cross Thedas to be stopped by a whelp like _you.”_ Her voice descended into a growl as the anchor sparked threateningly, the scout glanced at it worryingly before shifting on his feet. “So you can either shoot me, and see how far you can scramble up that tree before I open a rift in your stomach and suck you into the fade from the inside out-“ Cullen sighed from behind her, realising what a marvellous impression had been made and that Josephine will kill him when he gets back to Skyhold. “-or you can reconsider your ability to keep me from my kin.”   
_“Venavis.”_ A second scout called from a tree before stepping out onto the other boulder, grinning as he looked over the group. The older man had his long grey hair tied back in a braid and Ari’s scowl turned to a smile almost instantly. “I see your temper is still the same Ari’Valen.” He half scolded. “Your diplomatic skills too.” He glanced to Bramen and scowled, rolling his eyes back as he sat casually on the boulder. “Put it away boy, she will kill you before you loose the arrow.”   
“Did you hear what she said to me?” Bramen whined and the elder growled.  
“She told you to shove a tree up your ass,” he said and Varric laughed from behind her, “and I’m about to make it an order.” Bramen huffed and lowered his bow, mirroring his elder’s actions and sitting on the boulder stiffly. Ari nudged Varmet to get closer to the elder and reached a hand to him, they clasped at each other’s forearms in greeting.   
“It is good to see you Arnar.” She said though a wide smile.   
“Aye, and you lethallan.” He responded, his grip firm even through her leather. “The scouts haven’t been the same since you left.” He huffed and slid off the rocks, landing silently and striding to the path. “Best we get you to the clan, you’ll be wanting to see Varrahel.”  
“He is alive?” Ari asked hopeful, Arnar stopped and looked back at her, a distance in his eyes and Ari’s gut clenched.  
“He- you need to see him first.” He quietly said before gesturing to Bramen to stay put, Arnar jogged ahead down the path as the company followed him at a trot.

Ari gave Arnar time to inform the clan of her arrival, rushing in on their mounts would cause a panic they didn’t want. When signalled she gently guided Varmet to the clearing, passing the trees she saw the aravels and her heart was elated. The burnt orange sails hung over the aravels, tightened by ropes as the halla wandered freely around them, many of the scouts had come into the camp, standing amongst the Dalish with their bows across their backs. Most of the people smiled at her, wary of the woman who returned with a guard at her back and a brand emblazoned on her armour.

Large colourful tents had been erected in a half circle, facing the bonfire that was reduced to smoulders. Ari dismounted at the far side of the bonfire and the others followed her lead, hanging back a few steps as she slowly walked to the largest tent. It stood dark blue and imposing in the centre of the half circle, two scouts flanked at either side of the opening, Ari stopped and waited some distance from the tent, her heart fluttering with anticipation.

A woman emerged from the tent, dark grey hair in a messy bun and blue eyes piercing as she looked upon Ari. Ari bowed in respect and could hear the rustling of armour as her companions did the same, the woman approached and held out a hand to lift Ari’s chin, smiling as she did, wrinkles at the corner of her eyes and mouth.  
“An’daran atish’an.” The woman said, before gesturing for Ari to stand properly.   
“Keeper Deshanna.” Ari said with a tight smile, still uncertain.  
“Let me look at you.” She said with a smile as she held her hands to Ari’s shoulders. “You have lost weight.” She scolded and Ari couldn’t keep back a laugh, abruptly she was pulled into a hug, the older woman’s arms surprisingly strong. “It is good you are here lethallan,” she said softly, “I will take you to your brother, Arnar will show your friends where to set camp.” Ari turned to her companions and gave them a nod in reassurance before following the Keeper to a large white tent.

Inside the tent hung herbs of all kinds, a brazier in the corner kept the tent warm without risking an open flame and a woman stood by a table crushing elfroot. She glanced up as the Keeper and Ari walked in, bowing curtly before wiping her hands on her apron.  
“You remember Mahris, our healer.” The Keeper said and Mahris gave Ari a quick hug, they had been close before Ari left, often chatting into the night as Mahris stitched Ari back up after being injured while on duty. She had come from Kirkwall originally and so her face was without Vallaslin, her red hair was tied back tightly and her pale skin had small freckles scattered across it. She smiled tiredly, and sadly, at Ari.   
“I have done what I can for him.” Mahris said, gently guiding Ari by her elbow to a partitioned section of the tent, sectioned by a long white cloth. Ari’s gut clenched at the words, _done what you can? She can’t do anything more?_

Stepping around the cloth she saw him, pale and thin on a stretcher, his golden hair waxen as it clung to his clammy forehead and neck. He murmured in his sleep, head moving gently as he frowned through newly branded Vallaslin, he didn’t have it when she had left and she felt pain for missing his ceremony. Ari knelt beside his stretcher, fingers gently pulling his hair from his forehead and neck, his hair had grown longer too, nearly to his shoulders now. Even his face had aged, that young look gone and replaced with an adult jawline, an adult pain.  
“Varrahel.” Ari gently spoke to him. “It’s Ari’Valen.” He didn’t move, only muttered in his dreams. Ari looked to the Keeper and Mahris who watched the two of them sadly. “What happened?” she demanded to know.  
“Our borders were breached.” The Keeper spoke sullenly. “Varrahel was with Leriel when they were set upon by creatures of red stone and Shemlen. They pushed back but Varrahel was injured, a sword close to his heart.” Ari peeled back the bandages on his chest and saw the angry wound, her heart broke as she saw red crystals lining the edges.  
“Red Templars.” Ari said quietly. “Are they still nearby?”   
“Leriel has taken a company to eradicate them.” The keeper said with malice. “We received word an hour ago that these Red Templars are no more.”  
“If only they were the only ones.” Ari muttered. “Has he awoken?”   
“He comes and goes.” Mahris said, “no potions I have are helping, I can only help with the pain.” Ari nodded, too much as she processed the information. She looked up to Mahris and sighed.  
“Will you please send for the elf that accompanied me? The bald one.” Mahris nodded and left.

Solas soon walked into the tent, taking a moment to look before seeing Ari sitting on the ground by a low stretcher. He strode over and immediately checked Varrahel, feeling his temperature and pulse.  
“It’s the same as I saw in Redcliffe,” Ari said to Solas, “in the future, the red lyrium growing out of you.” She pulled the bandage back to show the wound with the small crystals growing around it like icicles. Solas frowned and sighed, unsure what to do.  
“Then the Red Templars have reached this far.” He mumbled and she nodded in agreement. He gently pulled at the wound and peered at the edges, scrunching his nose at the vision. “He is becoming like them slowly. A piece of lyrium must be lodged near his heart.”  
“Can we remove it?” Ari asked and Solas gave her an uncertain glance.   
“Maybe, if we got him back to Skyhold, or even Kirkwall at a stretch.” He rumbled, still examining the wound. “If we tried cutting him open it would likely kill him, and here in the forest it will kill him.”  
“We could try for Kirkwall. It is barely a week away.” She said as Solas replaced the bandage and took her hand in his as it rested over her brother. He looked her steadily in the eye, his face blank.  
“Da’assan, the crystals are forming around the wound, it is likely that the lyrium is in his blood, if it isn’t growing in one long shard.” He spoke slowly, carefully.  
“What are you telling me?” she asked quietly, brain refusing to process the information.  
“If it is one shard we can remove it, but the hole in his chest- it would be difficult to heal.” He squeezed her hand, seeing the fear settle in her eyes. “If it is in his blood then we cannot remove it at all. I’m sorry.” Ari trembled and closed her eyes, one tear escaping silently, Solas let out one ragged breath and continued, hating himself for telling her this. “He won’t make the journey to Skyhold. And Kirkwall is in shambles- the Chantry would have been our best hope to do the surgery but it was blown up by Varric’s _friend.”_ Ari let out a ragged sigh and looked to Varrahel, now still and sleeping soundly.  
“I won’t let him turn into one of those monsters.” She said quietly.  
“I know.” Solas whispered sadly, moving around to sit beside her and slipping an arm around her waist, waiting with her patiently.

A couple of hours later Ari was still beside her brother, curled up with her head leaning against his side, hand in his as she rested. A moan woke her from her half sleep and she looked up to see Varrahel blinking, trying to figure out the new weight on his side.  
“Varrahel?” Ari asked and he stared at her, his eyes had a faint red ring around his blue iris, a symptom of the red lyrium. He smiled slowly and brought a shaky hand to her cheek, touching her as if to check that she was real.  
“Knew you’d come.” He coughed and Ari picked up a nearby cup of water, bringing it to his lips and supporting his head to help him drink. He looked her over and squinted. “You got old.” He croaked and Ari burst into laughter, relieved that her brother was still himself, and not addled by the lyrium.  
“You can’t keep out of trouble can you?” she jokingly scolded him and he smiled.  
“I take after my sister.” He retorted, “She had to up and piss off the scariest guy around.” Ari smiled and looked down before he saw her face fall, she held his hand gently.  
“Abelas.” She whispered. “I shouldn’t have left.”  
“If you didn’t then we would all be dead by now. You are not responsible for this.” He sighed and tried to sit up, it was a slow and painful process and Ari had to help him most of the way. “I want to feel the sunlight,” he said, “I’ve been in this tent for weeks.”  
“That’s a bad idea,” Ari begun, knowing that he probably shouldn’t be moved, he gave her a pitiful look and she sighed. “But we’ll do it anyway.” She stood and with his arm over her shoulders, helped him stand as well, grabbing a blanket she threw it around his shoulders before taking his weight and helping him out of the tent and into the sunlight.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Finally! We're there! *flops from exhaustion*


	28. Chapter 28

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just a short one tonight, I'll post the next chapter a bit earlier to make amends. :)

Solas approached the troupe as they finished setting up the tents at the far end of the camp. His heart heavy he wandered up to Cullen who was hammering the last peg into the rope that held the tent taught, stopping close to him he examined the way that Cullen held himself, strained but enduring through the exhaustion, he was close to needing another dose of lyrium.

Cullen noticed Solas approach and stood, wrenching and stretching his shoulders before throwing the small hammer onto the ground, he smiled tightly at the elf, acutely aware that they had not really spoken since the night before when they had broken down barriers that both of them had never intended to break.

Solas paused in front of Cullen, knowing the others were in earshot.  
“It’s not good.” He said, having only just left Ari to remain by her brother’s side. “It seems that he came across a company of Red Templars. The lyrium is in his blood.” Solas pinched the bridge of his nose and sighed. “It is a matter of waiting now.” The troupe paused to take in the information, it was an awful thing, hoping for a positive outcome only to hear the worst, they had been travelling hard and fast to get here, it was a bitter sweet blow to only just arrive in time.

“If you have a moment, Commander,” Solas said, brow furrowed as he looked to the ground. “I would speak with you.” Cullen nodded and walked warily to the tent, opening it to allow Solas to duck inside before anyone could really form an opinion on the action. Once inside Solas fossicked in his pack, whispering some words that Cullen could not understand, with a spark of magic he pulled out the small wooden box which held the lyrium. “I was going to wait until Ari was here,” Solas rumbled as he crossed his legs and sat, Cullen mirroring his action. “I thought you may have wanted the comfort she could give you, that you would be wary of someone administering the lyrium.” Cullen rubbed the back of his neck and glanced around the tent.  
“It’s just dust.” He grumbled. “Just mix it with water. Not exactly invasive.”  
“I know.” Solas said as he opened the box, examining the carving of Andraste on the inside of the lid and the various tools. “But I have never seen you take it, neither has Ari’Valen. So I thought perhaps the subject would be a sensitive one.” Solas examined the empty vial, not unlike the one Ari kept hidden on her person and picked up a small leather pouch, half full with lyrium dust, and carefully poured it into the vial until the silvery blue dust filled a quarter of it. He held it up in the air between them and Cullen frowned.  
“Less.” He said and Solas raised his eyebrow at him. “Half that.”  
“You are certain?” Solas asked him, “This is half a usual dose is it not?” Cullen nodded, his eyes scrunching as his hands began to shake.  
“Just need to stave off the withdrawals.” He said with a sigh. “Any more than that and who I am changes.” He swallowed and looked down and away, his voice rough in shame. “I don’t want to hurt you again.” Giving the Commander a measuring look Solas halved the dust, pouring it back into the pouch before finding a water skin and filling the rest of the vial with water.

Shaking the vial he closed the box of tools and with a slip of magic hid the box in his pack again, not even the shape of the box could be seen and Cullen was left to wonder _where_ exactly the box was hidden away. The silvery blue liquid sparkled as the dust dissolved, small bubbles rising to the top. Solas offered the vial to Cullen who took it gingerly, examining the contents with dark eyes.  
“Do you need it now?” Solas asked and Cullen shook his head.  
“I _want_ it now.” He sighed, a grumble in his voice. “I want to feel strong again.” Solas shifted onto his knees and gently squeezed Cullen’s shoulder, breaking his gaze from the vial. “Solas,” Cullen huskily said, “about last night.”  
“No.” Solas said firmly, hearing the apology before it was said. “You gave me the choice and I do not regret what I chose.” With a smirk he leaned closer, lowering his voice so it would not carry outside of the tent. “However if you are unwilling to continue down this path I will respect your decision.”  
“I-“ Cullen swallowed around his breaking voice. “I am not _unwilling_.” His voice dropped to a harsh whisper. “But we need to tell Ari-”  
“We will.” Solas reassured him. “But now is not the time.” Cullen frowned and looked away before Solas grasped his other shoulder in his free hand, turning his torso to face him. “I am not purposely deceiving her.” He said sternly before sighing. “The truth is I want nothing more right now than to _tell_ her, to see that mischievous look in her eyes when she realises the possibilities. But in doing so we are being selfish, it’s too much right now- the way her brother is.”  
“You’re right.” Cullen agreed, taking a moment to steadily breathe as his muscles began to ache- the first sign of his withdrawals. “Is he really that bad?”  
“A week, two if he’s stubborn.” Solas informed him, trying to hazard a guess having only seen the corpses of red lyrium poisoning. “I cannot see how he would survive this.” Cullen sighed at the news and looked back to the lyrium in his hands.  
“Maker, what a vile thing this is.” He popped the lid and closed his eyes, bringing the edge to his lips he threw his head back and swallowed the contents. A heady groan escaped his lips as his body sang in relief, muscles relaxing and feeling strong again. Solas watched him curiously, unabashed at the almost intimate scene as Cullen’s tongue darted out to run along his tongue, catching any remnants of the lyrium. He gently plucked the vial out of the man’s loose hand and put it back into his pack before moving to cup either side of Cullen’s face, long fingers mussing through golden curls.  
  
“Look at me, Cullen.” He urged and Cullen slowly opened his eyes, showing his normal hazel colour and undilated pupils. Satisfied that Cullen was not intoxicated he smiled tightly, massaging small circles with his fingertips. Cullen sighed and surrendered to the wonderful sensation of Solas’ fingers, biting gently at his lip out of habit. Solas stared at his teeth rolling the pink flesh of his lips and felt a blush fleetingly grace his cheeks before swearing and leaning in to gently kiss him. A moment of encouraging groans later he pulled away, enjoying the dazed look in Cullen’s eyes and knowing it wasn’t from the lyrium but a reaction to him.  
“If you need lyrium,” Solas breathed, “you come to me, don’t wait until you’re in pain.” Cullen hummed and nodded as much as he could in the other man’s grip.  
“I should make sure the others are behaving themselves.” Cullen croaked, “If I stay here a moment more I can’t say I would be able to leave this tent anytime soon.” Solas laughed, a male laugh that said he knew what his effect on Cullen was, and let him go


	29. Chapter 29

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I did promise this one early but it didn't happen. Sorry! Hope you enjoy anyway ;)  
> NSFW.

Her friends took to Varrahel like an Antivan to alcohol and were enjoying themselves recounting stories of what Ari had been doing since leaving the clan. Soon other elves became comfortable with their presence and joined the group to listen to the stories, hugging Ari in greeting before settling down to join in. She felt content, even with the worries, almost at home as children she had helped train came up to her to show her their new scars and missing teeth.

A woman she had been close with once came up and carefully handed her a newborn, introducing Ari to the woman’s brand new daughter. Ari smiled down at the baby, letting it grasp onto her finger tightly as she made terrible cute sounds at it.   
“Look out boys,” Varric teased and Ari glared up at him. “She’s getting baby crazy.”  
“Just you wait Varric.” Ari cooed as if she were talking to the newborn. “Soon you’ll have a brood of Hawke’s running around. Pickpocketing in the streets of Kirkwall.” He laughed and agreed as Cullen leaned over to coo at the child, his finger being gripped by the baby as it kicked.  
“She’s strong.” He said to the mother smiling.  
“Of course.” The woman said proudly, “She’s Dalish.” Cullen gently took the baby from Ari, cradling it in his arms and smiling down at it.  
“Uh oh.” Varric teased them, “the crazy is contagious.”   
“It’s strange to think that I haven’t seen a baby in years.” Cullen said as the baby laughed at him. “Much less held one.”  
“Military doesn’t exactly allow for it.” Dorian said from behind a cup of wine. Cullen handed the baby back to her mother who smiled at them before heading back to her tent. “Makes you wonder what else you’ve missed out on huh?” Dorian mumbled before taking another sip.   
“No,” Cullen said, “Without it I wouldn’t be here.” He took Ari’s hand and kissed it, smiling at her regardless of the whispers of the clansmen. Varrahel smiled and chuckled breathlessly, head drooping from exhaustion.  
“If you’re courting my sister then good luck to you.” He mumbled. “Last one had to kill a wyvern first.” Ari put his hand on his shoulder, waking him up a little.  
“Time for bed, little brother.” She scolded and stood, Cullen helped her lift Varrahel and walk him back to the healer’s tent. Once far enough away from the group Cullen raised his eyebrow at Ari.  
“A wyvern? Really?” he drawled. Ari smiled and winked at him.

One thing Ari was proud of about her clan – they knew how to celebrate. Any apprehension she had over being welcomed back was washed away in a tide of moonshine as they gathered around the bonfire, the younger elves dancing as five others slapped their palms against leather topped drums, sending the thudding tribal beat high up into the night air. Everyone was roaring with laughter as they tore apart food with their hands, washing it down with the strong and volatile alcohol. Keeper Deshanna’s first apprentice approached Ari, followed closely by the second apprentice as the drumbeats dulled to a low thrum. The second was holding a flat bowl that contained a red paint and beckoned Ari to stand. She complied and the first put his hand into the bowl, coating his palm with the paint before gaping the top of Ari’s tunic open and pressing the paint covered palm over her heart and again across her neck and jaw.  
“Mythal’enaste na shiral.” The first said, _Mythal favour your journey,_ before moving onto Cullen and doing the same, soon the whole company was wearing red handprints and the drums escalated, clansmen jumping up to dance and dragging their guests up to join in.

Ari flopped into her tent with a drunken laugh, followed by Cullen’s heavy fall next to her and Solas’ graceful slide onto the fur. It was nearly dawn and many of the elves were still dancing to the rhythmic drumbeat along with Sera and Iron Bull, the others having passed out near the bonfire or staggered back to their tents. Cullen chuckled into the blankets and pulled himself up to get comfortable.  
“I haven’t had that much fun since, well- a fucking long time.” Cullen rumbled, throwing his arm over Ari’s stomach. “I’m still so awake.”  
“You’ll pass out soon.” Solas slurred, his robe gaping open and half fallen off, the handprint a red smudge on his chest from where he tried to rub it off.   
“No, much too awake,” he rolled onto his side and propped himself onto his elbow, looking down at Ari’s sprawled form. “I might need to exhaust myself first.” She giggled and gently scruffed at his stubble.  
“You’re drunk, suggesting such things in front of Solas.” She scolded him and he grinned, growling as he kissed at the palm of her hand. “You’ll make the poor man blush.” Solas huffed incredulously as Cullen growled, hopping onto his hands and knees, looking down at Ari with mischief shining in his eyes.   
“Then Solas can avert his gaze.” He teased before crushing down on her lips, his tongue slipping into her mouth demandingly as their teeth knocked together gently. Her surprised yelp gave way to moans as his hand opened the gape of her tunic further, exposing a breast to the cool air before massaging it gently, rolling the nipple between fingers. He spread her legs apart with his knee and situated himself between them before pulling back, breaking the contact with her lips and pulling his tunic over his head, bearing his torso to her. Ari got a moment to admire the muscled plains of his stomach and broad chest, still showing the red handprints, as he looked down at her dishevelled form with dark eyes. He wrenched the tunic out of her leggings, flinging open the shirt to reveal her pale skin and growled in approval, his erection already straining the ties on his breeches. He leaned down and took one nipple into his mouth, sucking and grazing his teeth along the pebbled flesh until she was arching her back from the sensation of it. Sucking hard he relinquished his dominion over one breast and moved to the other, growling as she bucked and inadvertently ground against him.

One hand sliding to grasp underneath her ass he ground his erection down on her hard, the rough fabric between them sparking pleasure as the pressure passed over her clit, she moaned and bit her lip, head lolling to the side. Eyelids heavy she opened them to see Solas watching them, lips parted as he breathed raggedly, his own erection pressed hard against the furs, trapped in his breeches still. He lay on his side, robe flung back to show the long line of his stomach which tensed as he palmed his cock with a growl, his lust hazed eyes following every move Cullen made.

Her gaze was wrenched back to the man above her as his hand slid under hear head, wrapping into her hair and turning her to look to him again. Staring into her eyes he pushed her leggings down, only to the tops of her thighs as he was still between her legs.  
“You look at _me._ ” He ordered as one finger traced the slick outline of her sex, she whimpered and writhed from the maddeningly slow sensation. Tracing circles lightly around her clit he leaned forward and bit at her neck, growling as she scratched at his back. “You moan for _me._ ” He huskily demanded as he slid a finger into her, his thumb moving to rub against her clit as she let out a breathy moan, trying to move with the demands of his hand. A second finger slid into her and she felt the pool of pleasure in her abdomen reaching a critical point. She arched back, eyes barely able to stay open moaning and breathing his name, Cullen’s groan was echoed by another beside her and the faint sound of a curse word.

Hands left her and she felt strangely naked, almost abandoned, shuddering from being so close before she felt her leggings being pulled off her legs, replaced with the heat of Cullen’s body. He ran his cock along her sex and lined himself up before pushing into her roughly with a strangled groan, hilting himself fully in one thrust. Head back he looked to the tent canvas above him, blinking in concentration before rolling his hips and scooping her legs to wrap around his waist. With no preamble he fucked her hard, the sound of his skin hitting hers loud in the hushed tent as it caught onto the rhythm of the drumbeats, the rough invasion of her body forcing her muscles to swing between tense and pliant. His breaths came quick and shuddering as he leaned forward to change the angle of his thrusts, her body curling up as he flung her legs over his shoulders, the change meant he went deeper, coming to the end of her harshly as her voice cracked in astonished pleasure.

A hand snaked out, long and elegant, to clamp down on her mouth and muffling her cries. Glancing to its origin she could see Solas, lip between his teeth as he breathed heavily, his hand slowly stroking – drawing up the foreskin of his hard cock. He smirked at her, taking in the image of her breasts bouncing while her lover slammed into her, tribal red paint smeared on their pale skin beginning to run from their sweat. Cullen groaned and it came out nearly a roar as his rhythm began to falter, reaching down he stroked her clit with his calloused thumb, two, three times before Ari’s back arched off the ground, her throat keening as she gripped hard on Cullen’s forearms, leaving red marks as her nails scratched down- her tense body quaking with orgasm.

Barely a moment later Cullen shuddered above her, with a bruising grip on her hip and thigh he came, the heat of his seed spreading through her. He slumped forward, his chest heaving from the exertion and the hand slipped gently from her mouth, she followed it and Solas lay slumped, his open palm cradling his softening cock, a pool of semen collecting in the centre of his hand.

With a happy and breathy laugh Cullen slumped to her side, snaking his arm over her stomach to rest. Soon another thinner arm slid next to it, resting over her body and gently grasping the other man's forearm. She hummed in groggy contentedness, letting the drumbeats lull her into sleep, blissfully aware of how Cullen's thumb stroked Solas' flesh in comfort.


	30. Chapter 30

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter 30!  
> Thank you to everyone who's read, commented, kudos'd and generally helped me keep this thing going, I honestly didn't think that this would get so far in the beginning and judging by what is lined up in the next chapters we've got a way to go yet! I thought it would be nice to have number 30 as some fun friendship-fluff. <3

Ari awoke groggily to see Solas lying beside her reading, his chest still gaping through his robe having not bothered to retie it last night, he gave her a quick glance and smile before going back to his book, lazily turning the page. Ari began to sit up and her abdomen throbbed painfully, sending a harsh reminder of exactly what she got up to the night before, freezing halfway she remembered Cullen roughly fucking her while Solas had watched, all of them more than a little drunk. Her face blazed red as she hovered between trying to escape the tent or burying herself in the furs and never coming out.  
  
“Da’assan?” Solas whispered curiously, not wanting to wake up the Commander. He closed his book and reached for Ari, gently stroking her arm.  
“Ir abelas.” Ari whispered, glancing at him and noticing the smirk he wore at the blush on her face. He chuckled and pulled her to him, with a squeak she was maneuvered to rest on top of him, her hands splayed across his chest as he guided her leg over him so she could straddle him comfortably.  
“Sorry? For what Da’assan?” He asked, guiding her head to rest on his chest, mostly so she couldn’t see the grin on his face.  
“For-you know, last night.” She stuttered, breathing in the scent of his skin and the paint from the ceremony.  
“What happened last night?” he feigned ignorance and felt her squirm on top of him, he bit his lip to hold back a laugh.  
“I-uh- we-” she turned crimson and Solas let his laugh slip, an accidental bark that make her look up and glare at him to see the grin spread across his face. She reared up and began to playfully slap at his arms, cursing him for teasing her in her vulnerable state. With a huff she settled back on her heels and crossed her arms under her breasts, which she quickly covered with her tunic once she realised they were still exposed. Solas calmed and stretched his arms to rest beneath his head, watching her as she fought to get composed. “You are not angry then?” she asked, averting her gaze to pick at the fabric of her tunic, Solas sighed and sat up, letting his hands run across her ribs and down her back. One hand remaining on her back he reached to grab her pack, digging around in it until he found the smaller bags of tea she carried. Placing it on the floor he began to sort through and look at each one, stopping when he found the contraceptive. Ari had an uneasy feeling in her gut, watching him pull out the small horn cup and drop some leaves in, chasing them with water from his waterskin.  
“I am not angry Da’assan.” He said as he tapped the cup with his finger and the water heated, handing it to her she clutched at it gingerly, watching the tea brew and change the colour of the water with a swirl. “Quite the opposite in fact. I’m glad our Commander has begun to open up to us, but I am just surprised at the… ferocity of it.” Ari took a sip before pulling a face at the taste of the tea, it wasn’t great, tasked like bark.  
“Are you referring to uh- _how_ he acted last night?” Ari asked quietly, not sure she was comfortable with discussing how one lover liked to be a little rough to the other lover, “because that is quite normal for him.” She fought away the blush as Solas smirked and raised an eyebrow at her.  
“I was not referring to that, Da’assan, more that he has gone from being wary of me, and at one point trying to kill me, to allowing me to be present when he wishes to be intimate with you. This has happened in the space of two days.” he held two fingers up in front of her to illustrate his point. Ari finished the tea and placed the cup down, putting her hands to his face she gave him a quick kiss.  
“Solas, has anyone ever told you that you overanalyse _everything._ ” She scolded him and he frowned, not enjoying being on the receiving end of a lecture. “Cullen has gone from staying in Skyhold all the time to travelling with us for over a month, sharing our bed for most of it. We eat together, ride together, fight together and even guard each other while we bathe. Not to mention he’s been relying on us to get him through this fucking lyrium bullshit.” Ari huffed and Solas allowed himself to look surprised at her language. “He’s come to be comfortable around you because he _trusts_ _you_.” She admonished as Solas couldn’t help but remember Cullen’s threat to turn him over to Leliana. Ari sighed heavily and brought her fingers to her temple, wincing as a pang of pain rolled through her head, Solas gently touched her arm, brow furrowed in concern over her quick change in mood. She lowered her hand and smiled at him tiredly, "A headache," she reassured him, "even Andrastae's chosen ones get hangovers every now and then."   
  
Cullen took that moment to groan and roll onto his back, slowly blinking awake.  
“Maker’s breath-my head is splitting open.” He complained as he scrubbed his face, peeking through his finger he froze when he saw the other two smiling at him, his face going bright red. He made a pitiful sound from deep in his chest and rolled back, pulling the fur over his head. Ari laughed and crawled over to him, pulling the fur down to reveal his cheek.  
“Good morning, Commander.” She purred and kissed him.

Ari spent the day bathing and staying beside her brother, they were recounting the mischief they would get into to Cassandra who wanted to visit him as well. Ari wondered if it was so she could comfort them, or so she could know what the enemy could do to people through red lyrium, but a part of her knew it was because Cassandra missed her own brother. Varrahel had slipped into sleep suddenly, the excitement of having Ari around taking its toll on him and Cassandra stood with a sigh.  
“Shall we go?” she asked Ari quietly, seeing the worry haunt her.  
“You go,” Ari said before making sure the blanket was covering his chest properly. “I’ll stay for a little longer.” Cassandra nodded before leaving quietly. She watched her brother frown in her sleep, moving weakly against dreams. She reached up and stroked back his hair, the same as she did when he was a child as let herself take a moment to cry.

She walked across to the tents, her friends were training in hand to hand combat with a few of the Dalish scouts and she smiled to see them having fun with it. Bull was facing off with a tiny elf woman, who Ari knew to be ridiculously acrobatic, while the others all were facing off with brand new recruits. Varric sat by himself off to the side, paper in hand, staring to the east with concern. Ari walked over and flopped herself down, feeling a slight wave of dizziness before sighing as she stretched in the sunlight.  
“Writing your next book Varric?” she asked curiously. “I’m surprised Leliana would let you.”  
“She won’t.” he said with a gruff. “Can’t let any secrets get out. Doesn’t mean I can’t write my other serials though.” He grinned at her and she cringed thinking about him turning her love life into a romance serial. “This,” he held up the blank parchment, “is a letter though.” He sighed and stared at the paper for a moment longer before putting it away into his pocket. Ari chewed her lip in thought as she regarded him.  
“Kirkwall _is_ only a week away.” She nudged gently, “If she’s around-”  
“She won’t be.” He interrupted her, voice gravelly. “She left Kirkwall once we heard that the Seeker was looking for her, I stayed to keep Cassandra busy while she got as far away as possible.” He sighed and smiled to himself.   
“Was that the last time you saw her?” Ari asked, sad for her friend who always needed the company of others and was denied the company of the one person he needed the most for over a year.  
“Yup. Few letters arrive but it’s risky- don’t tell anyone that.” Ari shook her head in promise, Leliana didn’t need to know _everything_. She looked up when she heard a _thump_ , Bull had been brought down onto his back, the elvhen woman straddling his neck with the wooden training sword at his throat, he laughed lazily as the woman stood, making a display of her victory. The others laughed and cheered for her as she bowed and offered to help the Qunari up.  
“Damn,” Bull rumbled as he sat up. “I _love_ the Dalish.” Ari patted Varric’s leg in goodbye before standing up to go speak to Arnar, she had a message to send.

It had become mid-afternoon when Ari’s stomach grumbled, she hadn’t eaten today – and Dorian gave her a knowing look.  
“There’s still some rations left- yes I know they’re awful don’t pull a face at me.” He chided as she scrunched up her face. He shrugged off his coat, and draped it over the log he sat on. “Bit warm today, considering its winter now.” He remarked casually.  
“Free Marches tend to be warm.” Ari said as she leaned back against the log, enjoying the sunlight. “Varric told me about the heat in Kirkwall once – it’s bad enough here let alone surrounded by stone.”  
“And filth and poverty.” Dorian added, “Kirkwall wasn’t the nicest place _before_ the invasion, I’d hate to see it now.” Ari’s stomach grumbled again and Dorian gave her a chastising frown.  
“I might… go get dinner.” She said as she stood. “Coming with?” she asked and Dorian shrugged, following her towards the tree line and grabbing Sera along the way who complained about having to get up from the grass.

Ari wandered from the camp, with Dorian and Sera in tow, to a nearby stream which was used for bathing in the warmer months, taking a deep breath she inhaled the scent of the forest and water, the babbling of the stream almost musical. With a smile she flicked off her coat and stripped out of her clothing, kicking off her boots and placing it all away from the water. Dorian made a plaintive sound behind her.  
“No.” he complained. “The water will be freezing.” Sera giggled and did the same as Ari, flinging off her clothing before standing next to the other elf. Dorian glared at the two petite women in their smalls, arms crossed over their chests waiting for him to join. “I’m not doing it.” He said bluntly.   
“It’s alright Dorian.” Ari placated him before looking to Sera. “You see, he’s not happy about the cold water.” She said in a low voice, knowing full well that he could hear her.  
“Ah,” Sera nodded knowingly. “Shrinkage.” Dorian huffed and crossed his arms.  
“Whatever you’re trying to do it won’t work.” He grumbled.  
“No, no, we understand.” Ari cooed. “The scouts are watching us, you don’t want to be shamed.”  
“I’ve nothing to be ashamed about, sweetheart have you _seen_ me?” he swept his arm downwards as if showcasing himself and Sera pulled a face.  
“Maybe we should get Bull around,” Sera put the idea to Ari with a sigh. “He’s usually better for these sorts of things.” Ari nodded sagely and Dorian let out a ragged huff, gripping the buckles on his armour and slipping out of it. The girls cheered and whistled as he stepped out of his leggings and cupped his privates for some semblance of modesty.   
“You didn’t have to strip _right_ down you know.” Ari said as he looked about the tree line and up into the branches, looking for the scouts he knew were watching.  
“Sweetheart I stopped wearing smalls when I was thirteen.” Dorian teased and Sera giggled.  
“I didn’t know that.” Sera said with a grin. “Did you know that Bull?” Dorian’s eyes grew wide and he spun to see Iron Bull leaning against a tree trunk casually.  
“I had an inkling.” He rumbled and Dorian let out an exasperated sound.  
“Oh I will get you back for this.” He promised the giggling elvhen girls.

She stood by the river bank, the warm sunlight and cool air skirting along her skin causing it to prickle and tighten. Carefully she stepped onto a rock away from the bank and onto another, taking her to the middle of the small river. She knew these rocks, this stream, had bathed here hundreds of times, knew the depth and the current and where the fish hid.

Sitting on the rock she let her legs dangle into the water – cold, but not unbearable. Skilfully she slid into the water without making a splash and waded a step away, the water came to her hips and she slowly bent over and lowered her hands to relax between her feet.  
“So what’s the point of this then?” Sera asked as she placed a wicker basket on the rock and slid in the same as Ari, behind her Dorian followed suit as did Iron Bull.  
“Have you never gone fishing?” Ari asked in surprise and Sera rolled her eyes.  
“This ain’t fishing, you use a rod for that yeah? This is just dangling your naughty bits in cold water.” She huffed and refused to copy what Ari was doing. With a smile Ari felt movement around her hands and clutched onto it, wrenching her arms out of the water with a splash, grasping a fat fish in her hands. Sera shrieked as the creature flapped near her face, the others laughing as Ari dropped it into the basket. “Nope. Nope, nope, nope.” Sera said as she waded back to the rock. “I ain’t doing this.” Dorian grabbed her by the hips and pulled her back into him before intertwining his hands over the back of hers.  
“Oh, I think you are.” He said as he put his weight over her back, making her bend at the hips and reaching their hands down. A moment of complaining later and Sera screeched again.  
“ _Argh it’s all slimy.”_ Ari and Bull laughed as she made a racket, firmly held in place by Dorian.  
“We’re going to grab it now.” Dorian said with a massive grin.  
“ _No we’re fucking not.”_ Sera yelled and Ari couldn’t stay still from her laughter.  
“One.” Dorian began.  
“ _No_.”   
“Two.”  
“ _Nooo-argh!”_ Dorian didn’t give her the third count before he enclosed Sera’s hands around the fish, lifting their arms up with a rushing break of the water, the fish wriggled in their hands as she shrieked and deposited the poor creature into the basket. As they laughed Sera lumped over the rock, panting and eventually giggling. “That was fun.” She said through a laugh. “Let’s do it again.”

“Ari’Valen?” Cullen called from the grassy bank, Solas was in tow behind him and they looked at her as if she had gone mad. “What are you doing? That water must be freezing.” Cullen scolded, shuddering at the memory of falling into the freezing lake. She grinned at him and felt the abnormal movement of water by her feet.  
“What to see a trick?” she called to them, they frowned and wandered closer to the water. The water moved by her hands and she quickly grabbed at it, snatching a fish and wrenching it from the water, holding it in the air for them to see. Their eyebrows shot up in surprise as the fish wriggled in her hands, Ari let out a happy bellow, letting all the other fish know that she was victorious, Sera, Dorian and Bull echoed her war cry with splashes. Cullen was laughing and Solas smiled at the display with his arms crossed over his chest before settling on the bank, the Templar stiffly sitting down a small distance away.

Soon they had nearly filled the basket with fish and were just splashing and mucking around, Dorian on Bull’s shoulders, who was very smart and didn’t talk about what was pressing against his neck, and Sera on Ari’s shoulders as they wrestled to push their opponent over into the water. They could hear Cullen calling from the shore claiming foul play as the two girls were easily overpowered and pushed into the water.  
“How were they supposed to win _that?_ ” Cullen yelled at the victorious pair who were mockingly flexing as the women surfaced with a laugh, wiping water and hair out of their eyes. Solas looked up from his book with a sigh and then looked at the Commander who was leaning back on his elbow yelling tactics to the women as they prepared for another bout.   
“Go even it out then.” Solas snarked at Cullen before flicking a page in irritation, unhappy with the loud sounds coming from the man. Cullen glared at Solas before standing swiftly.  
“You know what?” Cullen quickly pulled off his tunic and lobbed at Solas’ head who pulled it off gingerly with a frown. “I might just do that.” He kicked off his breeches and boots before wading into the river, sneaking up behind the other two men and tackling them into the water. Dorian and Bull surfaced with a splutter as the girls cheered and Cullen mockingly flexed at them.

It had gotten to the point where the sun was beginning to set, Bull had Ari on one shoulder and Sera on the other while Cullen tried to topple them from Dorian’s shoulders when Solas stood and cleared his throat from the bank, loud enough to stop the five of them.  
“Fun’s over.” Dorian muttered before dunking under the water to push the Templar off of him. They emerged out of the river, the women still on Bull’s shoulders until he gently lowered them to stand on the bank, shivering in the cool breeze. Cullen slogged out followed by Dorian who discreetly covered himself with the basket.  
“Cover yourselves before you freeze.” Solas scolded as he pulled Ari’s tunic over her head followed by Cullen’s over his, they looked half drowned and happy as they gingerly fitted the clothing on as it stuck to their wet skin.   
“That was fun.” Cullen said as he struggled his leg through his breeches. “I’m glad we’re here and not suffering the snows in Skyhold.”  
“Josephine would be having fits about now, setting half of Skyhold on fire to keep warm.” Dorian chuckled as he finished buckling his armour. Ari chuckled and stopped abruptly when her stomach growled embarrassingly loud, she felt the tips of her ears turn pink as Sera mimicked the sound with a laugh. Cullen cleared his throat in an attempt to hold back his laughter and put his arm around her shoulder, guiding her back to camp.  
“Let get some food into you, love.” Ari looked up to see him smiling at her, carefree and content. She smiled back and wrapped her arm around his waist, letting herself be guided back to camp.


	31. Chapter 31

Ari’Valen held back a wave of nauseous panic as her brother screamed beneath her hands. He had awoken in pain, his screaming waking the clan with him. When Ari pushed past the crowd and into the healers tent she saw him with his bandages ripped off, clawing at the lyrium on his skin, blood pouring from his chest onto the floor. She had rushed forward and grabbed his wrists, pinning them down and now he writhed and screamed as if he was being torn apart.

Mahris, the healer, was sewing his flesh back together while Ari and Arnar held him still – a difficult task as he bucked with an unusual strength in his muscles. Solas burst through into the tent and skidded to kneel beside the cot, reaching his hand to hover above Varrahel’s tortured face and casting a blue light over it. His face slackened as he slowly stopped fighting, his breathing returning to a regular rhythm as he passed out. Arnar and Ari hesitantly let go while Mahris continued to stitch him back up.  
“What did you do?” Ari asked Solas quietly, her voice betraying her calm expression as it trembled.  
“Put him into a deep sleep, he’ll be unconscious for a day.” Solas said quietly, his voice was hard and clinical as he leaned behind him to pick up a cloth, delicately he took her hand in his own, cleaning her brother’s blood from her fingers. With a whoosh of air Ari sighed and sat back on her heels, letting her head hang for a moment as the adrenaline slowly left her system.

Her head throbbed in pain for a moment before receding and she winced against it before gathering herself and meeting Solas’ hard eyes. “Ari we need to make-”  
“Ari’Valen.” The Keeper’s stern voice echoed from the outside of the tent, interrupting Solas and demanding her presence. Ari sighed and gazed at her brother, brushing back his hair from his sweat-damped forehead before standing to leave the tent. Solas watched as she went, letting out a resigned sigh before turning to help Mahris.

The Keeper walked away from the crowds to the edge of the tree line and Ari followed silently, glancing back at the camp she could no longer hear the murmur of the crowd and knew that they would not be heard by others.  
“He is suffering.” The Keeper said bluntly, a hardness in her eyes. “It’s time to end this.” Ari felt anger swell in her and tried to quash it as she began to pace, the Keeper just watched her as if she were a caged wild animal, she even seemed a bit bored.  
“You cannot be serious.” Ari spat as she paced, looking from the Keeper to the crowds to the trees and back. “He still has a chance, he-”   
“Is trying to claw the crystals from his body.” Keeper Deshanna scolded, speaking to her as if she couldn’t comprehend her words, Ari paused and glared at the woman. “He is trying to kill himself.”  
“ _He is trying to fight.”_ Ari snarled, her voice carrying to the crowd who silenced their soft murmurs, Ari glanced to the camp and lowered her voice but it hadn’t softened; instead escaping in a harsh whisper. “I’ll not have his life taken before he has the chance to do so.”  The Keeper sighed and gazed at Ari, noticing the stubborn way her shoulders were squared. Pale and vigilant in the dawn sun.  
“You are being selfish.” The older woman said with ire. “I had expected better from the _Inquisitor_.” Ari winced as her chest tightened, she couldn’t help but look away as her stubborn mask began to crumble.  
“You expected me to come and order his death?” Ari asked the question but already knew the answer in her gut, refusing to accept the role she shot an accusing glare at the older woman.   
“Ari’Valen, you have paraded in with your company of champions, consumed by the evils that all of Thedas fears and you forget.” The Keeper looked tired now, as if she had been dealing with an exhausting child for hours on end. “You forget that Varrahel has been dying for weeks, that while you journeyed from your castle in the sky he has been here – a hole in his chest and death in his blood. It is a miracle that he has held on for so long.” Deshanna took a step forward, letting anger seep back into her features as she regarded the younger elf who had once upon a time done all she could to protect her clan. “Think.” Deshanna urged vehemently. “Are you allowing him to linger because he wants to fight – or because _you_ want him to?” Ari bit the inside of her check to stop herself from screaming at the woman, her head throbbing again as her vision blurred from unshed tears.   
“I’m not going to kill him while he has even a glimmer of hope.”  Ari said quietly with resolution. The Keeper closed her eyes as if she were holding back her own scream, but opened them with unshed tears of her own.  
“Fen’Harel has truly led you astray if you are willing to watch your kin be tortured.” Deshanna sighed before taking a couple of steps towards the camp and halting, she spoke to Ari without turning to face her. “Mythal willing, Varrahel’s pain will end soon. When it does you are to leave immediately and cease all contact with Clan Lavellan.” Ari felt the nausea stir again as she looked to the camp of her clan, silent and peaceful in the dawn light. 

She had already felt heartbreak at leaving her clan, at losing Leriel, but it all surged again at the Keeper’s words. “ _Once more,”_ she could hear the echo of Leriel’s voice rolling through her mind- a memory of the day she left- still strong after all this time, “ _once more I will let you go. And when you come home it will be to stay.”_   
“ _Oh? And what if I get lost along the way?” She joked as she lay against his chest, he embraced her tighter and buried his nose into her hair, breathing deeply.  
“Then I will rally the clan to find you again. Fen’Harel himself couldn’t keep you away from me. I love you and your clan loves you, so once more I will let you go, but only if you promise to come back to me.” _ She felt nothing of the love of her memories as she watched Deshanna walk back to her tent, the proud woman’s straight back turned on her. Deep ragged breaths didn’t help Ari’s heart to stop pounding, to stop the tightness in her chest, let alone prevent the crack and glow of the anchor.

\---

She had managed to lose her friends in the forest, not wanting to speak to them after her argument with Keeper Deshanna. She paced between two trees, arguing with herself, questioning her resolve in what she was doing.   
_Am I being selfish_?   
She reached a trunk and turned and paced to the other.   
_Am I just prolonging his pain?_   
She hated this, hated that the Templars hurt him, that Corypheus started it all, that is was _her_ _brother_ , the boy she raised. But more than anything she hated that she was the one given the responsibility to decide his fate, and that is what sickened her.   
_I’m such a fucking coward._

She halted abruptly in front of the tree trunk, a little path carved along the forest floor where she had been pacing. With a scream she punched the tree, not stopping when the pain shot up her arm, punching through the cracks of wood and bone and stinging of flesh, screaming until her knuckles were a mess of flesh and blood.

She panted and leaned against the trunk, sliding down it to rest on the soft leaves at the base of it. She unclenched her hands painfully and held them up to cover her eyes, her hair falling to obscure them from view. The anchor flickered painfully, ignored by its bearer, as she let out a shuddering breath. Her head pounded and her stomach rose, just barely rolling to the side to vomit bile onto the ground. She looked around out of habit, wondering if anyone was watching her be this pitiful, hoping that they weren’t.

She couldn’t keep doing this, this display of self-pity, she didn’t have the liberty of it anymore and she knew that the Keeper was right. She couldn’t be Ari’Valen any more, as much as it pained her, she had to be better, stronger for the sake of everyone else. Not just her brother or the clan, but _everyone_. She was the Inquisitor, and the Inquisitor had to be more than a sniveling, retching coward at the base of a tree. Hands shaking and clammy she stood and composed herself, she had to make a decision one way or the other, it was why she was summoned there – to pass judgement on his death. Forcing her legs to take one step, and then another, she wandered back towards the camp.

\---

Cullen and Solas joined the others back at the camp, they had been searching for Ari’Valen since dawn, following her into the forest but she wouldn’t have any of it, evading them in the familiar territory while they lingered close to the camp, not willing to risk losing anyone else. Cullen was pacing, rubbing the back of his neck while Solas stared into the campfire, the others all sat silently, avoiding eye contact with the agitated pair. Blackwall whittled away on a chunk of wood before looking to the tree line with a sigh, he noticed movement and squinted, seeing a flash of white amongst the foliage. He put his dagger and wood down, standing to get a better look.  
“Maker, it’s been hours.” Cullen grumbled.  
“She’ll come back Curly,” Varric reassured him, “she won’t leave just from having a tiff with the Keeper. She just wants space.”  
“It’s hard, yeah?” Sera piped up from behind the log where she was drawing into a small book. “She has to go kill Coryphipants before he swallows the world whole, but then Varrahel gets shanked by his minions, she can’t save him, ends up feeling that she can’t save anyone. Everything is shite.”  
“As much as your psychoanalysis is a great detour from your normal conversations,” Solas grumbled, “It’s not helping the situation at all.” He got a raspberry sound in response from behind the log.  
“She’s right though,” Cullen said quietly and Solas gave him a withering look. “We need to keep a closer eye on this, try to- I don’t know- _minimise_ the damage.” Sera snorted from behind the log and called Cullen a _jackboot_ , which was promptly ignored.  
“ _Inquisitor!_ ” Blackwall called and the group stood, watching the petite woman approach like a storm. “Uh- your hands-” he said as she strode through the group, flinging open the tent and crawling inside. The group just stared at each other in surprise, unsure what to make of her mood before Cassandra cleared her throat and gestured for Cullen and Solas to go in, they stared at the Seeker in disbelief before glancing to the others who looked away from their plea for help. Cullen looked to Solas and sighed, nodding his head towards the tent which held an extremely agitated and small elf. Solas scrunched his nose and shook his head, he was ready to be smited again before willingly walking into that tent. Cullen gripped onto Solas’ collar and dragged him along, reluctantly they paused outside of the tent, giving a nod to each other as if they were running into the battle field.

When they crawled into the tent Ari was sitting with her back to them, knees up she hugged them to her chest and rubbed at her forehead with battered, blood dried hands. Silently Solas sat by her side, facing the entrance and took one of her hands into his own.  
“What happened Da’assan?” he asked gently as Cullen sat by her other side, rubbing her back gently in small circles.  
“I don’t wish to speak of it.” She said quietly as her hand sparked. The men glanced at each other, sharing their mutual worry.  
“Very well, at least let me heal your hands.” Solas urged.  
“And check you out in general,” Cullen added firmly, “You look pale and you’re sweating.” With no answer given Cullen nodded to Solas, giving him the go ahead. Solas cast over her hand, knitting the flesh back together before picking up her other hand and healing the scrapes there. He hovered his glowing hand over her chest and frowned, feeling the same gnawing withdrawal that he had in Cullen on the ship, but much fainter. He smiled at her, it was fake but enough to reassure them.  
“Nothing a good night’s sleep will fix.” Solas said before looking to Cullen. “Would you fetch some warm water?” Cullen nodded and kissed her head before stalking out of the tent.

Once Cullen was out Solas turned to Ari with a frown on his face.  
“How long since you last took the lyrium?” He asked angrily, pulling her head to him so he could check her pulse properly.  
“A couple of days?” She pushed his hand away in protest, agitated at his sudden change in mood. “I ran out and the anchor was quiet, I didn’t feel the need to.”  
“Did you feel your headaches? Nausea? Dizziness?” He scolded her and she looked away, she had been feeling it but didn’t find them concerning. “You need to be more mindful, Ari’Valen.” he said an arcane word as he reached into his pack and pulled out the wooden box.  
“Isn’t that Cullen’s-”    
“Yes.” He snapped as he quickly put a small amount of dust into a spare vial he fished out of his pack, he put water into the vial and shook it vigorously.   
“Why are you so angry?” Ari snapped at him, her headache growing and feeding her irritation.  
“Because it’s not just _you_ anymore Ari’Valen, it’s me, Cullen, your friends, the Inquisition. Damn it- it’s all of Thedas. If _you_ cannot keep it together, if _you_ put yourself in jeopardy like this, you’re risking _everything_.” He hissed.  
“All this from wanting to be alone for a moment?” she asked incredulously.  
“And what would happen if you collapsed in the woods? You’re barely conscious now.” He scolded her and she sighed and looked away. “You cannot act so selfish.”

Ari winced at the repeated insult, burying her face into her hand and taking a long shuddering breath against another bout of nausea. Solas sighed and pinched the bridge of his nose, regretful at his words.  
“Ari’Valen, Ir abelas.” He put his hand on her leg, stroking it in apology. “I didn’t mean to get so angry, you frightened me is all.”  
“Through my selfish actions.” Ari repeated, her voice deep and rough giving him a glimpse into her thoughts. Solas winced, he did not regret scolding her, but chastised himself for not getting to the cause of her pain first. Before he could speak again she had stood and exited the tent, he swore and quickly hid the wooden box in the bag and followed her out.

“Ari’Valen.” He grabbed her wrist and she spun to glare at his hand, letting her go gently he noticed the others watching, Cullen walking forward slowly and watching them curiously. “I didn’t mean to imply-”  
“You were very clear in your implications Solas.” Ari said flatly. “And you’re right. I _am_ selfish. Selfish for taking away the Inquisition’s people on a mad dash to the Free Marches, to watch my brother die slowly and painfully instead of giving him the clean death that was demanded.” Solas’ face fell blank as she continued.  “Selfish for letting myself feel for the two of you, to the point where others are questioning my ability to lead, to the point where I’m so emotionally blinded that the anchor has to be placated through _lyrium_ in order to control it.” She heard Dorian swear behind her somewhere and Cullen stepped forward with a frown.  
“What?” Cullen said it so quietly Ari didn’t hear him over the ringing in her ears, her head spinning she pinched at the bridge of her nose before lowering her hand to try to focus on its blurry form, she could feel her fingers trembling although she couldn’t see it.

All her nightmares and doubts rose to the surface in a sudden wave of nausea, her chest felt leaden, as if a stone was weighing her down. She looked about, trying to keep her composure from crumbling beneath her and met concerned, blank, sad and angry faces.

“I’m sorry.” She whispered, unsure who she was apologising to or if anyone could even hear her. Solas stalked to her, reaching to grab her arm but Cullen slapped his hand away, pointing and shouting in words that wouldn’t process in her mind. It frightened her, knowing how angry Cullen and Solas were, and that fear rose in her throat, making it hard to breathe. “I can’t-” her voice quavered as she swallowed around the lump in her throat. “I’m just a fucking scout.” Her knees buckled and she fell to them, her hair falling into her face. _I can’t do this,_ the thoughts taunted her, _I can’t defeat an old god,_ she could barely see the face in front of her as it talked at her, _I can’t even save my own family._

She felt someone tilt her head through the haze and a cold, tingling drop land on her tongue before water was gently tipped into her mouth.   
“Drink, sweetheart.” She heard Dorian coo from somewhere far away as the roar of yelling met her ears. Her senses focused in a sharp pop and she looked to see Dorian kneeling beside her, bracing her as he fed her water. Cullen and Solas were having an argument while Cassandra stood between them, arms up as if to prevent a brawl.  
“I warned you- I _fucking_ _warned_ _you_ to stop your games.” Cullen snarled and pointed to Solas, Cassandra’s hand was firmly planted on his chest-plate, holding him back.  
“Ari’Valen was taking lyrium weeks before we left Skyhold.” Solas sneered in return, his hands clasped behind his back as he arrogantly stood before Cullen. “It was not my decision alone, even your Spymaster authorised it before we gave her the lyrium”  
“She is not a _mage_.” Cullen near yelled. “Not a _Templar_. Her body cannot process the lyrium, she is being poisoned.”  
“The dosage is not high enough to-”  
“It’s high enough to send her into withdrawals.” Cullen bit. “Maker’s fucking tits we’ve never even seen her take it, has _anyone_ been monitoring this?” He threw his hands out wide and asked the inner circle, all of whom avoided eye contact with the Commander. “You gave a woman who was not mentally coping a _highly_ _addictive_ _poison._ She could have died at any fucking moment.”  
“Commander, this is not the place.” Cassandra hissed, noting the curious elvhen onlookers.   
“My fault.” Cullen laughed bitterly and raked his fingers through his hair. “I knew- months ago- I knew I couldn’t trust you around her.” Solas’ blank mask wavered for a moment as he stared at the Commander.   
“Cullen-” Solas said calmly, trying to placate the angry man. “You asked me to stay, and I have done _nothing_ but what you asked of me.” Cullen shook his head, a stillness falling over him which make everyone uneasy.  
“Cassandra,” Cullen spoke flatly, staring at Solas while addressing the Seeker. “Place Solas under arrest.” A chorus of protests were heard and Cassandra looked uneasily between the two.  
“Commander-” Cassandra began before being cut off by Cullen angrily.  
“That is an _order.”_ He barked and Cassandra turned to face Solas slowly, hand on the hilt of her sword. Solas’ mask fell at the realisation of his situation. They were _arresting_ him, he had a moment where his mind screamed to run, fight, and at the same time it urged him to comply. His heart hammered in his chest as he looked from the Commander to the Seeker.   
“ _Cullen.”_ Solas stressed, trying to get the Commander to listen. “I would _never_ harm her, you _know this.”_ Cassandra grabbed his arm roughly and the plated fingers bit into his flesh through his robes.  
  
“ _Stop_.” Ari’Valen demanded and felt all eyes on her, she forced her thoughts to form something cohesive through the pounding in her head. “This is not Solas’ fault.” She said tiredly, meeting Cullen’s seething eyes. “I decided to take it. I am responsible.” Cullen’s face softened as his brain registered the words, his face crumpled and he took a step towards her before reconsidering. Shaking his head he backed away and headed for the woods, leaving his friends to watch him go.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well... Cullen had to find out eventually.


	32. Chapter 32

Ari scooped some water out of the stream and splashed it against her face, the cold shocking her out of the remnants of the lyrium induced haze but doing nothing to ease the embarrassment and regret she felt over her actions. She had been doing so well, keeping herself together in the face of each catastrophe while all of her actions are judged by the world, all the while not realising what was happening to her. She sighed and it escaped a half sob, she couldn’t let herself keep falling, she had to get it together at some point.  
  
“The water won’t shake it.” Ari turned to see Cullen sitting against a boulder a few paces away, she hadn’t realised he was there when she should have and swore at herself, what else had she been missing? He rested his head in his hand, knees brought up to support his elbows, his usual smile was gone and a lost faraway look haunted his features. “The only thing that will is more lyrium.” He said with finality. Ari looked back to the water and flopped down onto her behind, wringing her wet hands together nervously.  
“What I took was a fraction of what you must have as a Templar, if what I felt was any indication of what you are going through-” her voice broke and she scrubbed her face with the palm of her hand, making an exasperated sound.  
“Your emotions going overboard is just the beginning.” He said, his voice hollow. She could feel his gaze on her, watching her squirm uncomfortably.  
“I hadn’t felt fear like that in-“ Ari stopped her thoughts mid track, not wanting to remember any moments she had felt that way.  
“You should have told me.” He said gruffly, Ari stood nodding, avoiding eye contact as she turned to face him.   
“I know.” She whispered, guilt panging in her chest. “I was just- with what you are going through- I didn’t want worry you.”  
“No.” he said angrily, Ari looked up at him and he surged to his feet, closing the distance between them quickly. “That’s not good enough.” He near yelled and Ari’s stomach dropped, she’d seen him angry before, when he had punched Solas, but he’d never been angry at her before. “The only thing I have ever needed of you was your honesty, not only as the Commander of your forces but as your lover too, I thought we had that, I thought-.” He paced away rubbing the back of his neck before spinning on his heels and returning, he avoided her eyes as he raised his head to the sky and cringed. “Why?” he demanded, “Why choose to do this when you see what it can reduce you to?”   
“It was the anchor.” She said quietly, “It was supposed to calm it, and it did.” He shook his head as if it was the worst excuse she could muster, his mouth twisting unpleasantly like he was trying to remove a bitter taste.  
“You didn’t need it.” He growled, “You needed help, stability, if it was all connected to your emotions then _that_ is what we should have addressed. We could have-” he stopped and let out a long shaking breath, his eyes were brimmed with tears as he finally met her eyes. “You said that you didn’t want to lose me to the lyrium,” his voice was quiet as she fought back the rising panic, “did you even consider that I would lose you?” Ari’s voice caught in her throat, not that it had an answer for him. She looked to the ground and watched his boots disappear from her view.  
“Cullen-” he stopped but didn’t turn to face her.  
“I can’t.” his voice low with emotionless finality. “I can’t be with you, not like this.” Ari felt tears escape and leave a trail of heat as it fell down her cheek. She watched Cullen look to the ground, his blonde curls bouncing softly as she shook his head. “I’m sorry, Inquisitor.” He left her standing by the water, heart wrenching in pain with each beat.


	33. Chapter 33

The moon filtered softly through the healer’s tent, giving Ari a view of her brother sleeping peacefully, he had woken up a couple of times, smiling and chatting for a few minutes before falling back asleep. Cullen had returned to camp, setting up his own tent in silence before disappearing for the night and Solas had done the same. She had tried to speak to Solas but was just met with a gruff _Not now Inquisitor._ Ari couldn’t bring herself to crawl into an empty, cold tent, not that she would have been able to sleep. Dorian and Varric warned her that it might not be the best idea to try to speak to either of them for a while, really Dorian and Varric were the only ones talking to her at all.

She shuddered at what she had said to them, she had never intended to let that side of her show, never intended to risk the Inquisition. She wondered that if she was given the chance to go back to her life before the Conclave, would she do it?

Mahris walked quietly into the tent, throwing some herbs from jars into a mortar and pestle, pausing at an empty jar she swore under her breath and scratched her head.  
“What is it?” Ari asked quietly, Mahris smiled and glanced at her with a sigh.  
“I’m out of Crystal Grace. I need it for Varrahel’s potion.” Ari nodded and stood, shrugging her coat on over her leather armour. “Ari’Valen, it’s only just past midnight, you don’t need to go into the woods now.”   
“It’s a full moon.” Ari said, pulling the wolf pelt hood up over her ears. “I know there’s some nearby and if it will help Varrahel then he needs it.”  
“He’ll be fine until the morning-”  
“It’s alright, Mahris.” Ari said, putting her hand on her friend’s shoulder. “I need to be useful right now.”  She smiled to her tightly before ducking out of the tent, checking her daggers were in place before she headed for the edges of camp.

She peered through the dim light of the eerie forest, beams of moonlight streaming down to cast unusual shadows as she scanned her surroundings for the fallen trees that the flower would grow on. She saw a glimmer out of the corner of her eye and smiled, it was almost easier to find Crystal Grace at night, the petals of the blue flower reflected the moonlight, giving it it’s name as it shone like a crystal. Ari stepped to the flower and cut parts of the plant off, ensuring that enough remained so the plant could grow back.

Ari placed the flower into a small satchel on her belt as she heard the tell-tale creak of a bow being drawn very close behind her, with her hood up she couldn’t see anyone in her peripheral vision and gripped her dagger tighter.  
“Drop your weapon.” A low rugged voice demanded, when she didn’t comply she felt the tip of the arrow nudge gently, but threateningly, into her shoulder blade. She swore under her breath and dropped the dagger, watching it drop into the dirt with a puff of dust. Her heart was beating too fast and she willed it to slow as she took steady breaths, her mind was sent back to the tavern where the assassin had managed to get close to her, she wondered how this one got so close, how he managed to get past the scouts. “Hands behind your back.” He demanded and Ari slowly moved to comply, one hand reaching back as the other reached for the dagger hidden just under her cloak.

She swung her arm back and knocked the arrow off target, the man loosing it far to her right, drawing her dagger she sliced at him, hitting only air as he leapt backwards. His own hood masked his features as she lunged forwards again, forcing him to block her dagger with his bow, she swept at his feet but was blocked with a kick to her knee, his own knee rearing up to her gut as she transferred her weight and used her leg to block his. Breaking her dagger free of his bow she spun around his body to slice at his kidneys as he reached his bow back to sweep her dagger away. Laughing under his breath they danced away from each other, circling their opponent.

He faked moving forwards, testing her, she didn’t shift from her position even though her muscles twitched in anticipation. Soon he did move forward in a rush and Ari grabbed at his wrist, using his momentum to carry him further, helping him over her extended leg and throwing him over her hip to land winded on the hard ground. She quickly kneeled on his chest and pressed the dagger to his throat, panting from the fight.  
“Who the hell are you?” she growled. “I’m fucking tired of killing you people.” He shifted beneath her and crossed his leg over her chest, throwing her backwards in a roll before he pounced forwards, his dagger quickly pulled from a sheath at his lower back to meet her throat.

Her hood slipped backwards, spilling her hair into the pale moonlight and the man stopped breathing, the dagger wavering in his grip.  
“Ari’Valen?” he whispered, barely audible even in the silence. Ari’s heart stopped, the voice familiar as her name rolled off the man’s tongue. Slowly, showing she was not a threat, she reached up and tugged his hood, letting long wavy chestnut hair spill forward and moonlight bounce off lilac eyes, vallaslin in the shape of antlers gracing his cheekbones. She gasped, eyes wide as she recognised the scar that went from cheekbone to forehead, only just glancing over the eye to cut his brow instead.  
“Leriel?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *slowly builds a fort to hide behind*
> 
> Also; I am awful at writing fight scenes. :(


	34. Chapter 34

Ari’s heart pounded and mind raced as her former fiancé hovered above her, dagger still against her throat but not threatening, his wide lilac eyes showed that he was just as surprised to see her wandering the woods at night, or even in the same country.  
“You-” He stuttered before realising he was still holding a dagger, quickly he slid it back into its sheath and stood, grasping at her hands he helped her up, keeping eye contact all the while. “You came back?” She gazed at him, his sharp jawline throwing dark shadows over his neck, the scout armour still fitting him well over lean sculpted muscle, her heart was elated to see him, her worries pushed aside.  
“Yes.” she whispered as they moved closer without realising it, his hands still tightly holding hers as they shook, his eyes were misted as he held back tears and reached up to touch her cheek, as if she were not real.  
“Ma sarannas, Mythal.” He whispered and she smiled tightly before he leaned in and gently kissed her.

She gasped as her breath caught in her throat, the familiar scent of him overwhelming her senses as she kissed him back. Her arms slipped over his shoulders as his embraced her waist tightly, his soft lips grazing over her skin down her neck.  
“I thought you had died.” He whimpered into her skin, breaking away to crush his lips against hers as if he were trying to drink her in, his tongue lapping at her lips momentarily before she accepted him, the wet heat gliding over her tongue as her body tensed in need.  
“I thought you would hate me.” She whispered against his lips, “I was so afraid to come back.” He shook his head gently, his hands sliding up her armour and grazing at the underside of her breast.  
“Never, I couldn’t, ma vhenan.” He took her mouth again, his desire becoming insistent as she moaned into him. He scooped her legs up to wrap around his waist before sinking slowly onto his knees, pushing her cloak off her shoulders he dropped it onto the forest floor beneath her, Ari giggled as he tried to remove his own, the fabric trapped beneath her legs, with a grin he wrangled it free and draped it next to hers.

Gently he tipped forward and lowered her down, lips parted his gaze soaked her in, white hair spread beneath her, place skin shimmering as lidded ice blue eyes smiled back at him. Slowly, hands trembling he lifted her hand and smoothly pulled off her glove, placing it down beside her before doing the same to the other glove. Ari smiled when she realised what he was doing, remembering that he always loved undressing her slowly and carefully, as if she were the most fragile thing he had ever touched. One boot off, then another to be placed neatly by the gloves, his fingers gently running up the tops of her feet as she giggled. He smiled at the sound, having been starved of it the past year and gently reached up to unbuckle her armour, sliding it out from underneath her, kissing at her neck as she arched up to assist him.

Urging her to lean back again his hands slid to her waist, slowly pushing up the tunic and revealing skin, licking and nipping at her he elicited as many sounds from her as he could, moaning when he heard her voice break past a whimper to gasp. He pushed her tunic back off her shoulders, letting it rest by her armour and threw off his own leather after quickly working at the buckles, her breasts peaked out from underneath her breast band and he plucked at it, undoing the tie and slowly pulling it from her body. She let her head fall back as the cold air made her skin taught, Leriel’s hand soon coming down to caress her breast as he took her sensitive flesh into his mouth, rolling it as his tongue glided across in flicks, Ari had to bite her lip against voicing her pleasure and writhed beneath him as her breast became over sensitive, he pulled then, stretching her skin until she couldn’t stand it any longer, about to beg him to stop, he let her nipple go with a soft pop and she slumped back, panting as her muscles clenched, demanding more and more. He smiled, a short laugh escaping his throat as he did the same to her other breast, this time she let her pleasure be known, moaning loudly against the silence of the forest.

He growled as his hand trailed down to her belt and greaves, admiring her skin and tracing his fingers gently over the new scars she had gained in the past year. “Your body still responds to me,” he whispered, “in exactly the same way.” He flicked the belt open and was rewarded with a small strangled sound from her throat. He eased off her greaves, followed by her leggings, his hands ran up the bare expanse of her legs teasingly, eyes still noting every new mark, kissing every new change on her skin. He had reached her hips, kissing deeply into the curve of her bone as she squirmed beneath him.  
“Leriel, sathas. Ar isalathe ma.” She gasped as his fingers ghosted over the fabric of her smalls, sending sparks of pleasure through her. With a groan he tugged them down and off her legs, adding them to the pile. Gently and excruciatingly slow he kissed up her inner thigh, lifting her leg to hook over his shoulder after quickly scooping away his long hair. Softly his tongue traced the curve of her sex, her hands clenching on the fabric of their cloaks as she strained not to buck up into him. With a mischievous glance up he carved his tongue into her, flicking her clit hard before placing a kiss on it, humming in appreciation.  
“You taste the same.” He rasped before laving his tongue against her, her back arching as she cried out. He kissed, nipped, tasted and hummed against her, gripping onto her hips tightly as she writhed from the pleasure of it, tensing as the orgasm blindsided her and she shook and quaked beneath his grip.

Looking up with a grin she smiled bonelessly at him, he raised up, the planes of his chest and stomach coming into view for her to admire, noticing new scars of his own. She rolled up as he undid his greaves, running her hands along his stomach.  
“This one is new.” She whispered as she laved her tongue against the scar, he sighed and smiled, cupping the back of her head gently. “And this one.” She added as she moved further down, kissing and nipping lower as he groaned. She tugged his greaves down and his cock sprang free, precum glinting in the light, she looked up and smiled mischievously and he grinned down at her, his hair falling forward as the tips of his ears poked through the waves.  
“That one is not new.” He joked as she ran her hand along the underside of his cock, bringing it up to kiss away the bead of precum. Licking her lips she heard him gasp before licking from base to tip, feeling him twitch as she hit his glans. He clasped her head gently as she slid him into her mouth, his long strangled moan ending with a gasp for air. She took him as far as she could before beginning to pull back slowly, teasing him as much as he teased her. She gave herself over to the feel of his velvet skin running against her lips, his slight thrust of hips when she reached her limit and the heavy rise and fall of his chest at each marked point. Soon he was urging her to sit back, kicking his greaves off he sat on the ground pulling her into an embrace, as he guided her to straddle him, his hardness pressing against her.  
  
She lifted up and he took the opportunity to guide himself in, hands coming back to her waist as a signal that he was ready, slowly she lowered herself onto him, whining as she stretched to accommodate him, the pleasurable burn familiar as she buried her face into his neck and revelled in his scent. His strangled gasp made her tighten in pleasure and soon she was softly riding him, guided by his hands as he stared into her eyes, wonder shining in them as he took her mouth to his again. He would hit the end of her with each thrust, always had, and she had missed the way he would hit his mark each time, his tongue complementing his rhythmic thrusts with a dance of it’s own. Ari was gasping now, arms wrapped tight around his shoulders as her breasts brushed against his skin, creating tiny spikes of their own pleasure. She gasped his name in warning, about to spill over the edge and he growled into her skin.  
“ _Ma vhenan_ -” he moaned as he came with a sharp buck, the heat of him inside of her finished her as she raked her nails into his skin, moaning into his neck as her body thrummed happily.

Shivering she stayed still for a moment, letting him run his hands over her reassuringly and kiss at the tears that formed in the corner of her eyes. He squeezed her tightly and whispered.  
“Ma vhenan, did I hurt you?” she shook her head against his skin and sighed, the realisation of her actions catching up with her, she was only hurting herself, no- she was hurting everyone. _Selfish._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *hides*


	35. Chapter 35

They lay beside each other under the canopy of the forest, clothes haphazardly thrown back on they stared at the stars that blinked through the breaks in the dense leaves, the wind high above them not touching them as they lay protected by the forest.

Their hands were intertwined, Leriel stared at her pale fingers, so much smaller than his own tanned ones. Their hair was the same, her white strands glimmering through his chestnut ones where they met. He smiled at their hands, listening to her tell him about Skyhold and they people there while he watched leaves slowly drop from their branches, catching moonlight in their falling dance.

“I thought you would be here when I arrived.” Ari said quietly, smiling softly and chuckling at herself. “Had it in my head that you were watching me approach from the branches.” Leriel smiled at her and rolled onto his side, arm stretching around to pull her closer and keep her warm.  
“I should have, but I had to go kill the rest of the red shems.” He kissed her softly on the corner of her eye and her skin tingled from the sensation, she smiled broadly despite herself and curled into his chest. “Lucky for me the others decided to stop for the night, but since we were within our territory I decided just to go home. And what do I find skulking about the forest?”  
“A vagrant!” Ari proclaimed with a giggle.  
“Not only a vagrant.” Leriel hummed, his hand stroking long and softly down Ari’s side. “But the vagrant I love the most in this world.” He grinned and kissed at her neck, jaw and ear, raising a chorus of giggles and purrs from the woman in his arms.  
“It will be dawn soon.” Ari said quietly and Leriel grumbled unhappily.  
“No, let me stay here with you, even if it is only for a little longer.” He looked down at her, eyes full of wonder as he slowly leaned down to kiss her. “My love,” he whispered against her lips, “you finally came home to me.”

***

Leriel grabbed Ari’s wrist before passing the tree line that bordered the clan’s campsite. He pulled her behind the giant trunk of an Elm tree and pressed her back against it. Pressing his forehead to hers he cradled her jaw in her hands and kissed her gently. Ari’s heart soared as he embraced her, being back again it felt like home, the birds chirping echoed softly above them as the rain began to pitter through the canopy, barely reaching them far below. The drops stirred up the forest smell and Ari breathed deep, forgetting the troubles outside her clan, content in the arms of the lover she was forced to leave behind.  
“Ar lath ma, Ari’valen.”  He whispered to her as dandelions were hit by the drops causing their seeds to float into the air. Ari smiled as his thumb ran along her lips.  
“Ma’lath.” She gasped as she leaned forward brushing her lips gently against his, Leriel bowed his head, pulling his lips away from hers. “Leriel?” She brushed his rich brown hair away from his face as it fell forward, he met her eyes and her gut clenched as she saw the tears brimming in them. He stepped away from her, his hands reluctant to leave her cool skin. Ari stayed rooted to the tree as she watched her first love’s resolve harden, he raised his chin and a coldness set in his eyes.  
“I want to introduce you to someone.” His voice choked as he strode into the campsite. Ari followed hesitantly putting distance between the two.

Leriel approached a group of women, his back stiff as he beckoned one to him; Ari’s heart lurched as she craned to see the woman, her feet refusing to go further to them. Leriel walked the woman over to Ari stiffly, his knuckles white as he led her by her hand. _Oh no._ She thought as she looked the elvhen woman over, her black hair cropped just below her ears framed a cute, freckled face. She wore a mixture of human and Dalish clothing and as she approached she smiled brilliantly at Ari, welcoming her. _Oh no, please._ Ari stood still like a stone, similar to how she acted when unwillingly entertaining nobles.  
“Ari’Valen,” Leriel looked to the ground between them, unable to meet her eyes. “This is Elova.” _No stop this_ Ari’s mind railed against it. “My wife.” His words slammed into her and it was everything she could do to refrain from physically flinching. His wife? _His wife?_ Ari felt at once hurt, betrayed, guilty and _angry._ Elova bowed and spoke in a heavy Free Marcher accent.  
“I am honoured your worship.” Ari reflexively returned the bow. “Leriel speaks about you often. I had hoped to meet you one day, just under better circumstances.”  
“You are from an alienage?” Ari was amazed she managed to form words, glancing at Leriel he pleaded with his eyes as she felt her own steadily fill with anger.  
“Yes, Kirkwall.” She responded. “The Keeper was kind enough to take me in after the Qunari invasion.” Ari put clasped her hands behind her back before they noticed them shaking, the Anchor began to throb as she pushed the feeling out of her mind. “You brother spoke-speaks,” she corrected herself quickly, “passionately about your fight against Corypheus. I was wondering, if it would be alright with you, if we named our babe after you?” Ari’s ears began to ring and her vision edged white. Babe? She was with child? Elova smiled up at Leriel while absently rubbing at her stomach, he glanced down and gave a tight smile in return. Ari’s heart shattered as she gave the pair her best diplomatic smile.  
“I would be honoured.” She breathed steadily as she bowed to the couple. “If you would excuse me I must attend to my troops.” Ari spun on her heels and swiftly walked towards the tents they had up at the back of the campsite, holding her head high she waited until she was past all the curious onlookers before letting out a shaking breath she didn’t know she was holding. Ahead her companions all sat around the remnants of a campfire while checking and cleaning their weapons, Bull noticed Ari as she approached and elbowed Cullen who looked away at the sight of her. Without stopping Ari croaked out Dorian’s name, who stood and held his hand to the others signalling them to wait before following her into the forest.

Far away from the camp Ari stopped by the stream, she ran her hands into her hair clutching the white strands painfully. Dorian stopped next to her.  
“Ari?” he said quietly and she sobbed in return, she crouched down to the ground and let her head hang, hiding her face in her arms. “Darling, what happened?” he knelt down and rubbed her back in circles, wary of the anchor flickering tangled in her hair.  
“I am a fool, Dorian.” She choked and shook harder as she cried. “I am a damned fool.” He waited for Ari to get most of the tears out before untangling her hands and pulling them down to reveal her face.  
“Hey now, you’re not _that_ bad.” He teasingly reassured. “I take it that elf you came back with is the old fiancé?”  
“He’s _married.”_ She croaked and rubbed at her eyes.   
“Ah.” Dorian said in reply.  
“She’s with child.” Dorian helped Ari to stand before pulling her against his chest, wrapping his arms tightly around her.  
“I’m sorry, Ari.” He said quietly. Ari shook and buried her head in her hands as she leaned against him, the lump in her throat was hard to breathe around.  
“That’s not the worst of it.” A new set of tears made their way down her cheeks. “When he found me he- _I_ -“ she sobbed and Dorian stroked her hair.  
“You rekindled your romance?” He helped finish her sentence and she nodded meekly. “Well, fuck.” He said whole-heartedly before letting out a sigh that rattled down the top of Ari’s head. “What happened with your other lovers?” He asked quietly and Ari’s breath hitched.  
“Cullen left me yesterday.” She said quietly into his chest, noticing a faint smell of spices on his robes. “And Solas… I don’t know. He refuses to speak to me.” Dorian hummed as he rubbed little circles on her back.   
“Are you going to tell them?” His voice rumbled and her stomach flipped anxiously. She had to, didn’t she? She felt like dirt, worse than the people she cut down on the battlefield, worse than she could remember ever feeling before.

She swallowed around the lump in her throat, trying to think of what their reactions would be. It wouldn’t be good, or even understanding, although Cullen had decided to break off their relationship he would still be hurt by it, he would act as civil as possible treating her as he does nobles – saying only what he had to, no more, and staying in her presence as long as he had to and leaving as soon as he could. Her heart ached as she realised she hadn’t just fucked up her relationship with him – she fucked up their friendship too.

Solas would just block her out. Ignore the fact they had any kind of romance and she would go back to being a curiosity to him, not even that, just an experiment. She would never see his passionate nature again, never hear about his travels in the fade or even his lecturing. Would he even stay with the Inquisition?

“I have to tell them.” Ari said quietly. “Don’t I?” Dorian shifted awkwardly on his feet, still hugging Ari gently as she calmed down.  
“I can’t help you there, love.” He rumbled. “The situation is, well, fucked is what it is. But whatever you decide to do you’ll have my support.” Ari whined as new tears brimmed her eyes, not sad but thankful for still having a friend.  
“I’m lucky to have you.” She said and Dorian huffed.  
“Very lucky I’d say.” He said vehemently. “Not everyone gets to snuggle up to me. Or wake up in my bed. Or wake up with me in their bed.” Ari smiled up at him and he gave her a crooked smile in return, the side of his mustache curling even further with the movement of his lip.

A crash sounded behind them as Leriel burst into the clearing, Ari and Dorian reached for weapons before realising who it was.   
“Ari’Valen, please.” He was out of breath from running from the camp, he took a moment to look over Dorian who was still holding Ari in his arms, his eyes flashed with something like panic – something Ari couldn’t recognise. “Please, do not hate me.” He pleaded as Ari felt the anger rear up inside of her, Dorian squeezed her shoulder as she detangled herself from him.  
“What do you expect me to do?” She growled as Dorian stepped back, his arms crossing over his chest as he glared at Leriel. ”Do you expect me to be _happy_ for you?”   
“You _left_ Ari’Valen.” He asserted, his pleading nature giving way to anger of his own. “You were missing for _months._ Once we heard about the explosion we thought you were dead!” He walked to grip her shoulders but was pushed away roughly, Dorian took a small step forward but hesitated to intervene. “When we finally got the letter from your diplomat I wanted to go to you, but I couldn’t put the clan in more danger. And then we were told that you were _The Inquisitor_. The leader of a _Shem_ army?” Leriel threw his hands up and paced in front of Ari who kept her hand behind her back as it glowed momentarily. “The Keeper said you wouldn’t come back to us. That you weren’t of the people anymore.” Ari’s breath hitched as her heart pounded, the anchor flickering again as Dorian cautiously watched it.  
“We were _betrothed_ Leriel, but not once did you try to contact me. Did you even mourn me?” She demanded to know.  
“ _I still do!_ ” he shouted at her, so forceful that they both stilled. Ari had to look away as Leriel’s eyes grew wet with tears. “That’s why- when I saw you-“ He grimaced before scrubbing his eyes with his hand. “Mythal help me, I was so overjoyed to see you again, it was like you had come home to me. Like you had promised.” Ari’s breath escaped in a shudder and she raked her hands through her hair slowly, relishing the tug and pain.   
“You betrayed your wife.” She said flatly. “I betrayed-” She couldn’t breathe around the lump in her throat, everything she was throwing at him she deserved in return. How could she blame him when she should have known better? He fell to his knees and bowed his head before her, shoulders quaking.  
“Forgive me.” He pleaded as he gingerly reached for her hand, gently he pressed his forehead to the back of it as he kneeled and Ari could feel the warmth of a tear dropping onto her finger. Ari took a deep breath, feeling the weight of her burdens again, the Free Marches holding nothing of comfort for her anymore.  
“I-.” she stammered before glancing to Dorian who just shrugged, offering no help, her heart breaking to see the man she had once loved more than anything begging before her.

Solas walked into the clearing followed by Cullen and Cassandra. They paused a moment to take in the scene before them, going unnoticed by the two elves until Dorian cleared his throat. Ari looked to Dorian who just nodded his head in the direction of her new audience, she turned to see them and met their hard eyes. Sheepishly, cheeks a little red from embarrassment, she pulled her hand away from Leriel who looked up at her in sadness. She had not forgiven him. Ari took a deep breath and paced back to Dorian slowly, his voice reassuring her that she is alright. Leriel heard the three new observers approach and stood tensely, his eyes not leaving Ari.   
“Inquisitor,” Cullen spoke as he stopped a few paces from Leriel, he looked the stranger over suspiciously with a hard gaze, his hand resting casually on the hilt of his sword. Ari’s stomach churned as he used her formal title and his demeanour didn’t go unnoticed by the others, Cassandra shifted uncomfortably and Dorian moved closer to Ari’Valen. “Are you well?”  
“Yes, Commander.” Ari met his eyes and knew he could see straight through her lie, her anchor flickered in defiance, garnering everyone’s attention. Solas took a step forward, resting on his staff as he did.  
“Allow me to look at the anchor, Inquisitor-” Ari cut Solas off with a shake of her head, she held her hands behind her back and squared her shoulders, glancing at Leriel she realised he was watching her with confusion, she supposed he had never heard her be addressed as the Inquisitor or give orders with the shake of her head. Hearing of it was one thing, but seeing it must have been completely alien to him.

Leriel’s expression changed almost instantly from troubled to welcoming as he turned to the three and smiled, bowing deeply before standing confidently with his shoulders back.  
“I apologize for my rudeness,” he smiled to them, “my name is Leriel.” The others gave nods and said their names, Dorian just waved with an unhappy look on his face. “I was monopolising Ari’Valen’s time but I see that she is needed, I will leave you to your business.” he turned to Ari as if he had more to say but looked away suddenly, smiling and nodding as he walked past her friends.

They stood in silence, watching her avoid eye contact until Cassandra broke the tension.  
“ _That_ was Leriel?” she asked, her accent rolling over the pronunciation pleasantly. Ari gave an affirmative grunt. “He’s quite handsome.” The Seeker commented and Cullen bristled while Solas frowned unhappily. Dorian gave an exasperated sound and strode forward, nudging Cassandra to walk back to the camp.  
“Seeker, maybe you should go read some more or something.” Dorian dragged her away giving Ari a ‘ _be brave’_ look before they disappeared into the tree line near the camp, leaving her alone with Solas and Cullen.

Solas looked her over, lingering at her hand and her mess of hair.  
“When did Leriel arrive?” he asked through his stoic mask.  
“Last night.” Ari replied, wiping some dirt from the back of her hand. She wrangled with telling them the truth, knowing it would just compound their contempt for her, her behaviour had been abysmal in the last few days and she knew this was going to be the point that she lost the both of them.  
“You saw him last night?” Cullen asked suspiciously, and rightfully so. Ari took a deep shuddering breath as her anchor sparked. With a huff Solas stepped forward quickly and gripped her wrist, peering at her palm as if he could see the anchor itself.  
“You need lyrium.” He admonished, fishing around in his pocket to pull out a vial.  
“No.” Ari snapped, jerking her wrist out of his grip to his surprise. “I don’t.” She said with exasperation, “I won’t take it anymore.” Cullen’s eyebrows arched in surprise as Solas pinched his nose and sighed warily.  
“Ari’Valen, you _need_ to be taking it.” Solas continued to scold her, “it is keeping the anchor from hurting you.”  
“You don’t know that.” Cullen said calmly, “It could be doing nothing, stop the treatment and see.”  
“I hardly think this is the time to experiment.” Solas growled at him and Cullen swore loudly.  
“Putting her on the damn stuff was an experiment.” Cullen threw his hands up in exasperation. Solas rounded on him, hand up in a placating manner.  
“I understand how you must feel-“  
“No.” Cullen said, low and dangerous. “No, you don’t. And you never will. Neither does she.” Ari looked up at Cullen, tears threatening her eyes. “And I’ll not allow her to.” Solas shook his head, glancing between the two stubborn people. With a deep sigh he slipped the vial back into his pocket.  
“Very well.” He said unhappily, “I will begin weaning her off, the same as for you.” With a huff he turned and began to walk back. “Varrahel is asking for you.”

“Wait.” Ari cringed as soon as the word had left her mouth, the two men stopped and turned to face her, looking at her expectantly. “I- have to tell you something.” They turned curiously, Cullen crossing his arms and Solas raising an eyebrow. “I- _Fenedhis_.” She swore and her anchor sparked painfully, biting her lip she shook out her hand and shuffled on the spot.  
“Ari’Valen, what is it?” Solas asked, concerned.  
“I was in the forest- last night- had to find some Crystal Grace for Varrahel.” She stuttered, trying to keep her resolve together. The men glanced at each other, worried about where she was going with this. “I was snuck up on, it was Leriel – but I didn’t know it was him, we fought-“  
“Are you injured?” Cullen asked flatly and she shook her head too quickly.  
“No, I-“ she shook and turned her back, nausea rolling up her stomach, taking a deep breath she closed her eyes, feeling a tear escape before she managed to face them again. “I betrayed you both.” Their expressions didn’t change, just blank masks as they watched her, she shook and felt disgusting under their gaze. “Ir abelas.” She whispered.

Cullen turned and strode away, silent until he came across a tree and punched it hard enough to send splinters flying, Ari flinched and watched him disappear into the camp. Solas continued to stare at her, no emotion passing over his face.  
“You should go see your brother, Inquisitor.” He said quietly, emotionless, before turning to leave her in the clearing, once out of sight she let out a sob and sunk to her knees, the crackling of the anchor the only remaining sound.


	36. Chapter 36

With her courage gathered Ari wandered into the healer’s tent to see Varrahel sitting up, a chestnut haired elvhen woman sitting beside him and spooning broth into his mouth as he flirted with her.  
“Feeling better I see.” Ari said with a smile, shoving her emotions down to focus only on him. He was, after all, the sole reason for her to come back to the Free Marches. He smiled at her and the woman stood and bowed, shifting to leave before Varrahel gripped her arm gently and ushered her to sit back down.  
“I am yes, Mahris said you went to find some herbs for me last night, I feel much better for it.” He said before he was urged to eat some more. “Still can’t manage to feed myself though.”  
“You had a rough couple of days.” Ari said as she shifted the blanket to cover his feet, his toes wiggling against the sensation. “You’ll get your strength back soon.” He hummed before shaking his head at the offered broth, they let the silence stretch between them and soon Ari sighed and kneeled by the cot, seeing his uncomfortableness. “You asked to see me?” She prodded and he nodded.  
“Yes, I need to- um- ask a favour.” Ari raised her eyebrow at him, the last time he asked for a favour they ended up being scolded by the Keeper because he wanted to hang someone’s smalls from the mast of an aravel.  
“Sounds ominous.” She remarked and he gave her a wide smile, glancing to the quiet woman beside him.  
“I want to get married.” He stated and Ari’s eyebrows shot up in surprise, she slowly and non-threateningly pointed at the woman, as if to say _to this one?_ He smiled and nodded, taking the woman’s hand in his as she blushed and looked away. “This is Rihari.” She woman smiled at Ari shyly and Ari smiled at her in return.  
“You’re Arnar’s daughter right?” Ari asked and Rihari nodded in answer. “Your father has given his consent?” The two of them looked downwards as they were children caught putting a frog in someone’s pocket. Ari sighed and regarded the two of them, wondering what else they hadn’t told anyone. “Arnar will need to give his permission, he is very traditional, you are Varrahel’s age?” Ari asked.  
“I am nineteen.” Rihari responded, her bird-like voice flittering from nervousness.   
“Only a year older than him then.” Ari said mostly to herself. “You’re both adults, there is no reason you cannot marry.” A question rolled up into her mind, one she didn’t want to ask but had to. “Varrahel-” her voice cracked and she cleared her throat, frowning and looking down. “Have you thought about- after?” Rihari looked away and down to the floor, he looked at her in worry, his love for her clear on his features.  
“I know that marrying Rihari now means that I’ll be leaving her a widow.” He said quietly and Ari’s heart clenched at hearing him say it, he knew that he was on borrowed time and to Ari that made it so much worse, he shouldn’t have to be without hope- without a future with Rihari. “But we have talked about this and I want to make sure that she is properly taken care of when I die.” Rihari stifled a sob and brought the back of her hand to her mouth as if excusing herself for making the sound. Varrahel pulled her closer to him, gently guiding her head onto his shoulder. “I want her to inherit whatever I have, is that alright?” Ari smiled tightly at him.  
“I’m not of the people anymore.” She said quietly, as the older sibling she would have had the right to whatever possessions Varrahel owned, but since she was not considered a part of the clan now that right was forfeit. “And I doubt I will be coming back to the clan after Corypheus is dead.” She added, she didn’t even know if she’d survive it – but she kept that part to herself. Varrahel smiled and laughed sadly.  
“I thought as much.” He said as Rihari sighed and sat up to look at the both of them.   
“It’s not that.” Rihari said stubbornly. “I don’t want his possessions. I want to marry him because I love him, because it’s not fair that-” another sob broke from her throat, and Varrahel reached to comfort her with a hand on her shoulder. “It’s not fair that our child will grow up without its father.”

  
The words met her ears but it took a moment for her brain to translate them to something she could comprehend. Ari let out a long, steady breath, eyes closed and nodded at the end of it. She could feel their eyes on her as she processed all the information.  
“Alright. Okay. Fuck.” She muttered as she raked her fingers through her hair and thought about what she had to do. The Keeper would be the hardest to convince, and she didn’t look forward to the inevitable ass kicking that Arnar would provide once he found out about his daughter’s pregnancy. Of course she didn’t _have_ to get their permission, but doing so would mean that they would have the backing of the clan and in the long run it would make life easier for Rihari. While Dalish life seemed simple from the outside, living each day in a small community was anything but. If for whatever reason Rihari and Varrahel’s union was looked down upon, Rihari and her child would feel the effects of it for years – if not the rest of their lives.

The thought of something that should be joyous tainting their lives didn’t sit well with Ari, and she decided that she would prevent that pain, not only for Varrahel but for his newly found family – her family. Ari noticed the two of them watching her closely, with a steadying breath she gave them a tight smile, the best she could manage, and nodded once.   
“I will speak to Keeper Deshanna and Arnar on your behalf.” Varrahel and Rihari beamed at her, relief on their faces. “But I have a condition.” She pointed her finger at the both of them and they nodded, ready to accept anything she put forward. “I want to see my niece or nephew. _Frequently_.” Rihari nodded and jumped forward, throwing her arms around Ari’s neck in a hug.  
“Thank you.” Varrahel said, much more composed.  
“Your father is going to kick my ass.” Ari muttered under her breath and Rihari nodded laughing.

Ari walked into the Keeper’s tent, excusing herself as she did, Deshanna and Leriel looked up in surprise from a map and Ari felt on the spot.  
“Ir Abelas.” Ari apologised for interrupting them. “Do you have a moment Keeper?” Deshanna nodded and Leriel straightened up from the table he was leaning against, his leather armour flexing smoothly as he did, he stilled to wait patiently by his Keeper’s side. A year ago Ari would have been at the Keeper’s other side, pouring over the maps and helping to make decision over scout movements. Blinking the memory away she stepped forwards, although she would have preferred to speak to Deshanna alone Leriel made no move to leave, only smiled at her uncomfortably.  
“Have you come about Varrahel?” Deshanna asked, no judgement in her voice.  
“I have.” Ari straightened her shoulders. “Varrahel has asked for my permission to be married.” Leriel and Deshanna glanced at each other in surprise before simultaneously looking back at Ari. “And I have given it.” Ari added and Deshanna sighed in irritation as Leriel laughed under his breath before turning it into a cough.  
“Ari’Valen, the bond he is asking for is a life-bond. It is not fair on his lover to do this.” Keeper Deshanna said slowly, as if Ari was an idiot.  
“He is aware, as is his intended. They both approached me and are willing to go ahead.” Ari said stubbornly, “There is no reason to stop them from being happy together, even if it is only for a short time.”  
“Who is the woman?” Leriel asked, arms crossed over his chest. It hurt her to look at him, to know the comfortable familiarity she had once felt with him was so close, she pushed it aside and cleared her throat.  
“Rihari.” She said and Leriel barked out a laugh.  
“Aye, I can see that.” He mused with a smile. “And who is telling Arnar?” Ari winced and ground her back teeth together.  
“I am.” She replied through clenched teeth and Leriel shook his head at her, smiling mischievously.   
“This is not something to laugh about.” Deshanna scolded the both of them, “Ari’Valen I understand you want to do what is best for your brother but you must also think about Rihari. She is so young to be bound to Varrahel, what if she falls in love again?”   
“Then I’m sure she’ll be happy with her future mate while respecting the memory of Varrahel.” Ari near growled and Leriel wandered over to Ari, giving her a look of caution, something he always had to do when Ari was arguing with her elders. Despite how close he had moved Ari stilled her features and breathed to calm herself, he still managed to make her feel comfortable much to her chagrin.  
“You are still taking this too lightly. I understand your priorities have changed now,” she managed to imply that Ari’Valen had willingly betrayed the clan in half a sentence, “but our traditions should still be respected.” Deshanna scowled.  
“Which is why I have come to speak to you.” Ari said exasperatedly.   
“Keeper, they are both of age.” Leriel said quietly. “Even if Arnar said no they could still marry, what Ari is asking is not so terrible.” Deshanna sighed and flopped on a nearby chair, clearly only willing to listen to Leriel.  
“Varrahel will die soon.” She said quietly. “The pain Rihari will feel when he does-”  
“Is nothing compared to the pain when you are being kept apart.” Leriel rumbled quietly, meeting Ari’s eyes. He sighed and looked to the floor. “I felt my world end when Ari’Valen went missing, and I felt it end again when she returned, my biggest regret is that we did not bond and I would lament seeing that happen again.” Ari cast her eyes down, her cheeks burning and stomach tightening unhappily. Deshanna sighed again and nodded.  
“Very well.” She conceded. “Tomorrow night.” Ari smiled weakly and bowed, thanking her and backing out of the tent like a coward before Leriel looked her way again.

Her companions sat about a small campfire eating some kind of strange broth when she walked up, they each mumbled a hello, except for Cullen and Solas who pointedly looked away from her as she approached.  
“Plenty of food left, Inquisitor.” Blackwall rumbled and gestured for her to take some. Ari shook her head and smiled at him.  
“No, thank you, no time right now.” She said hastily and scratched at the back of her head.  
“When did you last eat?” Dorian scolded her and Ari smiled widely at him, “Or sleep?” she shrugged, not wanting to say that it had been a while for both.  
“Oh- not long.” She deflected and noticed Varric and Sera roll their eyes. “So, bit of an odd question, did anyone happen to loot any rings recently?”  
“Rings?” Cassandra asked suspiciously and Ari nodded, rocking on her heels. Her friends shrugged and Varric, Cassandra, Dorian and Blackwall left to rummage through their belongings, returning with a few rings each and deposited them in her hand before returning to their food.

Ari sorted through the assortment of rings and frowned, most of them were made for humans and too big for Elvhen fingers. Iron Bull cleared his throat and when Ari looked up to him he nodded, gesturing for her to turn around. She did and saw Leriel waiting patiently a few paces away, large flagon of moonshine in one hand. He smiled and took a couple of steps closer, his long hair falling forward as he did, he raised the flagon before putting it down on the log next to Ari.  
“You’re going to need this.” He said, straightening up to meet her eyes and folding his arms across his chest. “If you’re going to be the one to speak to Arnar I’d suggest getting him quite drunk first. He loves you like his kin, but that doesn’t mean he’s not going to hurt you. A lot.” Ari laughed under her breath and held up a silver ring with a large blue stone to the sunlight, she wasn’t quite sure what she was supposed to look for when she did this, but the ring sure did shine nicely.  
“I’ll have to ask him to avoid my face then.” She muttered, picking out a second larger gold ring with a black stone before handing the unwanted rings back to Blackwall. “Reckon the smithy can make these smaller?” she asked absently and Leriel plucked the rings from her hand, turning them over and feeling the weight.  
“Shouldn’t be too hard. I’ll ask him.” He said and smiled at her widely, clearly deciding he was going to help her with this mission.  
“You don’t have to, I’ve got this under control.” She said flatly, crossing her arms over her chest and glaring at him.   
“He owes me a favour, and you need this by tomorrow night.” He said smugly, “Besides, you’ll need all your wits to talk to Arnar.”  
“Leriel-” Ari started with a growl.  
“Ari.” Leriel interrupted. “I know you hate me right now.” He said quietly and Ari became acutely aware of being watched by her companions. “But I meant what I said before. I regret nothing more than-” he sighed and straightened his back, flicking hair out of his face. “I want- I _need_ to help. I don’t want to see Varrahel and Rihari go through what we did.” He stared at her for a moment, Ari shifted under the crawling sensation on her skin as her companions blatantly watched.   
“Fenedhis.” She muttered and laughed bitterly. “Fine.” Leriel broke out into a wide smile and pocketed the rings.   
“Ma serranas.” He said as he quickly lifted her hand and brushed his lips against it in a light kiss. She took her hand back just as quickly, looking away from the hurt expression on his face. “Good luck, Ma vhenan.” He murmured before striding away from her.

Cole slinked up and ran his hand down Ari’s upper arm absently, fingers pinching the cloth of her tunic, letting her know he was there.  
“He hurts but is happy. I don’t understand.” Cole said as he glanced at Leriel’s retreating form and Cullen snorted incredulously without looking up from his food. “He is happy you are home, but you are sad that he is home?” Ari looked at Cole, his pale face peeking out from under his hat, and she noticed he was the same height as her for the first time. She smiled awkwardly at him, gently removing his hand from her arm and patting it comfortingly, she didn’t have an answer for him and so didn’t reply. But of course with Cole she never really needed to _speak_. “You are angry because he should have stayed in the past.” Cole enlightened the group who were all silent, looking anywhere but at Ari’Valen. “Wait, no. You are angry because _you_ should have stayed in the past.”  
“Come eat some food, Kid.” Varric rumbled in an attempt to save Ari, he petted the log he was sitting on and Cole flitted over to kneel on the ground by the dwarf instead.  
“I want to help.” Cole looked up at Ari piously, absently gripping the bowl of broth that Varric shoved into his hands. Ari smiled tiredly at him, his intentions were always good and she felt almost bad for dragging him along to battles where pain was commonplace, even though his purpose was to seek out pain and heal it.  
“I know.” Ari said quietly. “Thank you.” Cole smiled at her, happy to be appreciated.  
“I can try to help Varrahel? He hurts more than anyone else here.” Ari was taken aback by the offer, though she wasn’t sure why. Perhaps it was that most of her companions had actively avoided her brother, the reality of the red lyrium was so much more when the person was still alive, instead of a corpse on the side of the road in a cold and remote village. If she could spare anyone from that, she would.  
“No, Cole. That is my pain to heal.” Ari sighed and picked up the clay flagon of moonshine, it was time to undergo a highly sensitive diplomatic mission.


	37. Chapter 37

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's a short chapter, but if you promise to behave yourselves I'll post again tomorrow night. ;)

Ari gingerly flopped on the ground next to the campfire, a pained groan escaping as her muscles protested the movement. She had managed to find Arnar alone in his tent and got him to drink with her for a couple of hours, getting him into a great mood before she broke the news to him and was promptly tackled. She managed to land a good hit to his jaw while he pummelled her, getting her eye with his right hook before throwing himself off and swearing about children and how they would send him to his grave before his time. His blessing for the wedding gained and forgiveness given for the beat down they shook hands and had a few more drinks while they discussed the wedding preparation. Now Ari was sore and full of drink, having convinced him to wrangle the clan to prepare a feast for tomorrow night, she huffed and leaned back on her arms, letting her head fall back and enjoying the mid afternoon sun.  
  
“Damn, Boss.” Bull chuckled as he looked at her black eye and split lip. “The hell happened to you?”  
“S’nothin.” Ari said sleepily, slurring unintentionally although she didn’t have the control to refrain from doing it. “Friendly banter.” She winced when the cut on her lip stung and pouted while gently prodding at it.  
“Doesn’t look too friendly.” Cassandra said disapprovingly and Ari hummed before giggling, “Should we be concerned?”   
“Only that-” Ari’s hand slipped out from under her weight and she caught herself, looking surprised at her arm’s betrayal. “Only that I- your leader of the- the Inquishition- had her ass handed to her by a man at _least_ twice her age.” She grinned and heard Varric and Sera chuckle quietly. “But that is what Arnar does.” She held her hand up in a half shrug. “He loves his children and kicks everyone’s ass.”  
“He’s a trainer?” Cassandra asked and Ari exaggeratedly nodded her head, pointing at the Seeker and ignoring her unimpressed look.

Dorian approached with Cullen, Solas and Blackwall in tow, Ari noticed his boots first as they stopped next to her.  
“You look like shit.” Dorian said and Ari smiled at him widely, showing too many teeth. “Get into a fight at school did you?”  
“Apparently she did some training.” Cassandra supplied, her arms crossed over her chest. “Don’t ask me why she smells like a tavern.”  
“I’ll have you know-” Ari said with new conviction. “That-that I have just been handling some _very_ delicate negotiations.” Cole appeared and crouched by Ari, his hands hovering around her side, gently tugging at her tunic as she lazily moved his hand away. “Which went quite well all things considered.” Cole made a pained sound and his hands went to her tunic again, fingers trying to gently move the fabric from her skin without being interruptive.  
“What is it Cole?” Dorian asked with an exasperated sigh, unsure whether to scold her or laugh at her current state.  
“She hurts.” He said looking to Dorian pleadingly and Ari batted his hand away gently shushing him.  
“Yah, he got my ribs.” She said casually. “Just with his fucking fist. Can you imagine him with a weapon? If he wasn’t going to be a granddaddy I’d try to get him to come to Skyhold.”  
“Inquisitor.” Solas scolded her, and Ari looked at him unhappy with the tone of his voice. “Your recent behaviour hasn’t been befitting of your title. I understand this is your clan but I must protest, getting into drunken fights is the last thing that you should be doing.” Ari sighed and looked down, suddenly tired. “You need to be thinking of your brother right now, that is, after all, why we journeyed for over a month to get here.” He lectured her and Ari slowly and painfully stood, letting Cole help her by supporting her arm.

Frowning out of concentration more than anger or any other emotion she looked to the elf with a wobble and squared her shoulders.  
“Solas,” she said with more ire than she had intended, “Do not speak to me as if I am a child.” Solas frowned and then it broke into an exasperated laugh.   
“No, not a child.” He drawled and Cullen took a step towards the elf, as if preparing to step between the two. Ari blinked and tried to clear her head, Cole hovering and fidgeting beside her. “A child would have some notion of what their actions could cause. What is the meaning behind your recent decisions, Inquisitor? Dare I ask what you are gaining from them? What benefits you are reaping?” his usually neutral voice was bitter with anger and it prompted Cullen to step forwards and place a hand warily on Solas’ shoulder. Ari exhaled through her nose slowly, closing her eyes as she willed herself to calm. She didn’t know if she wanted to be angry or cry, all she knew was that she wanted to scream.

“Uh- excuse me.” The group turned to see Rihari flitting nervously around the group, her fingers fidgeting as she looked Ari over. She skirted around everyone before coming to a stop in front of Ari, the others watching her warily. Rihari took in the split lip and blackened eye and winced, looking down she scuffed her feet. “He really did hit you.” She said quietly, as if afraid of Ari’s reaction to it. “I’m sorry, this is my fault.” Ari laughed quietly and Rihari looked up in surprise.  
“Rihari, your father has been beating me up since I was eight.” Ari put her hand on the woman’s shoulder, noticing that Rihari was a head shorter than herself. “Besides, it’s better that I take the thrashing rather than either of you.” Rihari nodded and held back tears, looking about at the strangers who watched her. The companions were looking at each other questioningly – their Inquisitor _willingly_ took a beating?  
“What- what did he say?” she stammered, eyes down. Ari leaned down to catch her gaze, hiding the twinge of pain at her side but Cole still made a pained sound before walking over to clutch at Solas’ sleeve, looking up at him pleadingly.  
“Yes.” She said with a smile, Rihari’s eyes lit up and she hugged Ari quickly, holding on and sniffling while Ari’s hands hovered uncomfortably in the air for a moment before she gave up and awkwardly patted the other woman’s back.  
“Ma serannas.” Rihari whispered before pulling away, smiling and emotional tears gracing her cheek regardless of her wide smile. She paused for a moment and thanked Ari again before running back to the other side of the camp. Ari looked to Solas who had a blank expression and wouldn’t meet her eyes.  
“You’re right.” Ari said to him. “Such deplorable behaviour.” She turned and warily made her way to her tent, pausing at the entrance she took a few steadying breaths before bending down to crawl onto her fur and letting herself take a moment to close her eyes.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Drunk Ari'Valen is fun to write. :D


	38. Chapter 38

A shuffling beside her caused Ari to stir and the cold, wet slap of a cloth woke her fully. She gasped, sitting upright ready to face her attacker, the cloth falling down her front and her side screaming in pain. She winced before recognising Solas kneeling next to her with a frown. Silently and roughly he pushed her shoulder, signalling for her to lie back again. She leaned back on her elbow, picking up the offending cloth and glaring at it.  
“There are better ways to wake up a woman who sleeps armed.” She admonished and Solas huffed in response.  
“You have blood on your chin.” He grumbled and tugged her tunic out of her leggings, wrenching it up to expose her side. She stopped his hand before he could go far, annoyed he looked up at her questioningly.  
“I don’t need healing.” She said and forced her tunic back down before wiping at her chin with the cloth.  
“I’m not a fool Ari’Valen.” He lectured her. “I can see you’re in pain.”  
“I don’t _want_ it.” She snapped, surprising them both with her outburst. Her heart was racing and she shook with the effort of maintaining her position through the pain, holding back tears as she looked down and carefully eased herself onto her uninjured side. “Please leave me, Solas.”

With a growl Solas quickly grabbed her arm and wrenched her tunic up, ignoring her angry protests, he stopped in his movement as he saw the large bruises peppered along her side, a mottled pattern of deep purples and sickly greens. A small lump protruded along the usually smooth plane of her skin – a broken rib. Ari stared angrily at the tent canvas, refusing to look at him as he sighed ruefully.  
“Did you defend yourself at all?” he scolded quietly and she gave no answer, just flinched as cool, gentle hands traced over her side, feeling the damage. “Most of these would have been easy to block, even for a novice.” He continued, “Why did you let so many hits pass? And don’t you _dare_ blame the alcohol.” He added before Ari got the chance to use that excuse. “I’ve seen you completely beyond intoxicated and still giving Iron Bull a run for his money.” Her cheeks flushed as she felt his eyes on her, scrutinizing. He softly pressed on a large bruise and Ari gasped in pain, fisting her hands and digging her nails into her palm in an attempt to distract her mind from the agony. “Answer me, Ari’Valen.” He insisted and ran is thumb down, it’s pressure sparking pain. She growled as the pressure continued, the sickening feeling of something returning to its proper place radiated through her before he stopped the pressure. Gasping she held down a wave of nausea, Solas’ hand still gripping her arm tightly while he poked and prodded.  
“I didn’t.” She said quietly and Solas paused. “I didn’t defend myself.” He frowned and shook his head disapprovingly.  
“Why not?” he demanded to know, rolling her to lie on her back and lifting her arm higher so her side was stretched out painfully. She stared at the wall in silence and he waited patiently, watching her expression shift and change through thoughts and pain. She let out a shaky breath, swallowing down the lump in her throat.  
“I deserved it.” She whispered, his ears twitching at her answer even as he wore his impeccably blank mask. “I am a coward and a fool. I hurt you, hurt Cullen and so I deserve to hurt myself.”   
“You _are_ a fool.” Solas said angrily before casting a healing spell on her side, she gasped at the feeling of her bones snapping back together harshly, his magic seemingly picking up on his foul mood. Bones mended he pulled his hand away, letting the tapestry of bruises remain unhealed. “I-” he began before clamping his mouth shut and looking away, shaking his head he stood and left the tent quickly, leaving Ari behind.

Solas left the campsite in a storm and made halfway towards the horses before Cullen intercepted him.  
“So apparently Ari’Valen has organised her brother to be married, hence all the commotion.” Cullen said to Solas, watching him throw a blanket over his horse hurriedly. “Going somewhere?” he asked, eyebrow raised.  
“I’m returning to Skyhold.” Solas said bitterly. “I refuse to watch her tirade of self-pity any longer.” Cullen grabbed his wrist and turned the elf to face him.   
“You can’t go back on your own, it’s far too dangerous.” He said.  
“I’ve been on my own for a very long time, Commander.” He growled, pulling his wrist out of the man’s grasp. “I will continue my service to the Inquisition, but refuse to stay _here_ any longer.”   
“You’re not serious, Solas.” Cullen said quietly. “You haven’t even packed.” Solas paused and pinched the bridge of his nose, sighing loudly. Cullen put his hand on the man’s shoulder gently which was angrily shrugged off almost instantly, letting out a held breath Cullen rubbed the back of his neck and glanced around. “I’m sorry.” He rumbled and Solas turned tiredly to shoot the Commander an exhausted look. “When Ari freaked out I immediately turned to blame you, I didn’t think or listen to you and you were right. You have done nothing but what I have asked of you, I should have controlled myself better, not called for your arrest. My rage-” he looked down and grimaced. “It’s not new.” Cullen met Solas’ eyes before bowing swiftly in apology. Solas laughed quietly, looking up to the cloud marred sky before shaking his head and putting his hands on the Commander’s shoulders, prompting him to stand again.   
“You are as exhausting as she is.” Solas said through a crooked smile, seeing that Cullen really didn’t know how to take the comment. “These last few days have been extremely trying.” Solas murmured and Cullen took his chance to step forward, his hand gently gripping Solas’ wrist as he gazed at him, willing him to reconsider leaving.   
“You’re angry.” Cullen said, relating to the man. “I am too. Come talk with me.” Solas sighed and reached back to pull the blanked off his mare, throwing it back onto the branch it was originally hanging from.

He urged Solas past the tree line until they were out of sight of the camp, Solas leaned heavily against one of the large trees and scrubbed his face with his palm.  
“Tell me.” Cullen urged, watching the man from a few paces away.  
“I’m _frustrated._ ” Solas growled from behind his palm. “I want to hate her. I tried to. I ignored her injuries for hours when before I would have been by her side in a moment.” He pushed off the tree trunk and began to pace. “But I couldn’t help myself.”  
“You went to heal her.” Cullen presumed and Solas nodded curtly.  
“She refused to let me, was insistent on it.” Solas recounted, “I was insistent in return, not as delicate as I should have been.” Cullen raised an eyebrow but didn’t say anything, just watched the lithe elf pace from tree to tree. “When I saw her side- her injuries were more extensive than I expected.”  
“You think someone is threatening her?” Cullen asked, wondering why someone from her own clan would do so.  
“No, she admitted that she purposely let down her defences. ‘ _I hurt you, I hurt Cullen, so I deserve to hurt myself.’_ ” He quoted Ari’Valen. “I called her a fool and left.” Cullen nodded and rubbed the back of his neck.  
“I can’t say I would have done differently.” Cullen admitted. “I am just as frustrated, at myself as much as her. I keep thinking that if I hadn’t of fought with her-” Cullen sighed and leaned against a tree, his head hitting the trunk with a thump. “If I hadn’t of told her that I couldn’t be with her anymore, that she may not have gone to Leriel so quickly, but then I wonder if she would have done it anyway.” Solas paused and regarded the blonde man, he was fully armoured – complete with his sword, something that had occurred less often lately. It was telling to Solas that he needed the armour even in relative safety, Cullen hadn’t been coping these last couple of days and he wasn’t the only one.  
“You left her?” Solas asked without judgement, they had actively avoided each other aside from moments of Inquisition business, he hadn’t even known that Cullen had left her.  
“I did.” Cullen said quietly, staring into the distance. “I was angry at her, that she had been taking the lyrium the whole time that I had been opening myself to her- letting her see me at my worse- and all that time she was a hypocrite.” Cullen picked a piece of bark off the tree and crumbled it between his fingers.   
“I am sorry, by the way.” Solas said and Cullen looked up questioningly. “I should have told you about Ari’Valen taking the lyrium, you are her Commander after all.” Cullen shook his head.  
“No, Ari should have told me.” Cullen rumbled, waving his hand dismissively. “Long before the anchor began to misbehave we would sit in front of her fireplace and talk. She told me about this place,” he waved his hand towards the camp, “and I told her about my service to the Templars. Knowing what I had willingly done, how much I regretted it, she should have known to be honest with me.” Solas walked over and leaned against the same tree, his clothed shoulder touching the plate armour of Cullen’s.  
“I understand.” Solas nodded, glancing at the Commander as his fists tightened against the urge to touch him. “I believe that she felt that she was protecting you somehow.” Cullen laughed bitterly and pushed off the tree to pace, their positions had reversed completely.  
“When she knelt by the river it reminded me of what I used to be. Each time I killed a mage that didn’t pass the Harrowing I would go straight to my quarters and drench myself, I thought that any remorse I harboured was weakness- that it was better that those people died. I didn’t see Ari’Valen as protecting me, I saw her as _becoming_ me.” Cullen paused and sighed, closing his eyes and forcing himself to calm. The faint songs of birds and the low noises of the camp the only sounds as he composed himself. “I love her.” Cullen nearly whispered, he crouched down and rested his head in his hands. Solas silently moved to crouch in front of him. “More than I could ever express to her. Enough that if she has chosen Leriel over me- then so be it. I’ll not stand in their way.”  
  
Solas gently placed his hand under Cullen’s chin, long fingers scraping against stubble as he lifted the man’s head to meet his stern gaze.  
“I’m sorry, Cullen.” Solas whispered, his other hand joining the first as he gently carded it through blonde curls. “But that is _bullshit_.” Cullen looked at Solas incredulously, the elvhen man’s narrow features smirking back at him. “You are Commander Cullen Rutherford. Survivor of Kinloch Hold, the Qunari invasion of Kirkwall and Haven, you are the Commander of the Inquisition and the most stubborn human I have met. Not for one moment in the time I have known you have I ever thought you would give up so quickly.” Solas stood, dragging Cullen with him. “Ari’Valen is an idiot. She makes extremely stupid decisions when faced with any kind of stress in her personal life which is probably why she has so many close friends. She _needs_ us to guide her, and as much as I hate to say it, she needs you most of all, Commander.” Cullen kept his suspicious expression focussed on Solas as the elf reached up and ran his hands into the back of Cullen’s hair, bringing his forehead close to rest on the other man’s.  
“You were angry a moment ago.” Cullen pointed out, his hands reaching up to clutch absently at the back of the mage’s robes.  
“I am still angry.” Solas admitted. “But I will become angrier if I run away now. I _need_ answers.”  
“Then you’ll stay?” Cullen asked, his eyes focussed on the lips before him that stretched into a crooked grin.  
“On your orders, Commander.” Solas whispered as his heart pounded in his throat, the tips of his ears flushing pink. “Only yours, as always.”

Cullen pushed forwards to kiss Solas, an awkward rough kiss that saw them both smiling as they calmed to find the right fit. Swallowing hard and grinning Cullen glanced up at the treetops, thinking of what they must look like to the scouts. Solas kissed the corner of Cullen’s mouth and with a chuckle reluctantly released the Commander’s hair.   
“Come, Cullen.” Solas held his arm around Cullen’s shoulder, giving it a squeeze and pulling him in to kiss his cheekbone. “Ari’Valen has much explaining to do, then we will decide if we stay or go.”


	39. Chapter 39

Ari’Valen sat on a small stool in the tent that she once called home with her brother. The deep green canvas of the tent gave a green hue to her old belongings, still set up as if she had never left.

She had been actively avoiding the tent, as if it were haunted by ghosts of her past but it was just the same. Dust had settled on her belongings, a cot and chest with a few precious mementos from her life, Varrahel had been setting up the tent as if she still lived here. They must have moved on multiple times since she left the Clan, she had no idea he had ensured there was a place for her if she ever came back.

She gazed around the tent, her brother’s cot neatly made up across from her, the thin partition sectioned off a small area of the tent to bathe in, armour and weapons were scattered in precise places – the best places when you needed them in a hurry. Anything wooden had been ornately carved, from the struts of the cot to the supporting pole in the centre of the tent. She ran her hands over the carving of a halla on her wooden chest, the lid creaking in its usual way as she opened it.

The fabric was still silken under her fingers as she pulled the bundle out of the chest, the pale green dress flowed out as if it were liquid, disturbing the light layer of dust around her. Smiling tightly to herself she ran her thumb over the ornate lace trim of the neckline, pulling the dress into her lap to trace the pattern further she was startled by drop of water landing on the silk, small beads of moisture rolling away from the impact. Reaching up she felt the same moisture on her cheek, pulling her hand away she realised with a curse that she was crying.

“It’s beautiful.” Ari’Valen stood quickly at Leriel’s voice, forcing herself out of her thoughts, she turned to him with a questioning look. “The dress.” He gestured at it and she followed the gesture to the material in her hands. Her brain caught up and she nodded in agreement carefully hanging it up against the centre post.  
“It was my mother’s dress, when she bonded with father.” Ari said quietly, running her fingertips over the fabric gently to straighten it out. A smile inadvertently made its way onto her face as she thought about it. “I was going to wear it for-” she stopped herself mid-sentence and fought the lump in her throat. Leriel quietly took a step into the tent, crossing the threshold into her once-home.  
“You’re allowed to speak about it you know.” Leriel said softly, not quite chastising or joking. “We were betrothed, it’s not a secret. Everyone here in this camp knows and remembers it.”  
“Even Elova?” Ari heard herself ask and instantly regretted it, Leriel flinched and Ari scolded herself. “I’m sorry,” she said, “I’m being bitter.” She turned to face him and he wasted a smile on her. “It’s been a… _trying_ day.”  
“I can see that.” Leriel brushed his knuckle gently along the edge of her black eye. “But I guess it’s not to do with confronting Arnar or your probable hangover?” Ari smiled sardonically and even a bitter laugh escaped.  
“No, I can handle a punch.” She stated and Leriel gave her a prideful and knowing smile. He sat on her brother’s cot and gestured at hers, asking her to take a seat. She looked to the opening of the tent and considered letting herself be a coward and making excuses to flee, but another part of herself just wanted to be on friendly terms with _anyone_ at this point.

She sat and Leriel reclined to his side, making himself comfortable on the cot, he fidgeted absently with his fingernails before speaking.  
“She does know.” He referred to Elova. “Probably more than anyone else, how much I loved you.”   
“You told her?” she was surprised.  
“I thought you were dead when she came to the Clan. She was nice enough to listen to me mourn, asked questions, helped me work through it all. And again when the Keeper told me you were alive and unlikely to return.” He spoke quietly with a smile.   
“I’m sorry.” Ari almost whispered, staring at the ground. “I hope I haven’t ruined things between the two of you.”   
“Don’t be.” He reached across and patted her knee. “I’m old enough to know right from wrong. You know that.” A pause stretched between them, the falling sunlight casting orange light into the tent by their feet. “I hope I haven’t ruined anything for you.” He said quietly, not looking at her. Ari smiled tightly before it cracked and she had to look down at her hands, fighting the forthcoming tears.  
“I’m old enough to ruin things myself.” Ari said sarcastically, although it didn’t quite make it out of resignation.

The sun was almost gone as they sat in silence, somewhat enjoying each other’s company. Leriel gazed upon the dress and smiled wistfully to himself.  
“What will you do with it?” he asked, breaking the calm. Ari looked at it and sighed, feeling tiredness falling over her.  
“I’ll give it to Rihari, she can wear it if she wants, if not at least she can keep it for something else. Sell it to a trader.” She said.  
“You’ll not take it back to Skyhold?” he asked.  
“Somehow I don’t think I’ll be marrying anytime soon. Josie can try to get me into an alliance marriage all she want’s but it’s not happening.” Leriel laughed at that.  
“I pity the man who tries to marry you for your army.” He said with a chuckle before realising what he said and shaking his head. “I’ll never get used to it, my Ari’Valen with an ominous title and army, fighting to save us all from evil.” Ari smiled at him, unsure of what to say. “But I suppose, if I’m honest, you stopped being my Ari’Valen the moment you stepped out of the breach.” He stood and gave her a quick kiss on the forehead. “If there’s anything I can do to help repair your relationship-” he began before Ari waved her hand dismissively.  
“I’m afraid they’re more stubborn than I am. I think it needs time more than anything else.” She said and he smiled as he nodded an stepped to the threshold of the tent, pausing he looked over his shoulder at her.  
“ _They_?” he asked and she smiled and shrugged in return, laughing he stepped out and wandered away.

Ari was resting her head in her hands, fighting fatigue and trying to encourage her body to expend the energy needed to go back to her tent for some much needed sleep when someone cleared their throat. Bleary eyed and hair wild she looked up to see Cullen standing in full armour by the entrance of the tent as Solas lit a lantern to illuminate the tent, casting long shadows along the canvas.

“Is this Leriel’s tent?” Cullen asked with a lovely mix of scorn and resentment and Solas moved to stand beside him, a unified front.  
“This is _my_ tent.” Ari bit back before looking around and gesturing in defeat at the belongings. “At least it was, Varrahel owns the tent now.”  
“What were you doing here?” Solas asked, taking note of the dress that was hanging in the centre.  
“If you must know I thought Rihari might want the dress.” Ari said. “And I thought there might have been something here to take with me back to Skyhold, once it’s all over.” Cullen shifted and seemed to ease his sullen mood a small amount.  
“Is there?” he asked, still scornful. Ari looked up and met his eyes, unwavering in her gaze she let him see that she had heard the double meaning in his question.  
“Without Varrahel there is _nothing_ for me here. The morning after he-” her voice cracked and she had to look away to regain control of herself. “We will be leaving, as per the Keeper’s request. Back to Skyhold and the fight.” Ari stood and closed the ornate chest that she had pulled the dress from, she had nothing she wanted to take with her. No mementos of her family, nothing to really treasure from her life in the Clan, her hands shook as she tidied the small mess she made. “My entire Clan life is in this box and not one thing is worth salvaging. What a fucking waste.” She stood and faced the both of them, still standing side by side. “Perhaps that is why I could not see what was worth saving when it was in front of me.” Solas and Cullen glanced at each other, their alliance still strong.  
“Why?” Cullen asked simply, as if the answer should be simple. “You claimed to have loved us and you fall back into Leriel’s arms the moment he returns? Were we just a moment’s reprieve before you saw him again?” Ari shook her head and ran her hand though her hair, she knew she had to speak to them eventually, she had just thought it would have been later.  
“Is that why you could never choose one of us?” Solas added, “Because you were still in love with him?” Ari scoffed and paced to the back of the tent, pausing by the dress still mockingly hanging.  
“I honestly hoped that I would not see him.” Ari said quietly as she gently brushed her hand along the dress. “I was afraid to. You know that.”   
“And yet when you met-” Cullen began before he was interrupted.  
“When we met I was _scared_.” Ari bit, spinning on her heels to face them. “My brother tried to kill himself, you left me,” she pointed at Cullen, “and _you_ ,” she turned to Solas, “I had no idea where you were, or what you thought, just your impassive mask to judge upon. And I made a mistake, I’ll freely admit that I was in the wrong, that I should have thought before I acted but let’s be honest, I’m not the only one who could claim faulty judgement.”  
“Are you saying _we_ are at fault?” Solas angrily asked as Ari’Valen took a breath.  
“ _No._ ” she said frustrated. “I am saying that we have all made mistakes. I forgave you for _murdering_ those mages out of rage.” She said to Solas and he glanced away from her gaze, turning on Cullen he could barely stand to meet her eyes. “And we helped _you_ when you tried to kill Solas. And I’m sorry, I truly am, which is why I confessed to you as soon as I saw you.”  
“Do you love him?” Cullen asked grimly, as if it was painful to be in her presence. She paused and looked at the both of them, standing so close together, _at least they have each other_ , she thought.  
“I will always love him.” She said quietly and saw their resolve start to crumble. “But I could never be _in love_ with him again. It’s not fair to him, his wife and babe or to the people I care about.” Solas glanced up at her.  
“He married?” he asked and Ari nodded, “did he tell you this?”  
“No, but he was kind enough to introduce me the next morning.” Ari said bitterly. Cullen paced away and rubbed the back of his neck angrily Ari watched him for a moment as fatigue washed over her. “I don’t deserve your forgiveness, or love, I don’t expect it from you.” She said in almost a whisper, “Perhaps it is better that you don’t at all, if Corypheus doesn’t kill me, my own foolishness will.” Cullen scoffed and looked to Solas who wore his blank expression still, although he didn’t meet anyone’s eyes. “I’m sorry.” Ari sighed as her head began to pound. “I must sleep, it’s been… days.”

She pushed past the two of them and left the tent, Cullen and Solas watched her go before letting out a sigh. They looked to each other warily, feeling cut off from their purpose, Solas frowned as he stared at the opening of the tent.  
“Solas?” Cullen said softly upon seeing his frown, his armoured hand reaching out to touch the elf.  
“I don’t know.” Solas said, pinching the bridge of his nose. “I need to think on this.” He gave Cullen an apologetic smile before he slowly walked out of the foreign tent and back to his own.


	40. Chapter 40

Ari’Valen was woken in the middle of the night by Arnar calling for her from outside her tent, she emerged, scruffy and bleary eyed, as did some of her companions. None of them slept heavily, a casualty of living in constant danger, and although Arnar was silent even for a scout, he was also respectful enough not to go into Ari’s tent unannounced.

She emerged, tucking her hastily thrown on tunic into her leggings and striding barefoot to Arnar who was waiting patiently by the campfire that was merely hot coals. He eyed her companions warily as they looked on curiously at the elvhen man, Cassandra was already armed just in case she had to spring into action at a moment’s notice.

Ari nodded at Arnar in greeting and he returned the gesture, bringing his arm around her shoulders he brought her in close to face the fire, their backs turned to her friends.  
“I thought you were out on patrol?” Ari asked quietly and he nodded.  
“On the northern crag that overlooks the small gully, you know it?” he murmured.  
“I do.” Ari said suspiciously.  
“Came across a couple of travellers, tried to turn them away but they are stubborn, they’re asking for you. Got anything to do with that message you sent few days back?”   
“Could be,” Ari glanced back at her friends who had deemed it appropriate to wake the rest up. Frowning she turned back to Arnar. “But if it is it’s much quicker than I had anticipated.”  
“Best you come have a look I think, I don’t want to bring them any closer to the camp if they’re not friendlies.” Ari nodded and broke away from him to collect her boots and cloak, she tucked a few daggers away into a sheath strapped to her thigh and quickly scooped her hair back and tied it away from her face.

Arnar watched her apprehensively, looking away when she caught his gaze.  
“There’s something else, isn’t there?” Ari asked in a murmur when she got close enough to him. He gave a curt nod unhappily.  
“The travellers mentioned they had to avoid some Templars on the roads not far from here.” Ari stilled and tried to read her friend’s features in the darkness.   
“Are they mages perhaps?” Ari asked.  
“Not that I can tell, more roguish types.” He said. “That doesn’t concern me though, that they want to avoid Templars, more that the only reported Templars in the area in the last few months-” he trailed off his sentence.  
“The Red Templars? That Varrahel’s group encountered?” Ari asked a bit too loudly and Arnar raised to fingers to his lips to demand a softer voice. “Leriel has just returned from eliminating them, could there be another group, or is the intel old?”  
“I can’t attest to there being more of them out there, but as for the intel-” he shook his head. “They’ve been riding hard, and it was yesterday they came across them.”   
“Have you taken this to the Keeper? Or Leriel?”  
“No, I’ve not got anything solid as yet. But I thought you might want to go down to the gully and have a look, that’s where the Templars were camping last. I can’t leave my post for long, and it would put a lot of minds at ease if you could.” Arnar asked with a crooked smile as if he hated to ask her, Ari nodded and went to her friends who were still waiting patiently.

They faced her in a huddled semi-circle as she idly strapped her leather armour on, helped by Dorian’s glowing staff so she could see; they all looked varying degrees of tired as she apologised for waking them in the middle of the night.  
“The fact of it is that there has been reports of Red Templars nearby, I need to check it out.” Ari said.  
“I hope I don’t sound callous saying this;” Varric said in a sleep ridden gravelly voice, “but if the scouts have reports of it aren’t they usually quick to resolve the matter.”  
“This one isn’t from the scouts but nearby travellers.” Ari said in a hushed voice, “And yes, Varric, you are right. They are very quick in resolving these things so we need to be quicker.”  
“Why’s that then?” Sera asked and Bull helpfully provided the answer.  
“Dalish clans aren’t prone to giving information to outsiders, especially about their own defensive movements.” he rumbled, voice alert.  
“We shall ready ourselves then.” Cassandra said, already prepared to move out on a moment’s notice.  
“Not all of us.” Ari said quietly, “If I don’t make it back by dawn I want some of you here to persuade the clan that we’re still here and _not_ poking around in their territory.” They nodded in unison. “Blackwall, Bull; you come with me, you’re better trackers than any of us. Varric I want you to speak to any clansman that questions my whereabouts.” Ari knew that if anyone could lie with conviction it would be him and trusted that he wouldn’t get caught in the details of it.  
“You got it, Quizzie.” Varric affirmed.  
“I’m going with you.” Cullen said quickly and Ari wasn’t the only one to look at him in surprise. “You’re not going without a full complement of guards.” He said flatly.  
“Very well.” Ari accepted. “Ready yourselves quickly. Arnar is getting more and more anxious by the minute.”

Cullen fastened the last strap on his armour as Solas approached, with a sigh the elf adjusted a strap on the Commander’s shoulder before bending to pick up his sword and hand it to him.  
“Do you get the feeling there’s more to this than she is letting us see?” Solas asked in a hushed murmur, keeping their conversation just between the two of them. Cullen glanced up at him with a frown before nodding curtly.  
“She left a lot unexplained.” He replied as he took the sword with thanks and threaded his belt through the scabbard’s tie. “Like why the scouts spoke to the travellers at all instead of just turning them away, or why Arnar risked leaving his company a man short to rush to Ari in the middle of the night instead of his Keeper.”  
“Or Leriel.” Solas agreed. “From what I can gather he is their Commander and is governing the troop movement and defence.”  
“He’s also the one who was supposed to clear out the last lot of Red Templars.” Cullen added, Solas gave him a knowing look and smiled, holding his hands behind his back to stop himself from fussing with the Commander’s armour.  
“Why Commander Rutherford, I do believe you’ve been asking around about our Dalish friend.” Solas proclaimed teasingly. Cullen gave a smile and straightened his back.  
“I doubt I am the only one.” He suggested and Solas bowed his head in affirmation, it wasn’t in either of their natures to idly stand by. “Keep an eye on Varrahel tonight would you?” Cullen asked as he patted Solas’ shoulder in goodbye, nodding in confirmation Solas watched the group sneak out of the camp.

The four of them followed Arnar through the forest for over an hour in silence, it was easy for Ari to pick and weave through the dense undergrowth with little light but she could tell from the sheer amount of swearing that Iron Bull, Blackwall and Cullen were having a harder time.  
“It’s like a river.” Arnar scolded the three of them as he paused with Ari to wait for them to catch up. “You feel an obstacle and you flow around it, don’t go _through_ it.” He huffed.  
“Who exactly gave you this intel?” Blackwall asked incredulously and Arnar shrugged, leaving it up to Ari to explain.  
“I sent a letter to a contact in the area asking them to meet with me, I’m hoping it is them.” She said.  
“What would you need to meet with someone for?” Cullen asked, more out of curiosity more than suspicion.  
“You’ll see.” Ari said with a mischievous smile that caught him offside, she felt better out in the forest with a purpose, rather than loitering around the camp, and it showed in the way she revelled in weaving past the branches.

Arnar rounded a large tree and they emerged on the edge of a jagged cliff, the tip of the crag that overlooked a gully. Settled on the rocky surface three scouts were talking to an elf in ragged clothes.   
“You said there were two.” Ari said to Arnar quietly, but the stranger overheard her none the less.  
“There are, Inquisitor.” The man’s baritone voice rumbled as he stood and bowed, strange silver markings on his hands flickering in the moonlight. “She will be back momentarily.”  
“Maker’s breath.” Cullen exclaimed from behind Ari before stepping forwards. “Fenris, is that you?” The elvhen man looked at Cullen in surprise before smiling and offering his hand which Cullen shook gladly.  
“Knight-Commander. It is good to see you again.”  
“Fenris?” Blackwall asked confused. “As in Varric’s _Tales of the Champion_ Fenris?” Fenris gave a short laugh.  
“I would like to think I am my own man, it was hard won to do so. But yes, I am Varric’s Fenris.”

A melodic laugh came from their left and Ari turned to see a redheaded woman stalk to the group. “Don’t let Varric hear you say that, he’ll start thinking you’re a suitable character for the next romance novel.” The woman said.  
“Maker preserve me from _that_ fate.” Fenris muttered and Ari held back a laugh. “Inquisitor, may I introduce you to Grae Hawke.”


	41. Chapter 41

Ari kept watch along the shadows with Hawke while the men deliberated over tracks and footprints in the gully, an arrow notched in her bow she gently stroked the arrow as she anxiously stood guard.  
“Nervous, Inquisitor?” Hawke asked quietly as she spun a large dagger in her hand idly.  
“Too open for my liking.” Ari said with a smile. “As soon as the boys stop arguing we’ll head back to camp.”  
“I don’t mind open.” Hawke grinned. “Too used to the winding alleyways of Kirkwall where every blighter hid ready to kill you for your boots.”  
“Is it really that bad?” Ari asked. “To hear Varric talk of it it’s the pride of Thedas.” Hawke laughed at the thought.  
“Varric loves Kirkwall, always will, but he knows the reality of it. Since the Invasion it has gotten worse, not that I’ve been back much.” She glanced at Ari before taking a seat on a nearby boulder. “How is he?” she asked quietly, sadness creeping into her voice. Ari smiled at her reassuringly.  
“He misses you.” She said and Hawke looked away with an honest smile, Ari could see that she was smitten with just the thought of him.

Cullen strode up with the others in tow, a frown furrowing his brow as he rested his hand on the hilt of his sword.  
“Hawke and Fenris were right. Group of ten or so were camping here last night or the night before, tracks are still pretty fresh.” He reported.  
“They were Templars.” Hawke said as Fenris nodded in agreement.  
“Are you certain?” Ari asked quietly and Hawke shot her an indignant look.  
“I know a Templar when I see one.” Hawke shot. “Even as deformed as these ones were.”  
“Sickly red glow?” Bull asked and Hawke gave him a nod.

Cullen hadn’t looked away from Ari throughout the conversation, he watched her chew on her bottom lip nervously as she took in the information.  
“Inquisitor?” he prompted her attention. “What are your thoughts?”   
“It doesn’t make sense.” She said almost in a whisper, glancing around at the meadow they stood in. “Leriel took soldiers to finish off the Templars from the attack weeks ago, by all reports they were the only ones in the area, he’s only just come back from that same mission.”  
“Maybe he failed.” Blackwall interjected.  
“If he failed he wouldn’t have come back at all or at the very least the clan would be moving on for safety.” Ari replied.  
“Perhaps it is a new group?” Fenris suggested. “And the scouts merely did not see them.”  
“The vantage from the top of that crag is clear. They would have to be very poor scouts indeed.” Cullen stated. “Do you know who was watching this area recently?” he asked Ari who shook her head.  
“Not a clue, and no point asking Deshanna because she won’t tell us a damn thing.” Ari sighed in frustration.  
“Arnar came to you before anyone else, would he tell you if you asked him?” Blackwall asked.  
“Perhaps.” Ari said in thought. “He’s loyal, extremely traditional. It speaks volumes that he came to me and not his superior.” She sighed and placed the arrow she was holding back into her quiver. “But we should get back, I want to return before dawn and we’ll have to take Hawke and Fenris to Deshanna before they’ll be allowed to stay.” They agreed and mobilised to move but Ari was stayed by Cullen’s hand on her arm. Noticing the gesture Bull ushered the others along with him to wait by the rocky climb up to the top of the crag.

When they were far away enough Cullen stepped to face Ari. She looked him over nervously, making out his pale features in the darkness.  
“Tell me what’s going on.” He quietly demanded, his hand still gripping just above her elbow. She glanced down at it and pulled herself free from his grasp.  
“You know as much as I do.” Ari said annoyed.  
“I don’t think that I do.” Cullen near growled. “For a start; why the hell did you contact Hawke? I didn’t think that you even knew her.”  
“I didn’t.” Ari glared at him, keeping her voice low in a harsh whisper. “But contacting the Captain of the Guard in Kirkwall was no hard task.”  
“Aveline?” Cullen asked astonished. “You gave our position to her? What for?”  
“I didn’t give specifics.” She scolded him. “Just suggested that Varric would be in the area for a while if she stumbled upon Hawke. I left it to them to figure out the rest.”  
“Maker’s breath, why? You’re risking yourself and the clan.” Cullen gripped her upper arms, his hands trembling.   
“Why do you think, Cullen?” She asked incredulously and he shook his head.  
“You think you’re doing something good for your friend. I understand that.”   
“ _Do_ you?” She interrupted.  
“She’s _volatile._ ” He hissed at her.  
“She saved your life.” Ari countered. “Are you angry because she’s dangerous to _us_ or because she reminds you of a time you would rather forget?” Cullen stared at her, his breaths ragged from his temper. Ari gently pressed her hand against his wrist and removed his near bruising grip on her arm. “Varric has given up much to be with us.” Ari reasoned with him. “I daresay more than anyone else here, he even allowed himself to be interrogated by Cassandra to protect her.” As his arm lowered he encircled her wrist gently with his fingers, as if he didn’t want to break the contact. “You have noticed as well as I that Varric’s morale has been wilting, he misses her. Please don’t ruin this.” She pleaded with him and he sighed, his other arm leaving hers and rubbing the back of his neck as he shifted on his feet.  
“You’re inviting trouble. Once Cassandra finds out-”  
“Cassandra can stick it up her chestplate.” Ari bit and Cullen fought to hide a smirk.   
“Just… tell me.” Cullen roughly whispered. “Anything like this, I _do_ need to know.” Ari bit back a retort and gave him a measured stare before nodding sharply.  
“As you say, Commander.” She said before slipping her wrist out of his grasp and striding to catch up with the others. Cullen sighed as he watched her leave, his chest heavy.

 

Ari stood stubbornly with her hands clasped behind her back, to her right stood Hawke and Fenris, to her left was Cullen and in front of her was a very cranky Keeper Deshanna and amused Leriel. The Keeper seethed as she paced in a nightgown, her long black-grey hair flowing behind her.  
“Not only do you bring a full company of heavily armed warriors with you,” Deshanna argued at Ari who stood stubbornly with a blank expression. “Not _only_ do you cause havoc with this ridiculous notion of marrying a dying man to poor Rihari and carry on in an inappropriate manner causing gossip to spread like wildfire amongst the Clan you now bring two more strangers to this camp _without_ seeking permission.” Her eyes flashed wild with anger as she paced, Hawke and Fenris watched her warily while Leriel watched Ari and Cullen watched Leriel. Ari frowned, very unhappy with the way she was being scolded.  
  
“Keeper Deshanna.” Ari said clearly, in the voice she reserved for giving orders or passing judgement on a prisoner, Cullen noticed the voice and automatically stood to attention, a subtle shift from how he was already standing - his hand resting on the hilt of his sword. Leriel watched her curiously as the authoritative personality was mustered, the Keeper paying no heed to the diminutive elf as she paced. “I travel with an armed company of warriors. That is a necessary fact of my position and I will not apologise for taking precautions to safeguard my life and the lives around me. There have already been attempts made on my life and from this moment forwards all my companions will be armed and battle ready.” Cullen took note of the order, noticing how she used the assassination attempt to allow them to be armed at all times – something the Clan was against – but needed if there were Templars nearby. “Secondly,” she continued as the Keeper tried to protest her first point, “I will not tolerate your abysmal attitude towards my brother marrying someone he loves. He has the right to and since the cause of his death would be the defence of this Clan I suggest you find it in yourself to rally your nerves and celebrate the union – just as everyone else in camp is.”   
“ _Ari’Valen.”_ The Keeper exasperatedly interjected.  
“ _I have not finished.”_ Ari warned sternly, and the observers were mildly amused when the Keeper relented and stopped speaking. “I do not know what rumours you are referring to, and nor do I care-” Leriel cleared his throat and Ari paused at the sound.  
“I believe she is referring to your attachment to the Shem here.” He said, glancing at Cullen who raised his brows incredulously. “They don’t approve of the idea of you bedding a human.” He bit, crossing his arms over his chest. Cullen huffed and stepped closer to Ari – whether it was in support of her or a possessive gesture she was unsure.  
“I don’t give two figs if the Clan _approves_ of it.” Ari admonished and could almost feel Cullen’s glance bore into her skin. “Even if I were still of the People, I would leave to be with him again, and perhaps _then_ it could be a cause for your ire, Keeper.” Leriel levelled a glare at Cullen who hid a smirk behind an obviously fake cough.  
“As for my guests-” Ari met Hawke’s eyes and mentally willed her to play along. “The Champion of Kirkwall has been kind enough to lend us her assistance with tracking the Red Templar activity in the area. She has requested to meet with me to discuss information pertinent to the Inquisition.” Hawke smiled at the Keeper and nodded curtly in agreement. Cullen cleared his throat to interject.  
“It would also be useful if she could meet with your scouts to swap information on recent activity in your territory.” He added and the Keeper’s eyes widened.  
“We do not speak to outsiders about our defences.” She spat. “You’re already aware of this. I won’t allow it.”

Leriel pushed away from the desk he was sitting against and stepped forwards.  
“With all due respect Keeper,” Leriel spoke, “if there has been activity in our territory than we need to know. I will gladly speak to the Champion in regards to this.”  
“ _Leriel,_ ” the Keeper scolded, “I will not allow this.”  
“You don’t need to.” Leriel countered calmly, giving her a smirk he looked as if he were enjoying himself a little. “The defence of this Clan falls on my head, their _social_ welfare is your responsibility.” He looked to Hawke and bowed, it was returned gracefully by the tall human. “The wedding is tomorrow so I suggest we meet after the celebrations. I will inform my people to be vigilant in the meantime.”  
“As you wish, Commander.” Hawke purred and Fenris bowed politely. Ari bowed to Leriel in thanks and he nodded to her a bit unhappily.

  
“Thank you,” Ari said. “I believe we have taken up enough of your time Keeper, I will direct our guests to set up by the Inquisition tents.” Ari spun on her heels and left the large tent, striding towards the smaller ones on the far side of the clearing. Cullen leaned in towards her and murmured as they walked.  
“That went well.” He teased and Ari couldn’t help but break into a smile. She had always felt ridiculous using her Inquisitor voice, but this time it felt damn good.

A grip on her wrist jerked her to a stop. Startled, Cullen spun and drew his sword in a flourish as Ari did the same with her dagger only to see Leriel the culprit of her sudden stop. He looked at her angrily, ignoring the threat from her friends as they faced him warily. He breathed raggedly as he spoke.  
“I don’t know what your intentions are,” Leriel chided her, “but antagonising the Keeper is no way to get what you want.”  
“I’ll ask you to kindly remove your hand from her.” Cullen growled, his sword pointed to kill.  
“ _You’re better than this._ ” Leriel spat, not letting go or acknowledging Cullen. “Don’t let the guise of power ruin who you are.”  
“ _Hand. Remove.”_ Cullen warned and Leriel let her go with a jerk, slowly he stepped back and raised his palms at them to show no threat.   
“I’m sorry you feel that way.” Ari said flatly to Leriel. “But I don’t have the time or patience to pander to her outdated notions.” He huffed and glanced about him.  
“You’ve changed.” He meant it as an insult. “The Shems have twisted your kindness into something bitter.”   
“You haven’t changed at all.” Ari said in return. “I wonder which of us is worse off.” Ari strode away and the others followed, leaving Leriel behind.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You like updates? Have another chapter!
> 
> I've also updated Deep Roads, its turning into something much different than I had planned. Find it here: http://archiveofourown.org/works/6384223/chapters/14619622


	42. Chapter 42

Ari pointed Hawke to the tent that Varric occupied, Hawke paused by the opening and took a deep steadying breath, nervously shifting on the spot. She looked to Ari, Cullen and Fenris and gave an uncertain smile.  
“Suppose he doesn’t want to see me?” She asked quietly and Fenris huffed.  
“Hawke,” he said in the baritone voice that made Ari’s spine shiver in appreciation, “You could try to kill him and he would die with a smile.” She grinned and nodded, steeling herself and slipping into the tent.

Fenris turned to Ari and gave a bow.  
“Thank you for contacting Aveline.” He said to the both of them. “She has been drastically out of sorts and needed to see him more than she would admit.”  
“The same could be said for Varric.” Ari added with a smile. “Feel free to use my tent for tonight, you must be exhausted.”  
“You will not need it?” he asked, glancing to Cullen who just gave him a level glare.  
“I managed to get a few hours before meeting you. It will be light shortly and I have a wedding to arrange.” Ari said and Fenris bowed in thanks, she gestured to her tent and he crawled inside, leaving his massive sword stuck in the ground by the entrance.

“Use my tent.” Cullen said to her as she meandered past him and put a log onto the dwindling campfire, sitting on the large log she sighed and fished around the ground for a bottle of alcohol that she knew would be somewhere close. Fingers hitting cool glass she let out a triumphant _ah-ha_ and uncorked the bottle to smell the contents. “Ari’Valen.”  
“I don’t want to put you out.” She said before taking a sip of mead.  
“You won’t. I’ll bunk with Solas.” He said before he caught himself, he cursed inwardly before being surprised at Ari’s smile.  
“I’m glad.” She said without looking away from the fire that was catching onto the new log. Cullen skirted around the log to face her properly.  
“You’re not upset?” he asked somewhat warily, she looked at him and shook her head.  
“I have no claim to you, Cullen.” She said quietly. “You made that clear. Besides, you deserve to be loved by someone.” A loud laugh emanated from Varric’s tent and the two glanced over at it, smiling to herself Ari took another drink and settled in by the fire.

Cullen stared at her for a long moment, taking in her tired frame and thinner limbs. She had lost quite a bit of weight since they left Skyhold, not that she had any to spare in the first place.  
“Did you mean it?” he asked her and she looked up at him confused. “What you said to the Keeper, that you would have left your Clan for me.” Ari smiled at him and offered him the bottle, a peace offering, which he took. Sitting down beside her on the log he took a long drag from it with a satisfying sigh.  
“Every word.” She said quietly as she poked at the fire with a long stick. “I do love you, Cullen, no matter what my mistakes imply.”

The silence stretched between them as they shared the bottle, idly she wondered if it was a good idea to be drinking so early in her day but she felt that it was warranted already. Her stomach making a loud grumbling sound interrupted the silence and Cullen looked at her with an eyebrow raised, blushing she excused herself.  
“When did you last eat?” he asked and she hummed to herself in stalling the answer. With a sigh he shook his head and leaned forward to put a cast iron pot onto the fire. He poured water into it and rummaged around in a small barrel of provisions that the Dalish had kindly left for them. He began to slice vegetables with a dagger provided by Ari into the pot along with strips of meat and a dash of alcohol from the bottle. Ari watched him quickly work to put the food together, idly wondering why he chose to remain instead of returning to the tent.  
“I believe we have swapped places.” Ari softly spoke as her eyes struggled to stay open, Cullen looked to her questioningly as she yawned. “I was always the one trying to get you to eat and sleep.” He laughed quietly and nodded in agreement before adding more wood to the fire.

Covering the pot he sat back onto the log and worked at the straps on his chestplate. Fumbling at the side strap Ari gently pushed his hands away to take over, unbuckling him swiftly. He watched her as she did so, wanting to both push her away and pull her into his arms.  
“When I first saw Leriel, he was on his knees in front of you. Why?” He asked as Ari tackled the second buckle.  
“He was asking for forgiveness.” She said flatly, cursing to herself when she pinched her finger on the buckle.  
“Why?” Cullen reiterated, lifting his arm up higher so she could reach better.  
“I was angry.” Ari sighed, finally winning against the buckle she tapped him to spin and he did so, turning his back to the fire so she could tackle the other side. “He introduced me to Elova.”  
“His wife?” he asked and she nodded. “I guess I can understand, but there must be more to it.” He said skeptically. Ari sighed and shook her head.  
“Does it matter? I’d rather forget the whole thing.” She muttered and loosened the last buckle. Cullen shot her an unhappy look.  
“Yes, Ari. It does matter.” He pulled the plate off and salvaged his mantle that went with it, throwing it around his shoulders he straddled the log facing her, giving her a stern expression. “Months ago you promised me that I could ask you anything and you would answer.” Ari sighed as she remembered the moment in front of her fire in Skyhold, the night she returned from the Storm Coast. “Was that promise hollow?” she shook her head and sighed, taking a swig of the bottle in resignation.  
  
“She’s nice enough, Elova,” she said as Cullen settled back and crossed his arms over his chest. “Unfortunately I can’t see a bad bone in her body, even asked to name her unborn child after me.” Cullen raised his eyebrows at that.  
“Did she know who you were to Leriel?” he asked and Ari nodded.  
“It wasn’t that, I mean, I was pissed yeah. It blindsided me. But-” Ari’s sentence trailed off and Cullen leaned forward to take the bottle from her.  
“Go on.” He urged.  
“It should have been me.” She said quietly and blinked back the tears that threatened. Cullen paused in his drink and sighed, sliding forward and taking her hand in his. “We were a month out of getting married when I left,” She continued, “If I hadn’t have left I would be the one settled and having a family.” She sniffed and laughed. “It’s stupid, really. I shouldn’t be acting so selfish. I had to go, and what’s happened happened.” Cullen frowned at her, unhappy at how she always dismissed her feelings.  
“It’s not selfish.” He chided her. “Someone moving on so quickly is a slap in the face.” Ari winced, hearing the double attack, to him it would look much the same, how quickly she had moved on – even if she hadn’t truly at all. “And he is wrong in what he said tonight.” Ari met Cullen’s eyes, they were still hard in the flicker of the campfire. “You are still a kind person.” He said softly, “No one else would have thought to contact Hawke, or be willing to take a thrashing so others didn’t have to – although _why_ he was so angry I don’t understand.” Ari smiled and began to unbuckle her own armour, momentarily forgetting the order she gave barely an hour ago to be battle ready at all times.   
“Arnar is quick to anger,” Ari explained, “but he has a good heart. He holds our traditions in high importance and I had to tell him that Varrahel got his daughter with child before they were bonded.” Cullen didn’t bother hiding the surprise from his face. “Better that he shoots the messenger in this case.” Armour off she placed the leather and stormheart chestpiece on the ground beside her. Gingerly Cullen leaned forward and raised the side of her loose tunic up, seeing her usually pale skin marred with painful bruises.   
“Solas said he healed you.” Cullen said softly, resisting the urge to run his fingers along the bruising.  
“He healed the bone.” She gently pulled her tunic out of his fingers and covered herself again, the air leaving her skin to shiver from the cold.

Cullen took another drink after a long moment of silence. The stew was beginning to fill the outdoor air with a pleasant smell and his stomach was warm from the whiskey he was drinking. He looked to Ari who was watching the fire and absently darting her tongue over the cut on her lip.  
“The clan is quite fertile then.” Cullen half joked to break the silence and Ari smiled without looking at him.   
“Not unusual to have a few Spring children.” Ari said as she accepted the bottle from him. “We are still animals in the end.” Cullen chuckled, the alcohol relaxing him enough to ask the next question that popped into his head.  
“How did you see us in the end? If we stayed together and defeated Corypheus.” He asked and gave her a smile when she looked at him in suspicion. She half laughed while shaking her head, after the day she had speaking to Cullen so civilly was the last thing she thought she would be doing, having been completely prepared to spend the rest of the night alone by the fire and drinking whatever was in reach.  
“I could have seen us on some farm somewhere.” She said quietly, Cullen’s gaze boring into her skin. “Working the land and raising a motley bunch of half-blooded children. But Varric helped me realise that even after the war is won that the Inquisition may still be needed.” Cullen hummed in affirmation.   
“He cuts both ways, our storyteller.” Cullen murmured, leaning forward to rest his elbows on his knees. A question popped into his mind and he wrangled with asking her, the words balancing on the tip of his tongue, swallowing around his hesitation he spoke. “Are you afraid?” Ari took a moment longer to stare into the fire before turning her face towards him, eyes downcast. She raised her eyes as far as his chest, seemingly unable to look higher.  
“Yes.” She whispered, her hands trembling slightly. “But not of dying.”   
“Ari’Valen?”  
“Death is inevitable, whether it be tomorrow or when I am old.” She continued, “If either my life or death has meaning than I am content with it. But what scares me is that no matter what path I take it will lead to Corypheus. I could run away – disappear into the forest- and his reach would grow strong enough to find me.” She laughed bitterly at herself. “People lament over having the freedom to choose their own destiny, and I am scared that mine has been chosen for me.”

Cullen’s chest tightened at her confession, their impossible task looming before them for a moment before he reached out and gently put his hand over the top of hers. He couldn’t keep himself away, through his anger and disappointment he still wanted to protect and serve her, to feel her cool skin under his hands and listen to her speak.   
“Ari’Valen,” he said softly, although it was booming to his own ears. “There will not be one day where you will face this alone.” She finally met his eyes and smiled faintly. “Your destiny is mine, if you will allow it.” He reached forward and pulled her to him, her head resting on his chest as he wrapped his arms around her. Ari tensed for a moment, her breath caught in her throat before she began to tremble. He shushed her and sighed into her hair, regretful that he kept her away for the short time that he did.

“I feel like I should have been angry at you for months.” He sighed and her hands gripped his tunic in fear of him letting her go. “But I can’t bring myself to do it.” He moved away to sit on the ground, taking off his mantle at the same time. Leaning back against the log he looked up at Ari who was watching him with wide eyes, fearful of being rejected, offering his hand to her he pulled her down to him when she took it, settling her between his legs and curling up on his chest. He placed the mantle over her and wrapped his arms around her.   
“I love you, Ma’Vheeran.” Ari whispered into his skin, he held her closer and kissed her forehead delicately.  
“I love you.” He said as he smiled into her hair.

Solas was the first to emerge out of the tent, drawn by the smell of something delicious. As he approached he saw the back of Cullen’s head, leaned back onto the log as he slept. Chuckling to himself he rounded the log to see Ari curled up on his chest, hands gripping his collar. Smiling he sat next to them on the log, his hand brushing against Cullen’s stubble to wake him up gently. With a bleary smile Cullen greeted him.  
“Didn’t take long for you to forgive her.” Solas teased Cullen as he reached down to stroke Ari’s hair.  
“Really?” Cullen said gravelly as he renewed his grip around her. “Maker, it felt like an age.”  


	43. Chapter 43

The camp was a mass of activity as everyone helped to set up for the wedding. Children were running around with bundles of flowers which were being tied to anything they could find, they had even managed to fling a small daisy chain over one of Bull’s horns when he wasn’t paying attention.

Half the adults were busy cooking and unloading casks from an Aravel, a few pits had been dug along the edge of the camp and filled with coals to have freshly hunted game nested on before more coals were put onto the top. It would take most of the day to cook the meat, to be ready just as the celebration begins after the ceremony.

Her friends were helping out where they could, even helping to cook and clean or chop firewood, Ari could see they were thankful to have something to do at last.

Ari had been caught by one of the elders who offered their congratulations and was recounting almost every moment they had ever seen Varrahel from his birth when Varric jogged up and excused himself for rudely interrupting.  
“I know it was you.” He said to her once the elder was out of earshot, Ari looked at him with feigned confusion and he chuckled at her bad performance. “Hawke wouldn’t tell me who sent for her, she likes it when she thinks she knows something I don’t. But I think I can hazard a guess.” He said happily with his hands in the pockets of his coat.  
“Oh, Hawke’s here?” Ari said through a grin and Varric laughed, stepping forwards suddenly to wrap his arms around her, hugging her quickly before stepping away.  
“Thanks Quizzie.” He said with genuine emotion, looking behind him to spy Hawke helping roll a keg to its destination.  
“When Cassandra decides to kill you,” Ari said with a half smile, “Come find me.” Varric laughed and nodded.  
“You bet I will.” He rumbled and walked away to lend a hand.

The camp was prepared by mid-afternoon and Rihari and Varrahel had been ushered into separate tents to get ready. Rihari had her friends helping her dress into the one that Ari had given her and Dorian was helping Varrahel dress, no doubt giving him a few choice bits of advice for the wedding night, none of which could be taken seriously. Ari looked about the camp anxiously for Leriel, he had taken the rings from her the day before to coerce the blacksmith into resizing them for tonight and although she didn’t _really_ want to see him after how he spoke to her last night, she needed the damn rings.

Ari rounded the furthest Aravel from the camp and found him leaning against it, hands scrubbing his eyes as he sighed heavily. As she approached she noticed scratches on his forearm and another on his cheekbone, she paused a few steps away and he lowered his hands to give her a tired and weary smile.  
“I didn’t mean to interrupt.” Ari said softly, absently scratching at her collarbone underneath her armour. “I was just after the rings.” Leriel regarded her for a moment before seemingly jolting himself back to the present, tapping around his vest to produce the newly sized rings. He held them out to her and she stepped forward, allowing them to drop into her open hand. She thanked him and turned to leave, but his voice and hand that brushed her skin stayed her.  
“I told her.” He near whispered. “But I’m guessing that you figured that out.”  
“City elves who are untrained to fight tend to scratch.” Ari mumbled, almost to herself.  
“She didn’t care, at first,” he rumbled without looking at her, “she was very…understanding.”  
“You didn’t want understanding?” Ari queried and Leriel slid along the Aravel closer to her, his hand gently encircling her wrist.  
“You would always fight with me.” He laughed, “Every time we disagreed you would always push against me, I guess I wanted just that bit of passion again.” Ari looked around uncomfortably.  
“Well looks like she got frustrated with you. Honestly Leriel,” Ari began to scold him, “please don’t ruin a good thing with Elova because I stumbled back into your life.” Leriel met her eyes indignantly. “I have to leave again, you know that.”  
“I don’t regret it.” He said flatly. “And I told her as much.” He pulled Ari in close and pressed her against the wood of the Aravel, the swift movement near took her breath away and she noticed the flicker of strength that he had not possessed before.    
“Enough, Leriel.” Ari warned, her hand on the hilt of her dagger. Her heart pounded as his breath bounced off her skin, his distorted expression making her gut clench in anxiety. There was something wrong with him, something different.  
“Ari’Valen,” he purred dangerously, “Why did you take your people to the gully?” Ari raised an eyebrow at him, he shouldn’t have known about it, she was sure they left unseen and that Arnar wouldn’t have mentioned it to him.  
“Training exercise.” She said to him flatly. “They’ve been sitting around for days and I decided that they needed a spur of the moment trial.” He regarded her suspiciously and she gave him a calm and collected face in return.  
“I get the feeling you’re not being entirely truthful.” He smiled at her disarmingly.

Solas chose that moment to step around the side of the Aravel and not-so-gently place the tip of his staff to Leriel’s shoulder, surprised by it Leriel stepped back, letting Ari’s wrist go.  
“Whether she is being truthful or not, it doesn’t concern you.” Solas purred arrogantly. “She is the leader of the Inquisition and the guest of your Keeper, you will show her the respect that demands.” He stopped next to Ari and made a show of taking her hand, raising it slowly to kiss it and meet her eyes. Leriel huffed and looked away from the display, bowing curtly and apologising before striding back to the camp. Once out of sight Solas spoke in a low rumbling voice.  
“He is dangerous.” His hand reached out and cupped her cheek, sliding back to intertwine his fingers in her hair, the pull of it raised her face to his as he stepped closer, her heart pounding in her chest she didn’t want to make any sudden movement to break his focus, she had thought the display of kissing her hand was purely to ward off the unwelcome attentions of another man but if they were only for show then why was he still so close?  
“I agree.” She breathed as he pressed her back against the wood, the heat of it soaking through her clothing, reminding her of when Solas had first brought her into the Fade. He smirked at her before crushing his lips against hers, his skin rough as he pushed her hard against the Aravel, tongue invading as her hands scrabbled to grip and pull him closer. With a pleased and dangerous smile he slowly pulled away, her mind struggling to catch up through a contented haze. Her tongue automatically darted out to lick her lower lip and his eyes followed it hungrily before she gathered enough breath to speak. “I thought you were angry at me.” She could barely put the sentence together as he smiled at her.    
“I am.” He purred. “It will take much more than that to make it up to me.” He stepped away and strode to re-join the crowds on the other side of the Aravel, leaving a bewildered Ari to recover.

 

In her full armour Ari stood beside an archway that had daisies and long grass wrapped around it, framing a patiently waiting Keeper Deshanna as the Clan gathered ready for the ceremony to begin. Her friends were amongst the crowd in their own armour chatting to people casually, Varric had his arm around Hawke’s waist and was delightfully resting his head against the side of her breasts – which just happened to be his height – Bull had a child on each shoulder so they could see over the crowd better and the others milled about, her human friends trying to look casual despite all the well-dressed non-humans.

Leriel stepped up beside Ari looking splendid in his formal wear, hair braided back with the odd length breaking free, he fussed with his clothes before leaning to the side to speak quietly to her.  
“I wanted to apologise.” He rumbled quietly to her as he glanced and smiled at clansmen. “I didn’t mean to imply that you are looking to cause trouble here, but I worry when soldiers move around Clan territory without my knowledge.” Ari kept her face passive as she listened to his smooth voice, irritated at his hot and cold moods.  
“It was not the implication that was concerning.” Ari replied coolly as she bowed to a passing elder. “It was your actions.” She said bluntly and felt his eyes land on her which she purposely refused to meet.  
“Again, I am sorry.” He rumbled before straightening up clasping his hands behind his back. “There is not an excuse I could give that would be satisfactory.” Ari didn’t reply and let the conversation lapse, searching the crowd she met Cullen and Solas’ gazes that were trying to watch her interactions with Leriel passively.

The crowd hushed as the two tents that held Rihari and Varrahel opened and they both stepped out. Rihari wearing the dress that Ari gave her, it fit her much better than it ever would on Ari, and Varrahel dressed in his formal clothing, hair tied back and a walking stick assisting him to stand. They walked in silence to the archway along a path decorated with flowers, their bare feet making no sound as they did and Ari felt a surge of pride as her brother walked unassisted and stopped in front of Deshanna.

Deshanna regarded them both and raised her hands, allowing them to place one of their own into her palm which she joined together. The words she spoke were old and Ari had heard them often enough before but each time they seemed to take on a different meaning. Varrahel looked at Rihari as if she were the only one before him, a visage of Mythal come to visit him, and he spoke his vows clearly despite the roughness in his voice. Rihari spoke her own part and Deshanna took a long length of red silk from her First, wrapping it around their hands and binding them together, the cloth was to remain until the next morning where it would be removed in another ceremony.

Vows said and hands tied the two kissed to a chorus of cheers and applause, grinning they walked slowly to the unlit bonfire where a torch was flickering, together they picked up the torch and touched it to the pile of wood which, with the help of an accelerant that was thrown onto it beforehand, lit up in a great flame signalling the beginning of the celebrations and the drumbeat that would play throughout the night.

 

Bull bit into a haunch of meat and pulled off a chunk of flesh with a suggestive moan, it had grown late into the night but the celebrations were going strong, the children having been put to bed the adults continued to drink heavily – oblivious to their sons and daughters sneaking out of the tents to watch the party continue. Sera raised a flagon of moonshine to her lips and gulped it down before Ari’Valen took it from her, scolding her jokingly for not pacing herself. Fenris was telling a story to the group about Kirkwall before the invasion, Ari suspected he was getting a bit of revenge on Varric since the story was mostly scandalous titbits about Varric and Hawke’s romance but the Dwarf was not worried by it, instead he was happily nuzzling into Hawke’s neck- his cheeks flushed from drinking and a dazed look in his eyes.

Blackwall and Dorian were facing off in some sort of competition, Ari had no idea what they were actually up to but it involved alcohol and a lot of staring at each other, and Cassandra lay flat on a log happily gazing at the stars. Varrahel and Rihari approached, their hands still bound, and the group cheered for them. Smiling bashfully the two thanked them and beckoned Ari to stand and as soon as she did they pulled her in for a hug.  
“I cannot thank you enough.” Varrahel rasped, a smile on his face despite his tiredness.   
“No thanks are needed.” Ari said as she stepped back and beamed at them. “I am proud of you both.” Varrahel chuckled at her modesty.  
“I think it’s nearly time to retire.” Rihari said quietly which was responded to by a chorus of cat calls from her drunken friends. Varrahel hummed and nodded in agreement, giving his new bride a cheeky wink before kissing her on the forehead. He pulled Ari into a hug again, giving her shoulders a quick squeeze in goodnight.  
“Thanks again.” He said quietly to her. “You’re always there for me no matter what nonsense I get into.”  
“Brother, I’m only going to say this once.” Ari jokingly threatened. “ _Go enjoy your wedding night.”_ He laughed and nodded, Rihari’s shyness disappearing as she dragged him away from the group and into their tent, past the cheering clansmen.

Solas walked over to Ari and stood beside her, back straight and hands clasped behind him.  
“I need to speak with you Inquisitor.” He said flatly and the way he said is made her inwardly cringe. She looked at him expectantly, usually when he claims that he needs to have a conversation with someone he just begins straight away so they don’t have a chance to protest but this time he was waiting patiently. “Privately.” He added and Ari sighed and nodded, he stepped to the side and gestured to the tents and they made the short walk to them, he held open the flap to his tent and Ari cocked her eyebrow at him suspiciously, there was already no one near the tents who could overhear their conversation but apparently that wasn’t private enough. She ducked into the tent, sitting on the fur at the head of the tent so Solas could follow her in.

He ducked in behind her and kneeled, the tent falling closed behind him and looked her over in the low light. She had discarded her leather and plate armour at some point during the night, leaving her in her tunic, leggings, boots and cloak. He had no doubt there were more than a few hidden daggers on her as well.  
“What is it Solas?” Ari asked and he responded by shedding his robe much to Ari’s surprise. He crouched in front of her in nothing but his breeches, the lean, muscular frame of his torso pale in the night air. He moved forward and placed one hand beside Ari’s thigh on the ground, leaning over her as she automatically leaned back.  
“We have much to discuss, Inquisitor.” He purred as he inched closer to her. “I have asked the Commander to meet with us.” Ari felt a blush creep up to her cheeks as he leaned above her.  
“Have you been drinking Solas?” She asked teasingly and he smirked at her.  
“Of course, but do you think I would allow something so trivial to hinder me?” He arrogantly said as he leaned down to kiss her gently. Ari stilled at first, brain catching up with her situation before she was kissing him back, tongue sliding across his as headed moans escaped them, breaking away Solas grinned at her, reaching up to drag his thumb over her lip. “Not yet.” He whispered to her, kissing along her jaw. “You must wait a little longer.”


	44. Chapter 44

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I've tortured you all long enough.  
> NSFW

Naked and her arms pinned back Ari watched Cullen’s look of surprise melt into something much more masculine, her hair in Solas’ grip he pulled it fractionally tighter, showing the long line of her neck to his guest. Her breath hitched as she felt his roll down her sensitive skin which prompted a blush to break out across her cheeks. Cullen still hovered at the entrance of his tent, taking in the view of them both, not even Solas’ deep voice breaking him out of his daze.  
“Do close the tent, Commander.” Solas purred arrogantly, his lips so close to Ari that his words tickled her skin.

Cullen blinked for a moment before turning swiftly to tie the tent flap closed, the light from the still raging bonfire casting an orange glow through the canvas and bathing them. As she watched him ensure their privacy once again she felt the strong arm hooking her arms behind her flex, jerking her back closer to Solas’ chest despite the limbs in the way, the hand gripping her hair tightened painfully and pulled her head back to his shoulder roughly. As Cullen turned to rake his gaze over her again Ari felt the wet heat of a tongue slowly sliding up her stretched neck, ending with a flick near her jaw and a barely controlled growl. She shivered in anticipation, random muscles twitching in response as she was held down and teased, her calves shifting as if her legs would have tried to sprint away if given the chance. The subtle shifting and jerking didn’t go unnoticed by the men who watched her darkly and she could feel the curve of Solas’ lips curl up into a satisfied smile, Cullen wouldn’t meet her eyes and Ari felt almost relieved that those hungry, blown pupils didn’t swing to hers.

With a rough swallow Cullen broke himself out of his revere, shifting to look over Ari’s shoulder at the other man.  
“What is this?” He rasped, as if he were worried about losing control over his voice. Solas hummed happily as he nipped at Ari’s skin before answering.  
“My initial intention was to give her to you as a gift.” He spoke in his usual clinical tone as he detangled long, slender fingers from her hair, making it spill and tumble down her shoulder in white waves. “But I was not happy with that idea.” His hand began to slowly glide down her skin, down her neck as if he would choke her and further down grazing her nipples that hardened from the touch. Cullen watched the hand slowly descend, attracted to the movement.  
“Oh?” he managed to respond. “Why is that?”   
“Because I cannot give to you what was once yours.” Solas said, his hand flattening over the plane of her stomach that heaved from ragged breathing, swooping across her abdomen and down the outside of her thigh to grip underneath it. “It would not do at all. This is a reclamation.” Solas growled with determination as he lifted her thigh and pulled her leg to the side, exposing her to the human. “You must take back what is yours.”

He looked predatory as he crawled towards her, almost inhuman muscles shifting beneath his tunic gracefully as her legs automatically shifted out of the way to allow him to move closer. Large calloused hands rose to form around her ribs, thumbs tracing the delicate bones and bruises as they slid further to grip at Solas’ torso, she felt the man behind her lean into the touch and moan as they made their way down, demanding that his hips move to press against Ari as much as possible. Soon the warmth of Cullen’s hands was removed and he sat back on his knees in front of them, one large hand scooped underneath her knee and lifted, prying her legs even further apart and making the muscles burn from the stretch. He slowly ran his free hand down the inside of her other thigh watching the movement as if he were committing each subtlety of her skin to memory, her breath came fast and shallow as his fingers traced over her sex and she blushed when she saw the smirk appear on his face as he discovered how willing she was.

With a groan he raised his hand between them, fingers glistening with her and Solas muttered words of pride and encouragement in her ear, his hand tracing ever further around the curve of her thigh but not encroaching on what he had just claimed as Cullen’s territory. She could feel his hardness press against her lower back through the fabric of his breeches, making itself known with each breath she took and each flex of his constricting arm. Slowly the fingers were raised to Cullen’s lips and with an intoxicated expression he licked his fingers, his dazed and dark eyes fixed on the man behind her who growled in appreciation.

He leaned forward quickly, cupping the back of Solas’ head and ravaging his mouth with an intense kiss. Heated groans escaped them both as tongues slid together, Ari watched them out of the corner of her eye stopping only when the pleasurable shock of fingers entering her broke her revere. She curled towards Cullen’s hand, the source of her pleasure, but was held back by both the press of their bodies and the ever present pinning of her arms. Her moan was echoed in her ear by Solas’ and she glanced to see her Commander sucking and biting at the flesh of the mage’s neck, tongue swirling over the smooth flesh as if he needed more and more of the taste. Another finger was pressed inside of her and her head snapped back to rest on Solas’ shoulder, her body revelling in the sensation of the gentle stretching, chest heaving she was climbing closer and closer to orgasm as the fingers pumped steadily into her. Biting her lip she suppressed a moan and it escaped a whimper which drew the attention of the men, who reluctantly broke their kiss. Cullen’s face appeared in view, his lips swollen and ruby as it curled into a satisfied smile. He pulled his hand away with a wet noise and shifted back on his knees, gripping her hips he pulled her up towards him, prompting Solas to relinquish his possession of her and turned her to face the panting elf.

Cullen must have given some signal because Solas froze before giving a grin of his own, slowly he hooked his thumbs into his breeches and slid them down. Ari hungrily watched him slide his legs completely free and absently felt a hand wrap into her hair again before it was pulled back sharply, her back hitting the solid mass of Cullen’s chest as his hand snaked down to circle her clit and make her whimper. His stubble scratched her cheek roughly as his growl sent ripples of arousal down her spine.  
“Your mouth,” he ordered as Solas sat back, leaning on his elbows, “Does not leave his cock until I give the order. Understand?” Gasping she barely managed to comprehend what he demanded of her but still nodded despite the tight grip of her hair.

One hand on her hip and the other on her back she was pivoted down to rest on her hands and knees, face barely a few inches away from the swell of Solas’ flesh. Looking up she saw he watched her with lidded eyes and parted lips, her breath along his cock ramping up his anticipation. He reached down and pressed his thumb to the base and propped his cock up to greet her lips, his other hand gently urging the back of her head down until her lips were wrapped around his shaft. With a moan he freed one hand to prop himself back up, the other still applying the barest of pressure to her head as she slid down to take as much of him in as she could. A myriad of encouragements in Elvhen tumbled from his lips as his hips faintly rocked to her movements and she felt the movement of Cullen’s shirt being discarded to the side of the tent.

Hot hands gripped at her hips for a moment before they urged her to lower herself closer to the ground, her breasts brushing against the fur as her behind was presented to Cullen. With a satisfied hum he pressed his fingers in her again, taking no hesitation in methodically fucking her with them, curling over the best places as they stretched her. A pious groan from Solas prompted another finger to be slid into her, her surprised gasp at the sudden stretch was countered by the firm flex of the hand at her skull, pushing her further down. She whimpered in cautious pleasure as the three fingers moved with the same ferocity of the two beforehand and soon she had relaxed enough to accommodate them.   
“So fucking wet.” Cullen growled behind her, leaning down to nip at her back as she became aware of the wet sounds that were accompanying the heavy breathing and moans. “Do you want more?” He asked and Ari found herself moaning and pushing back on his hand in affirmation, becoming lost in the pleasure of being between the two of them. Her head was dragged up and she relinquished the cock with a slight _pop_ , Solas leaned into her and licked her lower lip, his hand reaching to grasp her breast and roll her nipple between his fingers.  
“What do you say, Da’assan?” he growls, cold domination gleaming in his eyes. She gasped at the sight of him and felt herself tighten around the fingers, her lip tingling from the contact of his tongue. Her breath came quiet and ragged, barely audible even to herself.  
“Y-yes,” she begged, “more please.” A satisfied growl escaped the both of them and she was pushed back down to continue servicing Solas as the fourth finger was worked into her slowly. She breathed heavily through her nose as she rocked back on the pressuring hand, encouraged by gentle caresses and words between the demanding actions. She soon felt the row of his knuckles reach her entrance and he began pull out again slowly, the stretch fading into a pleasurable burn before he pushed again.

Solas was swearing every third breath and meeting the glide of her lips with a thrust of his hips, she knew he was close to coming before she felt her own orgasm approaching, her moans around his cock eliciting louder, more demanding sounds from him as he lost the rhythm of his thrusts. He suddenly tensed before crying out and coming into her mouth, ordering her to swallow between gasps. She dutifully obeyed and swallowed as the cum hit her throat in streams, the bitter taste overwhelming her senses and soon she was following suit, the blinding pleasure searing through her as she was released from Solas’ grip and became boneless on the fur.

She was in the haze of afterglow lying on her stomach next to Solas on the fur when she realised there was a hot, heavy weight on her back. Her hair was scooped away from her neck and replaced with delicate kisses and an arm snaked between her breasts and the floor raising her up slightly. She knew the tell-tale feel of stubble against her cheekbone and smiled, turning to kiss him gently as he grinned against her skin. Supporting himself Cullen slid into her easily with a groan that screamed of his high level of self-control and slowly began to fuck her, his toned muscles flexing effortlessly despite his movements. He moaned and kissed her shoulders, neck and face, any skin he could reach as he whispered her name, the domineering man from before gone and replaced with a gentle lover.  
“I love you.” He whispered to her and she tried to pull him closer in response. “No matter my actions, I always will.”

He hitched up on his knees and tried to reach down between her legs, the awkwardness of the angle stopping him from reaching his destination and so he squeezed her tight and growled in frustration into the nape of her neck.   
“Maker, I want to feel you come again.” He groaned. Solas moved towards them, running his hand through Cullen’s curls to get his attention before kissing him lovingly. He lay back and slid beneath Ari, moving her so he could support the weight of her upper body, leaving her lower half to the care of Cullen. Gently he reached down beneath her and began to trace circles around her clit, sparking new life into her as she whimpered and moaned against his shoulder. He whispered in her ear, encouraging her as he watched Cullen concentrate on only his movements and not his intense need for release. Soon her moaning was building up again and Cullen began to fuck her harder, eyes cast up as he swore continuously to himself and shook sweat from his forehead, Ari felt herself tighten around Cullen and she came with his grip on her hips and Solas’ arm embracing her. Moments later Cullen let out a harsh cry, releasing himself into her before collapsing onto the both of them


	45. Chapter 45

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Have an unbeta'd chapter (it's a poor excuse for my hurried writing- the whole damn fic is unbeta'd)!
> 
> The end in is sight! D:

She awoke blissfully hangover free and hummed in appreciation at the hand that was stroking her side delicately, Solas chuckled and leaned down to kiss her gently as she blinked sleep from her eyes.  
“Morning.” She rasped as she stretched out, mindful of the men beside her. Cullen rolled and lay his heavy arm over her stomach, groaning as he woke up and buried his face into her shoulder. He looked up, squinting around at the messy tent before looking down to Ari and grinning, letting his hand slide up to cup her breast and gently roll her peaked flesh between his fingers. She arched into it with a stretch and hummed in laughter, feeling Solas’ thumb glide across her abdomen gently. “It is _that_ kind of morning?” she teased them and got a nod in return.

Ari heard her name being called from outside the tent and she let out a sigh.   
“Who is that?” Solas said crankily, looking up to Cullen who was frowning in concentration.  
“Leriel I think.” Cullen rasped before leaning down to lick at Ari’s breast, Solas caught Ari’s gaze and kissed her heatedly.  
“Your friend is far too clingy.” Solas said with a dangerous voice. “Tell him to go away.” Before Ari could say anything the tent flap was pushed open, Leriel reaching for the nearest shirt and flinging it at her which Solas caught with a  glare.  
“Get up.” Leriel ordered, unperturbed by the unfriendly glares he was receiving. “Varrahel needs you.”

Ari stumbled out of the tent in her leggings and Cullen’s shirt, having pulled on the first thing she laid her hands on, seeing her emerge from the tent Leriel ran ahead of her, Ari sprinting behind him as they came to her brother’s green tent. She burst inside and saw Varrahel laying on his cot, breathing laboured and skin ashen as Rihari held onto his still bound hand, she was crying, nearly hyperventilating as she turned to see Ari’Valen and begged her to do something. Ari looked to Leriel who had a grim expression.  
“Get Mahris.” She said and he nodded, dashing from the tent again.  
Ari went to her brother side, opposite to Rihari and placed her hand on Varrahel’s forehead, his dazed red eyes following her movements. His skin was burning up, a strong fever raging through his body and Ari gently folded his blanket down to look at his wound and grimaced when she saw it was now completely covered over with red crystals.

Arnar strode in and took in the sight, meeting Ari’s eyes he gave her a quick shake of the head, reinforcing what she already knew. Varrahel was dying, and far too close to turning into one of the red lyrium beasts. Varrahel’s hand moved and gripped hers weakly, a dim smile ghosting over his features.   
“Ari,” he rasped painfully, swallowing against the dryness in his throat. “Don’t let me turn.” Tears threatened to fall from her eyes as she shook her head and Rihari’s wailing grew louder.  
“I won’t.” Ari reassured him. “You just have to hang in there a moment longer.” He gave her a sarcastic, tired smile and shook his head.  
“No.” he said. “It’s time.” Mahris and Leriel entered the tent, pushing through the crowd of clansmen who were waiting outside of it, woken up by Rihari’s crying. Mahris was clutching a small vial with both hands, dark grey ominous liquid trembling inside of it.   
“A potion.” Ari told him as her breath hitched. “You’ll just… go to sleep.” He nodded to her before smiling to Rihari who began to shake her head in a panic. Mahris skirted around the head of Varrahel’s cot and silently passed the vial to Ari, it was cold and heavy in her hand.  
“Ar lath ma.” Varrahel said to Rihari as she noticed the vial being passed, with a scream she launched forward, reaching for Ari to stop her.

Arnar shot forward and held his daughter back as she grew hysterical, Leriel unsheathed a dagger and quickly cut the red cloth that had bound Rihari and Varrahel together, letting Arnar pick his daughter up and carry her screaming from the tent, the red silken cloth streaming gently to the floor. Leriel knelt in the space that was left empty, taking Varrahel’s hand comfortingly.  
“Are you ready?” Leriel asked and Varrahel nodded.  
“Burn me.” Varrahel rasped. “Promise me you won’t leave any chance that I could turn.”  
“I promise.” Leriel reassured him, his eyes brimming with unshed tears. Ari uncorked the vial with trembling hands and gently cupped the back of her brother’s head, his damp hair clinging to her hand, the sensation of it detached from the rest of her racing thoughts. Varrahel gazed at her, giving a weak half smile that barely registered on his features, Ari’s hand shook with hesitation as it held the vial, the dark liquid trembling with it. Her brother glanced down at it, nearly nothing of his reckless and brave personality showed through the haze of red in his eyes. His hand reached out and cupped Ari’s, bringing the potion to his lips and tipping it tentatively into his mouth. The sound of his swallow was painful and he breathed raggedly, blinking against the low light in the tent. His hand reached out and brushed away a tear that was rolling down Ari’s cheek, she held his hand still against her as he smiled, his breaths becoming more ragged with each passing moment. His head fell back, the weight of it heavy against Ari’s hand as she struggled to support it, to stop it from rolling awkwardly, he sighed and closed his eyes, frowning as he both struggled against and accepted the effects of the potion.  
“Mythal;” he rasped tiredly, “ma ghilana mir din’an.”

It was a few seconds before Ari’Valen realised her brother was dead. The weight of his head against her hand was still there, the heat of his fevered skin still pressing against her palm, his hand still cupped against her cheek where she pressed it – until it wasn’t. It was when his hand slipped limply out of her hold leaving her to grasp at cool air and her own skin did she realise. She felt Leriel’s presence across the bed, knew he was there, just as she knew the clan was gathered outside of the tent waiting anxiously for news, but she felt nothing from Varrahel, could only see his thin, worn frame, empty of everything that made him her brother and filled with red crystals.

Tentatively she slipped her hand from under his head, deep ragged breaths wrecking her lungs as her body forced her to keep breathing, forced her to do everything that kept her alive while her brain shut down and went into shock. She had to move, had to get away from the tent, she knew far too well what happened to bodies shortly after death and she couldn’t face seeing that happen to her brother. She pulled the blanket over Varrahel’s head, covering him as if it were a death shroud – it might as well have been. Leriel gripped her wrist lightly, gathering her dazed attention, his tearful eyes meeting her own.  
“Go, Ari’Valen.” He whispered roughly and she blinked in an attempt to comprehend his words. “I will take care of him.”  
“Leriel-” she said in an attempt of bravery, it was her brother, she should be here for him still.   
“No, love.” He shook his head. “I’ll not have you suffer any more, go to your people – Mahris and I will take care of him.” He kissed her hand swiftly, a sensation that didn’t register as she stood up, the movement was automatic, aborted from her mind as she blinked against the sunlight and the gathering crowd, she was outside the tent and recalled nothing of the few steps from Varrahel’s side.

Rihari’s wails were still echoing through the camp and Ari could see her curled up in her father’s lap, well-meaning elders laying their hands on her in comfort. The gathered clansmen stepped out of Ari’s way as she automatically walked forward, their faces crumbling with recognition as they saw the pale shock on Ari’s face. Her hand twitched with a dull pain and she absently knew that the anchor had flared, enough to send the closest clansmen skittering back. _Walk._ Her mind provided, the simple instruction guiding her to turn and walk down the length of Varrahel’s tent, she could hear her name being called, a quick question that was cut off as she ambled into the forest.

She came back to herself slowly, beginning with the rough scrape of bark against her shoulder as she meandered past a tree, followed by the sounds of the forest – the wind in leaves and the birdsongs. She took a moment to stop and took a long ragged breath, her mind coming back to the present with a clear snap and rush of emotions. _He’s dead._ Her mind supplied with a rush of sadness and a tinge of guilt _dead, dead deaddeadde-_ her mark flared painfully and she sunk to her knees, the damp leaves that covered the ground seeping water into her leggings. Holding her hand by her wrist painfully she looked around – a formation of stones signalling that she was wandered quite a distance from the camp. She breathed heavily, giving in and letting tears fall, her sobbing paining her throat and lungs as she felt the anchor hum in response.  
“Not now.” She spoke to the anchor between breaths. “I can’t deal with you right now.” The hum grew louder in response, sparking angrily as she shoved her hand as far away from her as she could. _You have to get up_ , her mind mocked her, _you don’t have the luxury to mourn, Inquisitor._ With a gasp she scrubbed at her face, the hum reaching a high pitch of energy as green light crackled around her now glowing hand.  
“ _Fenedhis-_ ” she screamed at the invasive light. “ _Leave me alone!”_ the explosion was so sudden and forceful it threw her backwards, the sounds of wood cracking over the ringing in her ears was all she could hear before she passed out.

 

Grey, heavy clouds hid the sun from blinding her eyes as she opened them, the tall tree tops framing the edges of her vision. She breathed out, the rattle of it louder than the ambience of the forest or the muffled calls of her name. She rolled her head to the left and blew some grass away from her face, she was lying down, the vegetation of the forest had been cleared away somehow, the waist high ferns and sapling trees lying cut on the ground, almost burnt in some spots. Fallen trees lay where there weren’t any before, the stumps splintered and shattered as if they were hit by an excessive force. Ari blinked as her mind tried to piece the information together, it should have been important. But it just wasn’t. She closed her eyes.

Cold fingers and concerned eyes, the next piece of information she was forced to acknowledge. A muffled voice speaking to her from a pale face before it looked away and yelled to the forest, golden hair flicking in the breeze. Ari closed her eyes again and swallowed hard, the wet sound loud in her ringing ears. The cool fingers pushing away her hair from her eyes brought her back and she smiled weakly at the woman above her for the kind gesture who smiled tightly in return. _Sera_ , her mind supplied.

A few deep breaths later and Ari had come back to herself enough to know that it was raining lightly and she should get up off of the ground. She tried to roll up even though she felt like her head was made of lead but was ushered back down gently by Sera’s hands.  
“Ari, don’t- don’t move.” She said cautiously. “Don’t do anything.” She glanced around her again, seemingly catching sight of someone in the trees before waving whoever it was over. “Found her like this, haven’t moved her.” She called out.  
“Is she conscious?” Solas’ voice replied from her side, too far away to be next to her.  
“Coming and going, seems more dazed than anything.” Sera spoke, shifting a little as Solas knelt beside Ari and cast his magic over her straight away, his concentrating frown marring his features. “Did she do this?” Sera asked, her voice light and wary as she glanced around.  
“Hush.” Solas demanded before leaned down to scoop his arms under Ari’s body and gently pulled her to his chest, Ari’s arms lazily hooked around his neck and she was jostled, barely realising that she was being carried and that they were moving. “I’m taking her back,” Solas told Sera, “find the others and tell them to return to camp, I need to get her to shelter before the rain falls.” Ari looked up at Solas and the trees passing by slowly, he was still frowning and glancing down at her frequently. "It’s alright Da’assan,” he gave her a tight smile before giving her a quick kiss on the forehead, “I’ve got you.” He quickened his pace and Ari closed her eyes, letting exhaustion fall over her again.

 

She opened her eyes to the tent canvas and the voices of her friends just outside the tent.  
“Will this happen again?” Cassandra was asking someone, “If the anchor continues to become unstable-”  
“This reaction simply confirms our initial theory.” Dorian interrupted her. “It is triggered by emotions, and given what just happened I am confident in saying this may be the worse it gets.”  
“I certainly hope so, the area that was affected by the explosion, those trees, we’re lucky she wasn’t in camp when it happened.” Cassandra sighed. “Or Skyhold. What can we do?” she asked.  
“Actually,” Solas’ voice popped up, “The solution may be a simple one, we support her emotionally, teach her to meditate. She may be able to self-regulate better and learn to control the anchor’s outbursts.”  
“And if that doesn’t work? Are we able to remove the anchor?” Cassandra continued to question and Solas heavily sighed.  
“It would mean removing her arm,” Solas spoke impatiently, “I am not willing to do that yet.” That was met with agreeing grunts before footsteps moved away.

Gently Ari rolled and pushed herself up to sit, her muscles were aching as if she had over-exercised or just been in a battle but aside from a ringing in her ears there were no other injuries she could feel. She sighed and raked her finger through her hair, before feeling the warm touch on her back.  
“Ari-” she turned to see Cullen sitting behind her in the corner of the tent, he was holding an unopened book which he dropped uncaringly onto the floor, his hair damp and dishevelled he scooted over to sit beside her, wrapping his arms around her gently and sighing heavily into her hair. “Thank the Maker,” he whispered as she buried her face into the crook of his neck, “I was so worried you weren’t going to wake up.”  
“Cullen,” Ari whispered as she began to tremble. “Did I hurt anyone?”  
“No, love.” He said quickly, his hands making comforting circles on her back. She was silent for a moment before she felt her throat tighten, a sob hitched in her chest which didn’t go unnoticed by Cullen who shifted her to sit in his lap as he wrapped her in his arms, her face hidden in his chest and his chin resting on the top of her head.

The closeness and comfort overwhelmed her as he began to cry quietly, he hushed her, grabbing the fur blanket and draping it around them both as the tent opened behind her. A moment later long fingers were carding through her hair, pulling it away from her neck and face before a forehead settled on her shoulder.  
“Ir abelas, Da’assan.” Solas whispered.

 

The funeral was simple enough. A pyre was built and Varrahel’s body was placed atop it, at dawn it was lit by Arnar, Rihari tucked underneath his arm as she stared solemnly at the burning wood. Ari’Valen stared at the flames, not listening to the Keeper’s words- she knew almost off by heart the prayer she was saying, Cullen and Solas flanked her sides, each with an arm crossing over her back and leaning down to kiss her forehead every now and then.

They were all exhausted, having stayed up with Ari for most of the night, nightmares had plagued her whenever she fell asleep but they woke her up each time, wrapping her in arms and blankets until she felt safe again. She didn’t even want to leave the tent come dawn, didn’t want to watch the last of her family burn, but they persevered and between the two of them managed to get her dressed and out of the tent, wrapped in Cullen’s mantle to ward of the misty cold air.

The clansmen whispered and murmured throughout, no doubt talking about how she cleared a circle of forest twenty steps wide, or how pale and thin she looked under the mass of fur. Soon the Keeper finished and the clansmen wandered away slowly, leaving the pyre to burn. Cullen gave her a quick hug before walking to give orders to their companions, they would be leaving today as per the Keeper’s request.  
  
Varric sidled up to Ari once Cullen had moved from her side. “Are you sure about this?” he asked in a whisper, his hand gently touching her arm despite the slightly possessive glare from Solas. “I’m sure we could stay another night, we don’t have to go so quickly.”  
“The Keeper requested that we leave.” Solas spoke, his irritation showing in his voice.  
“But surely-“ Varric protested before he was cut off by Ari.  
“We leave today.” She flatly said as she stared at the roaring flames of the pyre. “I don’t want to stay here any longer than we have to.” She couldn’t stand the thought of it, waking up in the clan and knowing she had no connection to it now, and while the people here weren’t cruel and would be happy for her to stay she couldn’t bare the idea of them pitying her – or gossiping about what happened in the woods. No, she had to go, if only to keep moving and distracting herself from the dark thoughts that were gathering at the back of her mind.

She walked away from the pyre and towards the tents, intending to busy herself with packing up and preparing for the long journey home.   
“Is this wise?” she heard Varric ask Solas as she walked away. “If she travels in this condition-”  
“She must leave.” Solas lectured him. “Staying will only serve to compound her loss.” He sighed deeply, “and she has lost too much to dwell here.”  
“That’s a harsh way to look at it.” Varric grumbled unhappily. “It’s going to be a long trip back.”

 

The tent was empty, a barrage of furs and bags had been thrown out of it by Ari and she sat in a huff in the middle of the empty canvas, taking a moment to breathe and run her hands through her hair before crawling out into the clearing. The first thing she noticed, to her surprise, was that the clan’s tents were being pulled down, they were dismantling their camp to move on. The second thing she noticed was that Leriel was talking to Cullen in hushed whispers, somewhat angrily as he gestured jerkily with his hands, Cullen was glaring at him, arms crossed over his chest, unrelenting in whatever stance he had taken over the argument.   
“They’ve been at it for a while.” Ari turned to see Blackwall hauling his tent over to his horse.  
“What are they talking about?” She asked him and he shrugged roughly in his armour.   
“The clansmen started packing down and Leriel appeared in a huff, asked to speak to whomever was second in command. Been about fifteen minutes.” He gave his summary before continuing on his way to his horse, Ari picked up the first bundle of her belongings and joined Blackwall in the walk to the mounts, giving curious looks over her shoulder as she went.

Varmet nudged Ari until she relented and scratched just behind his ear. He huffed happily, blowing air onto her face that made her hair flick momentarily. Behind her Cullen chuckled before stepping up to join her in giving the Hart attention.   
“What did Leriel want?” she asked quietly and Cullen’s attentions moved from Varmet to rubbing at the back of his own neck.  
“He told me where they are moving on to. They’re going north-east, not far from the mountains.” Ari paused a moment in thought, it was unusual that Leriel would tell them their next destination, they would never reveal the clan’s route without a good reason, it risked too much. She turned and faced Cullen, who kept looking at Varmet and she knew there was more to his explanation.  
“You both seemed quite agitated.” She pushed calmly, watching his nose scrunch up as if he were disgusted by something.   
“Well we don’t have any reason to get along, and a lot to disagree about.” He muttered bitterly. Ari sighed and slinked her arms around his neck, pulling him down slightly so she could rest against his chest, the armour he was wearing was cold and she grimaced against it.   
“Whatever it is, just tell me.” She growled, her frustration being ebbed away by his hands at the small of her back. He sighed and buried his face into her hair, squeezing her tighter as if he were afraid to let her go for too long.  
“Leriel asked if we would be able to accompany the clan to their destination, apparently it’s some kind of important gathering and he would appreciate the extra support our people could provide.” He reluctantly said. “I told him I would be reticent to extend our journey any further given what we have been through.”  
“What did you actually say though?” Ari asked and she could feel his lips curl up into a smirk against her skin.  
“I promise I was civil.” He said before pulling back to smile at her. “But I mean it, Ari. We need to get you home to Skyhold, this journey has been extremely trying for all of us.” She sighed and nodded, she was exhausted, physically and emotionally. The month long journey back to Skyhold loomed before her and she was not looking forward to it. But the doubt still lurked in the back of her mind, why would he ask for their assistance?  
“What was the gathering he was talking about?” she asked and he shook his head.  
“I don’t remember the name.” he said quietly. “Please don’t tell me you’re considering this.”  
“If it’s important we may need to consider it-” Ari protested and a moment later she felt Cullen pull away from her in frustration.  
“I strongly suggest that we don’t.” He scrubbed his face, his own exhaustion showing through. “Not only because I love you and am concerned for you, but I’m not sure we should press so far into unstable territory as the Inquisition.” The sound of light footsteps grabbed their attention and they paused as Solas rounded Varmet, his tight smile let them know that he had overheard them.   
“Solas, do you have an opinion on this?” Ari asked him, rubbing her head to ward off a headache. He hummed and nodded, gently patting Varmet in hello before standing with them.  
“The Arlathven is important, but we must weight its importance against the goals of the Inquisition.” Solas stated, Ari stared at him for a moment in surprise.  
“Arlathven? That is where they’re going?” She asked and Solas nodded once in return.  
“What is it?” Cullen asked reservedly.  
“It’s the gathering of all Dalish clans once a decade.” Solas informed him. “A rare chance for the Inquisition to address all Dalish at once. The Ambassador may have our heads of we do not take this opportunity.”   
“Perhaps,” Cullen spoke, “But what would we gain from it?”   
“Commander?” Solas questioned him.  
“The Dalish are reserved, they have no permanent settlements or standing armies, in a war they could offer little assistance, and that’s _if_ they were willing to join us against Corypheus.” Cullen huffed.  
“The cultural symbolism of it is powerful though,” Ari said defiantly, “If we can get the Dalish onside, the city elves may be more inclined to join us. Besides, our presence there may assist them in moving out of the shadows and becoming more open with the other kingdoms.”  
“Da’assan, I would not put such hope in that.” Solas said softly. “They have not changed in hundreds of years, it would take much more than us to do so.”  
“Change does not have to be sudden, Solas. It takes time and people willing to speak up, and I may be clanless but I am still Dalish.” Ari sighed and looked apologetically at Cullen. “The only way in to the Arlathven is with a clan and Leriel has given us the opportunity. We must take this chance.” Cullen sighed and nodded his head.   
“Perhaps it is for the best,” he relented, “Josephine would kill me if we didn’t go.”  
“It’s another week’s journey.” Solas spoke. “We could make it there quicker but Leriel requested that we accompany them for security. They’re leaving in a couple of hours.”  
“I guess we should warn the others then.” Ari sighed and Cullen smiled apologetically at her, sweeping his hand forward he gestured for her to take the lead.


End file.
